Page 13 of Trusting Miss Austen (Miss Austen #3)
Frederick Maximillian Fitzroy was born at a quarter to eleven that night. His real mama performed admirably and came out of her ordeal tired and sore, but with no serious consequences. His fake mama missed his entry into the world because she was soundly asleep. But I was soon woken up because he, after being cleaned and swaddled, was sneaked surreptitiously into the house by Elizabeth and Jane in a carpet bag and placed reverently into my arms.
I gazed down at his small pink sleeping form, noted that his smattering of dark hair was exactly like Max’s, and promptly burst into tears, feeling overwhelmed. This woke him with a start, and he began squalling. Instinctively, I stuck my little finger in his mouth, and he sucked it contentedly with his eyes closed. Oh my goodness, he was so cute! If I was half in love with him already, Max—the big softy—was going to be smitten!
‘You are a natural, Flissy,’ said Jane admiringly, seated on the end of my bed, watching us.
‘Do you think so? I have never felt particularly maternal.’
‘It will be different because he’s going to be yours,’ remarked Elizabeth from the bedside chair. ‘And boys are such fun. Freddie looks like he’s going to be a handful.’
That reminded me of who Freddie’s father was. I traced his tiny nose and soft downy cheekbone with my finger, seeing shades of Dorian in his features already. Was this little boy going to bring happiness to the Fitzroy family, or was he going to be our ruin?
Before I could ponder too much on that, Freddie was taken from my arms and carted back to Lucinda for feeding. I felt the loss of him intently.
So went the farcical routine. Freddie was usually drowsy when taken from Lucinda and would wake in his cradle beside me. I held him often so he would grow accustomed to me, though at times he fussed, seeking the comfort of his real mama. He would settle in my arms, drifting to sleep, only to be returned to Lucinda for feeding and wake again in her embrace. He was probably very confused by it all. I know I was.
During this time, I did not see Lucinda as we were both ‘recovering’ in our respective ways, and she was up at all hours feeding Freddie. Harry visited her daily on the sly and was proving to be a doting suitor. He also spent time with Edward in his study, discussing business, so it did not look too strange that he was disappearing off to the cottage all the time.
Despite our efforts to give the impression that Freddie was mine and Max’s, I often caught snatches of whispering and saw curious glances from the servants at Harry and me. So I did not know if our ruse had been successful. Even now, gossip about my suspected infidelity could be spreading far and wide, and I was powerless to stop it. I longed to be at home with Max and have the charade finally over with.
The lengths we had gone to in order to protect a young woman’s reputation were, quite frankly, absurd. I fervently hoped that in the future, society would change its tune and that a woman could have a child outside of wedlock without suffering the shame she endured now.
***
At last, the day came when we were able to leave Godmersham, and it was with mixed feelings that I said goodbye to Elizabeth and Edward. They had done so much for us, but I was happy to be going home.
It had been only Lucinda and me when we arrived on that dark, cold February night—both of us sporting bellies. Now we didn’t have the bellies; and our party included Freddie, Jane, and Harry. Tilly was also along for the ride as we were dropping her off in Banbury to visit her brother. Suffice to say, along with all our luggage, Mr Hart’s carriage was full to the brim.
Travelling with a newborn baby who demanded constant feeding made for an interesting journey. Freddie had a very good appetite. As Lucinda detached him for the third time since we had set off, she sighed wearily. ‘I do hope your wet nurse is prepared to be milked dry.’
I made a sympathetic noise. ‘Max said she was coming from twins, so she should be.’ He had told her that I wished to stop breastfeeding as it had become painful for me and that she would stay with us until Freddie was weaned. Jane was also visiting for a month to ‘help me’ with the baby, which I was grateful for.
Max and I had been corresponding madly since the birth, and I had attempted to convey to him how lovely Freddie was, but I knew my words did not do him justice. Max would find out soon enough.
Harry, having disappeared behind his newspaper to give Lucinda privacy, asked warily, ‘Is it safe to come out yet?’ And we all giggled.
It was very untoward to have an unmarried gentleman in a carriage with a breastfeeding woman, especially one he was courting. But by that stage, we had already disregarded convention to such an extent that one more indiscretion seemed of little consequence.
** *
I had informed Max that we were to arrive midmorning, so I was expecting a welcoming committee. But what I was not expecting was for him to be out on Apollo, riding up and down the long driveway in anticipation of our carriage .
Poor Max. That could only mean that he had spent a sleepless night and been up since dawn worrying about how we fared and probably, as I knew him well, fretting about his new role of ‘papa’ and how he would get on with it.
Tucked away up here in Derbyshire, he had not had a front-row seat to the action, like I had for the last month. He had only my letters to sustain him (and I was not Jane when it came to writing satisfying descriptive letters!).
As soon as we turned into the drive, he came galloping over and rode alongside our carriage on his horse, chatting with the driver and then falling back, trying to peer in. I turned to Lucinda, blinking back tears. Wordlessly, she handed me Freddie, who was fast asleep after a solid half hour of feeding.
‘Careful, you don’t want Max to fall off his horse,’ warned Jane, eyeing me cradling Freddie in my arms. ‘You two make a pretty pair.’
I smiled, glad that I had worn my best dress and spent some time on my hair at the coaching inn for the occasion. My stomach leapt in excitement at being able to show Freddie to his father. I glanced at Lucinda to see if she minded, but she was chatting with Harry about what they would see and do in York. They were staying with us for only a week until the wet nurse arrived .
The carriage halted outside the front door. Before I even had time to collect my thoughts, the door sprung open; and Max was there, his eyes glistening. Oh dear, was he crying? He had not even met Freddie yet !
‘Welcome home, my darling,’ Max said, leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. His shining eyes dropped to the sleeping bundle in my arms. ‘And who do we have here?’
I drew back the soft blue blanket so he could see him better.
‘Meet Freddie Fitzroy, dearest, your son and heir. Isn’t he lovely?’
Max made a choking sound and turned away, drawing a handkerchief from his jacket pocket.
‘I have some ... some dust in my eyes, which is irritating them. I will see you all inside.’
He turned on his heel abruptly and strode quickly into the house.
Bemused, I looked round at the others. ‘Well, that was unexpected.’
Lucinda giggled. ‘I think it is safe to say that Uncle Max is a little overcome. You need to ease him gently into fatherhood.’
She took Freddie from me, and I emerged from the carriage with the help of the footman. Shielding my eyes, I gazed up at the stately facade bathed in sunlight and sighed in relief at being home. We had executed the plan. Everyone had played their part, and despite a few hiccups (Dorian!), it had been wildly successful. And we had even recruited a willing accomplice (Harry!) and secured Lucinda’s future as well.
Now that was over, all that remained was settling in and learning how to be parents. Freddie was already proving to be such a sweet, placid baby that I was confident it would be a simple task.
***
I needn’t have worried about easing Max into fatherhood. He bonded with Freddie the instant he held him in his arms. During the next week, he spent a lot of time in the new nursery (the decorating of which he had been overseeing while I was away), cuddling his son or simply gazing at him while he slept in his cradle.
Indeed, it began to be quite funny. Max was out of bed and dressing before I had barely opened my eyes, saying gruffly that he had ‘pressing business to attend to’, but I knew that he would not be going to his study. He was making his way to the nursery, ready for his morning cuddle when Lucinda had finished feeding.
I did not mind. He was as affectionate as ever to me, and there had not been a night since I had returned that we hadn’t made love. One morning at breakfast, when Max’s chair was conspicuously empty again, I remarked to Jane with amusement, ‘I believe my husband has officially taken to having his meals in the nursery.’
Jane smiled and stirred her tea. ‘He adores him, but would you have it any other way?’
‘Of course not.’ I shuddered. ‘Imagine if he had taken one look at Freddie and been repulsed.’
‘Why on earth would he have been repulsed?’
I lowered my voice, ensuring that there were no servants nearby. ‘Because he looks so much like Dorian. ’
In the short time that Freddie had been living with us, he had started to look even more like Dorian, which alarmed me a little. And as he was growing quickly, his long body suggested he was going to be tall like him too .
‘It is probably only noticeable to you, Flissy,’ said Jane reassuringly. ‘At least Max has dark hair, so Freddie does resemble him. And he will have Lucinda’s features too when he gets older. ’
I nodded and took a bite of my toast, feeling a little better. Jane was right—it was much too early to be worrying about having a miniature Dorian as a son. Besides, there were other things about to happen that were more concerning, like Lucinda’s leaving for York and the wet nurse arriving to take her place .
The handover, when it occurred, was going to be an undercover operation as Lucinda had been feeding Freddie on the sly; and we had been making it appear like I was feeding him. But of course, I had to pretend that it was painful for me and drop hints and comments and rub at my breasts in a distraught way after leaving the nursery so the servants believed the reason for the wet nurse arriving.
It was annoying as I had thought the deception was over, but it seemed I was still acting a part. Would I be putting on a performance for the rest of my life?
The day before Lucinda and Harry left, it was warm and fine, and Max suggested we take Freddie outside in his perambulator before luncheon to enjoy the sunshine. He, Jane, and Harry took the baby off for a stroll across the lawn, leaving me alone with Lucinda on the bench seat in the new rose garden.
Max had arranged the planting of an arbour of red roses for me as a surprise, which had equally delighted and disturbed me as it was exactly what Mrs Busby had predicted! It was making me wonder if the other things she had predicted would happen as well—namely me having a choice to make and one path leading to certain death. I was remaining vigilant in that regard!
But I disregarded the roses for now as I needed to talk to Lucinda before the others returned.
‘Dearest, are you going to be terribly bereft leaving Freddie tomorrow?’ I asked worriedly. ‘You have seemed rather withdrawn. Is there anything we can do to ease the pain of separation?’
Lucinda grasped my hand. ‘I confess it will be a wrench. I am fond of the little mite. But I am also so tired, Aunty Fliss. To sleep in my own bed and not to have to get up to feed him will be heavenly. And I am looking forward to introducing Harry to my family and showing him around York.’
‘Your father is going to be surprised when you turn up with him,’ I murmured. ‘I take it your mother has not mentioned it?’
Lucinda shook her head. ‘I wrote to Mama to let her know which day to expect us so Harry’s room could be prepared. But I asked her not to tell Papa. He is less likely to forbid Harry from staying if I can get him into the house first.’
Before we could talk about it further, the others returned, Jane pushing an empty pram and Max holding Freddie and pointing out various features of the estate to him. ‘And there are the stables, where you will have your own horse one day. And you, me, and Mama will all go out riding together.’
Freddie made a gurgling noise, and everyone laughed. My stomach was gurgling as well, so I got up and went over to them, saying it was time for luncheon.
Lucinda sighed and stood up, brushing her skirts. ‘I suppose it is time for another feed then,’ she said.
Harry went over and grasped her hands in his. ‘I was going to ask you to come for a walk with me,’ he said hesitantly.
‘Yes, all right,’ she said, glancing at Freddie. ‘But it will have to be a quick one.’
‘Oh, I suppose it is better like this, with everyone here,’ muttered Harry. And before our very eyes, he dropped to one knee in front of Lucinda.
Jane and I gasped, our hands flying to our mouths, yet we watched with keen interest. Max lifted Freddie to shoulder height so he could see as well.
‘Lucy, my darling, my love, will you do me the great honour of becoming my wife?’ Harry beseeched, gazing up at Lucinda, who had gone rigid.
He produced a ring box from his jacket, opening it and presenting it to her. The cut diamond caught the sunlight, glinting and sparkling beautifully.
‘It was my mother’s,’ Harry said, his voice catching. ‘I think she would have wanted you to have it.’
I closed my eyes briefly, knowing the story of his mother’s untimely end, thanks to Dorian, who had told me about it at Hartmoor.
Lucinda bit her lip, her face flushing. ‘Yes, I would be honoured to be your wife. Thank you,’ she whispered.
Silently, Harry took the ring from the box and slid it onto her finger. It fitted perfectly. He rose, and they embraced emotionally. We stood by quietly, letting them have their moment.
But then Freddie let out a loud squawk, and I took it as a sign not to remain quiet any longer. So I let out a whoop too, and we all called ‘Congratulations!’ and clapped for the smiling couple. My heart felt like it was bursting to see how happy they were.
As we walked back to the house, with Harry and Lucinda hand in hand ahead of us, Max told me and Jane, ‘In case you are wondering about the timing, I was in on it. He wanted to propose before they went to York as he knew they would be unchaperoned on the journey and was worried about Lucinda’s reputation. He said he will ask Tobias for her hand officially when they arrive.’
Max didn’t say any more than that, but I suspected that Harry must have been worried like I was about how Lucinda would feel about giving up Freddie.
Oh, Harry, I thought. You lovely, lovely man ... You orchestrated that perfectly! Even though Lucinda was about to lose a baby, she would gain a husband who loved her dearly; and one day, they would have a child of their own. It was a fitting end to the drama!