Page 67 of The Wrong Husband (The Davenports #6)

I nod. “I know that, now, thanks to Connor. He made me feel secure enough that I could accept my own shortcomings and learn to be kinder to myself.” I rub at my temple.

“I realize, I was being hard on myself. I have… Had a habit of taking on guilt and feeling responsible for things that aren’t my fault. ”

Grace nods slowly. “I don’t want to talk ill about the dead, but Drew made you feel less than yourself. He diminished you in your own eyes. You felt responsible for him when he was alive, and that extended to when he wasn’t.”

I nod. “You’re right on all those counts. When Connor found out what had happened, he was very understanding. He calmed me, helped me deal with the guilt I’d been carrying. Made me realize I need to be kinder to myself and give myself all the time I need come to terms with what happened.”

“He sounds like exactly the kind of man who’d build you up, support you, and believe in you.”

“Oh, he does.” I lock my fingers together. “I can’t tell you what a difference it makes to have someone like him in my corner. Someone who respects me and makes me feel so good about myself.” I look between them.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys earlier.

I guess… I knew Drew wasn’t right for me.

And I was ashamed that I couldn’t end my relationship with him.

And when I did, he died. It made me feel like breaking up with him caused his death, which is silly, I know.

But tell that to my psyche. I felt like if I’d cut ties with him sooner, he'd still be alive.”

Grace looks at me with speculation. “So, when you told us that you had ended things with Drew, he?—”

“He was dead already. I know, it makes me look like I’m delusional?—”

“Oh, you’re not delusional.” Grace waves a hand.

“You were hurting. And you were finding it difficult to deal with what seemed to be the outcome of the first time you tried to set up boundaries with him. And given how he was gaslighting you…I suspect you felt relieved when he died in the accident, which probably made you feel worse about yourself.”

Tears fill my eyes, and I look at Grace with both admiration and gratitude that I didn’t have to explain every single nuance of what I went through.

She cut right to the heart of it. I nod.

“I really am sorry I didn’t confide in you earlier.

I realize now, I’d have been able to cope with things better if I’d shared with you. ”

Grace shakes her head. “You did what you thought was right for you. Never apologize for that. You know yourself better than anyone.”

Zoey nods. “I second that. And you’re telling us now, when you’re ready to share with the world.”

“I wish we could have been there for you, sweetie, instead of you going through this alone, but I’m so happy you emerged stronger and found your Mr. Right,” Harper’s eyes glisten.

“Thanks.” I look at them gratefully. “Trust me when I tell you that I won’t keep anything from you guys again. I’m so pleased to see you.” I rub at my chest. “Especially with Connor being away. I miss him more than I thought I would.”

"Aww, look at you, so much in love." There are little hearts in Harper’s eyes.

This woman is a real romantic. And for the first time, I understand the appeal. This melting feeling inside me every time I think of Connor is a strange kind of high.

It makes everything I see sparkle—like the world’s been dusted in light, sharper, more vivid, too beautiful to bear. And when he’s away, my chest aches with a hollowness so fierce, it’s hard to breathe. If I don’t see him soon, I think I might shatter.

"I am, aren’t I?" I name these sensations which have been building inside of me like pressure inside the earth’s crust.

"What’s that supposed to mean?" A questioning look comes into Zoey’s eyes.

Thankfully, she and my other friends stay silent, allowing me to formulate my thoughts. Another reason I love these women. They know when to push and when to back off. Something I can’t quite say about my mother. Although, after the last time I saw her, I can honestly say, I think she's trying.

I rub at my temple. "This might sound strange, but I wish I had been more open about my emotions before he left. I wish, I’d told him how I really felt before he went on his trip."

Harper exchanges a look with Zoey. "Is his trip…dangerous?" Her voice is hesitant. "Skylar didn’t give us the details, except it was to help a charity."

I nod slowly. I guess, there's no harm in sharing what Connor told me? "The reason we got married so quickly is so Connor could get access to his trust."

"Something to do with the grandfather wanting each of the Davenport brothers to get married before he lets them access their individual fortunes." Zoey nods.

When she sees the confusion on my face she holds up her hand. "I know, only because I held Skylar’s hand in the time leading up to her wedding with Nathan Davenport. She’s told me a little bit about Arthur’s machinations."

"Seems like he’s quite the character." Grace shakes her hair back from her face.

“He’s doing his best to protect his family’s legacy," Harper protests.

"You’re probably right." I glance around the table. "The reason Connor wanted to access his money is so he could donate a chunk of it to Save the Kids."

"That’s the charity which provides aid to children in conflict regions," Harper exclaims.

I nod again. "In this case, just money wasn’t enough. They also needed him to negotiate the release of supplies which had been held up by rebels. It was time critical. He had to rush there."

"But he’s, okay? He’s been in touch, hasn’t he?" Grace asks.

The wrinkles on her forehead tell me her journalist’s mind is working overtime. She’s probably trying to place which country he’s gone to. Guess this is why Connor didn’t share more details with me.

If I knew, I’d be tempted to tell my friend, and that would make things unsafe for both of us.

“He was, until he had to go off the grid.”

Grace’s eyebrows draw down. I see the question in her eyes and quickly add, “He told me there are inherent dangers in what he’s doing, but that he’s taking every precaution to make sure he’s safe.”

"That’s fair." Grace’s voice carries a hint of admiration. "I’m glad he didn’t hide the hazards involved. But he also reassured you." Her lips curve. "I already like this husband of yours."

"He’s the most gorgeous, most personable, most charismatic man I’ve ever met."

I must sound like a fan girl, or someone who’s head-over-heels for my man; all three wear knowing smiles on their faces.

"Sorry about that. I’m still in the honeymoon phase,” I feel compelled to add.

Harper holds up her hand. "You don’t need to apologize or explain yourself. And for the record, I think your feelings are only going to get stronger with time."

"Thank you," I say softly.

"Aww." She reaches over and hugs me.

Harper really is the sweetest. Sometimes, I wonder how she puts up with my brother’s well-known temper and his bad attitude on the kitchen floor.

I worry he'll walk all over her with his hostile disposition. Or perhaps, it’s because she’s so sweet and understanding, and such a romantic, she’s the perfect foil to his grumpiness?

Grace’s phone vibrates. She looks at the screen and sighs. "I’m so sorry, babe. I have to head back to work."

"Thought you were headed home?" Zoey scowls.

Grace hesitates. "I need to prep for a possible new show I’m working on." She pauses. "This time, as a producer."

"That’s wonderful news," I exclaim.

"Thanks." She looks pleased. "I’ve tried so hard to move into being a producer rather than being only on screen. These looks"—she gestures to her face—"won’t last forever. I want to avoid hitting thirty and losing out to a fresh face."

"Thirty is hardly old," Harper points out.

"Tell that to the producers and Heads of Programming, most of whom are men, which is why I want to break this ceiling."

I take in the determination on her face. "And you will," I say with certainty.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." She rises to her feet. "I am really sorry to leave so soon."

"Oh, please. I’m just happy you could come. I know how busy your schedule can be."

A shadow passes over her features. "I’m sorry about that. But I’m trying not to let my work consume my life. Trying to make time for what’s important, you know?"

I wonder who’s put that sad look in her eyes. Hoping to lift her spirits, I respond, "Don't I know it. I've allowed work to take over my life. I'm also learning to make time for a personal life."

Zoey and Harper rise to their feet.

"Are you leaving, too?" I look between them.

"The boss left me in charge of the restaurant. I need to get back to prep for the evening service.” Harper’s voice is filled with pride.

I’m glad James gave her the responsibility of keeping things running in his absence. She’s an amazing chef who deserves every success.

Zoey walks around, and when I rise to my feet, she hugs me. "I’d better get along, as well. "

Harper, too, hugs and kisses my cheek, then the three walk out.

I take another sip of my coffee, before abandoning it completely.

I take a bite of my sandwich. It tastes like cardboard, but I force myself to finish it.

I know better than to go back to my shift on an empty stomach.

I need the energy. When I’m done, I walk over to place my tray on a cart at the far end of the canteen.

I'm startled by a voice behind me. "Phoenix?"

I turn to find Brody standing behind me, and James is next to him. James holds a phone in a white-knuckled grasp. The other one is raised, palm face up. His jaw is hard. His face is expressionless, but something in his eyes makes the hair on the back of my neck rise. I shake my head. "No."

James’ throat moves as he swallows.

"Phoenix"—his voice is gentle but with an urgency running through it—"it’s Connor."