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Chapter 64: Do Not Hold Yourself Back

Over the summer sea.

It was me, Hania, and the group consisting of Isabel, Mina, and Sharin facing each other.

For some reason, Isabel stared at me with a dazed expression, while Sharin gazed at me with slightly narrower eyes than usual.

“Ah, hello, everyone.”

Hania smiled as if she had only just noticed everyone.

At the same time, she gripped my hand a little tighter.

Don’t do this.

You might end up touching something else.

Mina let out a playful exclamation.

“Hania, when did things between you two get to that point?”

Even though my girlfriend was right in front of her, Mina casually directed the conversation at me in a friendly manner.

Hania and I exchanged glances.

“Ah, it was during the Demon Dungeon incident, right?”

“Yes, that’s when I confessed.”

Isabel’s eyes shook violently with every word I spoke.

Soon, even I began to feel something was off.

“Hannon.”

It was then that Sharin called my name.

She was staring at me intently.

“Sharin, what’s up?”

“You don’t know?”

What don’t I know?

Yet, Sharin just kept silently staring at me.

“Ah, ha, ha.”

Mina, sensing the strange atmosphere, gave an awkward laugh.

Meanwhile, Hania, still holding my hand, subtly pressured me to leave.

For some reason, I couldn’t stand the uncomfortable atmosphere any longer either.

“Well then, we’ll be off.”

“Have fun, everyone!”

Hania cheerfully bid them goodbye.

After we left their sight, Hania naturally let go of my hand.

“We left all our luggage unattended, and you’re out here chatting?”

“I was just talking to some familiar faces.”

“From where I was standing, it looked like you were enjoying being surrounded by girls,”

She retorted, her tone laced with sarcasm.

I reflexively touched my lips to check if I’d been smiling, but Hania gave me a displeased look.

“Are you jealous?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

Yikes, she’s scary.

“It’s just annoying that I have to pretend to be a jealous girlfriend when you’re smiling at other girls.”

“Do you really have to act that much?”

“If I’m going to act, I’ll do it properly. I’ll use this opportunity to drive away all the annoying guys.”

To do so, she was determined to play the role of a girl deeply in love.

Her determination is terrifying.

If it’s Hania, she could achieve anything.

“By the way, Hannon, about those two earlier…”

Hania was about to say something when Iris waved at us from a distance.

“Hania, Hannon!”

Under a parasol, Iris beckoned us over.

“Yes, Lady Iris!”

Hania immediately abandoned the expression she’d been giving me and ran over to Iris with a radiant smile.

“Since we’re here, let’s enjoy the beach.”

“Yes, of course!”

I slowly set down my luggage.

As I trailed behind them, the image of Isabel’s forlorn, puppy-like expression lingered in my mind.

* * *

On the surface of the sea.

I floated lazily on a tube, letting the waves carry me.

In the distance, I could see Iris and Hania splashing water at each other.

They had been close friends since childhood.

Since they were fine on their own, I didn’t feel the need to join them.

It was a rare moment of peace for me.

What’s everyone else doing during the break?

Seron mentioned she was heading back home.

「Thunder Potato, don’t get too lonely without me, okay?」

Honestly, I hoped she wouldn’t come back.

Card, too, was going home.

His family lived quite far away.

Knowing what I did about his family’s situation, I figured he’d have a tough time.

「Hannon, you traitor, getting a girlfriend! But as your senior, I’ll generously buy you something for your first night together.」

I wished this guy would disappear too.

Just thinking about those two irritated me.

I silently hoped for some disaster to befall them while they were at home.

At that moment, I felt something brush against my foot.

There was another foot touching mine.

I bent down to see what it was and found a pale face looking up at me.

“Hannon, hi~.”

It was Sharin, floating in the water and casually waving her hand.

When did she get here?

“Let’s talk,”

She said before vanishing back into the water.

“Wait, what?”

Suddenly, her hand shot up from beneath the tube and pulled me under.

Sploosh!

Before I could react, I was dragged into the water.

As I struggled, I realized I was surrounded by a bubble of breathable air.

It was Sharin’s magic—a bubble of air beneath the water.

Her hair shimmered beautifully in the underwater light.

“Sharin?”

“Let’s talk.”

“About what? If you want me to buy bread, I’m not doing it.”

“What do you take me for, a bread fiend?”

“Aren’t you?”

“First, let me ask: are you really dating Hania?”

Why does she need to confirm this beforehand?

I had shared many secrets with Sharin over time.

Considering all she had done to help me, there was no point in hiding this.

“No, we’re not. Hania just needed help with something.”

As I explained, Sharin’s tense expression softened slightly, though she didn’t seem to notice.

“Then let’s get to the point. This is about Isabel.”

My expression immediately stiffened.

Sharin was Isabel's closest friend.

Thus, she was also the most sensitive to Isabel's changes.

Though she had gotten significantly better recently, Isabel had once tried to take her own life after losing Lucas.

Since she hadn't fully overcome the trauma of Lucas's loss, her heart could easily sway in that direction again.

"Speak up."

When I showed I was ready to listen, Sharin glanced at the surface of the water.

It seemed she was looking at Isabel over there.

"Lately, Isabel's behavior has been a bit strange."

"Strange, how?"

"She seems dazed. Like she can’t focus."

"And you think you’re not like that?"

The air bubbles around her decreased slightly.

If I teased her any further, she might drown.

"Since when?"

When I redirected the conversation, Sharin wrapped her arm around the hand holding her staff.

"Well, um..."

Sharin hesitated for a moment.

For some reason, she seemed unusually reluctant.

"What is it?"

Feeling impatient, I urged her a little.

Sharin glanced at me.

"It's probably since Hannon and Hania started dating."

I blinked.

Then tilted my head.

Why?

Why would Isabel become dazed because Hania started dating me?

I couldn’t think of anything.

"…I kind of have a guess, though."

Then Sharin offered her theory in her own way.

She’s smart.

If anyone could figure it out, it would be her.

"Maybe Isabel likes Hannon?"

A dog barked in the distance.

I looked at Sharin intently.

But her eyes were serious.

"…Is that even remotely possible?"

"But that’s the kind of reaction you'd expect when the guy you like gets a girlfriend!"

"Think about it rationally. How many times have I been harsh to Isabel? Are you saying she’d like a guy like me? That’d make her a serious masochist."

"Those weren't your true feelings, though."

I was momentarily at a loss for words.

Why is everyone around me so perceptive?

Sometimes, having smart people around can be a problem too.

"Isabel isn’t an idiot. She probably senses why Hannon is acting this way, even vaguely."

Maybe I hadn't done enough.

As I was sinking into self-reproach, Sharin offered an alternative.

"But there has to be a trigger, at the very least. Besides…"

From what I could tell, Isabel’s expression had nothing to do with love.

It was… how should I put it?

A mixture of complex emotions that couldn’t be easily defined.

"So let's confirm it this time."

"And how do we confirm it?"

Was there some kind of magic to peek into people’s hearts?

"Just ask her directly."

I blinked.

When I pointed at Sharin, she shook her head.

Then she pointed at me, and Sharin nodded.

"…Wouldn’t it be better if you asked about love story?"

"Do you think Isabel would talk about love stories with me?"

Probably not.

If it were Sharin, she’d probably absentmindedly spill the story somewhere.

"And if she’s not aware of it herself, it’s better to ask directly. That way, you can gauge her reaction and confirm."

I let out a deep sigh.

No matter how I thought about it, that couldn’t possibly be the case.

But then again, I didn’t have any better ideas either.

If Isabel really was showing strange symptoms, I had to confirm it.

'Isabel’s awakening episode isn’t far off.'

Until then, I had to take care of Isabel’s mental state as much as possible.

"Alright."

At the very least, there should be a chance to ask her about the unusual behavior.

"So, how are you going to ask?"

"I’ll create the right setting."

Sharin’s eyes sparkled suspiciously.

"A perfect nighttime event where people just spill all kinds of stories."

A strange sense of unease began creeping in.

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* * *

Summer nights make people emotional.

The distant sound of ocean waves.

The cries of insects from between the bushes.

Beads of sweat slipping through the collars of our clothes.

Summer certainly has a way of shaking the human heart.

And on such a magical summer night, I found myself in a room with two of the school’s most beautiful girls.

Iris, who had spent the day playing to her heart’s content, was lying leisurely on the dormitory bed.

With her light summer attire, her skin kept peeking through.

Hania was next to her, fanning Iris to keep her cool.

Even though there was cooling magic in the room, Hania was still diligently taking care of her.

"Iris, as much as I admire you, don’t you think it’d be better if I took a separate room?"

I said, looking at Iris in her revealing outfit.

She glanced at me.

"I sleep well when Hannon is next to me."

"Hannon, just listen to Iris."

Was she planning to cuddle me to sleep again today?

I wish she’d consider how it felt to be the one getting hugged to sleep.

The scent of Iris’s roses was already making me feel dizzy.

‘I need to figure this out soon.’

At this rate, she might start visiting me at the dorm, saying she couldn’t sleep there either.

But thanks to this situation, I came to a realization.

‘I can finally be sure of which emotion the bandages of the veil have suppressed.’

Iris is one of the most beautiful women in the empire.

Even though she had hugged me multiple times…

My heart was completely calm.

Just like how being hugged by a man might feel unpleasant but not evoke much emotion, being hugged by a woman felt pleasant but didn’t evoke any deeper thoughts.

To put it precisely, all sexual feelings had been completely suppressed in me.

‘So, the emotion the veil bandages took from me was love, just like Lucas.’

Perhaps Iris freely hugged me because I showed no sexual interest in her at all.

Iris, with her sensitive intuition, would have undoubtedly noticed if I had even the slightest of such feelings.

‘Maybe it’s because I never had this emotion in the first place.’

Having lost one emotion, I didn’t feel any regret at all.

If anything, it made it easier to approach situations objectively.

‘So this is what it is.’

It wasn’t much different from saying I was perpetually in a state of detachment.

‘No, wait. Maybe it’s more dangerous than I thought.’

At the moment, I didn’t feel like there was a problem.

But the erosion of emotions must be affecting something somewhere.

‘Maybe this is also because of the influence of the Veil Bandages.’

The feeling of losing my emotions seemed natural, something to be expected.

Realizing that, I could admit—it was dangerous.

‘Love.’

It isn’t something limited to people or others.

Love includes things like animals, favorite activities, and hobbies.

And beyond that,

‘Myself.’

I looked down at my hands.

Recently, as the feelings of love faded, I found myself caring less about my own well-being.

Of course, it wasn’t that I didn’t act when situations were dangerous.

I used whatever means necessary.

But underlying those actions was a tendency to recklessly push myself.

...Now that I’ve realized it, this might be more dangerous than I thought.

When my love is completely worn away, and I can no longer even love myself—

What kind of choice will I make then?

“Hannon?”

Iris called out to me, tilting her head as she leaned closer.

She must have noticed I was deep in thought, her expression filled with curiosity.

“Are you okay? You look tired.”

“I’m fine.”

“How could he be tired when Iris is holding him so warmly? If anything, he must feel rejuvenated.”

Hania grumbled jealously, glaring at me with irritation.

She was never one to hide her jealousy when it came to Iris.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts.

In any case, thanks to Iris and Hania being with me, there wasn’t much to worry about.

For now,

‘But more importantly—’

I was concerned about this “nighttime event” that Sharin had mentioned.

That girl is so unpredictable.

I couldn’t help but worry about what kind of trouble she might cause.

When I looked outside, the sky had already turned pitch black.

The summer night breeze tapped against the window.

Knock-knock—

Then came a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it.”

Instead of Hania, who was about to set down her fan, I got up from my seat.

When I opened the door—just as I expected—it was Sharin.

The problem was, an unexpected smell wafted off of her.

Without thinking, I covered my nose.

“Sharin, are you…”

It was the smell of alcohol.

Closing the door behind me, I stepped outside.

“This ‘nighttime event’—was this what you meant?”

“When you drink, anything can happen~!”

In contrast to reality, in Flame Butterfly, drinking isn’t a problem for anyone over 15.

So it wasn’t strange for Sharin to be drinking.

“I can’t imagine Isabel drinking, though.”

“Mina persuaded her.”

For some reason, Mina always seems to bring out the worst in people.

“And Belle has been under constant pressure, you know.”

Now that she had a chance to rest, it seemed she had leaned on alcohol for comfort too.

“She seemed to be doing better recently, though.”

“Yeah, thanks to you, Hannon.”

All my efforts seem to have paid off.

“Even so, Belle still hasn’t escaped Lucas’s shadow.”

Sharin’s expression darkened.

Lucas had been her friend too.

Though not as close as he was to Isabel,

Lucas’s death had been just as shocking to her.

“Belle admired Lucas. He was the kind of person who seemed capable of anything.”

When someone you admire comes back as a cold corpse,

the shock is indescribable.

“Maybe Belle is projecting Lucas onto you, Hannon.”

“I don’t think I have much in common with Lucas.”

“The part where you seem like you can do anything.”

Sharin’s lips curled into a smirk.

“That’s a similarity, isn’t it?”

Her smile reflected all the crazy things I’d done so far.

“I’ve never met anyone who consistently pulls off as many unexpected stunts as you, Hannon.”

Well, I’ve been desperate enough to resort to any means, so there’s that.

“So, it’s not strange that Isabel would see Lucas in you.”

Sharin was unusually talkative tonight.

Then I noticed the redness creeping up her ears.

‘This girl—’

She’s drunk.

No wonder she was rambling.

Her face was perfectly fine, so I hadn’t noticed.

‘Well, to get Isabel to drink—’

Sharin probably had to drink alongside her too.

‘Looking at her now, I can tell how much Sharin really cares for Isabel.’

Sharin wished for nothing more than for Isabel to stop hurting and to live as her true self.

That’s why she’d asked me to provoke Isabel’s anger when we first met.

And today, she even drank with her to bring out her true feelings.

“Sharin.”

Sharin’s unfocused eyes met mine.

“Isabel is lucky to have a friend like you.”

Perhaps Sharin felt guilty for not being able to support Isabel enough after losing Lucas.

Hearing my words, Sharin let out a laugh.

It was the clearest laugh I’d ever heard from her.

“Hannon, I…”

She suddenly covered her mouth.

“I feel like I’m gonna puke.”

So all that talking was just her last effort before throwing up, huh?

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