Page 51

Fifty

“WHERE TO FIRST?” Greyson asked, exiting the airport terminal. “Oh, hang on. I have a text from Deck.” He tugged her back from the line of taxis.

“What’s it say?” She rose on her tiptoes and gazed over his shoulder at his phone.

Flight leaves at five. Take care of our girl.

She bit her bottom lip.

“I promise it’ll be okay,” Grey said, shimmying them to the side of the hustle and bustle and to the far end of the pickup line. He needed to reassure her. He wrapped his arms around her.

“I’ll always be here for you. You know that, right?”

She looked up at him with such hope.

He brushed a loose strand of hair from her face and stared into her eyes.

How could she have so much hope in him? He swallowed. The world disappeared around them. He tipped her chin up. “I’ve been praying.”

“And?”

How did he put it? “I feel God tugging on my soul, but I can’t see through it all yet.”

She scrunched her nose. “ Through it all?”

“Yes, unless...” He tugged her farther into the concrete cubby he’d found at the edge of all the terminal chaos. “Unless God gives me peace that my depression won’t hit that low, unless I can see a normal future for you with me...”

This time her whole face scrunched as she studied him. “None of us can see the future or be guaranteed of a certain kind. That’s where trust and daily dependence on God comes in.”

And there was the problem. Daily dependence. Surrendering control when that was the only thing stabilizing him. Though his illusion of control in relation to saving David was just that—an illusion.

I’m sorry , Lord , but that’s just too frightening. To just let go ... and trust.

“I could die tomorrow,” she said, nudging him. “I could be hit by a car or die on this case. I almost did die in the water.”

“Frighteningly true.”

“We don’t get to know the future, but God does.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s going to be good.” Not knowing how bad it could get was brutal. He’d seen the worst happen twice, and it had nearly broken him.

“No, we aren’t promised no pain or hurt, but we are promised God is with us through it all. And the fact that I don’t know when God will call me home, I, for one, want to live each day gifted to me as boldly as I can.”

He chuckled despite the serious nature of the conversation. “You’ve got the bold part down.”

“And,” she said, tugging on his shirt, bringing him mere inches from her. “I want to spend it with those I love.” Her eyes searched his.

Wait. Was she saying...?

“I love you, Grey.”

He staggered back, nearly tripping over his own feet. She loved him? The woman he loved desperately loved him ?

“You love me now, but not as I could be.”

“You’re borrowing trouble.”

“What?” he asked, his thoughts still zooming around the fact that she loved him.

“You live each day for that day. You’re worried about something that may never come to be. And,” she continued before he could argue, “you’re super proactive about it. You take medication, you see a counselor. You take good care of yourself health-wise.” Her gaze raked over him. “You can’t fear a life that may never come to pass. Otherwise, you’re living it out in your mind all the time instead of enjoying the blessing of the moment.”

“But—”

“ If ”—she cut him off—“your depression hit a terrible low, we’d get through it together. It’s like saying to someone with a heart-attack risk or a cancer risk that they shouldn’t be with anyone.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“That’s a medical situation.”

“And depression isn’t? It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain. I’d say that’s medical. There’s such a stigma around depression, and it sounds like you’re buying into it.” She cupped his face. “Your depression isn’t you. You are intelligent—sometimes annoyingly so.” She winked. “And you’re witty.”

“Witty, huh?”

“At times. Now, don’t go getting a big head on me.”

A horn blared, setting off a series of horn blares.

She looked behind them. “We better go. We can continue this conversation later.”

Given how his head continued to spin as her blissful words swirled in his mind, later was probably better, but all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and tell her he loved her too. But he couldn’t take that leap unless God changed something in his heart.

Please , Father. For the first time, he wanted how he viewed things to change, but he didn’t know how to start.

“Taxi!” Riley whistled and waved one over.

She glanced back at him, love shining in her eyes. Love for him. How had he missed it all this time?