Page 5 of Unmasked (Hidden Wolves)

Xander smirked.

I turned to our Alpha, wondering if he might step in. To my annoyance, Alpha just selected another donut and said, “Leave the kid be, Sixth,” without emphasis, or bothering to turn around. Nick looked unhappy but seemed to be taking his cues from Alpha.

Charlie’s red cheeks went pale.

If anyone’s going to shut this shit down, I guess it has to be me. Xander thinks he’s going to bully the gay wolf, does he? He’s got another think coming. Wait till he sees what gay really looks like. I drew myself up to my full height.

Then a flash of pure panic hit me. Am I nuts? I wasn’t worried about trouble from Xander, but there were four wolves above me in the pack. Four older wolves with old wolf views. I’d devoted a lifetime of effort to keeping my closet door locked, barred, and nailed shut around them.

I can tell Xander not to be a bully without revealing myself. Easy. Safe.

But also a cop-out. In my pocket, a text from Kendrick waited for an answer. “Want to come over tonight?” I did, and I knew Alpha hated surprises. Nick was already watching me, wondering who I was seeing. Xander stood grinning about the barbs he hoped he’d sunk into tender flesh.

Enough. A lifetime of enough. Do it now.

I crossed my arms, fixed my eyes on our loudmouthed Sixth, and said, “If Charlie was gay, which I’m betting he’s not, he’d still be a better man than you.”

Xander stared at me, his mouth dropping open. Most of the others did too. I rarely spoke up in meets or gatherings, keeping a low profile. And I guess if I was going to take the time to speak, they didn’t expect it to be protecting Charlie from a little hazing. But damn , I was tired of gay slurs being part of the hazing process.

Xander demanded, “What did you say?” Although not as harshly as he might’ve, because I did outrank him.

I shrugged. “I said most gay men are better than you.” I hadn’t but I figured I’d get that out there. I tried to ignore the flutter of nerves in my belly. I haven’t come out with the full truth yet. I can still hedge, claim I’m protecting Charlie…

I smacked down my chickenshit half and went for a steady glare.

“The hell they are.” Xander flicked a look at Alpha who’d sat in one of the armchairs and was listening to us, an indecipherable look on his face. “What kind of bullshit is that? You a queer-lover, Trent?”

I couldn’t just smack sense into Xander, no matter how much his fat mouth needed it. We wolves only Challenged up, and he ranked below me. But I thought I might be able to provoke him into Challenging me. “Want to talk about a guy who’s a pussy? You mouth off big about gay men but you’re shit scared to face one.”

Xander dropped the remains of his cookie on a table with a glance at Charlie. “The hell I am!”

I took a step his way, reminding him of my bulk and said, “Okay. Come on, then. Challenge me.”

“You? I’ve no beef with you, except your big mouth.”

“No?” A sudden tide of emotions— anger, frustration, exhilaration, freedom— lifted me up and I said the words I’d never planned to let loose in this place. “I’m gay. So face me.”

Acid rose in my throat as my stomach rolled. What the fuck did I just do? I thought of Simon Conley, the rifle target over his picture from true death threats he’d been unlikely to survive. Of Matthew Shepard, a human among humans and still vulnerable. A terrified part of me— the gay kid who’d jerked off under the covers, release and shame and terror mixing in a toxic stew, imagining his own death at his Alpha’s hands— wanted to take the words back.

But I jerked my chin higher instead. This wasn’t 1998 or even 2011. I wasn’t facing the pre-Conley packs with execution the certain answer to my words. Across town, a gay man was raising a child alone, facing his own challenges. Around the country, other gay wolves had stepped out of the shadows and faced their packmates. It’s time.

A buzz from the men around me heralded my words hitting home, but I stayed focused on Xander. I knew he’d be a bastard about who I was and I could handle his scorn. I didn’t want to see the faces of the men I considered friends fill with hate.

Xander cocked his head, his eyebrows raised, looking confused. “You don’t need to bullshit to make a point.” As I continued to glare at him, my crossed arms highlighting my biceps and the width of my chest, he eased back a step. “Okay, I’ll apologize to Charlie. He’s probably not even gay anyhow.”

“But I am.” I needed to make that clear, totally and unmistakably, here and now. My gut was shaking but my voice held steady as I turned to my Alpha and spoke my truth. “Those times I disappear? Gay bars. I like ending my night on my knees with a man’s dick down my throat.”

My next breath choked me. You fool! You didn’t need to put it like that. But something in me had— had needed it harsh and detailed and queer as hell. That part of my soul now leaped and soared with delight despite my fear. Yes, get those words out, show your colors, say it clear. I studied Alpha’s face intently.

Alpha said nothing, his expression carved from stone, but Xander choked. “You’re submissive?”

I glared his way. “If I’ve got your balls in my hand and your dick between my teeth, you can wonder how submissive I am. Sucking a guy off has nothing to do with being submissive.”

Alpha drawled to Xander, “Sixth, are you Challenging Trent at this time? Do we need to head back in the meet room? Because I don’t want blood on this carpet.”

I bounced on my toes, balanced and ready. It’d been nine years since I beat Xander to take Fifth spot. He was older than me and not a bad fighter, especially in fur as he’d chosen that day. I’d still rolled right over him in less than five minutes. He’d needed a week to fully heal. I was very willing to do that again.

Xander smirked but swept his gaze around the room, no doubt figuring out how much support he had for going nuclear on my gay ass. I didn’t dare do the same. If it looked like I wanted support, like I was worried about the others, I’d be seen as weak. Let Xander beg for help from the rest of the pack. Let him show he’s uncertain. All I have to do is project total confidence in being able to wipe the floor with his straight ass. But that decision couldn’t prevent the hair rising on my neck, knowing how many older wolves stood behind me.

The rustle of their movements and the sound of men breathing, faint to my nearly human ears, didn’t give me enough clues about my reception. I watched Xander’s face instead as he glanced man to man. His grin slipped, bit by bit. I saw him flinch once.

Thank goodness. Maybe I’ll walk away from this moment after all. I held my stance.

Apparently, the approval Xander was getting wasn’t as much as he felt he needed because eventually he bowed his head to our Alpha. “No, sir, no Challenge.” Then, grudgingly, he bowed head to me too, just as low. “Fifth.”

“Fifth, are you content?” Alpha asked. His impassive tone gave no clue to what he was feeling. The ritual question came no slower or harsher than normal.

Is that enough? If Xander backed down, will any of the lower wolves try to step over him? Should I keep pushing for a fight and prove how thoroughly I can destroy them? I didn’t want to be the bad guy, though. If I was lucky, no one Xander had beaten would imagine they could take me, when he hadn’t dared. If not, well, they could take a number and fucking try.

“Yes, sir,” I said. “I’m content. As long as he quits with the anti-gay slurs, I’m good.” I finally let myself look at Nick, and then Garrett. Both were a bit wide-eyed, staring at me, but neither seemed angry or disgusted. Garrett even gave me a fraction of a wink, which was ridiculous but a warmth I desperately needed.

Then Alpha tilted his head, eyeing me, and said, “Tell me, Fifth, how long have you been holding back that bit of information?”

Oh fuck, here it comes. But I wasn’t going to back down now. Alpha could only kill me once. “Since the days when you’d have been required to rip my throat out for it,” I told him, not bowing my head.

He blinked at the reminder, the calm of his face shaken for an instant. “It was never a requirement .” But he couldn’t deny that a death sentence had been the expected punishment for generations of queer wolves. An execution ordered by their Alphas. “Perhaps just as well you waited. So why come out now?”

“Because I’m tired of the bullshit,” I told him. “Tired of sitting back and listening to my packmates run their mouths when I want to beat the foul words off their faces. When I could’ve done so, but I was afraid to open that whole can of worms.” Of the more vocal homophobes in the pack, only Elijah, our Third, outranked me. I saw a couple of my least favorite older guys downpack give me disgusted looks, and I bared my teeth in their general direction. Yeah, no more Mr. Nice Guy. I might not be able to whoop their asses arbitrarily, but I could make them kneel to me unless they wanted to be considered Challenging. Next time they came out with a slur, I would put them on the floor, one way or another.

“Fair enough.” Alpha’s voice remained level, to my relief as I listened tensely for any hint of anger or retribution.

I added, “We have boys growing up. Any one of them could be queer. The time to end the homophobic reign of terror is now, with someone big enough to fight back, like me.” I thought of those trick-or-treating boys, of fearless little Dylan, and realized how much I meant that. They won’t go through that abuse. Not on my watch.

Elijah shuffled his feet where he stood by the coffee urn and grumbled under his breath. Before I could decide if his hostility would be my problem, Nick snapped, “Shut up, Third,” then looked my way. “Glad you could get it out in the open, Fifth.”

“Thanks.” My heart still raced and I didn’t unclench my fists, but my wolf’s fight-or-flight readiness eased slightly. If Alpha and Nick were willing to tolerate me, I might survive this coming out without losing my pack.

A grin crept across Nick’s face. “So that was a guy you were texting and smiling at?”

I went from grateful to wanting to curse Nick for mentioning Kendrick. If anyone so much as looks his way, I’ll kill them. Except… maybe Nick was right. Maybe it was best to make myself perfectly clear. I swept the room with a glare. “Who I date is no one’s business but mine, but yeah, it’ll be a guy. Another wolf or a human man. If anyone even thinks about trying to mess with them, I don’t care what rank you are, I’ll rip your head off and stuff it up your ass.” I didn’t quite meet Alpha’s eyes, but did let my general stare include Elijah.

Alpha drawled, “And if you don’t think Trent can do it, Rick Brown will pull your liver out through your ears and make you wish for a faster death, if you mess with a wolf’s human boyfriend.”

I wasn’t sure I liked having Alpha suggest I needed backup, even from the most powerful wolf on Earth, but I was incredibly relieved my Alpha was coming down on my side.

Elijah muttered, “Yeah, the queers are Brown’s special project.”

A laugh escaped me. “I can’t wait to hear you say that to his face.”

Alpha made a chopping gesture. “Enough. Trent is apparently gay, any boyfriend he has is off limits, same as any wives and girlfriends, and if anyone has a problem with that, they can take it to me or Nick, or issue a Challenge to Trent. Anyone stupid enough to do that right now?” His acid tone and raised eyebrow were probably as big a deterrent as my size. There were a few low grumbles, but none of the lower-ranked wolves even raised their eyes.

“Right.” Alpha took a big bite of a donut and chewed slowly. No one moved till he was done. “Now, regarding the Ladies’ Auxiliary folks complaining about the buckthorn? No, I’m not sending Charlie to sweet-talk them. I am, instead, setting up a work party to rip out all the buckthorn saplings and trees on our property. Nice hard work. Elijah, Xander, I hope you didn’t have anything planned for today and tomorrow.”

I bit back a grin, and Alpha gave me the slightest nod. I still didn’t think he was a big fan of gay folk. I’d heard enough casual homophobia from him over the years. But he was not tolerant of unnecessary infighting in his pack, and he had a hell of a lot of respect for Rick Brown. I could live with that.

I can live with that. I can live.

Dizziness hit me, bad enough that I sat suddenly in the nearest chair and braced myself with both hands on the arms, trying not to let my emotions show. Calm, cool, don’t let the bastards see you sweat. I’d had long, long practice at that.

When I was fifteen, and sixteen, it’d slowly dawned on me that I was never going to be interested in girls, with their round tits and sweet scents. Awareness crept up that I wasn’t just a late bloomer. I didn’t have a low sex drive. I was, in fact, gay. And that scared the shit out of me.

In those turn-of-the-twenty-first-century days, the packs were hanging on to secrecy by their fingernails. DNA testing was coming along fast. Cell phone cameras and surveillance videos were exploding across the nation. Our centuries of moving unseen among humans were on the cusp of ending. And none of us knew what would happen when humans discovered us. Genocide was the word whispered in the dark.

In that atmosphere of paranoia and fear, packs had been cracking down hard on all risky behavior. Death was the answer for any wolf who might betray us. And along with criminal behavior and mental illness and rank carelessness, being gay was on the shitlist. To my knowledge, my Alpha had never executed a gay wolf. However, the pack did, when I was sixteen, deal with a rapist wolf in a very final and bloody way. The DNA samples from his crime at the police evidence locker were purged at a high cost, and humans would never find his body. I’d stayed silent in the meet where he was condemned, trying to hide how much I was shaking.

I’d vowed then that I’d never, ever risk anyone finding out my secret.

The events of 2011 changed everything, but inside me, even as my twenties became my thirties, that terrified sixteen-year-old still lurked. For thirteen more years, while the packs adapted to a new reality, fear had still controlled my life.

Now, suddenly, I was free.

My stomach churned. My head felt light. I had my hands braced on the wooden arms of the chair, but I felt nothing beneath my palms. As Alpha turned to ask Garrett about his family, I concentrated on just breathing, in, out, in, out. The room was the same as always— the rustle of seventeen men in one space, the scent of sweat and colognes, skin and deodorants, faint to my near-human nose, and from the open door of the meet room, the even more faint scents of fur and old blood. I lifted my gaze from the carpet and glanced sideways to find Elijah focused on Alpha, a subtle sneer still curving his lips. Beyond him, Nick looked my way and inclined his head, a tiny gesture of support and respect.

I can live.

I kept breathing, and my world had not ended. Perhaps it was just beginning.