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twenty-three

Elsy

He’s doing everything right. So why can’t I get out of my head?

Wyatt takes my hand as he walks me up to my apartment. My palms are sweaty. If he notices, he doesn’t show it.

Do I invite him in? I don’t know if I want to sleep with him. I mean, I do, because he’s fucking hot in that suit, and sue me, I’m human and horny.

But I don’t know if I’m mentally ready for it. I’ve forgiven him—for now—but I’m still on the lookout for any other unacceptable behavior. Hypervigilance is exhausting. Will I ever be able to trust him for real?

To my surprise, Wyatt stops outside my door and kisses my cheek.

“Thank you for coming out with me tonight.”

My eyebrows dart up to my hairline. “You asked me out.”

He clears his throat. “I did, yeah.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that.”

“Elsy, you look—incredible. And if you think for a second every fucking guy in that restaurant didn’t wish you were there with them, you need to get your eyes checked. So, yes, thank you. Thank you for going out with me, and thank you for giving me a chance.” Wyatt’s eyes hold mine. “I’m not taking this lightly.”

Exhaling slowly, I find my key and open the door. “Do you want to come in?”

A smile stretches his face from ear to ear. “There’s nothing I’d like more.”

“I don’t know that I’m ready to have sex,” I admit. “I just…”

He steps closer, his fingertips on my chin, tilting my head up. “What is it?”

“I’m not ready for the night to end.”

Leaning down, he brushes a soft kiss across my lips. “It doesn’t have to. Whatever you want, I’m yours.”

And that’s how we find ourselves, twenty minutes later, sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and another bottle of wine, a cheesy Hallmark movie on the TV. I’ve scrubbed off all my makeup and changed into sweatpants, my hair tied back in a messy bun. When he saw the bottles and pots lining my bathroom counter, he asked what they were for, so of course I had to put a clay mask on him. I mean, he did say whatever I want .

“It feels weird,” he says, poking at his face again.

“Don’t touch it.” I bat his hand away.

He pulls me into his side, his arm wrapped around my shoulders. His cologne tickles my nose in the best way, his familiar scent reassuring. He took off the tie and his shirt, leaving him in a thin cotton undershirt and his suit pants. It’s a good look for him.

I’d like him better if he were shirtless, though.

But that would mean opening that box I’m not sure I’m ready for.

When the timer goes off, I drag him into the bathroom to take off the mask, then slather his face in moisturizer and apply a softening lip balm.

“Is this a hint?” he asks, inspecting the lip balm. “Should I be using this more often?”

I can’t hide my smile as I reach up and press a light kiss to his lips. “Only if you want.”

His hand lands on my hip, drawing me close, and he kisses me more firmly.

“Only if you want.”

He’s putting the ball in my court. I’m in control here.

Threading my fingers through his, I pull him back to the couch, then shove him onto the cushions. I slide in beside him, drawing his arm over my shoulder and setting my hand on his thigh.

Wyatt tightens his arm around me, pressing a soft kiss to my temple.

“I wouldn’t have thought you’d be so physically affectionate,” I say casually.

“Really? Why’s that?” He traces little circles on my bare shoulder.

“Because you went out of your way to avoid me before.”

He laughs. “That’s because I was trying not to get a hard-on in public.”

I turn to him, my eyebrows raised. “What?”

“You’re fucking hot. Even when you hated me—especially when you hated me—I thought you were the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen.”

My face falls. “But you let me hate you. For years .”

“Because I deserved it. I was such a dick.” A frown pinches his face. “Elsy, I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know how else to say it.”

I focus on the bob of his Adam’s apple. “I can’t forget it. It plays on a loop in my head, over and over.”

He swallows, the sound audible over the softly playing music filtering through the restaurant.

“I can’t forget it,” I repeat. “But I may be able to forgive you one day.”

“That’s all I want,” he says. “If I could go back and change things…”

“But we can’t.” I take a sip of my wine to steady myself. “Maybe it’s for the better this way.”

“We wouldn’t be here now,” he agrees. “I was nowhere near ready for the kind of relationship I want with you now. We were nineteen. We never would have lasted.” He gives a self-deprecating laugh. “Between us living on opposite sides of the country, my dropping out of school, then working my way up through the AHL and into the league… I never would have been able to give you what you deserve.”

“So you don’t think I’m a tubby butterface with good tits ?”

Fuck, even saying the words drags me back into that mental headspace.

“You have great tits, but you are not a butterface. You are so fucking gorgeous.”

“You didn’t say anything about the tubby part.” My hands shake.

“I like your body.” His hand skates over my side, his fingertips brushing my rolls, and for once, I don’t flinch away. “I like you exactly the way you are. I’ve shown you how sexy I think your body is. That hasn’t changed. If anything, it’s even hotter now.”

“I’ve seen pictures of your ex-girlfriends. They were tall and skinny and?—”

“And they’re ex -girlfriends. Not current. Not future.”

My mouth goes dry. “Is that what we are?”

“It’s what I want.” Wyatt skims his fingertip over my cheek. “I’m not interested in playing games. I want you, Elsy. I want to be with you. The only question is if you’re ready to be with me.”

“I—I?—”

He brushes a soft kiss to my lips. “I don’t need an answer right away. We can work together to get there. If you’re just looking for a fling, I’ll say goodnight and go home. I want something real. And I think we can have it—together.”

“I’m not ready to have sex.” The words fly out of my mouth, and horrified, I bring my hands to my lips like that will reverse them.

He pulls my hands away. “That’s fine. Did I say I expected us to dive into bed?”

I pause. “Well, no. But guys usually?—”

“I’m not them.” His voice is firm and steady, a hint of steel. “I won’t treat you the way they did. I’m not them .”

Forcing a chuckle, I try to downplay it. “So clearly I have some baggage.”

“Babe, we’ve all got baggage. But I swear to you, we will take this at your pace. What we have, right now, it’s fragile. It’s so delicate. We have to take care of it.” He traces his thumb over my cheek. “Because Elsy, this thing we have… it could be really, really great. I’m certain of that.”

“I want it. Want that.” My words come out in a whisper. “I just…”

Wyatt’s eyes are kind as he peers at me. “We take this at your pace. Whatever you want.”

“And if I’m never ready for sex?”

He shrugs. “Then we never have sex.”

“Really? You’d stay in a relationship without getting laid?”

“Yes. Because it’s not about getting laid for me,” he states. “It’s about you, and us, and what we can have together. It goes beyond it. Can sex be an important part of a relationship? Yes. As long as we’re working toward a future where we trust and respect each other, I’m confident that will come with time. When you’re ready, you’ll let me into your heart.”

Marveling at his words, I shake my head. “You sound so sure.”

“Confident.” He kisses me, a quick, hard kiss. “You’re worth putting in the work.”

Swallowing my fears, I exhale slowly. “Will you stay the night?”

“You… want me to stay?”

“Yeah. I want to fall asleep in your arms. I want—fuck, I want you to hold me and tell me it will all be okay. Right now, I think I need that.”

Wyatt pulls me in, wrapping my arms around his neck and his around my waist. My face tucks perfectly onto his shoulder.

“It will all be okay.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You’re right, I don’t know that.” His voice is a soothing rumble. “But I believe it. And that’s what means it’ll come true.”

We stay like that for several moments, loosely embraced, before I feel ready to pull away. Rising to my feet, I offer him my hand, and he takes it without hesitation.

“Come to bed with me, Wyatt.”

In the bathroom, we brush our teeth side by side. Thank goodness I bought extra toothbrushes. He finally takes off his suit pants and his undershirt, leaving him in navy-blue boxer briefs.

Fuck, he fills them out well. His quads stretch the fabric, his slim waist and cut abs on display. And his cock…

The longer I stare at him, the more the bulge grows, and he shifts, covering his crotch with his hand.

“None of that,” he says, sharp, but with a smile on his face.

“None of what?” I ask innocently.

“You look like you want to devour me.” He smirks at me. “There’s a time and a place, but we’re going to bed. To sleep . Come on, let’s sleep.”

Pulling back the covers, I slide into my favorite side, facing him. He slips in the other end of the bed and draws me close, his arms around me.

“Hi,” I whisper, unexpectedly bashful.

“Hi.” His smile stretches from ear to ear. “I’m really looking forward to this.”

“To sleeping in the same bed without having sex?” Each word has my skepticism rising higher.

“Yeah. Because I get to hold you.” He kisses my forehead. “That’s enough for me.”

Rolling over, I turn out the light, then scoot back to his side. I rest my head on his chest and wrap my arm around his waist, my fingertips tracing the lines of his abs.

Wyatt catches my hand, pressing it flat against his stomach.

“Please,” he says. His voice is strained, like he’s in pain.

“What?”

“Please don’t tease me.”

“I wasn’t?—”

“Elsy, I’m losing grip of my control. Please don’t tease me.” He squeezes my hand. “I’m really, truly okay with no sex. I’m not pressuring you in the slightest. But that doesn’t mean you can work me up just for fun.”

Propping my head up, I look up at him. “Is that what you think I was doing?”

“It might not be what you intended, but it’s what’s happening.” Dragging my hand down his body, he stops over his crotch.

The steely length of his erection fills my palm and, automatically, I squeeze the base of his cock. My thumb brushes over the head of his dick, and I gasp at the sticky wetness soaking his cotton briefs.

His breath hitches.

“Just being around you right now is… difficult. I need you to stop touching me. Please .”

I withdraw my hand. “Oh. Okay.”

Wyatt draws my arm around his waist again, my hand flat against his belly. “This is fine. I like this.”

Setting my hand back on his chest, I squirm closer. “I like this, too.”