Page 3 of Twisted Violet

She slit her own throat to save everyone, to saveme, and I just stood there. Frozen and useless, watching her bleed.

I forced her to let me go with them that night. In some pathetic attempt to prove I could handle it. To show that I wasn’t just this thing that always has to be protected.

If I had listened to her, maybe things would’ve played out differently.

Maybe she wouldn’t be lying in that hospital bed right now, barely holding on.

God.

What if she doesn’t wake up?

I try to push the thought away, but it clings to me and grows.

What if she’s already gone?

I roll over onto my stomach and let out a scream into my pillow.

“V?” A soft voice calls out, sounding hesitant. “Everything okay?”

Dallas.

The southern drawl in his rich voice usually puts a smile on my face. Not tonight, though. Tonight, there’s nothing to smile about.

“I’mfine.” I say, forcing the words past the lump in my throat.

“Any news?” His question is gentle, but the words hit me harder than I expect.

“Nothing yet.” I whisper.

He stays quiet for a moment, but I feel him there, standing still in the doorway behind me. Like he’s terrified one wrong move will make me unravel.

“You should eat something,” he says quietly. “You haven’t had an actual meal in days.”

I shake my head without looking at him. “I’m not hungry.”

He steps closer, and I feel his presence fill the room.

I know he’s just trying to help, but don’t want him in here.I don’t want anyone in here.I just want to be alone with my thoughts and my guilt, and I want to drown in them.

“V, you have to take care of yourself.” He says, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Stevie wouldn’t want you-”

“Don't do that.” I say, shrugging his hand off my shoulder as I turn to face him. “Don't try to tell me what my sister would want. You barely know her. You barely know me.”

Something flashes in his warm brown eyes, and his jaw tightens.

“I’m just trying to look out for you.” He says, his voice quieter now, almost a little strained.

I stare at the wall behind him, too tired to take the sting out of my words. “I get that this is your job, but I’m fine, Dallas. So please, just leave me alone. If anyone asks, I’ll say you got me to eat something. Okay? Stand down soldier, mission’s accomplished.”

He holds my gaze for a moment and opens his mouth, as if he’s about to say something, but at the last second he stops himself and takes a step back like he’s trying to distancehimself from what ever line I just drew between us.

“I’ll leave you alone.” He says, turning to leave.

The door clicks behind him, and the silence that follows feels even heavier than it did before.

I lay there for a while,just staring out the open window, trying not to fall apart.

The curtains shift with the breeze, revealing glimpses of the night sky and the redwoods surrounding the property, but I’m not really seeing any of it. Just zoning out and letting my mind go blank, until something moves.