Page 39 of Three Pucking Ex's Brothers

She wanted my money. Not that I had a lot of it then, since I’d only just signed to the Lions, but she thought, like most people, I had access to that NHL money because my brother had just been picked up for a professional contract.

I don’t know if I canevertrust a woman again. Not after what she did.

She took my choice away, and I’ll never forgive her for it. She assumed if she got pregnant, because of our engagement, I’d be thrilled.

Maybe if we’d had a discussion about that before she forced me to come inside her when I didn’tknowthe risk, things would have been different.

She assumed that because of our scenes, because of the nature of those scenes—that I wanted toactuallyget her pregnant.

But I didn’t. I was twenty-one. I was still exploring my kinks and my preferences and I wanted to have fun. Hockey was my first priority, and I figured if we got engaged, we could ride out an engagement until I was ready to focus on building a family of my own, in a few years.

The last thing I wanted was to have a baby then.

Scenes were just that for me—scenes. I know enough of myself to know what turns me on mentally isn’t the same thing I want in real life.

It’s a way for me to control the situation. Control my wants, my needs. The release isn’t always sexual. Sometimes it’s just about what I cangiveto my sub and what she allows me to provide for her.

I like it when a woman begs for my cock, begs me to fill her with my cum.

I like the idea of swollen breasts and bellies and pushing my cum back inside my sub as she begs me to breed her. But that night, Vicki didn’t heed my warning, and ever since, I haven’t been able to bring myself to consider finding a girlfriend again.

When someone shatters you like that, trust isn’t afforded easily. Which is why it’s just…easier to not be with anyone. To not give anyone that kind of access to me again.

And she wanted a baby. Notmybaby, just…a hockey player’s baby. I realized that after we broke up and she started sleeping with other players on other teams, like our rivals the Badgers.

I’m not sure what hurt more—knowing it wasn’t actuallymeshe wanted, or that she thought she could babytrap me, or that she destroyed my trust and and fucked me up for life because of what happened.

Maybe all three.

Sure, I miss having sex, but I don’t miss being taken advantage of, and I certainly don’t miss feelingusedlike a damn stud pony. I tried to date after that, and for about a year I just tried hiring subs to do scenes, but neither seemed to work.

The girls I tried to date wanted to have sex—and I didn’t. And most of them took one look at my sub contract with my preferences and said fuck this. It’s not worth it.

Flash Sterling isnotworth the trouble.

And the subs? They worked for a little while, until they’d get attached. Until they wantedmore, and I couldn’t give that to them. I couldn’t risk them blurring the lines.

I got lucky with Vicki, when she turned out to not be pregnant, but it was a wake-up call.

The only person who knows what really happened between Vicki and me is Brett. I told him after one of his games, because I was shit-faced—after I found out through the pipeline that Vicki was pregnant. She’d been fucking a few guys off the rival team, and no one wanted to tell me since it was still a sticky subject because we were freshly broken up.

She was about four months pregnant, and we’d only been broken up for five months, so I know she moved on fast.

I told Brett what happened that night, because I was upset. Because not only did she destroy my trust, but she didn’t really want me. She didn’t love me.

If she had, she would have never pushed me over my limit.

I was broken up about what happened between us. Part of me thought she wantedmybaby because she loved me and just…went about it the wrong way. Assumed my kinks meant I wanted the same thing. And I struggled with that pretty hard, because I thought I loved her andmaybeI was being an asshole.

Maybe Icouldgive her a baby if she wanted one. Maybe I could give her the things she wanted if I tried harder to accept her wants and needs…

But when I heard about her and Kreuss, when I heard she slept with three men off the Badgers and didn’t know who the father was, I knew it was never about me.

She never wantedmy baby.She just wanted to be a kept hockey wife and didn’t care who was going to foot the bill.

That was seven years ago.

Seven years since I swore off dating all together, in favor of focusing on my career and my family so I would never be hurt by a woman again.