Page 44 of To Love And To Cherish (Pride And Prejudice Variation #3)

To Elizabeth’s great relief, she was not obliged to spend the week in hiding to avoid Adam Frazier’s attentions. He was, as ever, kind and gentlemanly, but she could not, would not, encourage his affections now. Knowing Mr. Darcy loved her, that he had offered for her, changed everything.

Had he remained in England, she might very well have accepted Adam.

He was amiable and sincere; she would have been happy as his wife.

But Mr. Darcy was not only the man she had dreamt of since girlhood, he was now a man who wished to marry her.

It altered the course of her heart and conscience.

No longer could she permit any man other than Fitzwilliam to pay his addresses to her.

When Mr. Darcy departed for Ellan Hall under the pretext of attending to estate matters, she was relieved, for the coveted time to reflect that his absence afforded her.

Lucas and Adam accompanied him to make arrangements for improvements, new stables, requisite to a horse breeder, and a door joining the master’s and mistress’s apartments, and a full renovation of the kitchens.

The week at Ellan Hall had passed in a haze of distraction and suppressed hope.

Though he had kept himself occupied, meeting with the steward, inspecting the stables with Lucas, reviewing household accounts, and overseeing repairs, as stipulated in the sales contract, Darcy’s thoughts remained with Elizabeth.

The uncertainty gnawed at him. He had asked her to be his wife and received no answer.

That she might refuse him was a possibility he could not allow himself to dwell on, and yet it haunted him all the same.

They returned to Castle Roy on a warm afternoon, the sky blue with the summer sun.

Darcy rode ahead of the carriage, eager to reach the house and learn his fate.

As soon as they arrived, he bathed and dressed, more restless than refreshed, and descended to the drawing room just as the footman announced dinner was delayed by fifteen minutes.

The sound of music greeted him. Miss Trent was at the pianoforte, and Elizabeth was singing.

Darcy halted at the threshold.

She stood by the instrument, her eyes fixed on some distant thought, her voice soft but steady. Every note pierced him, sweet and sharp. Adam Frazier, already in the room, stood watching her with undisguised admiration. Darcy felt his heart constrict.

If she chose Adam…

He could not finish the thought. He turned abruptly and crossed the room to the sideboard, poured himself a generous measure of brandy, and downed half of it at once.

Adam approached, holding a glass of his own. He gestured toward a pair of chairs near the fireplace and said quietly, “Darcy, from the looks of it, you and Miss Bennet share a history. Am I correct?”

Darcy studied the man a moment. There was no accusation in his voice, only a calm desire for understanding. He nodded and sat.

“We were friends when she was still quite young,” he said slowly. “I had no designs then. My thoughts were fixed upon my Grand Tour and, later, military service. But Elizabeth was an extraordinary girl, even then. Lively, quick-witted, and kind. She had a way of looking at me.”

He broke off, shaking his head. “Her eyes speak volumes. I knew she admired me, though she never said so.”

Adam said nothing, merely listened.

“I left,” Darcy continued. “She was too young, and I was too full of myself. Then, some months ago, we met again in Hertfordshire. I insulted her publicly at a local assembly, and she returned the favor with interest. I deserved it. But from that moment on, she was in my thoughts. I could not look away. And yet, I did nothing. I was too proud. She left, and I knew she did not intend to return.”

He sighed and looked into the fire. “So I followed her here. I proposed marriage last week, but she did not answer me. She said she needed time.”

Darcy turned to Adam and met his gaze. “And so I wait, wait to learn if she will choose you or me.”

Adam’s brow lifted slightly. “She loves you.”

Darcy gave a faint, mirthless smile. “She gave me a token six years ago. A fine wooden box filled with bottles of medicinal extracts. I carried it with me through five years on the continent. She wrote out a journal that detailed each herb and its uses. She wrote an inscription on the inside cover. I never meant to be faithful, but I was. No woman ever held my attention as she does. She has had me in her thrall all these years, and I did not even know it until a few weeks ago.”

He finished his glass and added, “That is where we stand, Frazier. I am at her mercy.”

Adam was silent for a long moment. Then he said, with a tone of quiet resignation, “It seems I have entered this drama too late. If you had not come, she would have been mine. But you did come, and you claimed her.”

“I am sorry,” Darcy said. “Had I not been so blind, so proud, she would never have left Longbourn. We might have been married by now. You would never have been drawn into this.”

Adam raised his glass in a half-toast. “Do not apologize. It has been my privilege to know and to love Miss Bennet. When I marry, it will be to a woman like her, or not at all. She has become the measure by which I shall judge all others.”

A footman entered at that moment and bowed. “Dinner is served.”

The gentlemen rose, and together they crossed the room to join the others. Elizabeth had returned to her seat, her gaze low, her expression unreadable. Darcy could not take his eyes from her.

He would have his answer soon, but whether it would bring joy or despair, he could not yet know.

Dinner was merry enough. Lucas and Miss Trent announced their intention to marry in a fortnight, then travel to Cambridge to visit her father and finalize their marriage settlements.

Elizabeth offered her congratulations with as much spirit as she could summon, though her appetite was poor and her thoughts elsewhere.

After dinner, the household scattered to various entertainments.

Elizabeth accepted a game of chess with Marcus, which occupied her mind more than her heart.

When the game ended, she retreated to the pianoforte, fingers moving automatically, playing a favorite song.

She felt the tension between Adam and Mr. Darcy crackling beneath the surface of polite conversation. She just wanted to go home.

At last, with a whispered excuse, she slipped away to her bedchamber.

The moment she began to ascend the stairs, she heard him. She knew his footsteps. When he reached her, he gently threaded Elizabeth’s hand through his arm.

“Miss Bennet. Elizabeth,” he said softly. “Have you an answer for me? I shall not sleep if I must wait another night.”

She looked up at him as they slowly climbed. “Mr. Darcy, I do not know what to say. I have thought and thought, and my mind still turns in circles. I do not know what answer to give.”

He stopped walking and faced her, searching her eyes.

“Is it that I repel you?”

Her breath caught. “Repel me, sir? Certainly not. I cannot imagine any woman in England would be repelled by you.”

He let out a breath and resumed the climb. “Then, is it that you do not care for me?”

She halted again, staring at him. “No, Mr. Darcy. It is not that. The truth is, I have loved you since I first saw you. Do you remember? Outside the bookshop in London. You were the most handsome man I had ever seen, and you were so kind, chasing away that street urchin. I was only a girl, but I loved you then. And I have loved you since.”

He stopped on the landing and turned to her fully. Placing his hands gently on her arms, he looked into her face with intensity and wonder.

“Then why, Elizabeth? Why not say yes?”

She blinked back tears. “Because I fear I will bring you sorrow. I fear your family will reject me and, because of me, cast you off, and that your friends will mock you. I do not wish to be the cause of your disgrace, nor the woman you should one day come to regret. I love you too well to bring you low.”

He pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against him.

“I did care what my friends and family might think and say. But this week I have suffered, fearing you might not choose me, and I knew my life would be bleak and dark without you. Now I care nothing for what society may say. I am the head of my family; I cannot be disinherited, and my sister already adores you. My aunt Catherine will be displeased, but then, she was born displeased. She has long insisted upon a match between me and my cousin Anne, but Anne never desired it, nor did I. And if Richard possesses a thimble of sense, he will one day recognize Anne for the treasure she is. As for my uncle and aunt Matlock, they are proud, yes, but not unkind. I believe they will come around in time. Meanwhile, you and I shall be married, and blissfully happy at Pemberley.”

She laughed softly, carried away by his high spirits. “And what of your friends?”

He gave her a crooked smile. “I have none, save Richard. Five years in espionage cost me many acquaintances. But we shall make new friends together. We have your sisters, my cousins, and in time, we shall have children and build a family of our own. We will be happy, Elizabeth.”

She reached for his hand and held it firmly. “Then, Fitzwilliam, I do. I accept your offer. I will marry you.”

His eyes shone. “Next week?”

“Tomorrow, if you will have me. I cannot stay another week in this house, burdened by guilt toward Adam. I had planned to accept him; he is a good man. I would have loved him in time.”

Darcy’s brows knit, and he drew her close, resting his cheek against her curls. “I read it in your letter. That is why I came. I could not bear the thought of another man having you.”

They reached the top of the stairs. He drew her close and kissed her mouth, then pressed a tender kiss to the hollow just below her ear.

His lips wandered along the graceful curve of her neck, lingering at last upon the soft rise of her breasts just visible above her bodice.

With effort, he stopped himself and stepped back.

“I will leave you now, Elizabeth, before I forget myself entirely.”

He kissed her mouth once more, then turned and left her.