Page 20 of To Sway a Prince (Tempting Thieves)

20

REGRETS

I woke with sunlight streaming over my face and something fussing at the blankets. Caein loomed over me, the air shifting and shimmering in response to his presence. "You're awake. Oh, thank all that is good. We thought we'd lost you."

My eyelids fluttered. The brightness stung my eyes. My body protested, abnormally stiff and sluggish, my fingers and toes cold. Slowly I sat up and began to massage my fingers, then my feet. "I think you almost did. The omenfang, but also?—"

"The chasm wraith." Caein sighed. His voice drew closer to my face. "Yes, I know. You need to rest. After a brush with chasm wraiths, your spirit will be especially raw and worn. Another encounter might let them sever you entirely and drag you into one of the liminal realms where you would be trapped until the end of time itself. The same holds true with the omenfang. You nearly died."

"I need to find Ramiel." I pressed myself out of the bed slowly, my head spinning with the movement. My insides clenched and my knees threatened to buckle as I remembered how he had protected and cradled me—how he had said he loved me. My breaths tightened. I had to tell him.

"I don't recommend it. Not right now. He is?—"

"What's wrong?" My attention snapped up to the ceiling. Caein didn't usually sound this nervous. "Was someone hurt? Is Zephyrus all right?"

"Nothing is wrong," Caein started.

Darkness moved in the corner of the room. Another odd chill pulsed through me. That shadowy tentacle creature. It vanished almost as soon as I spotted it. I raised an eyebrow. Why did the energy in this room feel so off right now?

Caein sighed. "He knows you're awake."

"Is that a bad thing?" My stomach flip-flopped when I remembered what he'd said to me. Now I could say it back. As I slipped out of the bed, I noticed how different everything felt physically as well as emotionally. The soft, magical hum was gone. I'd barely noticed it until it was gone.

"He's worried. You should know he doesn't do well when he's worried, but he wants to speak with you. He wanted me to send you down as soon as you woke."

"Well, I want to see him too." I opened the wardrobe. To my surprise, only my original clothing was present. My aura confirmed that the magic of the wardrobe was…gone. The garments were clean and fully mended though. "You're sure nothing is wrong?"

"Ramiel said you discovered the source of the leviathan's wound. He's confident that it can be countered, but what happened to you made him realize some things. It would be wise to give him more time than even he thinks he needs."

Yes, I'd realized some things as well. The thought of waiting any longer burned against every fiber of my being. "I need to talk to him as soon as possible." Stepping behind the silk dressing screen, I stripped off the shift and pulled on my old riding leathers. They smelled faintly of cedar and lavender with a touch of smoky soap.

"No, no, there's nothing that needs to be said right now that can't wait for another few hours or perhaps even a day. Please rest." Caein's voice hovered more insistently above me.

I strode to the door. It resisted my pull. "Caein," I said, my voice sharpening. "Ramiel and I need to talk."

The door shifted as if Caein pressed harder against it. "Just let him come to understand what has happened. What happened yesterday was significant for him."

I cut my gaze up at the ceiling. "You know about what he said then."

"I'm not certain what you're talking about." His voice was strained. "Why don't you come make bread with me? The conversation will be better after you have something to eat. I could use the help."

"I'll help you, but first, I have to talk to Ramiel." I wrenched the door open and hurried down the hall. With each step, I regained more of my strength, a giddiness making me even shakier. The ache in my shoulder intensified though. It was getting quite annoying. The sleep had been deep and restful though, and already I could feel the restoration of my magic returning faster than I had expected.

I raced to the staircase and down to the stable. There was so much I needed to tell him. That I loved him. And if I had succeeded in loosening the cursed knots around his heart—and it seemed that I had—that meant he had more time. With more time, that meant we would figure out how to get that central thread out and purge whatever happened with the omenfang from me. And with that added time, I wanted to spend it with him.

The stable doors stood ajar. Sunlight spilled across the stone floor, casting long shadows through the entrance. Bird songs filtered in from outside, their cheerful melodies bright but a little off.

I halted at the threshold, my hand grasping the doorjamb for support.

Zephyrus stood near the open double doors on the outer wall, his magnificent blue scales catching the sunlight. He wasn't moving, his head low, ears flattened against his skull. He wouldn't meet my gaze. All the other dragons were silent, mostly clustered together in one of the closer cells. Thalorion sat alone, his forelegs outstretched and his head high, his long whiskers brushing the flagstones. But even he seemed muted, his head slightly bowed.

Ramiel stood beside Zephyrus, shoulders squared, posture rigid. When he turned to face me, there wasn't a trace of warmth. His face was an alabaster mask, purple eyes flat and dull as cheap scuffed amethysts.

"You're awake," he said, the words clipped. None of the tenderness from before remained. This wasn't the same man who had pleaded with me not to die or wept over me.

My throat tightened, and my stomach twisted. Suddenly I wished I had listened to Caein. "Ramiel, I?—"

"Your timing is exceptional." He gestured toward Zephyrus. "He wishes to leave. Per your vow, you will depart with him."

My steps slow, I looked from Ramiel's cold expression to Zephyrus's dejected posture. What had happened in the hours I'd been unconscious? "What about the omenfang? The curse?" I reached for his arm.

He drew away, his expression hardening even more. "Those are my concerns, not yours." His gaze flickered to my wrist. "The danger to you is too great. I was... mistaken... to involve you further. You did enough, and I am grateful for that. But now it's time for you to go."

I squared my own shoulders. His words cut across my heart like a blade. "What happened yesterday?—"

"I told you to pulseport to me. I told you that the Chasm was reacting to you. Somehow the curse from the omenfang transferred into you, and it made the Chasm far worse for you. More dangerous for all of us. And more than that, you chose to save Zephyrus instead of letting me save you at that moment."

Lifting my chin, I braced myself. No one had spoken to me this way for years, and suddenly I felt as small and weak as I had at the start of the Resistance. "I chose Zephyrus because he would have died if I had abandoned him."

Ramiel stared at me hard, unblinking. There was no softness or gentleness in his eyes. Only ice. "Perhaps. But your presence in the Chasm, like mine, worsened it and made it far more dangerous for everyone including Zephyrus." He held up his hand, silencing me before I could speak another word. "I do not fault you. You honored the bond between dragon and rider as one born to it. Your loyalty to him is profound as is his to you. Your life was at stake. You had to choose between obeying me and saving your dragon. You chose your dragon. So take him and go."

"Ramiel, please don't do this." My voice thickened. "We?—"

"You gave me your word. You vowed that if Zephyrus wished to go, you would go with him. Do you intend to become a vow breaker?"

The ice in his voice chilled me to my soul. I swallowed hard. Tears burned my eyes, but I held them back. "I only say what I mean."

"Then go. I'm aware of your little crush on me. It seems there has been something of a misunderstanding between us. Let me make this explicitly clear: there is nothing between us. Not now. Not ever. We are on separate paths."

Those words struck me like a blow. I sought an answer, but my mind spun. "You—you said you loved me." My voice cracked. I hated how pathetic I sounded.

His expression changed for just a moment. A flash of pain perhaps. Or was it regret? "Did I?" He remained rigid. "The poison from a chasm wraith's grasp can be quite potent and cause exceptionally realistic hallucinations. I suspect that is what is at work."

"But…I—I love you."

Every muscle in his body tightened. His throat bobbed. "Then that is most unfortunate for you. In time it will pass. You have my pity."

"I don't want your pity!" My hands balled into fists as I struggled to breathe. I wasn't going to cry in front of this man. "I know what I heard, and I know what I felt! I wasn't hallucinating."

He did not even flinch now, but his eyebrow arched. "Do not misunderstand. I do care for you. And that's why you should leave. Yesterday you asked me to trust your judgment. Matters did not go as intended, and while they may not be precisely as you remembered, I did find myself distracted and incapable of doing what needed to be done. You were also far more vulnerable to the harm of the Chasm than I anticipated, and that distracted me, which put everyone in more danger. You are loyal, Astraia. I commend you for that. But your stubbornness overturns your wisdom. Zephyrus's desire to leave is understandable."

My mouth went dry. Each word was a blow against my very being. What could I even say in response?

"I renounce your offer to help me. You have done more than enough, and you have my gratitude. The reagents are being finalized. We know why the leviathan attacks. It will be simple enough to fashion a cure."

"But…the Chasm—your curse?—"

"It will be dealt with. Even beyond yesterday, I had a breakthrough while you were recovering," he said. The faint smile was forced, cold and sharp, not reaching his eyes. He moved farther away from me and gestured with a broad sweep of his arm toward the door. "You are no longer needed, Astraia. And Zephyrus does not wish to remain. See for yourself."

Zephyrus shook his head, growling low in his throat. He nudged me then and tilted his head down as he did when he wanted me to climb on.

I pressed my forehead to his jaw, struggling to calm my breaths. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. I had finally felt something—I finally felt like I had a place and the possibility of a future.

"Ramiel—"

"Are you a vow breaker?" He stalked closer, glaring at me. "You made that vow. And if you are so fickle and faithless as to break it now when the dragon to whom you have made that pledge clearly wishes you to depart, then you are not the fae I thought you were."

My spine stiffened. A great hollow space opened within my chest, aching and throbbing worse than the cold of the Chasm. "So this is…goodbye. Forever?" I barely forced the words out, and they hung in the air filled with grief.

"If Zephyrus wishes to return, you may return with him," he said, his tone a little softer now. "But only when he wishes to return. Do not return for me."

Zephyrus nudged me again, more insistently. The vow itself tugged upon my spirit, an uncomfortable itch forming along my limbs as the magic reminded me of what I had promised.

The air shimmered above. "Words have meaning, Astraia. All words, no matter where they are spoken and even when they are not fully understood," Caein said softly.

"Caein." Ramiel's voice was even icier now. "Enough." His gaze was even harder. "I am sorry for your pain, Astraia, but it's time. I renounced my hospitality to you. Go,…gnat. I appreciated your company. Don't make this any more painful than it already is."

"Gnat" stung this time. As if I were nothing. A speck in the sea. A fleck on the wind. Had I hallucinated his whispers of love and pleas for my life? Was he—was he just trying to protect me?

Zephyrus nudged me again, growling low and soft. My throat tightened as the vow pulled at me, an invisible chain demanding I honor my word.

I climbed onto Zephyrus's back, my movements mechanical. His scales were warm beneath my touch, familiar in a way that should have been comforting. But nothing could ease the hollow ache spreading through my chest.

Low murmurs and grunts from the other dragons stirred the air. Zephyrus's ears remained flattened against his head. He started to turn. I pressed my hand flat against his head. He stopped, but his chuff warned me he didn't want to linger.

That was fine. I—I didn't want to either, but I had to say something.

"In the Chasm and when the wraith had me in its grasp, all I could think about was…" I closed my eyes. The words stuck in my throat. "I thought I was going to die. And—the thing I regretted was that I would die without telling you that I love you. Because I do. I—I wanted a life with you here, Ramiel."

His expression remained impassive, carved from stone. His arms were at his side, motionless except for the twitching in his right hand. "You will find a better life away from here. One day someone will love you and give you the life you deserve. Go in peace and forget your little crush, Astraia."

Zephyrus shifted beneath me, wings unfurling.

I set my jaw, willing the tears back. "Go in peace. Goodbye, Ramiel."

Zephyrus strode out of the stable. Low grumbles and murmurs from the other dragons followed us as we left. The soft clicking of his talons on the stone faded as he reached the packed earth. As we reached the knoll just outside the tower, Zephyrus turned his head and rumbled. His voice shook at the end.

The chorus of growls and chirrs rose.

I kept my spine straight and my shoulders squared. Part of me wanted to look back to see if Ramiel was watching.

But I didn't.