Page 23 of Trusting Warik (Hissa Warrior #9)

Chapter 23

Nisha

There were so many emotions running through her that it was hard to settle on just one. Instead of trying to sort them all out, she decided to use Warik’s method and shut them all down.

“When did you get back?” she asked, proud when her voice sounded pleasant and uncaring.

“I reached orbit less than an hour ago,” he said. “I was on the first shuttle down.”

Tell how hurt you feel, Shift said. Tell him that he’s a giant pile of pinter shit for being away for so long. Tell him—

“Hush,” Nisha said gently as they reached her domicile.

“Is Shift talking to you?” Warik asked. “She’s been telling me what I should say and do.”

“It doesn’t matter what Shift says,” Nisha said as she led him into her domicile. “What matters is what you have to say.”

I object, my words are very important, Shift argued. By the tone, Nisha could tell Shift was talking to both of them now.

“Your words are important if they’re from you,” Nisha agreed. “But not if you’re putting them in Warik’s mouth. I want his words. I understand why you left, Warik. You had humans you felt obligated to find. But you left and we never heard from you. Nothing! It was like you abandoned us.”

Warik didn’t answer immediately. She could see him trying to figure out what he could say to appease her.

“No!” she said, losing her calm facade. “Stop thinking and talk. Tell me the truth—tell me why it was so easy to leave me!”

He left all of us, Shift reminded her, but clearly talking to both of them. You didn’t even take the relay so you and I could talk. Why Warik? Nisha and I need to understand!

The pain in Shift’s voice was the last little push that made it impossible to keep her tears at bay. She watched Warik’s expression go from anger, to confusion, to pain. He moved with his arms outstretched, as if to hug her, but she stepped back with a violent shake of her head.

“Don’t touch me,” she sniffed. “I couldn’t handle it if you touched me.”

“Because you hate me that much?” he whispered, obviously devastated.

“Because I might forget how angry I am,” she explained. “I don’t hate you. I’m hurt.”

He hugged his arms around himself, and Nisha almost gave in. He looked lost.

“I have no excuse,” he whispered.

“I don’t want an excuse,” Nisha said. “I want to understand.”

He was silent a moment before nodding his head. “I thought if I didn’t message you much, then you’d forget I was gone. You’d imagine me here on Hissa, just out of sight.” He pulled in a deep, shaky breath. “I never wanted to leave, but I made promises. It felt like I was being torn in two and if I didn’t speak of leaving, say goodbye, or correspond with you, it wasn’t really happening. I’m sorry for my stupidity.”

“Not good enough!” she cried.

You hurt us! Shift screamed, making Warik wince.

For the first time since she’d met him, he looked vulnerable, but she couldn’t forgive him. Not after so much time.

“I let you get away with so much,” Nisha said, tears pouring down her face. “The way you went hot and cold. You’d be loving and devoted in bed, then act like we barely knew each other outside the bunk room on Assist. I know it’s because you were scared of getting hurt, but while trying to protect yourself, you wounded me. I was always honest with you. Have you ever been truly honest with me?”

He opened his mouth, then shut it with a shudder. He looked like he was hurting, but she wasn’t done.

“We waited for you even though we shouldn’t have. I put my life on hold to stay here. I could’ve left over a month ago. No one really needs my help to set anything up anymore,” she said, pointing in the direction of the building she’d worked in for the last four months. “Your menders, scientists, and techs know as much as I do about the Decanting process. The only reason I kept working was because I needed something to do. A reason to stay when everything else was telling me I should leave. Now you’re back and the first thing you do is get angry with me? How dare you !” She screamed those last words.

She could feel her body dysregulating. The little bit of alcohol she’d consumed earlier was churning in her stomach and threatening to come back up. The small amount of food she’d managed to get down earlier in the day was long gone, and the lack of blood sugar in her system made her feel dizzy.

Closing her eyes, she forced her body to calm down, even though her mind was a mess. She needed to eat something, but after adjusting her body, she had the ability to wait a little longer.

When she opened her eyes again, Warik was kneeling in front of her. His face was on the floor, and his arms were stretched out in front of him. He looked a lot like a religious supplicant praying at the feet of a deity. The sight was strange enough to make her sink into the chair behind her.

“Warik?”

“There were never any mating marks,” he said, his voice muffled because of his position. “I didn’t think you’d want to stay with me if no mating marks ever appeared.”

“What do mating marks have to do with anything?" Nisha asked, feeling utterly confused. She was talking about being abandoned, and he brings up biologic compatibility markers?

“If there are no mating marks, then Diminish and Brimming haven’t destined us to be together,” he said without sitting up. “You have a mate waiting out there that isn’t me. Someone who’d make the red lines appear on your skin. Someone you’re meant to be with. I knew I should’ve let you go, but I couldn’t. Life without you isn’t worth living.”

“You think because there aren’t mating marks on me that we aren’t soul mates?” she asked slowly, starting to see his behavior in a new light. It didn’t excuse any of it, but she could understand it in a way.

“At first, I assumed it was because you were pure human,” he said. “Then I found out you were Decanted and there still weren’t any marks. I was scared every moment I was gone that you’d find your soul mate, and I’d get one of the Council updates on the Decanted women and see your name associated with a different warrior. It never happened so I let myself hope.”

Nisha went silent, thinking about mating marks. Not long after they’d make love, she always experienced an odd sensation on her neck and shoulders. Curious, she closed her eyes and recreated the sensation in reverse so instead of forcing her melanin to maintain her current skin tones, she let it change in the way it wanted.

“Do you mean marks like these?” she asked. Her question made Warik sit up. His eyes went wide, and his shoulders slumped. Even more startling was the way his scale pattern went pale.

“Who gave those to you?” he whispered. “I promise I won’t hurt him, but I need to know.”

She rolled her eyes with a sniff. “You did, you moron!”

Some of the blue returned to his scale pattern. “How? I’ve been gone for so long.”

“I can control my body, remember?” It was obvious by his expression that he hadn’t remembered. “I felt something odd after we had sex, but I didn’t realize what it was until just now. I can make them go away too.” She focused for a moment and felt her skin pattern return to normal.

Warik jolted. “Please, bring them back. I beg you!”

She narrowed her eyes. “No.”

He flinched, then dropped his face to the ground again. “I’m ready to leave with you. I’m ready to go to Torl and live with you, Shift, and Malk. I’ll be a good mate. I’ll learn any trade you want. I have wealth to give you so you can expand your shop or hire help, or anything you want.”

His words surprised her. “Go back to Torl?”

“You and Shift were always talking about returning to your shop. You were even going to teach Malk how to do repairs. I knew you wouldn’t want to stay here on Hissa so now I’m free to leave with you. I’ve brought home all the Decanted humans I’d discovered but hadn’t had a chance to track down before meeting you. They're all here now and someone else can take over search and retrieval. I’m done. My life is yours now. Ask me to do anything, and I’ll do it. I’ll live anywhere or do anything.”

She sank down from the chair onto the floor. She was close enough that she could reach out and lay her hands on top of his. He shook, but didn’t move otherwise.

“Is that why you didn’t return with the first or second wave of humans you sent back here?” she asked.

“If I returned, I knew I wouldn’t be able to make myself leave again. I had to finish. I gave my word.”

“Does this mean you’re ready to give your word to me?” she asked.

He lifted his head, hope in his eyes. “Yes! I’ll abide by anything you demand of me.”

“Listen to what I want before you agree,” she said. Taking a deep breath, she listed everything she’d desperately wanted from him long before he left her on Hissa. “Give me your word you’ll always tell me what you're thinking or feeling when I ask. If you get upset, scared, worried, anxious, or anything else, you tell me. You never ever ever leave without telling me when you're going, where you're going, and how long you’ll be gone. If you’re going to be gone for more than a few days, you check in often. And I don’t mean telling me your location, you’re going to tell me what you did that day, how you feel, and how much you miss me!”

I have demands too, Shift commented. You have to carry one of my relays with you at all times. I can’t protect you if I don’t know where you are.

Warik turned his hands so he could grip hers. “I agree to all of it. I don’t even want to be in a different room ever again.”

A watery laugh bubbled out of Nisha. “There will be some times when I might need privacy.”

“Then I’ll wait outside the door,” he vowed. “All my obligations to my people are done, I’m yours to command. I have no other family but you and Shift.”

And Malk, Shift interjected. And maybe Istas.

“And Malk and whoever Istas is,” Warik agreed. “Even if you don’t believe me now, I’ll happily spend my life proving it to you. I go where you go. I’ll be whoever you need me to be.”

Nisha couldn’t wait any longer. She tugged on his hands, urging him to sit up. The moment he was upright, she lunged at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

“I missed you so much,” she whispered into his earhole.

“Not half as much as I missed you,” he answered, wrapping his arms around her. “I spent the last four months feeling like half of me was missing and scared to death I’d never be whole again.”

“You’re so dumb,” she mumbled as tears poured down her face and soaked his skin and shirt. “We could’ve gone with you on some of the retrievals. It only took me a month to show everyone how to do things here. You Hissa are a smart species. Well, most are smart. You’re kinda dumb, Warik.”

That got a chuckle out of him. “I’m an idiot but a happy idiot.”

She pulled back so she could look him in the face. “Do you love me?”

“I’ve always loved you,” he answered without hesitation. “Even when I knew you were keeping secrets, I loved you. I didn’t want to, but I did.”

“That’s good.”

His smile dimmed. “You’re not going to say it back?”

She giggled as the last of her tears trailed down her cheeks. “Not yet. You’ve got to earn it! No more Nice-Nisha. I’m Strict-Nisha now.”

His scale pattern color shifted toward purple. “Oh? What does Strict-Nisha need me to do to prove my love so she’ll say it back?”

Her expression turned serious as she tested his new resolve. “Help me pack for the last time.”