Page 9 of The Woman at the Funeral (Costa Family #11)

I would never admit it aloud, but I’d spent more time than was appropriate wondering what the man’s home might look like.

I couldn’t help it.

I was just wired to think of things like aesthetics.

I’d imagined a whole art deco decorated apartment for the man who rang me up at the bookstore a few weeks back.

I had imagined something sleek, modern, maybe having a bit of a little bachelor pad aesthetic.

I was pleasantly surprised to find his place was a masterclass in timeless masculine elegance.

His living room was color-drenched in a dark true gray that he paired with warm brown leather couches and chairs, and lighter-colored herringbone hardwood floors.

The living area melted into the kitchen that featured black cabinets and exposed brick walls.

The whole space was effortlessly classy.

Much like the man himself.

I didn’t love his art. But I had to admit that it suited the color scheme and seemed to be originals, not mass-produced prints, which was nice.

“Come on. Let’s wash those hands,” Nico said, leading me over toward the sink.

He moved behind me, trapping me with his big body as he reached around me to get the water warm, then pulled my hands under the stream.

I flinched at the sting but didn’t pull my hands from his as he carefully applied soap, then rolled pieces of pebbles out of the cuts.

“Here, sit,” he said, pulling out an island seat and pressing me into it. He handed me paper towels for my hands. “I’m just going to get my first aid kit.”

He came back and gently coated my palms in antibiotic cream, then cleaned and treated my chin.

Finished with that, he cleaned up. Then brought me a glass of water and a bottle of a blue sports drink.

“Sorry, this is a blue flavor household.”

“It’s the only good flavor,” I said, reaching for it before remembering my hands.

Nico took it in his hands instead, twisting off the top before passing it back to me.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I chugged half the bottle before nodding. “I did the whole loop with no problem, but I just wanted to go a little further.”

“After the loop ?” he asked, brows raising.

“Running helps me clear my mind.”

“I like a good run too. But that’s impressive. So, you decided to do the North Woods?”

“In retrospect, probably not my best idea. I know that is a really secluded area.”

“You’re not to blame for wanting to have a run through a wooded area to get away from the city.”

“Still. I mean, the reality is what it is.”

“Well, if you want, anytime you want to take a run through a less populated area of Central Park, call me. I can always go for a run.”

“I don’t have your number,” I blurted out. Even though I knew I really needed to not have that at my disposal. I knew there was a good chance that I might reach for my phone in quiet, needy moments.

Nico looked genuinely perplexed at that.

“Do you have your phone?”

I reached for it with my uncoated fingertips, tapping in my code, then passing it to him.

“I had no service in there either.”

“Yeah. I have issues just around the Pool sometimes,” he said as he typed in his number, then called himself with my phone. “There. Now we can contact each other if we need to. Do you remember anything about the guy?”

“Not really. I didn’t get a good look at him. He had a baseball cap shading his face. Just tall. Average. Strong.”

“Strong?” Nico asked, stiffening. “Did he hurt you? I thought you fell.”

“I did. But he grabbed my ankle and pulled. That’s how I hit my chin. But I think kicking him might have been how I lost him.”

“Good for you. Whatever it takes to get away. I used to make my baby sister carry mace and an extendable baton everywhere she went.”

“I didn’t realize you had a sister. I heard Matthew talk about your brothers.”

“Yeah. There’s six of us in total. It’s me, Leo, Cesare, Gavino, Zeno, and Lore.”

“Wow. That must have been crazy growing up.”

“The good kind of crazy mostly. Always someone to hang out with. And also always someone to hog the shower or borrow your shit.”

“Are you all still close?”

“Very. I usually see each of them every week. A little less with Lore. She married and moved to Brooklyn, so we don’t see her as much as the rest of us who all are still in Manhattan.”

“Are the others married?” Why was I prying into his personal life so much?

“Cesare is. He met a sweet florist and locked her down real quick. They’re busy popping out and raising kids. But Zen is too busy on his computer to get serious about a woman. Besides, they might get freaked out by his disaster of an apartment. He’s got some… executive dysfunction issues.

“And Gav, well, Gav is a bit of a grumpy recluse.”

“What about Leo?”

“Leo will settle down eventually. He’s just been working a lot lately, doing some traveling.”

“And you?”

“Just haven’t found the right woman yet,” he admitted. And it was just so… honest. And mature. Like he genuinely wanted to be married and was a little bit frustrated that he hadn’t made it to that milestone yet.

“But you want to be married?”

“Absolutely. I’ve known all my life that I want a wife and kids.”

“Six of them?” I asked, shooting him a little smile.

“If she’s game, I am.”

There was absolutely no reason for my heart to squeeze the way it did right then.

“I’ve always wanted a bunch of kids,” I admitted, relieved to say it aloud. “I guess it just wasn’t in the cards for me. Not for lack of trying and getting all kinds of tests run.”

“You were trying to get pregnant?” Nico asked. Something dark had taken over his face. It was unsettling enough to make my stomach twist.

“Yes. Almost since I got married. I wanted to start a family right away. What is it?” I asked when he reached up to tug at the collar of his shirt.

“I… I don’t know… I’m torn with loyalties here.”

“It’s about Matthew?” I asked. “About us having kids?”

Nico looked a mix of confused and… angry.

But angry about what?

“Matt knew you were… trying and going for tests?”

“Yeah, of course. He was the one there every month when it was clear I wasn’t pregnant, telling me we had another month to work on it.”

“Christ,” Nico said. His jaw had gone so tight that a muscle twitched.

“What is it? Please.”

There was a thickness in my voice then. Years of disappointment and shattered hopes coming to the surface once again.

“Honey, Matt had a vasectomy when he was twenty-four.”

I swear the floor yawned open beneath me and sucked me down. That was how hard my belly flipped.

“ What ?”

“He had a scare. As soon as he knew he was in the clear, he went in and got snipped. He said he never wanted to have to worry about that again. But… maybe he got it reversed.”

“Don’t do that,” I said, lower lip wobbling. “Don’t try to defend him. This is… indefensible.”

Now I knew why he’d been so firm about not going to get tested. Because he knew I would insist on being there with him when he got his results. Ones that would say he couldn’t have kids. Because he’d removed any chance of it happening.

And he’d said nothing.

Even as I cried every month when I got my period. Each time I did a test because I was just a few days late, full of hope, and then the crushing defeat when the results said my hopes of being a mom were further and further off.

“How could he do that to me?” I asked, sniffling. I was losing my weak hold on my emotions. I was going to be a sobbing mess in a minute if I didn’t rein it in. “Knowing how much I wanted it?”

“I don’t have an answer for you, honey. You’re right. There’s no excuse for that. Not when he knew you wanted kids.”

How much of my life with Matthew had been a lie?

If he’d been able to hold me while I cried about my dreams of motherhood being just out of reach, what else might he have kept from me, or outright lied to my face about?

“I’m sorry for dropping that on you,” Nico said, reaching toward my hand, then remembering the cuts and letting his arm fall to his side.

“No. No, it’s… good to know. There really wasn’t anything wrong with me. Matthew just didn’t give me a chance.”

I sniffled hard and squeezed my eyes shut.

How could he?

Just that thought had a sob escaping me.

The next thing I knew, I was pulled against a wide chest. I had strong arms around me. I was crying into a dry clean-only shirt again.

Eventually, one of Nico’s hands slid up my back to settle at the back of my neck, fingers likely meeting sweat and grime.

That finally had me clawing my way back out of the betrayal and grief. For the sham of a marriage I’d been trying to save. For the trust that I’d placed in my husband. For my belief that we’d both wanted the same things. Because he’d never told me otherwise.

“Sorry, I’m probably getting you filthy,” I said, pulling away.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry. I didn’t know if it was better or worse to tell you. But I didn’t want you to go through life thinking there was something the tests missed. That you couldn’t be a mom.”

“No. No, I needed to know. I’ve made myself sick over this for so long. All along, Matthew had just been lying to me.” I wiped my cheeks with the backs of my hands. “What else was he lying to me about?” I asked, speaking mostly to myself.

“Listen, if there’s anything you have lingering questions about, let me know. I’ll see if I can give you some answers or clarification.”

“Thank you. I know it can’t be easy to talk like this about your friend.”

“I knew Matt almost my whole life. I’m fully aware that he had flaws. And that honesty wasn’t always his forte. I guess I hoped, for your sake, that he was more forthcoming with you.”

“I’m starting to think he lied to me most of all.”

“Is there anything in particular you want to ask me about?”

A million big and little things.

“You paid for my wedding, didn’t you?” I asked. “Matthew said a deal he’d been working on finally paid out. But… when did his schemes ever actually pay off?”

“Yeah, sweetheart. That was me.”

“And this?” I asked, raising my left hand where my engagement ring still sat. Mostly out of some strange guilt I was still feeling about his death so soon after kicking him out of the apartment.

“I loaned him the money. I didn’t pick it out.”

I reached to slide it off my finger, setting it on the island.

“Thanks. You can have it back. I actually hated that ring,” I admitted. “I just could never bring myself to tell Matthew that.”

Nico gave me a nod as he reached for it, lifting it up to look at it. Then, brows pinching, pulling it closer.

“What is it?”

Nico said nothing. He walked across his apartment, going to the window, and gently scraping the diamond down at the very corner of the glass.

“Matt, you fuck,” Nico grumbled to himself.

My heart sank.

“It was a fake?”

Nico turned to me, sucking in a steadying breath.

“Honey, I’m sorry to be the bearer of even more bad news today, but that’s definitely not a real diamond.”

“But you gave him the money for a real diamond?”

“I absolutely gave him the money for a real diamond.”

It was a three-carat ring.

Depending on the clarity of the diamond, it could have cost nearly twenty grand.

Nico had lent Matthew twenty thousand dollars. Then bought me a ring worth maybe a hundred bucks.

Where had the rest of that money gone?

Not to me, to bills, to our wedding, to anything for us or our future.

I had an entire life built on nothing but lies.

“I’ll pay you back for it. And the wedding.”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

“You shouldn’t have had to pay for my sham of a relationship.”

“Maybe if I hadn’t paid, you wouldn’t have gone through with it in the first place.”

I wanted to insist that wasn’t true.

But there was a possibility, despite how in love I thought I had been, that I would have been practical enough to see that a man who couldn’t buy a ring or pitch in for the wedding was not someone I could rely on to help support a growing family.

Sure, I had a good career. I was more than capable of supporting both of us.

But my career depended entirely on me. What if I was sick?

What if I had complications after birth?

What if we had a special needs child who demanded more of my time?

I needed to know I had a partner who could keep the bills paid if I was incapacitated in some way or another.

“I wouldn’t have given him the money if I knew he was being so dishonest with you.”

I believed him.

I couldn’t claim to know Nico well. But everything I knew and had seen from him so far implied he was a stand-up guy.

“I can’t believe this is my life,” I admitted, feeling oddly numb. Like my mind and body had taken on too much and were shutting down to protect me from further stress.

I brushed at more dirt on my clothes, suddenly fixated on how dirty I was.

“How about I drive you home so you can clean up?” Nico suggested.

I gave him a nod.

He grabbed his keys and we both moved toward the door, leaving my fake ring on the island.

We’d just exited on the lower level when we almost ran right into my real estate agent.

“Oh! Well, this is just fate, isn’t it?” Barbara said, beaming at the two of us. She was in her usual gray jacket and skirt. Her brassy shade of reddish-brown hair was as stiff as her shirt collar. Her blue eyes lit up at the sight of us.

“Oh, hi, Barb,” I said, feeling even more insecure about the state of me.

“I was just on my way up to check out the apartment going on the market this weekend. I think it might be perfect for you,” she told me. “And, look, you’d have a friend right in the building!” She shot Nico an almost maternal smile.

“Who’s moving out?” Nico asked.

“That’s the beauty of it. The unit right above yours! The word is the current owner nearly gutted it and redid the whole thing. I think it’s going to be just your style,” she told me.

And, damn her, she was right.

But I couldn’t move into the unit just above Nico’s place.

Things were already weirdly familiar between us.

And I’d have a hard time hearing his shower turn on and not picturing him in there, naked, maybe hard.

Or, worse yet, entertaining another woman.

Just the thought of that had my stomach lurching for reasons I was choosing not to analyze.

I couldn’t do it.

No way.