Page 15

12

Diego wasn’t in the least surprised that Rubin waited several hours until Leila fell asleep before signaling him to go outside. There was no putting it off or getting around it: Diego knew he owed his brother explanations. He wasn’t looking forward to it though.

Rubin had spent the time unloading supplies from his truck and putting everything away neatly, as was their way. They were both used to keeping the cabin clean and neat. They preferred outdoors and open spaces. The cabin was on the small side, so in order to be comfortable, they’d learned to keep everything in its place.

Diego followed Rubin outside to one of their favorite spots. They had carved out two downed tree trunks years earlier, making comfortable seats so they could view the night sky. Stars were abundant when they were lucky and there was no fog. The building site for the cabin had been carefully selected to get the most sun for growing vegetables. The forest had often tried to reclaim the area, but they kept the trees and brush from growing too close. They were always cognizant of escape routes, but they wanted an unobstructed view.

Rubin was silent for a long time, looking up at the sky and the drifting clouds. Twice he cast a furtive glance at Diego but refrained from speaking. Diego had been reading Rubin all his life. Rubin had been his closest ally and his best friend. As much as Diego protected him, Rubin reciprocated. For many years, it had been the two of them against the rest of the world.

Diego was aware he’d hurt Rubin by not disclosing his ability as a psychic surgeon. Rubin would look at it as a matter of trust. It wasn’t that, and Diego had to find the right words to explain, even knowing Rubin would reject the explanation.

“Before we get into anything else, we’re going to address your mental health, Diego,” Rubin said. “I know you’re going to tell me you’re fine now, especially because you found Leila, but you aren’t. You’re a doctor. You’re intelligent. Depression is a real illness and has to be acknowledged and addressed. You have to remain vigilant the rest of your life if you’re going to survive. And I need you to survive.”

Diego stared up at the stars, knowing everything his brother said was the truth. He would have times when he had to fight the destructive thoughts in his head in order to stay alive.

“Just because I have Jonquille doesn’t mean you get to leave me. I have as many issues from our childhood as you do,” Rubin continued. “Maybe they aren’t the same, but I have them. It’s always been the two of us. You don’t get to decide you’re not going to be here because you think I’ll be fine. You don’t get to make that decision.”

Diego wisely didn’t argue with his brother. Rubin needed to state what was on his mind, and Diego had always listened to him. He detested that he’d hurt Rubin—and he had. He hadn’t meant to. He should have gone to his brother and talked things over with him. He hadn’t because he knew Rubin would insist on him getting help. How? Diego had never been able to figure that one out.

Who did a man like him talk to? Would he be pulled off the team? When he was working, he was perfectly fine. It was the downtime that was the danger zone. He wasn’t about to go to a therapist and have them declare him psychotic. Given his lack of emotion when he pulled the trigger, he knew that very well could be a diagnosis.

He’d trained himself from early childhood not to feel anything—at least, he believed he’d done that. His mother thought he’d been born psychotic, but he wanted to believe Luther—that she’d programmed him to think the worst of himself.

“Having Leila isn’t going to make it easier in the long run. This is something you have to address head-on, Diego. Especially if you’re going to allow this woman and any children to rely on you. You can’t suddenly take yourself out of their lives because you’re having a bad time.”

Diego waited, but Rubin had fallen silent and was regarding him expectantly. Diego shoved his hand through his hair. “You’re right, Rubin. Absolutely right. I’ve known I needed help with this, but I wasn’t certain what to do. If I take medication, Joe could easily pull me off the team.”

Joe Spagnola, their commanding officer, was a fair man, but he had to follow protocol. If he knew one of his men was suicidal, he would have no choice but to pull him from the team.

“If I talk to a therapist, I’m in the same boat,” Diego said. “They’d report me, and Joe would have to act. Working is what keeps me going. When I’m working, I feel I have purpose. When I have no one to look after or protect, that’s when the demons start talking in my head.”

“What do your demons say, Diego?” Rubin asked quietly.

Diego shrugged, but he knew Rubin wasn’t going to let him off the hook. And he didn’t want his brother to just let it go. He wanted to survive for Leila. For Grace. He wanted to have Leila keep looking at him as if he were someone worthwhile.

Rubin didn’t push him. He waited in silence, but Diego could feel the weight of his eyes. That penetrating stare. Rubin knew what he was going to say, but he didn’t relent; he made Diego admit it aloud.

“I’m worthless. I’m a killer, born that way. My only use is to protect you from harm. That when Whitney enhanced me, he enhanced every killer trait I had and added to them. That I’m a danger to others.”

Rubin nodded. “So, essentially, everything our mother programmed you to believe, and then Whitney took over her bullshit to reinforce every bullshit thing she said to you.”

Diego knew that was the truth. He’d like to believe he’d overcome the things his mother had drilled into him daily—not only verbally, but she’d used a switch and a belt to try to beat the devil out of him. She hadn’t managed to do so, no matter how hard she tried. She prayed constantly around him. She did her best to convince his sisters he was a “bad seed.”

Diego nodded his assent. “Her voice is forever in my mind.”

Rubin leaned toward him. “She was as mad as a hatter. I tried to tell you when we were kids, but she was so focused on you, and the moment my back was turned, she was on you.”

Diego was shocked at the guilt in Rubin’s voice. His brother was only ten months older, yet it was clear he felt responsible for the things his mother had done to Diego.

“You stood for me when no one else would,” Diego pointed out. “I’ve always been grateful.”

“You shouldn’t have to be grateful. I know she convinced you that, somehow, I was so much better than you, but it isn’t true. It was never true.” Rubin regarded him for a moment and then swore, something he rarely did. “Stop looking at me like that. Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to know she was beating you and blaming you for everything that went wrong? Especially when it was her fault. Do you hear me, Diego? The reason we didn’t have enough food most of the time was her crappy decisions. She was good at pushing the blame onto your shoulders, and after a while, you just gave in. You believed her.”

There was truth in what Rubin said. Even Luther had pointed it out. It wasn’t that Diego couldn’t see the truth—his mind didn’t accept it. He’d been the outsider in his own family. The devil using magic even when he brought home food. Somewhere along the line, he’d stopped fighting and just accepted. It had been the only way he could survive.

“You became my purpose for living, Rubin,” Diego admitted. “You stood for me. You interfered when she took the skin off me. You were my hero, and I wasn’t ever going to allow anything to happen to you.”

“She fuckin’ programmed you to believe you were a dangerous psychopath. She was always delusional, as far back as I can remember. Toward the end, she hallucinated. Her hallucinations were always about demons and angels. She needed someone to be the devil, and she assigned you to that role.”

Rubin didn’t use the word “fuck.” Not ever. It was an indication that he was really upset. Diego was good at feeling and reading energy, and rage was pouring off Rubin in waves. Looking at him, one would never know. Rubin looked perfectly calm, but Diego was in his mind, and there was that dark energy swirling around him, ready to swallow them both.

Diego realized Rubin wasn’t angry with him. He was angry with their mother. Rubin had always been the voice of reason, even at a very young age. He could get their mother to listen to his logic when no one else could.

Rubin pushed his hand through his hair, and that nearly made Diego smile. He had the same mannerisms when he was agitated. He’d hero-worshiped Rubin from the moment he was born, and time had reinforced the way he felt about his brother. He hadn’t realized for a long time just how many of Rubin’s mannerisms he had.

“The demon in your head is our mother, Diego. She’s that voice. The one telling you that you’re worthless. You aren’t. When Jonquille came into my life, you must have felt pushed aside. I didn’t mean for that to happen. You’re every bit as important to me. I believe we both have a codependency, and that’s okay. That’s how we survived. When I was adding Jonquille to my life, I assumed she was enriching your life as well. I should have talked with you.”

“I love Jonquille. I’m happy you found her, Rubin. I don’t want you to think for a minute that she’s not family to me. She’s been wonderful and makes a point of including me.”

Rubin remained silent. Waiting. He wasn’t going to allow Diego to get away with his simple statement. He wanted more. That was Rubin. Anyone else Diego would have walked away from, but his brother deserved answers. And Diego wanted to find a solution. He trusted Rubin implicitly. Whatever Rubin said to him would be exactly what was truth.

“I believed you would be all right because you had her. She’s sunshine. She’s amazing. You need her in your life.”

The moment the words were said aloud, Diego realized what it sounded like. What it was. In his mind, Jonquille had taken his place in Rubin’s life. She provided him with fun and laughter, but she was also a warrior woman, much like Leila. Not quite as much of a warrior, but she would defend Rubin to the death. She would stand beside him.

“In your mind, now that Jonquille was with me, you believed you had outlived your usefulness. You were no longer needed,” Rubin interpreted.

“Something like that. Yes,” Diego admitted. “It was all very logical at the time.”

Rubin leaned toward him. “You have to work through this, Diego. We can find a therapist in one of the GhostWalker units. Joe wouldn’t toss you out if you were seeing someone; in fact, he’d encourage it. If you need to take meds, that wouldn’t necessarily exclude you from work either. The GhostWalkers don’t work the way other units do. We’re held to a different standard.”

“Higher,” Diego said. “Much higher. You know someone is always looking to get rid of us—permanently. I don’t want to be the downfall of the GhostWalkers.”

“Do you hear yourself?” Rubin glared at him. “You’re practically quoting Whitney. And our mother. Everything bad that happens is your fault. You brought in more meat than I did, more food, and half the time, when we were all starving, she threw it out because she was certain you’d used magical means. The devil had helped you. She would let the girls starve before she’d feed them the meat, and then she’d send you out again in the middle of a blizzard.”

Diego sent him a faint grin. “We started outsmarting her by telling her you brought the meat. Of course, I got the hell beat out of me for being lazy and not helping out, but the girls had food.”

“Yeah, we outsmarted her, but she set you up to believe you weren’t worth anything. You have to realize it all stems from her. From the shit childhood you had.”

“You had the same shit childhood,” Diego pointed out.

“You persist in believing I’m perfectly fine. You’ve seen me when I can’t contain my temper. The rage I have inside me that I keep locked down tight because it’s like a nuclear bomb going off when it escapes. I rely on you. Just as you rely on me. It’s always been the two of us, Diego. It doesn’t matter if I have Jonquille and you have Leila, it’s still the two of us.”

It was true that Diego thought of Rubin as perfect. Rubin had stepped in hundreds of times to shield him from their mother’s wrath. He was the white knight. The true hero. Diego would do anything to protect him and keep him safe. He had devoted his life to that end.

But it made sense that Rubin would have just as many issues stemming from their traumatic childhood as Diego did. It wasn’t just the mental illness of their mother; it was the loss of every sibling, as well as their parents, most of them in violent circumstances.

“We both have triggers, Diego,” Rubin said. “We need to identify those triggers and learn to cope with them.”

“Sounds easy enough, but it isn’t,” Diego said. “Can’t take religious talk. It isn’t that I’m not a believer, but it seems to me so many religions are twisted from what they should be. They’re means of power and judging others. I have to walk out when people get talking religion.”

“What about Leila? Have you discussed that with her? If she’s very religious, that could be a problem.”

Diego hadn’t considered that Leila would be all about a particular belief. It was something he did need to talk to her about. He couldn’t imagine that she was a fanatic, but it was always possible. That was a hard no for him. It always would be. No child of his would ever be raised to believe he wasn’t good enough or had a devil in him.

“I haven’t,” he admitted. “I’ll do that. You’re right. Total trigger for me. Tends to make me feel murderous before depression sets in.”

“Acupuncture can be a good treatment,” Rubin said. “In lieu of medication, that might be a help.”

Diego hadn’t considered acupuncture, but it was a far more appealing treatment to him than a pharmaceutical. He wouldn’t mind trying it. More than anything, he wanted to be a good partner for Leila and a reliable, worthy father. He knew a part of him would be overprotective, but he was also aware he felt things deeply. He would feel love for his children and want to find the best ways to instill confidence and a code of honor. Looking to his brother was one of those ways. He was willing to learn from the best, and Rubin, to him, was the best.

“We can fight this together, Diego,” Rubin said. “Establish every trigger you have and find a way to cope with it. I’ll be doing the same thing for me.”

That was Rubin, making certain Diego didn’t feel alone. He’d been looking out for Diego all his life, just as Diego looked after him. What had he been thinking? He hadn’t been. He’d been in such a dark place, certain there was no more use for him. And he had to be useful. That was important.

“I have to be looking after someone, Rubin. That’s part of my identity. I need to know that what I do is important and could save lives.”

Rubin nodded. “I can see that. Again, she programmed you to believe your only reason for being born was to protect me. That’s probably set in stone with you.”

There was no “probably” about it. If Diego was anywhere near Rubin, he would step in front of him every time. He would do the same with Leila and Grace. He felt the same about the men he served with and called brothers. And there was Ezekiel, Mordichai and Malichai. And Luther. When he broke it down, he realized just how lucky he was. Many people didn’t have the relationships that he did.

“I’ll address the problems,” he assured. “I will, Rubin. You know me when I make up my mind.”

“They aren’t going away because you’ve identified them,” Rubin cautioned. “You need to follow up. We’ll find a decent therapist within our program, and we can try acupuncture before medications.”

Diego nodded. “Agreed.”

“And you talk to your woman. You make certain she’s right for you before you leap in with both feet.”

“It’s a little late for that,” Diego admitted.

“That fast? How?”

Diego shrugged. “Honestly? I have no idea. Only that she feels like a ray of sunshine. She suits me. The woman can shoot.”

Rubin regarded him with a raised eyebrow. “She can shoot?” he echoed.

Diego gave his brother a faint grin. “Nearly as good as me. You should see her. And she doesn’t hesitate. I wasn’t happy that she hunted down the men coming after her. Tore those repairs lose. She could have bled out, but she isn’t the type to wait for her man to rescue her.”

Rubin scrubbed a hand down his face. “Let me get this straight. You fell hard for a woman because she shoots nearly as good as you.”

Diego’s grin got a little wider. “Yeah, essentially, that’s exactly what I did.”

“You could give an aspirin a headache, Diego,” Rubin said. “Sometimes I don’t have a clue what to say to you.”

“That’s a first. You always have something to say, even if I don’t want to hear it.”

“This woman feels the same about you?”

“You were in her mind. Does she?” Diego meant it as a challenge, but he found he wanted to know what Rubin thought. Rubin was astute. Quick. More than once, when Diego had hooked up with a woman, his brother had informed him that her corn bread wasn’t done in the middle. At the time, Diego hadn’t cared that she wasn’t the smartest woman on the block; he was in a bar and had picked her up for the night.

Rubin wasn’t a man to pick up women in bars. It wasn’t his style. Diego hadn’t believed he would ever find the right woman. If he did find her, he also believed she wouldn’t be able to live with him.

“I was only there briefly and tried not to intrude, but yeah, I could feel her emotions for you were very strong.”

“We done?” Diego asked hopefully.

Rubin scowled. “Not by a long shot. Did you really think you could get away with performing psychic surgery on that woman and I wouldn’t notice?”

“I didn’t have time or help or even the instruments to do the medical surgery. We were in the field, and she was dying. Either it worked or it didn’t. I felt as if I had no choice,” Diego defended himself.

Rubin crossed his arms over his chest and regarded him coolly. “I’m not upset that you performed the surgery, Diego—that isn’t the issue. When a healer has the ability, he often has no choice when someone is dying right in front of him. How often have you done it?”

“Psychic surgery? On a human being? This was my first time. I know it wasn’t perfect. I had to take her spleen, and I detested that, but…” He trailed off. What could he say? He’d done his best, using his skills as a surgeon and applying them psychically. “She needed blood desperately. I also knew from observing you that I was going to crash big-time. The fact that I’d never done it before and my stress was through the roof, I figured that crash was going to be bad.”

“You do know you risked your life.”

“I knew the risks. I’ve been around you my entire life, and I’ve seen the effects on you. More than once I had to save your life.” He was matter-of-fact. He couldn’t have walked away from Leila and her injuries for anything. The need to save her life had been one of the strongest compulsions he’d ever experienced.

“You said it was the first time you performed psychic surgery on a human being. What does that mean?”

Diego tried to sound casual. “You know me with animals. I can’t take them being hurt. I might have to hunt them for food, but I also look after them the best I can.”

Rubin again frowned. “Diego, what you did was actual surgery. It wasn’t a healing session. Joe is a psychic healer. Each GhostWalker unit has a psychic healer. It isn’t the same thing. A psychic surgeon is rare. Very, very rare. You must have realized you had such a gift, yet you didn’t come forward. You didn’t even tell me.”

Diego could hear the underlying hurt in his brother’s voice. “It wasn’t that I was trying to hide anything from you, Rubin. I didn’t believe I could ever perform surgery on a human being successfully. I learned with animals, but I have such an affinity for them. I don’t with humans. I never felt as if that particular talent was strong enough or developed enough to take a chance. I watched you and listened each time you performed a surgery, and your skill always left me in awe. I was never going to work at that level, and I knew it.”

Rubin leapt out of the seat carved into the log and paced across the clearing. He stood with his back to Diego, his hands pressed to his temples, a clear sign of agitation. Diego knew his brother enough to know that he was fighting back anger. Maybe disappointment. But Diego had watched Rubin for years and knew how adept he was. How amazing. Even if there were others around with his ability, Rubin would stand out.

Diego rose as well. The ground trembled beneath his feet, and he could see the trees closest to his brother shivering. A few lizards and two mice raced out from under the leaves and grasses, running away from Rubin. Ants poured out of a small hill along with two brightly colored salamanders. Several frogs hopped through the grass toward the forest.

Diego was always amazed that his easygoing brother could stir up enough dark energy to send wildlife running. He produced a wave of calming energy to counter Rubin’s mood. Then he waited. It was never a good idea to disturb Rubin in a rage. That would be worse than poking a bear with a stick. Like Diego, Rubin had been enhanced with predatory animals. They both had to fight the aggression the DNA produced in them.

Diego? Is everything all right? I can get to you.

Stay there, Warrior Woman. Everything is under control. I think I pissed off my brother, or rather our past has. He’ll pull it together in another few minutes.

He didn’t know about your ability to perform surgery, did he? He must be so hurt. I could tell the two of you are very close.

Yeah, he’s upset. I’m just going to let him calm down.

I find it interesting that you both feel the same. Everything about you.

Not sure I like hearing that. The last thing he wanted was for Leila to compare the two of them. He was certain he would come up wanting if she did that. And what if she was attracted to Rubin?

Her soft laughter poured into his mind, filling all the lonely places with something bright and beautiful. Instantly he found himself relaxing even before her reassurance.

I definitely don’t find him attractive the way I do you. Nor do I trust him the way I do you. I know he’s your brother, and he risked himself as well to help me, but honestly, Diego? There is only you. I see only you. I would never allow myself to rely on anyone else.

She humbled him with her trust. He still didn’t feel he deserved her, but he had no intention of being a martyr and giving her up. He intended to do everything possible to make her happy for the rest of her life. She’d had a terrible start and had every reason not to trust, yet he’d been granted that privilege. He intended to make sure she was never sorry.

Rubin rarely loses his temper. He felt compelled to defend his brother even though she hadn’t said one word against him. When he does, it’s best to leave him alone until he calms down. Believe me, you’ll like Rubin. He’s worried about me.

I got that he was. Even when he was working on me, I could feel the weight of his anxiety. It wasn’t centered on me. He actually admired your work, but he was truly worried about you.

There was a question in her carefully worded statement.

Diego sighed. Didn’t want to discuss this until I have a ring on your finger.

Pushy much? Are we really talking rings when we barely know each other?

You know me.

Her soft laughter filled his mind with joy. Seriously, Diego? You’re totally reluctant to tell me whatever it is your brother was anxious over, and yet you tell me I know you.

Some things are best left out until a woman is well and truly hooked.

She laughed again, just as he’d known she would. That was one of the many things he loved so much about her. She had a sense of humor that swept him along, made him feel that same sense of play.

So, you’re hiding something big from me. Lay it on me, honey. We may as well figure it out now.

Would it be easier to admit he suffered from depression at times when he was speaking telepathically? When he wasn’t facing her? Or was that cowardly?

I know we’re joking around, Leila, but I do suffer from depression at times. I can be moody, and I definitely have triggers.

He came out with it. He had to know if she was going to stick. That meant telling her the strict truth.

She seemed to know he was being absolutely serious, and she went quiet, the humor slipping away.

You have to know I can have a problem at any time. I’m discussing ways of coping when I feel like I’m not good enough, but it won’t just go away magically.

He waited. Holding his breath. Not able to think about losing her before he’d even had the chance to show her he would be that man for her. Leila didn’t hastily reassure him. He wanted her to, but he would have known she truly didn’t understand the extent of the problem if she had.

Rubin was very upset when he arrived. I thought it was because he didn’t know you were capable of performing surgery the way you did, but it wasn’t that, was it?

No. He was cautious. Careful. She was too intelligent and already figuring it out.

You had so many weapons with you. You brought them all.

Not all. Just my favorites. The ones that mattered to me. He waited again, suddenly becoming aware the ground had settled, and Rubin was moving slowly back to him. There was concern on his face. He had to have caught parts of Diego’s conversation with Leila. She wasn’t adept enough to keep Rubin from hearing her. Like Diego, Rubin waited to hear what her verdict would be.

He needed to warn Leila just as he promised. You’re spilling over, connecting to both of us.

Rubin moved closer to Diego as if he could shield him from the coming blow. His features were unreadable, but his eyes were filled with compassion and love. Diego had always had that. No matter how brutal the circumstances of his childhood, he’d always had that unconditional love from Rubin. He’d learned to love the same way. Rubin had given him that.

Honey. The voice was soft, gentle, filling his mind with what felt like love. At least the beginnings. It was different from the way Rubin felt to him, but he recognized the emotion. He’d never thought he’d feel it from anyone other than Rubin. He knew his brother had to feel it as well. Diego had warned Leila that Rubin could hear her, but she’d still opted to give him that, to expose her vulnerability to his brother in order to let him know she wasn’t running away.

I think the best we can do for us, Diego, is ensure we have good communication at all times. Once you teach me your coping methods, I can be vigilant for signs to help you. We’ll have to make sure we always have strategies in place for you.

Could she be any more perfect? She recognized there was no cure. She knew she would be facing a lifetime of Diego fighting off demons, yet she was willing to stay. She didn’t immediately think she could fix him. She knew mental health issues were serious. She recognized why he had returned to his cabin, and she poured steel into her voice right along with that same beginning love. She was as determined as he was to face the illness head-on.

I believe that is a good idea. He didn’t know what else to tell her. It was a little overwhelming to think he could have ended his life in that one bleak moment of despair. Had he succeeded, he would have missed not only recognizing his brother’s needs and emotional support but also knowing Leila.

“We need to discuss your ability to perform surgery, Diego,” Rubin said aloud.

Diego was uneasy that Rubin deliberately didn’t break the connection with Leila. He had no idea what Rubin was going to say to him. He’d seen Diego’s work. Rubin had to do mop-up to fix any mistakes Diego made. Yes, he’d saved Leila’s life, but having Rubin dissect his work on the woman Diego wanted for his partner was humiliating. He’d never ever felt that way from anything Rubin had ever said or done, yet he already felt he was looking in a bad light.

“What you believe to be an absolute truth is actually another lie our mother beat into you,” Rubin said. His voice was back to his calm, matter-of-fact tone. The one that said he knew what he was talking about, and he expected others to listen. “She told you everything you were able to do came from a place of evil. How many times did she say that to you? At least twice daily, sometimes over and over when she beat you. You were a child, Diego. You may think you know she was out of her mind, but how could the things she said and did not leave a lasting impression on you? They did me, and she didn’t beat me. She didn’t tell me I was a child of the devil.”

Diego frowned, for the first time not following Rubin’s reasoning. Yes, of course, he knew the things their mother had said and done were the ravings of a sick woman. But that didn’t have anything to do with his level of ability. His confusion must have been evident to his brother, because Rubin sighed and shook his head.

“A psychic healer is rare, you know that. To have the ability to do psychic surgery is almost unheard-of. There are a handful of us, Diego. Do you really think such a gift—a gift of saving lives, of healing others—came from the devil? The surgeon risks his life each time he performs surgery. It isn’t as if it’s easy or can be done thoughtlessly or without repercussions to the surgeon. You’ve experienced the crash. The pain. You’re operating on them and keeping them from feeling what you’re doing, but you can feel everything. That exchange is a choice we make to save the life of the person in need. There’s nothing demonic about that. Can you at least admit that?”

Diego still didn’t understand where Rubin was going with his statements. “I don’t believe psychic surgery is an instrument of the underworld. You have to admit everyone who has psychic talents has them in varying degrees. I can do a lot more with animals than you can, but you have that same ability.”

“I would have that same high level, Diego, had I taken the time to develop it,” Rubin objected. “When we were kids, we had to divide everything so carefully. We were children , Diego. We assumed the roles of adults, but we weren’t adults. We had extraordinary gifts, yes, and we’re both extremely intelligent, but we were still children trying to keep our family members alive.”

“I’m well aware.”

“We have the same gifts, Diego. We always have. You didn’t have any real interest in lightning or diverting it, so you ignored that talent completely. I was intrigued, so I studied it carefully. Everything we did, everything we learned, we did to survive, and we got damn good at the things that kept us alive. You’re hell on wheels in the forest. I doubt that Gino or Draden could keep up with you if you wanted to show off your skills. Gino is an elite tracker, but you have that same ability. You don’t show it, but you developed it. I didn’t. I’m good. I get by, but I had you to lead the way. Same with shooting. I’m good, but you never miss.”

“Where are you going with this, Rubin?”

“You may not have worked on humans, Diego, but you’re a damn good surgeon when you’re wielding a knife in an operating room. You know human anatomy and your way around it. You practiced for years on animals with psychic surgery. I’m telling you that you’re every bit as skilled as I am.”

Diego was already shaking his head. “You had to go in after me and shore up the repairs. They weren’t holding.”

“They held when they shouldn’t have,” Rubin corrected. “You’re that good. She shouldn’t have been racing around the forest, leaping in and out of trees, not a week and a half after having her spleen removed. If I had done the surgery, the same thing would have happened.”

Diego kept shaking his head. He couldn’t comprehend what Rubin was saying.

“Keep in mind whenever I’ve done these surgeries, I have you or others with me to give me aid. Water, rest, blood. I have assistants. Even out in the field, I’ve got others, usually you, to ensure I’m okay. You had no one with you. You had to give blood to the patient several times. On top of that, you were exerting tremendous physical strength in carrying her up the mountain and hunting the enemy.”

“Rubin…” Diego trailed off. What could he dispute? Everything Rubin said was the truth. He never allowed Rubin to be alone when he was performing surgery because it was too risky.

“I’m telling you the surgery was superb. Every bit as good as what I can do, and you did it under very trying circumstances. I’m afraid you’re going to have to let go of the notion that somehow my work comes from heaven and yours from hell.”