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B ack at home, I help Jacob dismember the corpse and bring it to the yard out back, where we bury the twelve pieces.
I… I don’t know how to describe how I felt touching that dead girl. Killing her.
It ignited something inside me. Something I don’t really know how to put into words. Desire? Fascination? Disgust?
The way her hot, sticky blood stuck to me skin. The sensation of her muscle and flesh under my fingers…
Painting macabre scenes of wanting over her skin with her own lifeblood…
Knowing she couldn’t fight me any longer. Couldn’t fight what I was doing to her body.
It was… arousing.
And damn Jacob, he knew it.
I now sit alone in my bedroom, staring at myself in the mirror over the dresser.
Biting my lip, I look at the blood smattering my cheeks, my breasts. Blood not my own.
Seeing myself, my brown hair tied into a bun instead of in flowing waves, my blue eyes sparkling with newfound life , I can’t help but wonder if this was what Jacob was talking about.
Sending someone to Judgement… it felt raw. Empowering, in a way.
And I know I helped him cut up a body before, but actually killing the person felt so different. Having that power over their body as their soul passes on…
The body truly was just a vessel, I realize. When the soul is gone, there’s nothing left but a shell.
And we can do with that as we please.
Maybe it’s wrong, maybe it’s sick, but…
I liked killing her, I realize. I liked touching her dying body, her corpse. I loved it, even.
And I wanted to do it again. A fact which terrified me just as much as it excited me. I know Jacob usually waited and stalked his ‘victims’ first, but I was itching to get that blade in my hand sooner.
And there was one person who was ripe for the taking. My disbelieving sister.
“I want to do it,” I whisper to Jacob once we sit down to eat as we usually do. “I want to be the one to send her to Judgement. I know that’s what you’re going to do.”
Jacob sets down his utensils, fixing me with a perplexed look. “Your sister?” he prompts.
I nod, and he sighs deeply.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Jacob says warily. “She’s your flesh and blood. Perhaps someone not related to her should do the job.”
“What better person than one who loves her? I grew up with her. I know the depths of her sin, truly.” The witchcraft, the sleeping with men she barely knows, the gluttony.
She’s by no means perfect, despite what cancer did to her.
I steeple my hands under my chin, resting my elbows on the dining table. “Let me do it. I’ll send her to the Lord, in our own pure way.”
And I’d get to feel that beautiful, interesting feeling again while doing the work of God.
Win-win.
Jacob regards me carefully. “If you do this, there’s no going back,” he warns. “I’m more than happy to take on the burden, despite your welcomed enthusiasm.”
I nod. “I know. I… I think I’m ready.” I shift out of my seat. “Take me to her?” I murmur.
While I’m interested in the idea of her corpse, I’m also eager to set her free from his torture. This will allow me to do that on my own terms.
But you enjoy it , my mind whispers.
I do.
And I’ll enjoy it more when the blade is back in my hand and I’m the one carrying out purification.
Everyone wins here, I tell myself. She wins by her torture ending, and I win because I can… experiment more.
Jacob takes me to the barn, and my lips twinge at the bloodbath I see.
They slowly curl into a smile.