Page 8

Chapter 8

Donovan

“I think you need to leave.”

Alex’s words haunted my every step as I stumbled through Saturday. I’d fucked up, and I knew I deserved his anger, but I hadn’t expected him to kick me out. Except, did it still count as being kicked out if I’d never lived there officially?

“Donovan, I swear to God I’m going to buy a water gun during my lunch break and keep it in the fridge so the water is ice cold.”

I frowned, tuning back in to find my partner glaring at me across our desks. “Why are you going to buy a water gun?”

“Finally,” he grumbled. “I’m going to get one so I can shoot you with it every time you space out. I said your name like five times.”

“Sorry. It’s been a shitty morning,” I said, sighing. “What’s up?”

“I asked if you’d heard about the OD Lake caught last night? The chief is pushing the county for more funds to crack down on the drug flow around here, and we’re probably going to get pulled in.”

“Jaime Smalls? Yeah.” Memories flickered behind my eyes. Her thin body on the bed. Levi Smalls, standing alone in the living room. Alex’s grief. Those damned words. “Alex found her last night.”

“Wait, what?” Will reached back without looking and shut the door to our office. It was tiny enough that he didn’t even need to stretch to reach it. “That’s not what Lake said. She said the son called it in?”

“Yeah, because we told him to.” I quickly relayed the story to Will, wincing when I admitted we’d left the kid alone to deal with it.

“Poor kid,” Will said, shaking his head. “I get why you had to do it, but still…”

“Tell me about it. I didn’t want to, but what other choice did I have? Alex is determined to stay anonymous, so things like this are going to keep happening.”

“Honestly, I’m pretty sure the chief knows there’s something weird going on there. I’m betting she let it go because the case was solved and now she’s dealing with bureaucratic crap, but once that’s wrapped up, don’t be surprised when she comes looking for answers.”

“That’s what I was trying to explain to him. I just let myself get too caught up and I may have accidentally implied that his power would be a great tool for investigators.”

I’d never realized how very loud silence could be until that moment. I completely deserved the appalled look Will gave me, and I buried my face in my hands, groaning in defeat.

“Donovan, please tell me you only thought it. You didn’t say that out loud.”

“I did,” I mumbled, voice muffled in my hands. “I didn’t mean it that way, though.”

“There aren’t a whole lot of other ways that can be taken.”

I scrubbed my hands over my face, palms scraping against the stubble I hadn’t bothered to shave this morning. “Believe me, I know I fucked up. I just got carried away. I was trying to come up with ways his power could be useful, so maybe he wouldn’t hate it so much. I’m pretty sure I ended up doing the exact opposite.”

“Did you at least apologize?” Will sounded pained, like he was embarrassed for me.

“I tried to, but he told me to leave.”

“Damn. Did he say for how long?”

“Basically all of my things are at his house, so hopefully just for the day.” I peered at my partner through my fingers. “I don’t know how to fix this, Will.”

“You’re definitely going to have to do a lot of groveling. Mostly, though, I think you need to talk to him. Have you guys ever really sat down and discussed his power and how to handle it? Besides that day in the hospital with me and the girls?”

I took a moment to comb back through my memories, then shook my head. “No, not really. He doesn’t like talking about it, so I didn’t want to bring it up while he was recovering. After we got back from meeting my family, it just never came up, I guess.” It sounded like a lame excuse in my head. Saying it out loud didn’t make it any better.

“Yeah, so that sounds a lot like you were both avoiding it and hoping it just kind of solved itself,” Will said dryly. “Look, I’m hardly the expert on long-term relationships, but even I know that you have to talk about the big stuff. I’m pretty sure the fact that Alex finds dead people and you’re literally a detective falls under that category.”

“Alex said he trusts me and I think he wants to, but after what happened with his parents when he was a kid, I’m not sure he fully trusts anyone anymore.” It was probably a good thing I’d never meet Alex’s parents, because I didn’t think I’d be able to keep quiet if I did. What kind of people abandoned their traumatized 12-year-old in a psychiatric hospital?

“No one knows how to ruin a kid’s life better than their parents,” Will muttered, and the rancor in his voice distracted me from the less-than-pleasant suggestions my mind was offering for Alex’s parents.

Will’s bright blue eyes had gone dark and he stared down at the scarred desk like it held the mysteries of the universe. We hadn’t been partnered together for long, not even a year yet, but long enough that I had an idea of what was going on.

“Your parents called?” I guessed, and he nodded.

“Just after Christmas. They went on and on about how disappointed they were that their boys didn’t join them for Christmas,” he sneered. “They kept deadnaming Camille and whining about how they missed us being a family, except they made sure to keep mentioning ‘our boys’.”

“Jesus. I’m sorry, Will. Did they say the same thing to Camille?” She’d seemed okay after Christmas and Alex hadn’t mentioned anything, so hopefully not.

Will shook his head. “She was smart enough to block them years ago once she realized they’d never really accept her. I hung up on them, but I still haven’t blocked them. I wish I could, I just…”

“There’s nothing wrong with hoping they’ll come around, Will,” I murmured.

“They’re not going to. That would mean they’d have to admit they were wrong about something and I’m pretty sure they’d rather die.” He sighed heavily. “Sorry, we’re supposed to be fixing your problems right now, not mine.”

“We can multi-task. Besides, mine can’t really be solved until I can talk to Alex.”

“And mine won’t be solved until I grow a pair and block my asshole parents.”

I leaned back in my chair while Will slumped forward on his desk, but our tired sighs were identical. Both problems looked easy to solve on the surface, but the reality was so much harder.

Adding salt to the wound, the Perez file lay open between us, reports and paperwork scattered between us where we’d spent our entire Saturday morning and most of the afternoon re-reading everything, searching for anything we’d missed. Her parents still hadn’t heard from her, none of the surrounding precincts had reported sightings, and we were out of leads. Every day we didn’t find her was another day we failed the Perez family. In comparison, my own problems were inconsequential.

Will must have had the same thought, because he moved at almost the same time as me, grabbing a file and pulling it closer. We might not be able to solve our own problems, but we’d do everything in our power to bring Rebecca Perez home.

Shift change came and went unnoticed as we worked, reading and re-reading every interview, staring at the photos of the path through the trees and the road she would have been on. Things we’d already done dozens of times, but did again now because what else could we do?

Lost in the frustratingly useless clues, trying to wrest some sort of answers from them, I didn’t even hear the phone in our office ring, only snapping back to reality when Will’s startled exclamation echoed in the tiny office.

“What?” His eyes were wide and he sounded stunned. “Just a second.” He fumbled with the ancient phone on the desk and hit the speaker. “Can you repeat that?”

Eva Perez’s voice came through, shaking and tearful. “Rebecca’s home. She just walked in the door. She’s okay.”

“Is she hurt at all? Did she say what happened?” I asked, business-mode overriding my shock.

“She left with that boyfriend of hers, but she said he started acting like a jerk, so she ditched him and found her way back home.” Mrs. Perez laughed, though it sounded more like a sob. “She’s grounded for life, but she’s home. Thank you both for looking for her.”

Will wrapped up the phone call while I sank back into my chair. We stared at each other across the case file, and I wondered if he felt as numb as I did. Days of desperate searching, flinching every time the phone rang in case it was someone reporting a dead body, all for her to just walk back home like it never happened. It was the best possible outcome, and I was happy for her family, of course, but…

“I need a drink,” Will rasped.

I closed the folder in front of me and ran my hands through my hair. “Yeah. Let’s go get a fucking drink.”

***

Lowery’s Crossing only had two actual bars in town, one of which catered toward the rougher side of the population. Surprisingly few fights broke out there, but it was never outside the realm of possibility.

By unspoken agreement, we skipped that bar in favor of Lynn’s Tavern. Family-owned since the founding of the town, according to the plaque behind the bar, they leaned a little too heavily into the old-timey tavern aesthetic, but the drinks were good and the clientele here didn’t instantly get cagey when two cops walked in.

The seats at the bar were all filled and a decent number of the tables, as well, but Will and I managed to get drinks and settle down into a high-top table in a corner out of the way. We drank the first round in silence, Will staring down at the table while I idly scanned the patrons, not seeing a single one of them. The reality of the case crashed in and we both just needed a minute to convince our minds that we could breathe now.

Will grabbed us a second round of beers, returning to the table and setting in with a heavy sigh.

“What the hell.”

“Amen to that.” I echoed his sigh, taking the second mug. I didn’t take a drink, though, content to nurse this one for awhile.

“I’m glad she’s home safe, of course. This is the best outcome we could have asked for, just…” He glanced up at me. “Has anything like this ever happened to you before?”

“Honestly? No. It was much more common for these things to go the other way.”

“At least the paperwork will be easier.” Will took a long drink, then put his mug down, shoulders slumped. “What a fucking day.”

“Tell me about it. At least we can actually go home for the rest of the weekend and not live in the station.” Since Rebecca’s initial missing person report, it felt like we hadn’t left the station except to sleep and even that had been limited.

“Awesome. Can’t wait to spend an entire day alone with my thoughts,” Will muttered and took another long drink. He’d already nearly drained his second round while I’d barely sipped at mine. Looks like I’d be the sober one tonight.

“You’re welcome to come crash at my place, if you want. I’m not really looking forward to spending the weekend alone, either.”

Will winced. “No messages from Alex?”

“Nothing yet. I’ll probably have to be the first to reach out, knowing him, but I don’t want to push him, either. I really screwed up.”

I pulled out my phone and laid it on the table, but my text thread with Alex remained exactly as it’d been, without a single new message from him.

“Like I said before, I don’t know much about relationships, but giving him time to cool down has to be a good idea, right? The last thing either of you need is to get caught up in the heat of the moment again and say something you’ll regret.”

“Too late for that, unfortunately. I don’t know how to make this right.” I locked the phone before I gave in to the temptation to text him. “Sorry, we’re supposed to be trying to forget all the bad shit right now.”

“We both know that’s going to be impossible.” Will pulled out his own phone, putting it on the table beside his mug. He pulled up his contact list and scrolled down to one, opening the information. Even reading it upside down, it was obvious it was his parents.

Will didn’t talk about them much, but I’d heard enough in our time as partners to know I wanted to meet them about as much as I wanted to meet Alex’s parents. They were deeply religious and they’d raised their kids in a strict, controlled environment. From Camille, I knew she’d waited to come out until she was a legal adult and could live on her own, which proved to be smart when they disowned her. She’d been no-contact with them ever since and Will had kept his contact to a minimum. He hadn’t completely cut that last tie, though, despite his staunch support of his sister.

“Are you going to call them?”

Will stared down at the screen. The profile picture showed an older couple, just as fair-haired as their children. The woman wore a long skirt and a modest shirt, while her husband was in slacks and a button-up. I got the feeling those weren’t formal clothes, but rather their usual attire.

For a moment, just a fraction of a second, Will’s finger hovered over the ‘call’ button. He stopped himself, though, and instead scrolled to the bottom and, without hesitating, hit the ‘block’ button.

“No,” he growled. The second they were blocked, he shoved the phone away and drank the last of his beer in one long pull. “Fuck them. If they’re too stupid to see the amazing daughter they have, then I don’t need them in my life. We don’t need them.”

It didn’t take a detective to see the pain in his eyes as he said it. I’d gotten lucky with my parents, but I’d seen it over and over again in my line of work, as people were forced to deal with the reality of their loved ones, rather than what they’d hoped they would be. Will was grieving for the parents he and Camille should have had. The ones they deserved.

“For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you,” I said, then headed to the bar to give him a few seconds of privacy. I pretended I didn’t see the tears in his eyes when I walked away and when I got back, they were gone. I slid another mug in front of him and he took it without a word, taking a long drink.

My own drink sat ignored in front of me while Will worked his way through his third, then fourth, drink. I cut him off after that, when he toed the line of being actually drunk.

“Told you we couldn’t forget the bad shit today,” he mumbled. His elbows rested on the table, his head in his hands. “Why does every relationship have to be so damn complicated?”

“I wish I had the answer to that. I really do.” My phone still sat on the table and I tapped the power button, bringing up my lock screen. It was a selfie of me and Alex, taken at my mom’s house in January when we’d visited. He was looking at the camera, his green eyes dancing with laughter and happiness. Me, though? I was looking at him in the picture, and there was no disguising how I felt about him in that moment. It was my favorite picture of us.

“You know it’ll be okay, right?”

I looked up to find Will watching me, surprisingly serious for having four beers in him.

“I hope so.”

“No, it will,” he insisted. “You two remind me of Raina and Camille.”

“Thank you, I think? I’m not sure what you mean, though.”

Will shook his head. “I worried about Cami after she left. She didn’t really settle down after that. She got into catering and traveled all over, but I think she was just looking for something. Then she came through town for work, met Raina, and the next thing I knew, she was calling me to tell me she’d gotten an apartment here.”

“I’ve never heard the full story of how they got together, but I got the feeling it was a pretty fast connection,” I said, and he smiled.

“They met, went on a date, and Camille decided to stay in town after that one date,” he laughed. “I was in Academy at the time and my dad wanted me to join the force at home in Colorado Springs. After Cami called me, I looked up Lowery’s Crossing and saw they were accepting applications for new officers. It felt like a sign, honestly. She seemed really excited when I told her about it, so I applied. Next thing I knew, Chief Cornell was welcoming me to the force and I was apartment hunting here in town.”

“The Crossing has a way of pulling people in when we least expect it,” I agreed. “That’s kind of what happened to me. Is that what you meant, about us reminding you of Camille and Raina?”

“I forgot that was the point I was trying to make,” he admitted sheepishly. “But the point is, the first time I met Raina in person and saw how she was with Camille, I knew they were it for each other. They’re endgame. When I look at you and Alex, it’s the same thing. You two were meant for each other.”

“I’ve never met anyone like him. I thought that even before… the other stuff.” The table closest to us was empty, but I still kept my voice down. The last thing I wanted was to spill Alex’s secrets. “I just hate that I don’t know what to do.”

“Again, not an expert, but like I said, give him some time, then apologize. That sounds like a pretty solid plan.”

“Maybe you’re right…”

“Does that mean you’ll buy me another drink? Today has sucked so bad.”

I chuckled. “Nope. It means I’ll drive you back to my place and we can keep each other company, so neither of us can get too far into our own heads.”

Will glanced over at the bar for a moment, then shrugged. “Sounds good to me. Let’s get out of here.”

We’d driven separately, but even though Will hadn’t crossed the line into being drunk, he still had enough alcohol in him that neither of us wanted him behind the wheel. He locked up his car and handed me the keys, settling in the passenger seat of my car while I drove us back to my place.

I’d have to figure out what I was going to do sooner rather than later. Will’s advice was decent, but I knew Alex well enough to know that he shouldn’t be left alone too long with his thoughts, either. Until I knew for sure how to fix this, though, I didn’t want to reach out and risk making things worse than they already were. If he didn’t reach out over the weekend, I’d call him Monday morning. I couldn’t handle the distance between us longer than that.

With a plan in mind, I could relax a little. I loaned Will some clean clothes to sleep in and we crashed out on the couch, watching bad action movies and trying not to think about anything at all.