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Ihad wanted to die that day, back then, in that freezing Canadian winter. I remember the cold wind blowing down the mountainside, the sky a steel blue without a single cloud in sight. Then, I saw you—and you touched me. Something about you told me that it was too soon to give up. I swear, Lou, I had no idea what it was. If I had known, back then in that freezing winter in Canada, I would never have abducted you. This you have to believe me.

At first, I thought it was your eyes, your deep northern sky-blue eyes that seemed as innocent as new life. They expressed freedom—or so I wanted to believe.

Or maybe it was your hair and the way it caught the sunlight. These days, it’s hard to say, it all happened so long ago.

Still, Lou…it was so much more. It was all nothing compared to what I found in you. Today, I wish I never had found you because then looking back wouldn’t hurt so much.

I wish you could still be that laughing blonde girl who spun around in her white dress in the garden in Ash Springs. And I, the boy who only knows darkness.

After all, darkness protects us from the things we don’t want to remember.

But how could I not remember you?