Page 24 of Unforeseen Affairs (The Sedleys #6)

Gathered up against his chest, with his hand cradling the small of her back, she ceased to be Charlotte Sedley anymore.

She had become a formless, nameless entity; a lonely, lost soul searching for another, wishing to be subsumed by another.

By him. She pressed into Sir Colin, digging her hands fiercely into his shoulders and back.

Her mouth was wet and hot, taking his and allowing him to take hers in turn.

It wasn’t her first kiss. But it felt like the first one that mattered.

He was so good, so rigid and na?ve and pure. He smelled so nice, so real, fresh like soap but also vigorous, which seemed silly to say. But however one described it, he smelled exactly as he should.

And here he was, losing his senses over her, encircling her with his firm arms and tightening his hold upon her, as if he could not bear to let her go. Forgetting the rules and strictures of the world he inhabited, just frantic and desperate for something more than his lips upon hers.

And he thought her pretty. And charming.

She felt powerful. And… something else. Warm. Safe. Her body sang out, every fiber of her being alive and yearning.

She moaned into his mouth.

It set something off in Sir Colin, for he handily pushed her back against the high wall of the mews, his lips still on hers, hungry for her. She could feel the cold of the stone through the fabric of her clothing, seeping all the way through her underthings and down to her skin.

Yes, this was desire.

His hair felt so thick, so smooth as she dug her fingers into it, wanting to grasp fistfuls of it and push his head lower, his kisses lower…

A horse whinnied on the other side of the wall, loud and sharp.

They fell apart in an instant.

Her heart raced, but in panic now rather than with pleasure.

Sir Colin had stumbled backward, with one hand still on her arm as he glanced about, taut and alert. When he was satisfied that the only other living creatures nearby were the horses on the other side of the wall, he released her arm and walked a few paces away.

Charlotte realized she was panting, as if from exertion. She shut her eyes, wanting to savor the residual warmth in her body, the delicious ache of this desire before it dissipated.

What a wondrous thing was a man .

She wished to know more.

Alas, it had ended nearly as quickly as it began. The cold stone of the wall now felt pleasant against her back, tempering the frantic heat inside her.

“Miss Sedley, I…” he began, then paused, lowering his head.

Charlotte wished he’d turn around and look at her.

“I apologize,” he said curtly. “I apologize for my mismanagement of all this. My lack of initiative at the spirit circle, and my lack of decorum just now. I’m sorry to have behaved so boorishly.”

She didn’t answer. What was there to say?

That she’d not be cowed by Mr. Bass so easily, or that she’d very much like to encourage further lack of decorum from Sir Colin?

Her stepmother had taught her well enough to know that neither assertion would go over well in polite company, so Charlotte held her tongue, as she usually did.

Apparently frustrated by the silence, Sir Colin finally turned about, his expression hard and unyielding. But then his face changed. Softened.

“You must hate me,” he said in a low, resigned voice.

“I don’t.”

He scoffed. “It seems as though where once I counted a number of friendships, now I only dash them upon the rocks.”

“The rocks?”

Colin shut his eyes tight.

“I’ve not only behaved hideously toward you, I’ve made our goal impossible to achieve. What will I tell Beaky?”

“Tell him to sling his hook,” Charlotte said, happy to finally have the opportunity. She’d had a poor opinion of this Beaky from the start, but now she especially disliked him for grossly misusing Sir Colin’s trust. He did not deserve it.

“Sling his hook? Shove off?” Colin echoed sadly, shaking his head. “But Miss Sedley, I gave him my word. I cannot abandon a friend in his time of need.”

There’s so much more to him , she realized.

Such a depth below the easy manner, handsome smile, and keen, eager eyes.

Beyond the upstanding reputation. He was a man who felt strongly and acted morally.

And not out of mere obligation—out of simple goodness.

But now he’d retreated to an unreachable place, and she’d no power to draw him out.

And Mr. Bass would soon depart the city for his next stop in Manchester.

This had been their last chance to achieve their joint purpose.

She realized she’d likely not see Sir Colin again after tonight.

A curious ache seized her heart.

“I will deliver you home; that is, if you wish it. But if not…” He swallowed, shamefaced. “If not, then please allow me, at the very least, to hail you a hack.”

“Home?”

As part of the plan, they’d agreed upon Mrs. Stone’s shop as their rendezvous location. Well, Sir Colin had insisted upon it, not wishing to set tongues wagging and risk Charlotte’s reputation. For her part, her wish to escape notice was not born out of propriety.

“Yes,” he said gruffly. “I’ve been remiss, lackadaisical. I ought to at least deliver you safely to your father and mother.”

“Stepmother,” she corrected.

The horse in the mews whinnied again.

They regarded one another in silence. Charlotte wished desperately that she’d a shred of Mrs. Stone’s talent just now, so she could perceive whatever thoughts or emotions he might be telegraphing. What must be going through his head as he stood there, so taciturn and controlled?

Perhaps he wished he hadn’t kissed her. The thought was gutting.

No, she wouldn’t believe it. He thought her pretty and charming, after all—he’d admitted it to her, several times. She instinctively reached for the watch fob she wore around her neck, to feel the cool, familiar, soothing weight of it.

He turned away from her again.

She could hear a pair of drunkards in the distance, singing in the street.

When Sir Colin spoke again, the anguish in his voice was so acute that even the dullest, most unseeing person would mark it.

“You placed your trust in me and I failed to earn it. I truly am sorry, Miss Sedley.”

“No,” she said, as firmly as she could.

He turned back again, looking as though he wished to close the distance between them but was unable to take a single step.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I refuse to accept failure. This is merely a temporary setback.”

“A temporary setback?” He frowned. “But—”

“And,” she continued as she moved assuredly toward him, “you promised you would stop apologizing to me more than once for the same transgression.”

He eyed her warily as she approached.

Charlotte halted an arm’s length from him, not wishing to spook the poor man.

“Now, Sir Colin,” she said, puffing out her chest as she drew herself up to her full height. “Take me home.”

He stared at her as though she were a venomous viper, coiled about a tree branch in some far-flung jungle.

For a moment her resolve faltered. She thought of the sweet, ingratiating Miss Pearce, and the way she’d fawningly hung from Sir Colin’s arm.

But then she recalled his look of discomfort under such cloying attention, and she held steady. She could be patient.

On occasion.

Finally, Sir Colin extended his arm, his allegiance to duty and protocol winning in the end. Charlotte placed a gentle hand upon his elbow. She must be prudent now, and try to forget the urgency and heat of their shared kiss.

For she very much wished to do it again.

This was insanity.

In the space of the last four hours, Colin had not only accompanied a young lady to another absurd spirit circle under false pretenses, caused an appalling commotion that got them thrown out of said circle, and put them in position to have their names blackened in numerous social circles in the coming weeks…

but then! Then he’d gone and, unable to rein in his baser urges, taken advantage of said young lady in a dark alley behind some wretched stable.

Cunt and gunpowder.

He was a louse; there was no denying it. And now he was accompanying her to her family home as if nothing out of the ordinary had just transpired.

For some blasted reason he’d been the one to suggest it; his vicious conscience was no doubt wanting to punish him, to torture him by bringing him face-to-face with those who cared most for Miss Sedley.

Those who would do him grievous harm if only they knew how horribly he’d handled her.

How his hands, so eager to pull her closer, had slid up her back, her sides, to her…

He swallowed.

The hack came to a stop, and he leaped out as though it were on fire.

It was late now, far too late for a young lady of Miss Sedley’s position to be out unchaperoned. Colin frowned. Just what had she said to her family earlier that day, to justify her anticipated late return? He felt too defeated to ask.

Colin offered her his hand, bracing himself as she disembarked. Her hold was gentle, but the meaning of the gentle press of her fingers was clear—she would not easily forget what had transpired between them in the alley.

He avoided her gaze, and prayed that his guilt would soon settle, and eventually simmer away into nothing.

“Thank you,” she said in that hollow, passionless tone that felt so uniquely her.

When had he begun to track the idiosyncrasies of her behavior?

“You may deposit me here. I am quite at ease—”

“No,” he said, ignoring the tingling sensation that had begun to play about the top of his scalp. Christ, how he hated it. “I agreed to take you home. It’s only proper to see you safely all the way.”

“Very well.”