Page 20 of To Her

Geri

Con gave me a hug and a kiss on the top of my head as he said, "I gotta get to the bus station to catch the bus back up the mountain to get back in time for the dinner run."

I was sad he was going and also a little relieved to just have some time away. These emotions of mine were starting to bother me a little bit.

There was no anonymous meeting out here that I could go to and pour my feelings out into, so I had to deal with them myself for the three months I was here, unless I headed down to the closest city which was two hours away on my day off and attended one.

But then I would have to tell Con where I was going, and that wasn't happening.

I smiled at him as he grabbed his board and waved at us all as he left, walking to the closest bus station to catch the shuttle that would take him back up the mountain to Alpine Ridge. Nick had offered to drive him many times, but he had shot them all down saying it's okay, he liked the bus.

I waved goodbye and walked into the resort that Louise had booked and into the room that we would all stay in like sardines. I collapsed on the closest bed as Louise said, "Let's go get dinner and drinks. I feel like dancing."

I looked at her like she was insane. My body was wrecked—three days of double shifts and now a whole day on the slopes. But I smiled and said, "Sure," and grabbed my bag and headed to the bathroom to change out of my ski gear and put on some jeans, a shirt, and a jumper.

I wasn't a huge makeup-wearing person, but I did throw on some foundation and mascara, and we headed out to the local pub, where they had a local band currently jamming away. We ordered some food and drinks.

It was actually relaxing, and I was enjoying myself until Louise and Jenny jumped up to dance, and Nick leaned in saying, "So, you and Alex. What is happening there?"

I smiled at him because I knew this was gonna come sooner or later—they were, in fact, friends.

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently. "We are friends, are we not?"

Nick gave me a knowing look. "Sure, but Alex likes you, and you seem to like him?"

I smiled at Nick and said, "Honestly, Nick, you know as well as I do that Alex isn't looking for something serious.

If he had been, he would have cared when I said I was coming here for the season.

" I took a sip of my drink before continuing.

"I'm also not silly. I know he is talking to other girls.

I mean, seriously, the man is an Adonis, and his Tinder profile is still active. Trust me, I checked."

Nick laughed and said, "Well, the man has to keep his options open. You seem to keep your interactions more on the physical side than anything else."

I knew Nick was right, but I wasn't going to say that. The truth was, Alex had been a distraction, a way to forget Matt, a way to feel wanted without the risk of real emotional investment. But that wasn't something I was ready to admit, even to myself.

I just shrugged and said, "Honestly, I'm not looking for anything with anyone at the moment. I need to sort myself out before I run and jump into any relationships."

Nick then said, "So Con is in love with you too."

I shook my head and said, "Stop. Just stop. Con is my best friend, nothing more." I paused, swirling the ice in my drink. "And yes, I have been made aware of this new development, one I'm not sure how to deal with yet."

Nick leaned back in his chair, studying me. "You're lucky, you know. You have men to choose from. You're not having to settle for the only thing in front of you." He stated this as he looked at Louise dancing with Jenny.

"What, you're settling?" I asked, surprised.

"Not me, no," he said quickly.

I looked at Louise, her face flushed with exertion and joy as she danced.

"She isn't settling with you either, you know.

She has more men who chase her than pairs of shoes, and trust me, that's a lot.

" I laughed, then added more seriously, "She likes you.

Trust me, she wouldn't be with you if she didn't."

He smiled. "I hope so, 'cause I really like her."

The vulnerability in his voice caught me off-guard. Nick, who always seemed so confident and carefree, was worried about Louise's feelings for him. It made me wonder if everyone, no matter how put-together they seemed, had these same insecurities lurking beneath the surface.

"She talks about you all the time," I assured him. "It's actually kind of annoying."

That made him laugh, and the tension eased. We watched Louise and Jenny for a while, both lost in our own thoughts.

"Can I ask you something?" Nick said finally, his voice serious again.

"Sure," I replied, though I had a feeling I wasn't going to like whatever was coming.

"What are you so afraid of?"

The question hit me like a physical blow. What was I afraid of? Everything. Trusting someone. Being vulnerable. Getting hurt again. Losing control. The list was endless.

"I'm not afraid," I lied, not meeting his eyes.

"Bullshit," Nick said, but his tone was gentle. "You've got two great guys interested in you, and you're running from both of them. There's gotta be a reason."

I took a long drink, buying myself time. "It's complicated."

"It always is," he agreed. "But sometimes, the things we're most afraid of are the things we need the most."

I didn't have a response to that. Nick, apparently satisfied that he'd given me something to think about, changed the subject to safer territory—the band, the quality of the beer, plans for tomorrow's skiing.

But his words lingered in my mind, an uncomfortable truth I wasn't ready to face. What was I so afraid of? And was I letting that fear keep me from something—or someone—that could actually make me happy?

Louise and Jenny returned to the table, breathless and laughing, breaking into my thoughts.

"You two look serious," Louise commented, sliding back into her seat beside Nick. "What are we talking about?"

"Nothing important," I said quickly, forcing a smile. "Just catching up."

Louise looked sceptical but didn't push it. "Well, come dance with us next time. The band is actually pretty good."

"Maybe after another drink," I promised, though I had no intention of dancing. My body was too tired, and my mind was too full.

The conversation shifted to lighter topics, and I let myself be carried along with it, laughing at Jenny's stories about her latest dating disasters. But underneath it all, Nick's question echoed in my mind: What are you so afraid of?

As the night wore on, I found myself checking my phone more frequently.

No messages from Con, which was unusual.

He usually texted when he got back to places, just to let me know he'd made it safely.

I told myself I wasn't worried, that the bus ride was routine and he was probably just busy with his shift, but a small knot of anxiety formed in my stomach.

"Expecting a call?" Louise asked, catching me glancing at my phone for the third time in as many minutes.

"No," I said, putting it away. "Just checking the time."

She gave me a knowing look but didn't comment further.

By the time we left the pub, it was past midnight, and I was dead on my feet. The walk back to the resort was short but felt like miles in my exhausted state. The others were still energetic, talking and laughing, but I trailed slightly behind, lost in my own thoughts.

Back in our cramped room, I claimed the shower first, needing a moment of solitude.

Under the hot spray, I let my guard down, let the emotions I'd been holding at bay wash over me.

Confusion about Con, ambivalence about Alex, lingering hurt over Matt, and beneath it all, a deep-seated fear that Nick had somehow managed to identify in just one conversation.

What was I so afraid of?

The answer came to me unbidden, rising from the depths of my mind where I kept all the things I didn't want to think about: I was afraid of being Oleander again.

Afraid of being that broken, vulnerable girl who had trusted and been betrayed, who had loved and been hurt, who had opened herself up only to be shattered.

Geri was strong. Geri was independent. Geri didn't need anyone.

But Oleander... Oleander had needed someone, and look where that had gotten her.

I stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around myself, and wiped the steam from the mirror. The face that looked back at me was tired, the eyes holding a sadness I usually managed to hide.

"Get it together," I whispered to my reflection. "You're fine. You're always fine."

By the time I emerged from the bathroom, the others were getting ready for bed, arranging sleeping bags and pillows on the floor since the room only had two single beds. I claimed a spot near the window, away from the door, a habit from years of needing to know my escape routes.

As I settled into my sleeping bag, my phone finally buzzed with a

message from Con:

Made it back. Hope you're having fun. Miss you.

Three simple sentences that shouldn't have made my heart race, but did. I stared at the screen, unsure how to respond. Before Cam's revelation, I would have replied without thinking, something casual and friendly. Now, every word seemed loaded with potential meaning.

In the end, I kept it simple:

Glad you're back safe. We're just turning in. See you in a couple days.

I hesitated over adding "miss you too" but decided against it. It felt too much like an admission of something I wasn't ready to acknowledge.

As I drifted toward sleep, surrounded by the soft breathing and occasional snores of my friends, Nick's question followed me into my dreams: What are you so afraid of?

And in the vulnerable space between wakefulness and sleep, I allowed myself to consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, what I was most afraid of wasn't getting hurt again.

Maybe what I was most afraid of was missing out on something real because I was too scared to take the risk.