Page 163 of Tiger's Voyage

The Ocean of Milk

Good-bye? I never do this right! Why do I always screw up everything?I’d meant to tell himwhyI wasn’t picking him. I wanted him to understand my thinking … or at least hear me out. Honestly, I thought he might actually stick around and talk me out of it. Tell me I was an idiot. Tell me I was just letting my petty fears scare me out of something wonderful, something perfect.

I thought it would be easier, more practical, if I just picked Kishan.No. Practical is the wrong word.Safer.That’s the right one. Rentook risks.Rensurrounded himself with beautiful bikini-clad girls.Rensubjected me to Randi. I knowwhyhe did it, but the fact remains that he still did. And if another opportunity to “save me” came along, he wouldn’t hesitate. He’d once again sacrifice himself, and I’d be alone. I’d almost had the man of my dreams. But almost doesn’t count.

Almostwinners aren’t remembered anyway. Nobody cared if youalmostmade a touchdown.Almosthad that three-point shot at the buzzer.Almostmade a triple play. What counted was the final score. I was a coach who’d just benched the all-star rookie player. I had my reasons, but the fans didn’t care. All they’d see was a coach who’d made what they felt was a very bad decision.

But, to be fair, do you throw the rookie into the championship game, hoping his showy enthusiasm will get you points? Or do you put in your slower but steadier guy? The players who’ve proved themselves all season. They may not hit three-point shots but they can go the distance.Sheesh! Was I just thinking of a sports analogy? I must be desperate.

Besides, who took care of me when Ren nobly let himself be kidnapped?Kishan. Who told off Randi when she was insulting me? Kishan. Who letsme wear my hair the way I want to? Kishan. Who said he’d be willing to letme be with another if that’s what I really wanted? Kishan. Who never argueswith me? Kishan. Who kept his hands off when I asked him to? Kishan.I got distracted for a moment thinking about a fight with Ren that resulted in him putting his handsonme and melikingit, and then shook it off.What was I thinking about? Oh, yeah. Kishan.

Kishan was a safe bet. Loving Ren was a gamble.

Hmm … maybe I should join an Anonymous group.I could picture it already.

Hi. My name is Kelsey, and I’m an addict.

Hi, Kelsey.

It’s been two minutes since I let Ren walk away, and I think I’m going tofall off the wagon.

No! Stay strong, girl! We’re here to support you.

Right. But you don’t understand. I can’tlivewithout him.

Sure you can. You just take it one day at a time.

You mean I have to go a whole day without seeing him?

My fellow addicts would laugh.Try a whole lifetime, girl. You’ve got togo cold turkey. Completely expunge him from your life. Mementos will justtempt you. You’re an addict, and you’re in denial. Now let’s repeat the serenityprayer:

Grant me the serenity to selflessly forgo my relationship to save humankind;

To accept that the man I love cannot and will not change;

The courage to let him realize his potential and fulfill his destiny;

And the wisdom to stay as far away from him as possible.

I sighed and slid under the blue ice-palace covers.Maybe I needa sponsor.Could I really expect Ren to hang around and watch me be with his brother? It would be cruel, like he said.Icouldn’t do it if the situation were reversed.Maybe Lokesh would kill me, and theneveryone would be better off. Seems like my disappearing would solveeveryone’s problem.I fell asleep and dreamed of Lokesh hunting me in the jungle, just like when L sèlóng hunted the boys, only I didn’t have any claws to protect myself.

I woke feeling displaced before remembering I was in the Ice Dragon’s palace. I turned to my side and buried my fist beneath my cheek. The bed rolled slightly and glowed softly as tiny creatures surged to the surface, warming and massaging everywhere my body touched the mattress. My thoughts picked up right where they’d left off the night before. I was not feeling very confident that I’d made the right decision, but I was determined to follow through on it regardless.

Attached to the strange bedroom was a private bathroom. The clear shower taps turned easily, and blue water cascaded from a series of jets. It was hot and steamy despite its crystallized appearance. I used a cerulean ice gel to shampoo my hair. It tingled and smelled like mint.

There were no towels, but when I turned off the shower a series of air blowers turned on. I stood there shocked, feeling like an old car in a gas station car wash. Warm air pummeled my body from every angle, and once I got over the surprise, I actually enjoyed it.Huh. NowI understand why dogs stick their heads out of car windows.

Thoroughly dry, I stepped out and, with dismay, tried to run my fingers through my hair. I had giant cotton-ball hair. It would take forever to comb out, so I left it and turned to the Scarf for more clothes. Then I sought other humans. Well … the closest thing to humans anyway. I found my tigers breakfasting with the dragon.

“Mmm … smells good.”

“Won’t you please join us, my dear?” the dragon asked politely. Then he looked up. “My, don’t you look … fluffy.”

I groaned and pulled a poofy strand of hair over my shoulder to stare at it. Kishan looked up and started laughing. I narrowed my eyes. “It’s notthatfunny. You don’t happen to have a brush or comb, do you?”

Kishan snickered. “Nope. Sorry, Kells.”

“Yínbáilóng?”