Page 52 of The Women of Oak Ridge

CHRISTMAS CAME AND WENT. The new year arrived. The war continued. People moved to Oak Ridge nearly every day to work on the secret project. I’d heard there were more than seventy thousand residents on the Reservation now. Everyone carried on as usual.

Everyone except me.

My life ended the day Clive Morrison threatened my family. I thought I’d be rid of him when I returned the stolen papers to him the day after Christmas... but I was wrong.

“I know Mr. Colby gives you certain documents to take to the incinerator,” he’d said, a smug look on his face. We sat in Clive’s car in the parking lot at Jackson Square. I hadn’t wanted anyone to see me with him, so we’d agreed to meet away from the dorm.

My stomach had twisted with his words. I knew what was coming.

“I want those documents, Mae. Instead of taking them directly to the incinerator, you’ll bring them to me. I’ll keep the ones that interest me and give you replacements. No one will be the wiser.”

“I’ll be the wiser,” I’d hissed, sickened by what I’d become involved in. “I’ll know. Mr. Colby trusts me. I won’t do it.”

His eyes had narrowed on me. “Yes, Mae, you will. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you of the consequences if you refuse.”

Sissy’s sweet face had filled my mind’s eye. Mama’s, Pa’s, and Harris’s too.

I’d climbed from the vehicle, unable to see through my tears.

That was the day I went from being an accomplice to Clive’s crimes to committing full-fledged espionage. I’d aligned myself with a murderer and a spy. There was no going back. The authorities wouldn’t care that I’d had no choice.

Everything was different after that. I didn’t want to be around anyone for fear they’d suspect the truth.

Guilt kept me from going to church, and I ate my meals by myself, refusing my friends’ offers to sit at their table.

Garlyn noticed. Each time he’d invite me out on a date, I’d make up an excuse of why I couldn’t go.

After weeks of this, he finally asked, “What’s going on, Mae? ”

I’d hated to do it, but I’d lied to him one last time. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I’m sorry.”

The hurt in his eyes pierced my heart, but I didn’t take back the words. I saw him from time to time at K-25. He was always friendly and polite, but I knew I’d wounded him.

Mrs. Kepple assigned a new girl to my room, which thankfully prevented Clive from demanding I hide documents in the dorm again.

Dorothy was a nice girl, but I wouldn’t let myself get close to her.

It was too dangerous. If I accidentally let something slip, we could both find ourselves at the bottom of the Clinch River.

Sissy’s mama mailed more letters to her daughter after Christmas, but I sent them all back, unopened, with the words Return to sender; not at this address written across the front.

The letters eventually stopped coming. I wouldn’t let myself think about the woman’s fears and heartbreak.

No amount of tears or wishes could bring Sissy back.

I consoled myself with the belief that she was in heaven, far away from the evils of the world.

Even Velvet felt my rebuff. If I noticed her waiting for the bus, I’d pretend I hadn’t seen her friendly nod and walk the other way.

On more than one occasion, Clive insisted on driving me home in order to exchange stolen documents if we hadn’t had a chance to do so earlier.

Garlyn happened to be at the bus terminal on one of those days, not long after I’d broken things off with him.

He’d watched me climb into Clive’s sedan, a question in his eyes when I’d glanced his way.

I longed to run to him and tell him everything, but that would only put him in danger too.

It was best to act as though my heart didn’t break a little more every time I saw him.

By March, I’d passed dozens of confidential documents to Clive.

I didn’t know why they were important to the Russians, but Clive claimed they would help keep the world safe.

I often found Mr. Colby’s eyes on me, but he seemed more concerned than suspicious.

I did my job and kept to myself. If anyone noticed a difference in me, no one questioned me about it.

The truth is, a lot of people were having difficulties dealing with news from the war, losing loved ones, and the constant stress to keep our lives in Oak Ridge secret from everyone.

Dr. Clarke, the chief psychiatrist on the Reservation, brought in additional employees to help with the heavy load of patients seeking relief.

I’d considered visiting him myself but ultimately decided it wasn’t a good idea.

The issues that kept me awake at night weren’t something I could discuss with anyone.

By April, news from Germany gave us all hope the Allies were gaining ground in the war. Hitler was reportedly ill, holed up in a bunker in Berlin, watching his army fall apart. Everyone was shocked when we learned he’d committed suicide. Germany surrendered unconditionally a week later.

The war in Europe was over.

I sat in my dorm room that night, watching the celebration in the streets from my window.

Crowds of Oak Ridgers sang and danced, shouted and cried for hours after the news reached us.

Although I was as elated as everyone else, relieved that our boys would come home, the news meant only one thing to me.

I would be free from the strangling grip of fear Clive Morrison had on me.

He would no longer need me to steal documents.

He wouldn’t need me to hide his terrible secrets.

K-25 and the other plants would close. I would go home, return to my life, and try to forget everything.

With the threat from Germany and Hitler gone, there wasn’t a need for the terrible weapon we were all working on.

Clive had told me earlier that General Groves, the man in charge of the project, was worried Hitler would develop an atomic bomb first. The world, Clive had said, would never be the same if that happened. But now, that fear was gone.

The day after victory in Europe was announced, I went to work as usual.

Even though I felt lighter than I had in months, I wasn’t the same naive girl who’d left Kentucky a year ago.

I now bore scars no one could see. Yet home beckoned.

Somehow I would manage to carve out a life, despite the dark secrets I carried inside.

Mr. Colby called everyone together shortly after I arrived at K-25. I joined the other employees of the maintenance shop at what would hopefully be the last meeting we had before the plant closed.

“I know you’ve all heard the news about the war in Europe coming to an end,” he said.

People responded with a loud cheer. “You no doubt have questions about the future of K-25, your jobs, and Oak Ridge. I admit I don’t have all the answers, but what I can tell you is that K-25 is still open for business and will be for the foreseeable future. ”

Another cheer went up.

I, however, stood still, staring at my boss.

What did he mean? Weren’t we going home?

“The war in the Pacific is still raging,” Mr. Colby continued, his voice somber. “Lots of our boys are dying over there. We here at home must stay on the job until all our soldiers are safe.”

Murmurs and nods of agreement filled the small space.

My shoulders fell. Tears sprang to my eyes.

I looked down at my feet so no one would see them.

Of course I wanted all of our soldiers home safe, but with Hitler dead and the fear of him developing an atomic bomb no longer a threat, why was enriched uranium still necessary? Why couldn’t we all go home?

The other employees dispersed and went back to work as usual. I walked to where I’d left my bicycle the day before. I needed to get away to a quiet place and think.

I’d just hopped onto the seat when Mr. Colby approached.

“Willett, please take these documents to the incinerator.” He held out a manila packet. It didn’t matter that it was stamped “Secret” in red ink or that it was sealed. I couldn’t count the number of envelopes I’d opened over the past four months.

Nausea swept over me as I reached for the despised packet. The sweet freedom I’d almost been able to taste just moments ago had turned bitter in my gut.

“Mr. Colby, can I ask you a question?”

“What is it?”

“How long do you think the war in the Pacific will last?”

He gave a slight shrug. “There’s no way to know. But,” he paused, “our work here in Oak Ridge is important to the war effort. What we’re doing could help speed things up.”

I knew he meant the development of a new bomb.

I still didn’t understand how an atomic bomb was different from those that were being used already, but Clive seemed to believe it would be far more powerful.

I wished I could ask Mr. Colby to explain it all, but that was impossible.

I wasn’t supposed to know what was happening here at K-25 and the other plants.

I wasn’t supposed to know that uranium that had been enriched in Oak Ridge had already made its way to another secret city in New Mexico.

According to Clive, that location was where the bomb was being built.

“I hope so, sir,” I finally said.

I pedaled away, the packet of documents in the wire basket. I was tempted to take it directly to the incinerator and bypass Clive altogether, but I’d tried that once. He’d found me later that day, livid.

“Don’t ever do that again, Mae,” he’d said, his teeth clenched.

“I know when Colby is finished with certain documents. I know who comes and goes from the incinerator. You don’t want to cross me.

You don’t want me to tell the people I’m working with that you aren’t cooperating.

It would be easy for them to go to backwoods Kentucky and deal with things . ”

The threat shook me to my core.