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seventeen

Dove

W hen he’s done cleaning me up with his tongue, Rowan cradles me in his arms and lets me cry some more. The way he takes care of me always takes me by surprise, though I’d be lying if I said it didn’t help take my mind off my pain for a little while. I resisted it at first, knowing I didn’t deserve the pleasure—not this time. But the more he talked me through it and the more he praised me into submission, the more my mind sought his control. I had no choice but to let go of my morbid thoughts.

Like an addict seeking numbness through whatever drug they can get their hands on, I craved Rowan’s dominance and I let him bring me into the scene with him. Because the truth is… our dynamic heals me in ways I never thought I could be healed, and it has been ever since he reached out to me. I’m thinking he may actually know me better than I know myself. He knows when my mind is elsewhere and knows exactly how to bring me back to him. He can sense when I can’t keep up with my worries, and as he put it, he’s there to do all the thinking for me. The feminist in me isn’t even upset over this. Because my submission is voluntary, and Rowan would never take advantage of it.

Minutes pass in his arms. When my tears dry out, I pull away from him, hesitantly, finding the strength to come back to the real world. To ask the one question I’ve been too afraid to ask. I haven’t given myself permission to think that my mom might be gone—I knew the thought would make me actually lose my mind, so I just convinced myself that she had made it. But my anxiety grows too strong, too overwhelming to believe my lies anymore.

Rowan pushes a lock of hair behind my ear as my veins pulse with nerves beneath my skin.

“Your mom is okay, angel.”

I let out a breath charged with relief, my entire body tingling in the wake of anxiety.

“She’s recovering. Maddox is providing her with the best medical care in the country, and I have her under constant surveillance. Once you feel better, I’ll take you to see her.”

“So… I can leave the house now? It’s no longer dangerous?”

He inhales, carefully choosing his words as he looks somewhere to the side of my face. “No one’s ever going to take you from me again.”

I search his eyes when he says it, and pure confidence radiates from them. I don’t know what he did to ensure my safety, but I trust him with everything I’ve got. And I was so stupid to leave his sight that day when the EFW kidnapped me.

“A-And Cole? I remember I thought I could hear him when you brought me back. I couldn’t believe it when I saw him, Rowan. I still can’t. All these years…”

“I know… I can’t either, though I had my suspicions at some point.” He sees my brows quirking up. “That orange he left smeared on the table in your apartment. I knew only one person who peeled oranges like a madman.” He huffs a small, bittersweet laugh. “He and I are going to have a long talk and figure things out. But for now, he’s fine. The doctor stitched him up. Nothing serious.”

I smile faintly and nod, brushing my palms against my face to freshen up.

“So everyone’s okay, then. Right?”

There.

Right there, in his eyes, a strange emotion flickers with little time to breathe before it does it again. His face muscles tighten. It’s only for a fraction of a second, but it’s enough to tell me that something isn’t exactly right. What isn’t he telling me?

“They’re okay,” he says, but it does nothing to ease my nerves. He sees it and completely disarms me when his mouth finds mine. So soft. So warm. So familiar. I whimper, his scarred hand caressing my hair with a touch so gentle it takes my breath away.

“You don’t need to worry about anything anymore.” His voice is eerily calm and content, as if he’s remembering something bad… something that most people would get nightmares from. Only to him, the memory seems strangely pleasant instead. “Everything they did to you, they paid for it tenfold. And I’m only just getting started. We have a long fight ahead, but now that you’re here…”

I shudder at the ideas coming to me about what else he’s willing to do. The memory of what I saw in those tunnels hits me like a brick in the head. The stench makes me nauseous, and I almost gag. I acknowledge that kernel of fear that tries blooming in the back of my mind.

I hold onto it, turning it in my mind on all its sides, and seeing it, really seeing it, its sharp claws anchored to my body like a tick attached to my skin. I want nothing more than to pull it out, but I know I won’t be able to do it by myself.

“I don’t want to be a victim. But I’m not strong, Rowan. Not like you are…”

His eyes soften, his expression a mix of tenderness and conviction. “Being scared doesn’t make you weak. It means you understand what’s at stake and you face it anyway. Back in those tunnels, you pushed through. You went blindly into that war zone, trying to find me, to save Cole’s life. You stood in the middle of a storm, holding on when most people would have let go. That’s strength.”

“It doesn’t feel like it…”

“Because real strength never does. It doesn’t shout or demand attention. It just keeps going.” He cups my chin gently, tilting my face to meet his eyes. “You don’t have to be like me, Dove. You don’t have to fight with fists or fire. Your strength is different, quieter, but it’s every bit as powerful. And it’s yours.”

I blink back the tears threatening to spill. “What if it’s not enough?”

“It is. It’s enough because you are enough. And when you realize that... no one will ever make you feel small again.”

I bask in his words, and my heart grows at the patience he has with me. This powerful man who has the entire army at his feet is on his knees for me, taking his sweet time to mend my broken soul better than any drug. He’s a force. And I don’t understand how I ended up here, by his side, when he doesn’t really need me at all. I don’t understand what I did to deserve him. Unless…

Maybe I was meant to come into Rowan’s life because I was destined for something more. I always said I wanted to help people. And I could back down, return to my old ways, hide within myself, and give people a voice the way I’ve always wanted to. But what would be the point? As long as the EFW rule this country, and the courthouses, and everything that moves… being a lawyer won’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. It would be like fighting a dragon every time you wanted to leave the house—you can push it back once or twice, but sooner or later, it would burn the village down. And it would be your fault for not going to its lair and slaying it sooner.

“You’re gone again,” Rowan’s gentle voice fills the silence, his hand pushing my panties to the side. “But that’s all right. I’ll bring you back as many times as we have to.”