Page 30 of The Wolf

Vega

I woke up feeling peaceful—a peace I had never felt before. There was less weight on my chest than most mornings, and I carried half the burdens I was used to. It was a strange feeling not to harbor all the resentment and anger of a man who didn't deserve to live.

Poppy had somehow given me a new birth. I was a new man, being reborn into the same body. The scars of my past would never go away, but they would fade, and I could make up for them. I could repent for all my sins and become something better. I finally had something worth keeping.

I rolled to my side to find Poppy's spot empty and cold. I pushed up onto my elbows and rubbed my eyes. I blinked several times and looked around the room, but she wasn't there. I took a deep breath and sat up completely, letting my feet sink into a soft pile of clothes and blankets on the floor.

I rubbed my head and ran my hands down my face as I gathered myself. I went into the hall and walked down to the kitchen, avoiding the stacks of books and piles of newspapers. I heard movement in the kitchen and found my mother looking out the small window above the sink.

“Good morning,” I said.

“Is it good?” she asked as she turned to face me. She was holding a mug in her hands as she glared at me with dark eyes. “Because from where I'm standing, I just see a hurricane sweeping through.”

“Right. The hurricane is me. Got it.” I closed my mouth and shifted my eyes to her mug. “Is there more coffee?” I asked.

My mother jerked her head towards the coffee pot beside the fridge. “Mugs are in the cabinet right above it. Help yourself.”

I opened the cabinet and took out a mug. I could feel my mother's eyes on me as I filled the mug with coffee. She was staring through me, her eyes piercing every organ like a serrated blade. “What?” I asked.

“I see you were nosing around my personal stuff.” She snapped her chin at me as her eyes ran over my clothes.

I looked down at myself and held out both arms. “And I see you lied to me when you said you burned everything.”

“Grow up, Vega. I didn't mean literally. Although, maybe I should have.” My mother's lips pursed tight as thick lines creased across her forehead. “When are you leaving?” she asked harshly.

“As soon as possible. Where's Poppy?”

She shrugged a shoulder. “I don't know. Bathroom, probably.”

I looked down the hall to see that the bathroom door was closed. I relaxed slightly and took a sip of the fresh coffee. “What are you doing, Mom? What is all this?” I asked, referring to all the crap she had stuffed in her home.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You know what I mean. I don't like seeing you live like this. You deserve better.”

“How dare you? Who the hell do you think you are? You show up out of nowhere after a decade and think you have any right to tell me how you think I should be living. How I live is none of your damn business.”

I took a slow sip of coffee. “I'm sorry, Mom. I really am. But look at all this?” I looked around the messy kitchen at the piles of newspapers and stacks of junk mail.

Dirty dishes, dusty cans of food, and trash were scattered across the counters.

Tupperware and trinkets, old framed pictures of my grandparents, and my mother as a child were piled up between everything else. My mother had become a hoarder.

“This is my home, Vega. Don't you dare come in here on your fucking high horse and judge me. After everything that happened, you have no right.” My mother threw her finger in my face and waved her arm.

“I didn't ask you to come here. I didn't ask for your opinion. You can get the hell out.” She pointed to the door with a stiff arm.

“Mom, I'm not trying to upset you. It's just that this isn't you. You used to keep the house spotless. I remember you making me scrub the entire kitchen floor in our old house once because I spilled soda, and you were afraid it would attract ants if I missed a spot. This place is a disaster.”

“A lot of things have changed in ten years, Vega. I'm not the same person I used to be. I'm not the mother you remember.”

“Mom—”

She waved a limp hand as she hung her head. “Just go, Vega. Get the hell out of my house.”

“Don't worry, I'm leaving. I didn't plan on staying.” I chugged the rest of my coffee and slammed the mug down on a small, open space of the counter. “Poppy!” I called out as I started down the hall. “Poppy,” I said again loudly and then knocked on the bathroom door. “Time to go.”

There was no answer. Just silence.

“Poppy?” I pounded on the door harder. “Hey, we need to go. You almost done?”

Silence.

I jiggled to doorknob. It was locked. “Poppy!” I yelled as I hit the door hard with an open palm. “Come on, this isn't funny. Open the door.”

Nothing.

“Jesus, Vega. Things don't change much, huh? You still have that asshole attitude. I wouldn't answer you either if you talked to me like that.”

I gave my mother a side-eye look and said, “This is your last chance to open up, or I'm breaking this door down.”

“Don't you even think about breaking my door!” my mother yelled as she took a few steps into the hall.

“Poppy, did you hear me?” I pushed my ear to the door, listening for any movement.

Maybe she was in the shower and couldn't hear me yelling at all.

But there was no noise. Not a sound. “Okay, I'm coming in.

Move if you're behind the door.” I shoved my shoulder against the door and pushed. The door didn't budge.

“Vega! I told you not to break it!”

“I'm going in!” I yelled back. “I'll pay to have it fixed!” I took a step back and charged forward, using all my strength. The door popped open with a loud crack.

“You bet your ass you're going to pay for that! Well? You feel better now? Did you freak her the hell out?” my mother asked as she stormed down the hall. “Did he frighten you, Poppy? He does that sometimes.”

“Fuck,” I said under my breath. “Did you see Poppy this morning at all?”

“No. Why?” She poked her head over my shoulder and looked inside the bathroom.

“Because she's gone.” The bathroom window was wide open. I stuck my head out the window and realized my jeep was missing. “God damn it,” I said.

“What?” my mother asked.

“My car is gone, too. She must have taken it.”

“Smart girl. She knew to get far away from you.”

“That's not why she took it. She's not running from me; she's running towards someone else.”

My mother let out a laugh of disbelief. “Yeah, okay. You keep telling yourself that. Who did she ditch you for?”

“Her father.”

My mother smiled as she leaned against the door frame. “Sounds to me like she's running away from you. That's what girls do when they're scared and want to feel safe. They go home. They look to their father for protection.”

“You don't get it,” I said as I faced my mother. “Her father hired me to kill her. I'm trying to save her.”

My mother's eyebrows dipped into the bridge of her nose. “You really think I'm going to believe that? Come on, Vega. You don't save people. You're a murderer. You let people die just like your father.”

“I'm trying to save her. I want to make things right.”

“If you're supposed to be saving her, why would she run back to the man who wants her dead? It doesn't make sense.”

“Because she wants answers.” I took a deep breath, trying to maintain control over my emotions.

“Don't we all,” my mother said.

“I don't have time for this right now, Mom. Where's your car keys?” I asked.

She eyed me as her lips turned paper-thin. “No. Absolutely not. I'm not giving you my car.”

“Mom. Please. I need to find her before she gets herself killed.”

“It's her father, Vega. I highly doubt he'd kill her.”

“He's trying to kill her. That's how we ended up here. I've been protecting her from him.”

“Can you, for once, just once in your lifetime, tell me the truth?”

I closed the gap between us and took her by her arms. Staring into her eyes, I arched my brows and said, “I swear to you, it is the truth. Her father is a bad man. He's worse than me. Worse than Dad. Worse than anyone I have ever met in my life. Please, Mom. I need your help. She has my gun.”

My mother pulled herself free and walked past me. “And I'm guessing my cell phone, too, because I can't find it this morning. I thought I misplaced it, but I think I'm wrong.”

“Maybe you did. You have a lot of junk, Mom.”

She looked up. Her eyes were glossy and full of tears.

“Do you know why I came here after your father died?” she asked.

I shook my head. “This is where I grew up.

This was my childhood home. I feel safe here, Vega.

I couldn't stand to be in that house after—” My mother cut herself off and looked down at her feet.

“I had to remove myself from everything.

I couldn't handle the thought of losing you, too.”

“Mom, I'm not Dad. I'm not going to kill myself. And this isn't living. You're hiding behind mountains of garbage. This isn't healthy for you. When this is all done, I want you to come live with me.”

My father had broken. Something inside his brain had flipped. No one saw it coming. He seemed fine. No signs of depression. No clue that he had a battle raging inside that he would lose.

We came home to find him hanging from the rafter in the basement. No suicide note. No explanation. He was just gone. I was eighteen. It fractured our family, and it changed both of us. My mother and I were never the same.

“No, Vega. I can't.” My mother shook her head as she looked around. “This is my home.”

“It doesn't have to be. I still have the cabin. We can start over. I'm not that person anymore. I've changed. Poppy changed me. I'm done with that life. I swear.”

Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I want to believe you, Vega.”

“Don't just want to believe me, believe me. She has my gun, and she's going to try and kill him. But she won't do it. He'll kill her first. I need to stop her. Please.”

My mother's eyes danced between mine. She sniffled and shook her head. “Okay. I'll help you. The keys are hanging on the wall by the front door. But be careful. Don't go getting yourself killed.”

I kissed the top of her head and smiled. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I'll be back for you soon. Then we can start over. We can find the life we both deserve.”

“I'd like that.” My mother wiped the tears off her cheeks. “I'd like that a lot.”

I moved for the front door when my mother called out, “Vega!” I stopped and looked back over my shoulder. “You look just like your father in that outfit.”

I didn't respond. I only gave her a loving smile.

It was a compliment. It made me feel good.

My mother saw my father in me. Despite what he had chosen to do with his life, a part of my father was still a good man.

It was the part my mother was seeing. The part she gave her life to.

It was the man she met as a young girl. It was the man she fell in love with and the man who loved her back.

She wasn't seeing the killer. She wasn't seeing the emotionless murderer.

My mother wasn't seeing the man who abandoned us without warning.

My mother wasn't seeing all the pieces that made my father a monster.

I was grateful for that. I was happy she could still find something beautiful in something so evil.

And I was going to hold true to my word.

I was going to start over with her. We were going to have a fresh beginning and find that bond a mother and son should have.

I couldn't replace all the years I stole from her.

I couldn't rewind time and give her back ten years, but I could give her the future.

My mother deserved it. She deserved to live in a world where her son was just that—a son. And maybe there would be a wedding and grandchildren one day. I wanted to give her all of that because my mother had earned some normalcy in a life she had no control over.