Page 14 of Treachery in the Highlands

He winces and scratches his cheek."Your bodice is...awfully tight.And, uh..."He makes a cupping gesture with his hands."Your mounds might be on the verge of spilling out."

Mounds?What in the world is he talking about?

But then he swerves his gaze away from me, seeming to force himself to focus on the task at hand.He groans miserably and grabs the mortar."Bottom's up, I guess."

"Drink every bit of it, please."

He glowers at me but at last finishes off the potion.

"There's a good laddie," I say, patting his shoulder."Now, let's see if that does the trick."

"Will I sprout wings or turn into a frog?"

I can't help laughing."No, ye daft man."

"So, uh, did it work?"he asks, handing the empty mortar back to me.

"Aye, I believe it has.You're looking more...solid now."

He wipes a hand across his brow in a sarcastic gesture."Okay.At least I won't need to keep rocks in my pockets to anchor me."He sticks his tongue out repeatedly while his lip curls."Are you sure that shit wasn't excrement from a cow?I might start mooing."

"Dinnae be ridiculous.You'll need different clothes, though."

"Please don't dress me up in a kilt.Skirts aren't my thing."

I burst out laughing."Skirts?"

"What the hell is so damn funny?"Joey demands in a growly tone, his expression rather petulant and not all what I expected from a pirate who emerged from the depths of the moat.Aye, when I first saw Joey, I wondered if he were a pirate and hoped he might whisk me away on a swashbuckling adventure."Don't you have any clothes that won't make me look like a douche?"

"A doosh?"I ask."Mayhap you can explain that word to me."

He scrunches up his face and averts his gaze."Never mind."

"As you wish.But you need proper clothing."I scrutinize his body, feeling his arms and thighs---strictly to gauge his clothing sizes, of course."We need to get ye proper attire.Can't have ye wandering about the castle in those strange clothes.Then, we could perhaps introduce you to the family."

He looks down at his strange blue trews and leather jacket."What's wrong with my clothes?"

Cannae help laughing again."Nothing, if ye want to be mistaken for a witch or worse.Come now, I have some old clothes that might fit ye."

"No way will I wear a dress."

"But gowns are quite comfortable."

He twists his mouth into a wry smile."You're teasing me, aren't you?I don't mind that."

I lead Joey to a trunk in the corner and begin rummaging through it.He watches me with a mixture of curiosity and trepidation.

"Here we are," I pronounce triumphantly, pulling out a bundle of clothes."These belonged to my grandfather, Uilleam, who died before I was born.They should fit ye well enough."

"Hand-me-downs?"he says, his lips pursed."I had my fill of those when I was a kid.My parents, and later my foster moms, never cared if I was wearing threadbare junk.But I'm in a different century now, so I'll need to adjust."

He accepts the clothes, feeling the texture of the homespun wool."Uh, thanks.Where can I change?"

I point to a folding screen in the corner."Behind there.And be quick about it.We dinnae want anyone stumbling upon ye in those strange garments."

Joey returns a moment later, now properly dressed.But he fusses with his clothing while making odd faces, then sighs heavily."Guess I'm doomed to look like a court jester."

"Nay, you look nothing like that.You're quite handsome, actually."