Page 2

“Dubois, it’s too fucking dangerous! Get back!” Kane yelled.

I couldn’t. I heard her screaming. The panic in her voice was unbearable. There was no fucking way I was going to stand by and not attempt to save her. My heart clenched so tightly I could barely breathe. I had to go in, ignoring the warnings from the others. I knew Kane would be pissed, but this is what we signed up for—to save fucking lives, not go home to our families as if leaving anyone was a normal part of our day’s work. Not on my watch. Fuck that.

“I’m going in.”

I met Kane’s narrowed eyes, challenging him. He knew well enough to know he wouldn’t win. After I released a frustrated breath, he nodded.

“Alright then.” He looked at the others, waving them closer. “Fellas, hold the water steady! Dubois is going in, and don’t let up! Keep at it!”

I pulled my mask over my face, knelt, and squeezed through the dilapidated door. Even in full insulated gear, I could feel the warmth of the surrounding heat. Flames licked at the walls, and debris crashed down from the ceiling. I couldn’t see her, but I could hear her piercing cries as they echoed throughout the inferno of flames. I forged ahead despite my pulse racing. On elbows and knees as if I was at war, I crawled through the wreckage, feeling my way through.

“I’m coming. Tell me where you are!” At least if I could hear her voice again while closer, I’d know which way to go.

“Here! Over here!” When I turned the corner where her cry for help came, I saw her. I moved quickly, climbing over wet debris that fell from the ceiling where she was near a wall. Her eyes expanded as she reached for me. With each grunt, I knew she was stuck.

“Look at me. You can do this. It may hurt for now, but I need you to focus and listen to me.”

Her tear-streaked face looked around when a beam fell. She shut her eyes tightly, covering her face with one arm.

“Hey, sweetie. We are leaving out of here together. Understand?”

She nodded, her eyes wide with fear. I pushed a portion of the wall to the left and threw my hand toward her. She immediately grabbed onto my wrist. Fuck, I felt a sharp pain rush up my arm all the way to my shoulder.

“That’s it. You think you can push with one knee and make it easier to relieve your leg?”

“I-I... shit!”

The wall behind her collapsed, forcing me to shield my face as shards of glass and sheet rock rained down even more. My hands and knees burned as I pushed forward, listening to her gasping coughs. I raked away what I could then called out to her.

“Try now. You can do it.”

Within seconds, she latched onto my wrist with both hands, allowing me to pull her closer to me.

“Don’t leave me.”

“I would never.” I touched her chin, trying to calm her. “I just need you to do exactly what I say. If you do, we’ll be eating ravioli in front of the television watching The Cosby Show by dinner.” I winked and a faint grin appeared as she nodded. “Vanessa is trying to date. We can’t miss that episode, now can we?”

“No.” She gulped air and nodded. If she passed out, things would get a hell of a lot harder.

“When I turn around and bend down, push forward until you are on my back. Once you are, hold on and don’t let go.”

She obeyed. Her arms tightened around my neck as I maneuvered us through the wreckage. Water poured in from above, soaking us as she trembled violently. She kept mumbling something, something about call Truth. I didn’t know who it was, but she’d be able to call him herself.

On my watch, no one would be left behind, even if it killed me to save them. What mattered was getting both of us out alive.

When her grip faltered, I felt her slipping. Her arm slid off my neck, and she let out a terrified scream. She begged me to leave her but fuck that. It was both of us or neither of us. That, and I needed to see if Denise gave Dwayne Wayne a shot. He was cute in a Dorky kind of way. I had no clue if she even watched The Cosby Show or A Different World, but it was something to look forward to and better than dying in a building where your remains didn’t offer you a proper burial.

“What’s your name?”

She coughed, unable to speak as the smoke around us grew denser.

“That’s okay. I’m Merci. Take my mask, and put it on. When you do, tell me yours.” I ducked lower then pulled it off with one hand.

She lowered her head with just enough room for me to cover her mouth. I could tell her lungs had filled up with oxygen as the trembling of her body somewhat subsided. That was a good sign. She was heavy and probably going in and out of consciousness, but we were close to the open door.

Kane, Green, and Drew called out to me.

“We’re coming! Almost there!”

I pushed forward as Kane and the others blasted water into the building. His eyes met mine. They were filled with panic. I knew I’d hear his mouth later, but he already knew how I moved. I never asked for permission. The only one who needed to forgive me was gone. That was Chelly who had been dead for years. From the womb to the tomb was only in my dreams. My reality was I’d go home, and she wouldn’t be there.

“Get them out!” Kane barked.

Green jumped into action, pulling the woman off my back. She reached for me then her lids closed before her body collapsed in his arms.

Was I too late? Did I fail her too? What the fuck?

“Ahhhhh!”

I bolted upright. My breathing was ragged as I clutched my chest. My skin was slick with sweat, and my heart raced. These nightmares were crippling and damn near debilitating. They had been for the past thirteen years. That last assignment had rattled my fucking nerves, and I couldn’t shake that encounter.

Shadow, my cat, hissed from his perch. He had no clue the enemy was inside my own damn head. I reached over and pulled him to my chest. His body relaxed, but his piercing gold eyes stayed alert, scanning the room.

“It’s fucked up me, Shadow.”

Rain pattered against the window, dragging me deeper into darker memories. The sky had looked like this the day of Chelly’s funeral. Another reason I hadn’t stayed long.

The clock read 3:00 AM. Like clockwork, my body forced me to relive that fire every single night at the same damn time. It happened even when I was at the fire station. I’d sleep in the back away from the others. Only Kane knew why, and if I didn’t wake up right away, he’d come and gently climb in the twin bed and hold me until I came to.

I placed Shadow on the bed, and he hopped to the floor as I swung my legs over the side. My feet hit the cold tile, and I shuddered. Carpet wasn’t an option—Shadow would tear it apart. I opened my bedroom door and nearly jumped out of my skin.

“Germ, really? I’m fine.”

I wasn’t, but I didn’t need him worrying. Instead of calling me out, Germaine pulled me into his chest and kissed the top of my head.

“You know you don’t have to pretend with me, right?”

I nodded. I never tried to pretend with him. What was the point anyway? He’d probe and probe until he wore me down.

“Same dream?”

“Yeah. Same dream. Different faces.”

“Come on, sis.”

Shadow and I followed him to the kitchen, where he was already sketching in his notebook. Therapy never worked for him, but sketching did. What started as random doodles had turned into masterpieces. His talent made him money—serious money.

I sat as he moved about the kitchen, already making chamomile and lavender tea, a natural sedative. It was better than the antidepressants I once took. Those only made me numb… too numb.

“Off until when?” he asked.

“Who knows.”

My shoulder was tight. Physical therapy had helped, but because Chief King wanted to be a bitch, I hadn’t been fully cleared. My bruises, the ones on my legs were fading, but I’d been hurt worse before. Trust me. From a broken wrist to a sprained ankle, the scars and the broken bones would heal. The ones that didn’t were the scars that took up space in my head.

“You won’t take anything for the pain, huh?”

“Nope.”

Pain reminded me I was alive. That was good and another reason why I was angry with myself. Chelly couldn’t feel shit. She never would.

Germaine shook his head. “Let me get you this tea then.”

Shadow curled up in my lap, purring as I stroked his head. He always knew when I needed comfort. Hell, sometimes it felt like Chelly’s spirit lived in him. His jet-black hair and large, round, golden eyes would see me, and my heart would skip a beat. He was a stray I found when I first moved to Rockside. I fed him half of a tuna fish sandwich after my landlord tossed me the keys and told me a refrigerator would be delivered the next day. He waited with me; he always did.

“Thanks,” I murmured.

“Any plans today?” he asked. He took a seat to finish up his latest sketch. He was too damn good just to be a tattoo artist. I refused to bring it up now but it was my dream for him to attend art school.

As of late, though, all he wanted to do was tattoos and did for the locals and bikers at his tattoo shop— Inkz . I wasn’t sure what his deal was with the Saint Riderz, but he was infatuated with them. To me, they were a gang of jerks in vests who treated women like fucking feeders solely at their disposal to screw. I’d see them around town and run the other way.

“Nothing concrete.”

Pottery was my escape. I ran into a room after I ditched therapy, and there they were. A sea of eyes greeted me as I stood there with bucked eyes. The teacher, Mrs. Hannigan, waved me over. She invited me to stay for the pottery class. Black people I knew didn’t do pottery, but when I learned it was free, I stayed.

Once I made my first piece, spinning clay on the wheel, I felt a calmness I’d never felt before. Some days, I’d spend hours at the wheel when she let me come in after hours. Other days, I couldn’t bring myself to even show up. I felt guilty I found some enjoyment in life when Chelly felt nothing at all. Over the years, I invested in myself when I continued using pottery as my outlet. I even sold a few pieces but mostly donated what I made anonymously to burn victims at treatment facilities or hospitals.

“Nothing concrete is good news.”

“Since when?” I scoffed.

I knew he thought I was a bit on the lame side, but at least I didn’t run behind grown men who hooted and rode on bikes like savages.

“Not like that. Look.” He took me by both hands. “I need your help.”

I lifted a brow, wondering what that meant. I couldn’t draw shit. Clay was my thing.

“Help with what?”

“Fucking Zara has COVID, and Joreen’s being... Joreen. I need someone at the shop.”

I sighed with closed eyes. I thought they broke up, but clearly, they hadn’t. Like Chelly, he felt love was in the cards for him, although he was beyond friendly to the point Joreen had full blown out brawls with women who even looked his way. I wanted no parts of that shit. Still, he knew I’d do it. I always did.

“Fine, but you owe me.”

Germaine grinned. “Deal. Just... be nice. Jo might come through. You know how that is.”

I smirked. “I’m always nice.”

We both laughed when Shadow stretched across my lap, completely at ease. I wished I could be too. I wasn’t. Even as I sipped my tea, I knew tonight at the same time I’d have yet another nightmare. Her face may be Chelly’s or worse—the girl that I saved. Last I saw her, she was rushed off on a gurney. I couldn’t bear to look at her. Maybe that’s why she visited me in my dreams.

I prayed she was okay. I sure the fuck wasn’t.