Page 39

Laurel

The Kalmeera family name has been respected throughout Velmara for thousands of years. Known for their practice of wedding the females of their line much earlier than tradition dictates, Kalmeeras are highly sought after for the Sons of Velmara. Some say their proclivity for producing multiple children comes from this practice, as well as the way they raise their females. Kalmeera males, on the other hand, are praised for their wit and intelligence. Many of the notable royal advisors throughout history have been from this noble family.

The Secrets and Stories of Velmara

When I wake the next morning, my body aches. Thorne’s revelations about what happened to me in those caves confuse me. Why had the aether been draining from my body?

I wonder if that’s why my muscles are so sore and why my joints screech when I lift my body into a sitting position. Lunaria is curled up at my feet, and I think I remember her sleeping there through the entire night. That’s rare, and yet another sign I’m still healing from yesterday. Any time I’ve ever truly been injured, Lunaria hasn’t left my side. I try to delicately shift my body so as not to disturb her, but it doesn’t work. At my tiniest movement, her ears perk up and her eyes open. She stands and pads over to me on the bed. Her massive frame bends over me, sniffing every part of my body before satisfying herself and leaping from the bed to curl up in her nest in the corner.

I sigh as I stretch my arms above my head. I want to tell my Council about Nemesia today, and my stomach churns with anticipation. I barely eat my breakfast, instead downing six cups of tea, which only serves to further agitate me with anxious energy. I also want to tell them I’ve been working with the Velmarans to infiltrate the Sons and Daughters and ask them to help me fight them. For too long I’ve stayed my hand, only acting in defense when the rebels made moves against my people. But today we start our offensive campaign. If they have Nemesia working with them, they’re more dangerous than I could have ever imagined.

I’m nervous though, and I don’t want to admit defeat and ask for help. They’re my advisors, but I’ve always kept them at a distance, allowing them to run the day-to-day of the kingdom and offer me their opinions. For three hundred years, I’ve presented myself as a calm and capable leader, who takes advice but never seeks it. The very idea makes me nauseous. I’ve pretended to have all the answers for so long, even when I didn’t have them, that I don’t know the first thing about where to begin. At first it was a necessity, the only way to quiet their fears and take control of the Council when my parents died and a young, inexperienced, female took over. Over time, it became the only acceptable part to play around them. Somehow, I need to not only tell them about Nemesia but explain without revealing too much about why I trust the Velmarans implicitly. Why I trust Velmara’s Crown Prince.

I try to ignore the movement around the source of my magic. It dives in and out, and I have this longing to let it in. Whatever it is. But until I know more, I cannot—will not—act on this strange bond with Thorne. Thayaria hasn’t survived three hundred years under my rule because of my rash or emotional decision making. My duty is to act strategically, carefully considering well-researched information. This will be no different.

Even if a small part of me wants to run down to Thorne right now and ride him until I forget my duty and our connected pasts.

“Lunaria, what am I going to do?” I whisper to the sleeping feline. She opens her eyes, then gives me a look that tells me I already know what to do. “You’re no help,” I hiss. She merely closes her eyes and hides her head under her enormous paws. An idea strikes me, and I pen a letter to Silene, asking for her to visit my chambers alone to discuss the strategy with my Council. I could easily aerstep down to her, but I’m nervous about seeing Thorne, so instead I will the paper to appear in her bedchamber where I know only she will find it. Less than twenty minutes later, there’s a knock on my door.

“Hi,” Silene huffs out the moment I open the door, and I can’t keep myself from grinning. “You wanted to see me?” She says the words tentative and excited, like she can’t believe I’d call on her now that Thorne’s my mate. I open the door wide and gesture her in. When we’re seated, me in my favorite chair and her on the sofa, she’s practically bouncing with excitement. Hiding my smile at her reaction, I explain why I asked her to come here.

“Thorne told me you guessed I had a mole on my Council.” She nods and gives me a sheepish grin. “I want to tell my Council about Nemesia and working with you three…” I trail off, realizing that other than Nemesia, she’s the only other person I’ve ever sought help from. Her amber eyes only stare back at me steadily. “I’m not sure if it’s the right decision. I think it’s time to go on the offensive with the rebels, but I don’t want to harm my people. What’s your advice?” Her eyes widen in surprise.

“Me? But—why me? Why not Thorne?” Even though she knows she’s the better strategist of them, she still doubts herself.

“You’re the smartest of all of us. Myself included. I’m lucky to have you as a friend and ally.” I say the words gently, hoping I can convey the truth of my sentiment. She blushes but then sits up straighter in her chair and pulls her shoulders back. She nods like she’s ready for battle. “What do you think about telling the Council? Is it the right move, politically speaking?” Her brows furrow in concentration.

“Do you really think Nemesia is the mole?” Her words are quiet, questioning, like she knows the way they’ll sting. Some part of me, deep down, wants to scream no, she couldn’t possibly have betrayed me. That same part of me that still doesn’t believe it’s true. But I must bury that voice.

“I don’t know how I could possibly believe otherwise. The evidence is too damning.” My words are short and clipped.

“Well, here’s what we actually know. The letter wasn’t addressed to anyone in particular. It only said my friend. It could just as easily been meant for you. Or another person on your Council.” My nostrils flare, not willing to accept this version of the story.

“Then how would the rebels have gotten the letter?” I snap, immediately regretting it. But she doesn’t flinch away from me, understanding my outburst is a coping mechanism to deal with my emotions. Just like Nemesia always understood.

“I’m not sure, but there are several possibilities,” she says slowly. “The actual mole may have intercepted it and placed it there for us to find. Or the rebels intercepted it and kept it because of the information it contained. All I’m saying is, we should be careful about assuming we’re in the clear with the mole. There could be multiple, or this could somehow be a trick we don’t yet understand.” She’s right, and I sigh at the complicated situation we’ve found ourselves in. Every time I think we’ve found answers, it only creates more questions and raises the stakes of failure.

“What do you recommend, then? With the Council?” She goes silent for a few beats, lost in thought. Her eyes track quickly side to side, like she’s visually playing out every possible path forward to determine which has the best outcome.

“You should still tell your Council about Nemesia. Tell them you’ve been working with us and you’re bringing us together to fight the rebels. In the background, the three of us will keep watch and try to see what information we can gather. We’re pretty good at getting information out of people when they think they’re flirting with Thorne or teaching a young and inexperienced female about politics.” She grins for a moment, but then her eyes widen. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have suggested that. Thorne doesn’t have to—” I hold up my hand to cut her off, hiding the hot spike of jealousy boiling in my veins.

“It’s okay. It’s a good strategy. I knew you’d come up with something brilliant.” My words are true, even if I hate the idea of Thorne flirting with my Council. “The three of you might find something useful. If there is another mole on the Council, someone may have heard or seen something, even if they haven’t put the pieces together about what it means.”

She looks unconvinced. “But, what about you and Thorne? Don’t you want to tell your Council about the two of you being mates?”

I laugh, a lifeless chuff. “Absolutely not. Until I know more about what this means, the only person I’m telling is Admon. You and Thorne will have to continue your charade. He and I will… Well, we’ll keep everything a secret.” She stares at me, and I know she can see through my words and flippancy, but she doesn’t press it, only nods and moves on with planning.

“We should plan an attack on the rebels and strategically leak information to different parts of the Council. Then, Fionn and I can use our in with the rebels to see if any of that information has made its way to them. That could help us narrow down who might be involved, and whether they’re working with Nemesia. Even if all that happens is the rebels distance themselves from Fionn and me, it might signal that someone has tipped them off that we’ve been working together, and we’ll know there’s at least a second mole.”

I nod, surprised by the relief I feel to have another person guiding me. Silene is so intelligent, and I should’ve consulted her sooner. “And what about—” I start, afraid to even say this aloud for how weak it will make me sound. “What about hurting innocent civilians? I don’t want to become even more of a monster in their eyes.” The words are soft, tentative. Her amber eyes glow with understanding of everything I can’t say aloud, of the fears and insecurities that I truly am the Witch Queen they whisper about.

“Laurel, there are always casualties in war. And make no mistake, this is a war. The rebellion has attacked you directly, has committed acts of domestic terrorism so severe they deserve to be punished. But I promise you, we’ll limit the worst of it.” She smiles at me and then jumps up from the couch and wraps me in a tight hug. It takes me by surprise, but this time my arms instinctively wrap around her with no hesitation.

“Thank you,” I murmur, and there’s so much meaning in those two words. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for filling the hole Nemesia left. Thank you for understanding me.

She squeezes me. “Good luck with the Council. You’ll do great, I know. Let me know how it goes.” With that, she turns and practically skips out the front door.

When the time for the Council meeting arrives, I take a deep breath, then walk down the hallway to their meeting chambers. Every advisor is here today, answering my last-minute summons. They all bow, and once I’m seated the rest of the room follows, chairs scraping against the floor.

“I have upsetting news to share today,” I tell them, my voice steady. I feel them lean in with interest, and I scan every single advisor, looking for the smallest sign that something’s amiss. My eyes meet Carex’s gaze, who seems to hang on my every word. “I’ve discovered evidence that suggests Nemesia is working with the Sons and Daughters of Thayaria.” Dozens of eyes stare at me with nothing but shock and disbelief. Murmurs break out, but I silence them with a raised hand. “The leader of the rebellion had in his possession a letter in her handwriting and with her signature,” I continue. “She passed him information she discovered in Velmara.”

“Your Majesty,” Carex interrupts, and I bristle. “I mean no disrespect, but how did you uncover this letter? Our spies couldn’t uncover the identity of the leader, much less his or her location.” Maybe it’s because he interrupted me, or maybe it’s because he’s been irritating me lately, but I narrow my eyes in anger before speaking with dangerous calm.

“Spies that I will remind you were hand selected and trained by Nemesia herself before she turned them over to you in her absence.” The murmuring in the room breaks out again.

Carex only bows his head slightly. “Of course. But then, how did you find this?” I steel myself for what I’m about to tell them.

“I’ve been working in secret with the Velmarans,” I admit, and chaos erupts in the Council chamber. All the advisors are speaking at once, some to me, some to each other. They’re shocked, angry, and uncertain. But none of them display anything I wouldn’t have expected except Admon, who doesn’t seem surprised in the least, though I suspect that’s because of what I told him about Thorne and me yesterday. I simply sit in silence until they quiet again. “I suspected a mole on this Council,” I disclose. “Nemesia herself brought the accusation to me and advised me not to disclose any sensitive information while she was gone. It was a convenient way to ensure I didn’t uncover that in her absence, there were no leaks. I’m deeply sorry for my suspicion of all of you.” Dozens of angry eyes glare at me, and I know I’ve broken trust with many of them. I’ll have to deal with those consequences later.

“Your Majesty, you acted in the best interest of Thayaria with the information you had,” Admon offers, though I know it won’t undo the damage I’ve done by lying. I give him a thankful smile anyway.

“The Velmarans were approached by the rebels and brought that information to me. They offered to pretend to seek an alliance with the rebellion in order to discover their leadership and movements. They were successful,” I explain.

“Your Majesty,” Carex interrupts again, and now the interruption feels targeted. I’m trying to get all the information out, but he keeps adding his own commentary. I want my advisors to speak up, but not when I’m in the middle of revealing important information. “If the Velmarans are the ones who procured this letter, how are you so certain of its authenticity? I think I speak for all of us when I say that I doubt their trustworthiness.” Murmurs of agreement break out across the room, and after Carex’s display at Winter Solstice, I want to rattle him with my magic a little. But I don’t, knowing now is not the time and place for such personal feelings and actions.

“I can assure you, I’ve reviewed the letter myself,” I challenge. Adding, as I would have explained if you hadn’t interrupted me, in my head. “I’m certain she wrote it. What’s more, the Velmarans have proven themselves trustworthy allies. They’re not aligned with the Golden King. If you don’t trust them, then trust me.” If Silene’s suspicions that there’s a second mole on the Council are true, this is a dangerous admission. But the time for secrecy is over. The only way we’ll defeat the rebels is with the full strength of the Council.

Hesitation fills my advisors’ eyes, most of all Carex’s. His hatred of Thorne goes beyond dislike or distrust of Velmara. But Carex doesn’t continue to challenge me. Instead, he offers, “Of course, Your Majesty. You have our unyielding trust. If you find them worthy allies, then so shall I.” Flowery language that doesn’t match his eyes.

I look around the room, staring into the eyes of every advisor to convey my certainty in my position, and again looking for anything useful that might indicate whether Nemesia had allies on the Council. When there are no more challenges, I continue.

“I’d like to create a small sub-committee focused on offensive strategies intended to root out and ultimately quell the rebellion. For too long I’ve left them to attack at will, without hitting back. That ends today. All three of the Velmarans will be members of that sub-committee.” Thankfully, this seems to please the advisors, who have collectively pushed me to take action against the rebels for years. Multiple heads nod in agreement and murmurs of relief break out.

“Excellent, Your Majesty,” Admon remarks, clapping his hands together. “We shall make your intentions realized.” He takes control of the discussion of who will take part in the sub-committee and ideas for how to strike against the rebels. I simply sit and listen, trusting Admon to lead the conversation. After twenty minutes of nominations and voting, the members comprise Admon, Carex, Aria, Margery, and three other advisors, plus the Velmarans. Admon offers to organize the first meeting by the end of the week. Before the Council dismisses, I offer them final words, letting the tiniest thread of aether seep into my voice.

“Nemesia is no longer welcome in this kingdom. If she appears at any port, she is to be arrested and brought to the palace cells immediately. Send the messages out.” They all nod before taking their leave.

Carex hangs back, and I groan internally. I move to a corner of the room, pretending to look out at the city of Arberly from the floor-to-ceiling windows in the Council chamber, hoping Carex won’t follow. But he does, coming up to stand next to me, his arms crossed and shoulders tense.

“Did you want to discuss something further, Carex?” I ask without meeting his gaze, pretending I don’t know exactly what he’s going to say. He doesn’t hesitate at all, his words rushing out as if he can barely contain them.

“Aethers, Laurel, what’s going on with you and the Velmarans? After everything that’s happened, how can you trust them?” His words are harsh, anger written across his features. My own temper rises to meet his.

“Please, do tell me how I should feel after everything that’s happened to me ,” I snarl, finally turning to meet his gaze. “Enlighten me on everything that’s happened and how that somehow means my instincts and decisions should be questioned.” I lose a bit of my control, not because of my anger, but because of the hurt I feel that Carex of all people wouldn’t trust me. That he would use my past and history against me like this. With the wound that is still gaping at Nemesia’s betrayal, I’m even more sensitive to Carex’s barbs. The lights in the room flicker slightly at my slip, and I take a deep breath to wrap a fist around my magic. Even through his ire, Carex’s eyes widen in fear, still afraid and unable to meet my challenge, so unlike Thorne.

“Laurel, that’s not what I meant. I’ve only ever wanted the best for you.” He deflates. “I love—I loved you, Laurel. For decades. I just…” His outrage fully fades. “I just don’t understand. He’s the Prince of Velmara. The son of King Mazus. How can you trust him so easily? It took you years to tell me anything about the kingdom. You would shut down if I even mentioned the Council or your rule. And now, in just a handful of months, you’ve brought him into secret political schemes? Not only that, but you lied to me. He was at the tower that day, and it was the Velmarans who helped the rebels escape. I don’t get it. How could you trust him so easily and keep me out of your schemes?”

My temper dissipates. For the first time in years, I see Carex and understand him. My heart aches for what might have been, for his sake. His issues with Thorne make sense. The two of us certainly haven’t kept our raw lust hidden very well. If the roles were reversed and he had not only lied to me but mocked my rational assessment of a dangerous situation like I’ve done to him multiple times, I’d be incredibly hurt. Carex has patiently waited all these years, hoping I would open up to him, probably working himself up in the Council so he had a reason to be involved in running the kingdom organically.

But what he doesn’t understand, can never understand, is that our issues didn’t stem from just me. Fear of my power and the way he’s always clung to a vision of me that isn’t reality stunted us before we ever even began. He might love Laurel, but he doesn’t love the Queen of Thayaria, much less the Witch Queen, and as much as I wish I could separate the two, I will always be both.

“Carex,” I say softly. I don’t want to tell him, don’t want to take this risk. But he needs to hear it from me, before Thorne in his jealousy and male pride reveals it. More than that, Carex needs to let me go, and I need the Captain of my Royal Guard to trust the Velmarans. They’ll have to work together to stop Krantz and the rebels. Hopefully revealing the information will help him understand. “Thorne is my mate .” His eyes widen. “I know we’ve always been told they aren’t real, and it’s something I’m still figuring out myself. But it’s true.”

His shoulders slump. “Are you sure about this?”

“I am. And I want you to know, it’s not just that fact that made me trust Prince Hawthorne and his advisors. They are good people, Carex. I kept them at a distance initially, but time and time again, they’ve proven themselves to me. Please, give them a chance.” The words are a balm to my frayed heart. I didn’t realize how much I needed to admit to myself that my interest in Thorne and the friendship I have with Silene and Fionn has nothing to do with the mating bond. Carex only nods, eyes filled with too many emotions for me to decipher. “I know I don’t need to tell you this, but this is to be kept secret,” I order. “Other than the Velmarans, only Admon knows. I’m still processing what this means and what I want to do about it. I’d rather not do that with nobles and courtiers breathing down my neck.”

“Of course,” he says, hands over his heart. “I’ll try to give them a chance, Laurel. I swear I will.” For the first time in months, his expression is open and genuine, and I feel content I told him this information, that I finally put the relationship we had behind us.

Carex leaves, and I take a moment to look around the Council chamber, looking for clues I know I won’t find. I made it through the meeting, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still reeling from what I had to reveal and feeling emotionally raw in the aftermath. Nemesia ran hundreds—thousands—of Council meetings in this room, standing confidently at the head of the massive round oak table. Mugs and loose papers litter the room, and I react to the normalcy they represent. The room should be charred, broken, dark—anything that symbolizes the inner turmoil I feel thinking about her counseling me after she’d already become a betrayer. When was the last time she was here as my friend? After which meeting did she decide to betray me?

I can’t believe she was never my friend. I know that not to be true, not after the childhood we spent together and the bond forged in the shared trauma of the war. Was it something I did? Did she lose confidence in my ability to lead this kingdom? It’s the only explanation that makes any sense. She knows I’m not the person the rebels have painted me to be, who Mazus has painted me to be. She chose what she knows is a lie over her oldest friend, likely because she knew I wasn’t capable of saving Thayaria. That’s why I feel so unsettled—it’s not the betrayal, per se, it’s that there must have been some moment I didn’t catch when she lost faith in me. What if that happens with the Velmarans, or Admon, or the Council? Will I even see it?

The questions swirl, threatening to consume me. I have to find a way to move forward, have to find the strength to push through the hurt, like I always have. But this time, without the foundation of my friendship to Nemesia, it’s even harder to push everything down and pretend like I’m not dying inside. I cross the room and stand at the door. With a deep breath, I glance around one last time before closing the door on both the room and my pain.