Page 35

35

CLINIC ROOM 2

We stop halfway down the carpeted hallway, outside one of the many doors. I look up at the gold plaque.

Clinic Room 2

‘This is where I leave you,’ the dark-haired woman says. ‘I’m sorry for what has happened to you both. I wish you all the best. And well done for finding each other again.’

She turns, heading back down the corridor into the darkness. I hear the door to the stairwell slam shut and we stand in silence together, the low hum of the generator pulsing from somewhere inside the walls. The smell of washed linen and fresh paint hangs in the air.

I watch Jack, taking it in, his face a mess of smeared fake blood and bruises. ‘We can leave,’ I say. ‘We can just—’

Before I can finish, the door to Clinic Room 2 opens and a figure emerges.

Lucas. He stands in the doorway, wearing a fleece over his Cambridge hoodie. ‘Thank God. I ’ m so glad you ’ re safe .’

As he goes to hug me, I step back, fighting the urge to throw my fist at him.

‘What are you doing, Lucas?’ I say. ‘Who were those people?’

He puts his hand out in front of him, trying to calm me. His eyes are red and puffy. ‘Listen… I know what you both must think, but I need you to give me a chance to explain.’ He looks at me. ‘Please, bro.’ Then at Jack. ‘Please, Jack. I’m on your side. We’re going to help you. But we need to be quick. People are looking for you.’

‘ We need to help you?’ Jack repeats. ‘What do you mean we ?’

‘Who’s looking for us?’ I say.

‘Mum and Dad.’ I hear the unease in his voice. ‘And Dad’s work.’

Dad ’ s work? ‘The government?’

He nods and however much I feel I don’t know this person standing in front of me any more, I can see how serious he is. His fear is unmistakable. Lucas pushes the door open further and behind him I glimpse a large, dark room. ‘Just come inside where it’s safe.’

My brain reels. Why is he here? ‘Have you always known about this place, Lucas?’ My voice strains with the ache of his betrayal. ‘Don’t lie… Don’t.’

His face fills with what I can only interpret as shame. Guilt. ‘I’ve known about it since your memories were removed, yes.’

I feel my fist clench, but before I can do anything, someone steps out of the darkness behind him. Melinda.

My fucking therapist. Messy hair tied up like she hasn’t slept, a large jumper on, eyes alert. Focused.

‘ You ,’ Jack yells, pointing his finger at her. ‘You lied. You lied to me!’

She half whispers her words, but they are direct, strong. ‘Calm down, Jack. Please—’

‘You lied about my sister – about all of it. How could you? How could you make me think she drowned ?’

‘Please, Jack.’ Melinda has the same look as my brother. One I’ve never seen on her face before. Shame. Guilt. ‘I had to,’ she says gravely. ‘I had no choice. I’m so sorry.’

Jack shakes his head, unable to find the words. I can see his anger brimming over, about to spill out. But then his eyes flash down the corridor. He pushes past me, heading in the direction of the stairwell.

‘ Jack ,’ Melinda calls after him. ‘You must understand that you have no choice now. If you step outside this building you will be in serious danger. As Lucas said, there are incredibly powerful people trying to find you at this very moment. This is where you need to be.’

He stops. Turns back, his eyes burning. ‘You’ve taken everything from me,’ he says quietly.

‘I know, Jack,’ Melinda says, keeping her eyes on him. ‘Come inside and we can make it right.’

Lucas catches my eye. He nods. Reassuring. Strong. Is he lying?

‘There’s nowhere else to go, bro.’

I look back at Jack. Shit.

‘Jack, please,’ I say because Lucas is right. There’s nowhere else to go.

He bows his head, despondent. Then he begins to walk back towards us.

‘Good. That’s good, Jack,’ Melinda says. She glances at Lucas, and I see a look of relief pass between them.

Lucas puts his hand on my arm and guides me through the door, behind Jack and Melinda, into Clinic Room 2. The door shuts behind us.

It takes me a moment to adjust. Because it is not what I expected.

Four armchairs face each other on top of a rug in the centre of the room. The walls are lined by bookshelves crammed with books, some with broken and battered spines, some new and unopened. Golden bookends – heads of stags – hold them together, while other rows are broken up by expensive-looking ornaments. Vases, bowls and bronze busts. As I step further into the room, I can see trophies on shelves and framed certificates hanging on the walls – Winner of the Progressive Healthcare Awards: British Psychiatry Institute , Advancement in Mental Health Medal Nominee: General Medical Council , Recognition of Innovation: World Health Organization .

A low screen hangs on one of the walls displaying an image of a fireplace. It flickers gently, spilling out a warm, orange light. It looks cosy. Inviting.

‘Please, take a seat.’ Melinda lowers herself into one of the armchairs as Lucas takes the one next to her. Neither Jack nor I move. Next to each of the chairs is a small, circular table with a bottle of water labelled TEAR Solutions .

Lucas smiles. ‘Come on,’ he says. ‘Just try and relax now.’

‘Relax?’ Jack repeats, glaring at my brother.

‘Sorry,’ Lucas says, and he sounds it. ‘I just… We want you to feel safe.’

Safe. They keep saying it. Safe .

Melinda tucks her hair behind her ear and I realise she’s nervous. Or embarrassed. The professional boundary that has separated us every time we’ve met before is no longer there.

On the table next to her chair, I see two small boxes, each the size of a jewellery box. Embossed on the top of each one, in a swirling font, are letters:

E.P.

J.Q .

‘Why are we here?’ Jack asks.

‘We will explain,’ Melinda says. ‘Please make yourself comfortable.’

Jack and I exchange a glance. What else can we do?

‘Bro,’ Lucas says. ‘You have to trust me.’

I look at him. He’s smiling. Genuinely. Lovingly.

I step into the circle and take one of the chairs, perching on the edge of it. Jack hesitates, then takes the last empty one. We sit in silence for a moment, staring at each other. I’m so thirsty, my mouth still burning from the chemicals on the rag. I reach for the water, but Jack shoots me a warning look.

‘It’s sealed,’ Melinda says. ‘It’s safe.’

Lucas nods at me. It ’ s safe .

I unscrew the top and drink the whole thing in one go. A semblance of clarity returns to my brain. Jack does the same, guzzling the water until it’s gone.

‘Good,’ Melinda says. ‘OK.’ She exhales slowly, her face flickering in the orange light of the screen. ‘So—’

‘What happened back in TraumaLand?’ Jack cuts her off.

Melinda leans back, crossing one leg over the other. ‘We were stopping them, Jack,’ she says. ‘We have stopped them. Thanks to you, we managed to locate the club. And we discovered that man – Casimir – was stealing the memories without our knowledge. He has been dealt with. TraumaLand is no more.’

‘Just a sec.’ I slide my phone out of my pocket and quickly google TraumaLand. I click on the link – it says webpage expired. No black page. No white text. No bunny.

‘You’ve helped us hugely,’ Melinda continues as I put my phone away. ‘And now we’re going to help you. It was very important to us that we got you out of there safely. Tamara and James run our security team. They brought you here.’

‘How did you know we were there?’ I say.

Melinda looks at Lucas. He shifts forwards and puts his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. ‘This morning when we spoke in the corridor, bro, and I saw your tattoo and that you’d taken Dad’s bank card – I knew. I knew you’d found him. And because of that, I knew what Mum and Dad would do to you both. I couldn’t carry on lying any more. I contacted Melinda. I said we had to keep you safe. Melinda has always questioned what Mum and Dad have been doing. Despite the pressure they’ve put on her, I knew she’d want to help. And she did.’

‘After Lucas came to me,’ Melinda continues, ‘he found your dad’s passwords. We were able to intercept the bank card transactions and saw the ones you’d made at Feral Street.’

‘It was after Dad followed you to the lido,’ Lucas puts in. ‘I’m sorry I had to turn my phone off. It was so they wouldn’t see I’d been in contact with Melinda.’

‘That doesn’t make sense,’ Jack says. ‘It said the messages didn’t deliver. They would still deliver even if it was turned off…’

‘Dad must have disconnected my number,’ Lucas says.

‘To stop any contact.’ Melinda nods. ‘I tried to call you, Jack, but I can appreciate why you didn’t answer.’

Jack sits completely still, staring into the distance.

‘Why have you gone along with this for so long?’ I say. ‘Both of you?’

‘This is bigger than us,’ Melinda says. ‘Bigger than any of us could have imagined.’

‘You’re working with my dad,’ I say. ‘He’s paying you —’

She holds her hand up, stopping me. ‘Elias, please trust me. Your dad is an incredibly powerful man.’

‘Where is he?’

‘He’s at your home. He doesn’t know we’re talking. Neither does your mum. And they will not. I promise you.’

‘But why…’ I have so many questions. So many. ‘Why were you working with them? Helping them to do this? Cover all this up? He killed a girl .’

I hear the starkness of my words. Lucas shifts in his seat. Jack drops his head.

Melinda glances at Jack, but he doesn’t look up. ‘I want you to know that I very much believe in our work here. When used correctly, this treatment could save the future of a crumbling system. Trauma relief is vitally important in a world that continues to harm our youngsters in unspeakable ways. That trauma manifests and grows into dangerous afflictions and is part of the reason we’re losing so many. TEAR Solutions was founded to stop it at the source. Cut out the trauma and give people their lives back. This is not as new as you might think. Smaller trials have been going on for years and we’ve garnered incredibly positive results—’

‘But that doesn’t explain why you’re helping a criminal,’ Jack says quietly. ‘A very powerful criminal. And it wasn’t trauma you removed. It was an entire relationship—’

‘Yes, Jack. You’re right. We’ve removed many relationships in their entirety before, but I agree this was very different. This relationship was not traumatic and the removal of it was to help a member of the government escape having his reputation shattered.’

She looks down at her hands and begins to fiddle with her rings. I suddenly realise she’s married. She has a whole other life out there. A family. ‘I’m not proud of this,’ she says slowly. ‘But many of our investors have strong links to your father’s political party, Elias. Advance Britain is spearheading the use of technology in the progression of society and TEAR Solutions offers them cost-effective options to bring people back from unhappiness. To get people back into work. This is what they want.

‘They knew about us and that’s why they suggested this option for you both last year. Financially we have our hands tied. They told us that if we refused to help your father they would shut us down with immediate effect. The government is powerful and we had to listen. We had no choice.’

‘That’s not true,’ I say. ‘There’s always a choice.’

‘Perhaps,’ Melinda says. ‘Perhaps that is what you think. We knew we could not let everything we’ve worked for come to an end. It was just not an option.’

‘You should have.’

‘Bro,’ Lucas says. ‘It’s not that simple. Dad’s party is investing so much into TEAR Solutions.’

Melinda nods. ‘They’re planning to roll it out to the public in the coming years – to change the entire mental healthcare system. If used correctly, we can help so many people – war veterans, abuse survivors—’

‘But what if they don’t use it correctly?’ Jack says. ‘They could do anything with it. It could get completely out of control.’

Melinda nods. ‘Yes,’ she says. ‘You’re right. And we have to hope that it remains regulated. But let me tell you something that may make you change your mind. I have a patient – her name is Bella.’ Bella. The girl from the second story. FIRE. ‘She has been through unspeakable things. Seen unspeakable things. The grief of losing her brother – of not being able to save him – was too much. When she came to us, she was desperate. On the verge of no longer wanting to be here. She was so damaged by her experience that she felt there was no option but to escape this life. But when we explained to her what we could do, she saw hope. We offered her hope . And now she is thriving. She’s recently married and works as a florist. The trauma no longer haunts her every waking moment.’

I think of Nisha. Amy. Of what happened to her.

Jack shakes his head. ‘But we had no choice . Our past was stolen. I would never have chosen that.’

‘I know,’ Melinda says. ‘I know.’ She pauses for a moment.

I suddenly realise something. ‘If they never wanted us to find each other, why did they have you put us in the support group together?’

She tilts her head. ‘It was a test, to see if it had worked. And it did. You’d never have known who the other was, if you hadn’t made your way to TraumaLand and seen Jack’s story, Elias. The government wanted proof that the procedure had worked. That meeting was set up to show them your dad was safe.’

Silence descends. I watch the shadows of the flames flickering over the rug.

‘So, what now?’ Jack eventually says. ‘Do you expect me to go back to Brixton like none of this ever happened?’

‘No,’ Lucas says. ‘You’d be in too much danger.’ He looks at Melinda, who nods. ‘We have a plan. We can run through the logistics later, but if we release the recording of Jack and Rose to the police, then Dad will be taken into custody.’

‘Dad’s party won’t like that,’ I say. ‘They’ll try and stop us.’

‘By then it’ll be too late,’ Melinda says. ‘We’re already organising a safe house for you both where you can lay low for a while. Then we’ll help you get your lives back on track. We will hold your dad to account, Elias – and ask the police for more regulation in the use of trauma removal. It will give the power back to us and hopefully help us to sever our ties with the government.’

I put my head in my hands. A safe house?

How has this happened? All of this?

‘Eli?’ Lucas says.

‘Yeah.’ I look up at him.

‘This is our chance to get Dad for what he did.’ He turns to Jack, his voice catching with emotion. ‘We can send him to prison, Jack. It’s the right thing to do.’

I wait, watching him.

Jack nods. ‘So, this safe house…’ he says slowly. ‘When do we go?’

‘Tonight,’ Lucas says.

‘ Tonight? ’

‘Until we release the video to the police, you’re in danger of being stopped by Dad’s party. We all are.’ Lucas exhales shakily and I can see how much is at stake for him too. ‘Tamara and James will take you. They’re waiting outside.’

‘But before you do,’ Melinda says, ‘I want to give you both a choice.’ She picks up the two small boxes from the table next to her. When she unclips them, I see what at first glance looks like a set of hearing aids. ‘You can have your memories back, if you want them. All of them. I’ve already downloaded the files that were removed from each of you. The procedure is painless.

‘I’ll place these on your ears and you’ll feel sleepy. Over the course of a few hours, they will reactivate the dentate gyrus engram cells in your brain. In doing this, the memories will begin to come back to you. It may take a while, as we’re still in the early days of perfecting the technology, but it works. They can be yours again, if you want them.’

I look at Jack. His eyes have lit up. ‘You can have a moment alone together, if you’d like?’

‘Yes, please,’ Jack says.

Melinda rises from her armchair. ‘I’ll prepare the treatment, in case you decide to go ahead. We’ll do all we can to keep you safe either way.’

‘Thank you,’ Jack says.

Lucas remains seated, looking at me. ‘Do you want me to stay?’

‘Um… No, it’s OK. We won’t be long.’

He smiles that same reassuring smile. ‘OK, bro.’ He stands and winks. ‘I’ll do anything I can to protect you.’ He looks at Jack. ‘And I’ll do all I can to make up for being part of this, Jack. I really am sorry.’

‘Thanks, Lucas,’ Jack replies.

Lucas and Melinda leave together through another door – a smaller one in the wall opposite me.

For a moment we both stare into the flames on the screen. Then I turn to him. ‘You want them back?’

Jack nods. ‘I need them.’ He sounds resolute. Completely certain.

‘OK,’ I say. ‘OK.’

His eyes blaze red in the light. ‘It might be difficult, but the way I’ve felt the past year – I didn’t recognise myself. I had no idea who I was. I want it.’

I smile at him. ‘So do I.’

‘Your brother seems trustworthy,’ he says. ‘He seems like a really nice guy.’

‘He is,’ I say. ‘He always has been. I’m glad his conscience won.’

Jack falls silent, thinking. ‘Are you worried?’ he says. ‘About your parents finding us?’

‘I mean, yeah,’ I say. ‘But my life is completely different to how it was a couple of days ago. And they deserve to pay for what they did.’

Jack shakes his head in disbelief. All of this is incredibly hard to believe.

‘So,’ I say. ‘What about this safe house?’

‘Yeah. What the hell will that be?’

‘No idea. Maybe some little fishing hut by the sea.’

He smiles. ‘That sounds nice.’

‘Yeah. It does.’

‘Well, whatever it is, we’ll be there together. At least there’s that.’

‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘There’s that.’ I pause. ‘Maybe there’s a future where we can have all of the past and be OK.’

‘I’d like that,’ he says. ‘I really would.’

Me too. That’s what I want too.

A crack of light spills out of the wall as the door opens and Melinda and Lucas step out.

‘Are we decided?’ she says.

I nod. ‘We are.’

‘Would you like them back?’

‘We would.’

She smiles. I see Lucas exhale, pleased. Excited for us.

‘You’re doing the right thing,’ Melinda says as she goes to pick up the boxes. ‘When you wake, you’ll be somewhere safe.’ She turns to me. ‘Don’t worry, Elias, you’ll never see your parents again.’

Fuck. I’ll never see my parents again.

I look at Lucas. I got you, bro , he mouths.

‘You two have both taught me so much and I’m grateful,’ Melinda says. ‘I’ve been reminded that when it comes down to it, we only get one chance to be who we want and we mustn’t let anything get in our way. Your bond is clearly very strong and I’m glad that it brought you back together. Now, if you would both lean back and close your eyes.’

As I sit back in the armchair, as Melinda puts the pieces into my ears and I hear a soft whirring begin, as my eyes begin to droop, I look over at Jack. At Lucas standing above me, his hand on my shoulder.

And then I realise something. Something that Melinda just said.

When it comes down to it, we only get one chance to be who we want and we mustn ’ t let anything get in our way .

My dad said it. He said it to me at the foot of the stairs. Those exact words.

‘Wait…’ I begin to say, but the thought dissolves as sleep takes over.