Page 18 of Unforgiving Queen

“How can you even say that?” Mamma hissed, her face tight. “This is not what I signed up for. This isn’t a life for my daughters.”

The fireplace shifted and a dark hole appeared. I stood frozen. I didn’t like tight spaces.

“Get in there,” he ordered. “We’ll talk about it later.”

Papà grabbed my arm and pushed me inside. I squealed in pain as I fell to my knees, crawling into the corner and wrapping my arms around my legs. My heart was like a hummingbird, hurting my little chest.

Bang!

Strange voices trickled in, spurring Papà into a frenzy. He pushed Phoenix in next, who shook like a leaf, and I wrapped her into my arms, clutching her, whether for strength or to offer comfort, I was unsure.

I looked up to see Papà holding something shiny and black—a gun, I realized—his eyes narrowed on Mamma.

“Love, you have to go in there.” Mamma’s curls bounced wildly as she shook her head. She was terrified of small spaces too. “It will be okay. Just for a few minutes.”

“Tomaso, no.” Her voice was a whimper, but it didn’t seem to deter him. “I swear to God, I’ll leave you if you do this.”

“Would you rather die? Cost our daughters their lives?”

“They can’t just kill us in our own home.”

“I’d rather not take the risk and be proven wrong.”

He took her elbow and forced her in. I watched the scene unfold with wide eyes. She fought against him, but he was stronger. Then she was in the darkness with us. Before she could protest further, Papà swung the door shut.

Mamma’s small fists hit the red brick. “Tomaso.” Her wrath vibrated in the small space. “Goddamn it, Tomaso. Open—”

Phoenix’s soft whimpers filled the air, and it anchored me.

“I—it’s okay, Mamma,” I whispered. I forced my hand to reach out to her and pat her on her back, just like she always soothed me when I had bad dreams. “Papà is stronger than all the bad men.”

“If only,” she mumbled. “I won’t let anything happen to you two.”

Enveloped in the darkness, the three of us huddled together. My ears roared with my heartbeat. I couldn’t sign, the space was too small and too dark, so I just held Phoenix closer to me.

We were silent for a while, save for the sounds of our ragged breaths, when voices drew nearer and gunshots rang out again. My body shook harder and screams bubbled in my throat. Terrified of being found, my hand came to my mouth. More shouting.

Bang. Bang. Bang. More shots.

A loud giggle yanked me out of my memory and back to reality.

I blinked away images of the darkness and the feeling that had gripped my throat. Maybe things had been bad even before Mamma died. It would have made sense. If either Phoenix or I weren’t Papà’s, it meant Mamma had sought happiness from somewhere—or someone—else.

I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

Chasing the confusing memory away, I focused on the family in front of me. There were so many things to be thankful for.

Being alive. Having an amazing sister. A family. Best friends. Yet, I couldn’t muster an ounce of goodwill or holiday spirit.

I rubbed my chest while my mind filled with different memories, this time of the boy I loved too much. Or maybe not enough. All I knew was that it had left me empty.

My nights were filled with doubt and regret, desperate to relive happy moments only to end up at this same exact spot: staring at nothing, wishing I could disappear.

I tapped my fingers against my thigh, restlessness itching at my skin. If I moved, someone would rush over and fuss over me, suffocating me.

The hairs on the back of my neck rose, aware of a presence close by. I didn’t shift, waiting for whoever it was to say something. Or preferably nothing.

My hands twisted the pendants hanging from my platinum chain. I should get rid of the one Amon gifted me, but each time I went to take it off, I found myself unable to. Maybe I was a masochist, and this was my punishment.