Page 54 of The Wise Daughter

Disoriented from seeing familiar events through a new perspective, Aaron recalled the time Ruthers had saved his life.

“That moneylender who threatened me, who cornered me with the pistol when I couldn’t pay him what I owed, that wasn’t orchestrated by you somehow, was it, Mother?”

“Certainly not. Ruthers really did save your life that night. That’s when I knew I could absolutely trust him.”

“I came to the same conclusion.” Aaron closed his eyes, confused by it all, and wished he could go back to sleep.

He hated to ask his next question, the one that made him feel like a little boy again, but the thought of not asking and not knowing was worse.

“I have to know, Mother, why did you leave me?”

“Oh Aaron.” Her answer came in a strained whisper as she took his hand and moved closer to his side. “I never wanted to leave for as long as I did. I never planned it.”

“Then explain it to me.”

She pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed her eyes.

“You must first understand that your father and I were married eight years before you were born. You were our miracle. We loved you so very much. You should have seen how your father beamed when he learned he had a son to pass his title to. We were happy for a time, but the pressure to have another baby soon returned. I was to produce another son, a spare. When I couldn’t conceive a second time, I felt like an utter failure.

Your father never said so, but the gossips did.

After a while, even the servants whispered and looked at me differently.

I became so melancholy. I didn’t ever want to leave the castle or be around anyone. ”

“Strange, since you did leave.”

“True. Even then, Mr. Carver was working his mischief.”

“Carver,” he spat. Were Carver’s claws really in so deep? “What had he to do with your leaving?”

“People were already saying the most hurtful things, and your father and I were growing distant. Mr. Carver only had to build on their talk. He grew freer dropping comments and hints, a word here, a word there. He never said anything directly offensive, but his comments were always packaged as well-intentioned advice. I thought I was making my own conclusions. I told myself no one wanted me around anymore. I said it so many times, I believed it.”

“Why would Carver want you gone?”

“In light of what we’ve discovered, I can only assume he didn’t want me to ever have a chance at producing another heir.

He was only the butler then, but he must have been calculating.

When your father made him the steward, his slights against me grew worse, but I failed to see them for what they were.

I made excuses for him. I told myself he was only being honest. One day, he suggested I take a holiday to rest from it all.

I think he knew that if he could just get me away, it would be so much more difficult for me to return. ”

“Even with me at home to care for?”

“But that’s just it, Aaron. You weren’t at home. Your father had sent you off to school. I didn’t think it mattered to you whether I was in Ravenglass or Broad Oak or West Riding. You were still hundreds of miles away.”

“West Riding? But that’s where Nora is from.”

A guilty look swept across her features. “It is also where I have been quietly living these many years.”

“Then you must know the Lacys.”

“Of course, I do. When the Lacys lost everything, I thought of you. I told Mr. Lacy who I was and made him promise not to tell a soul, not even his daughter, and I urged him to come here. I had a feeling you would receive them. Maybe it was foolishness, but when news reached me of your father’s death, I wanted so much to find a way to be part of your life again.

I thought the Lacy’s might provide a means back. ”

“How very prophetic of you.” Aaron glared off to the side, away from his mother, unsure how to feel about her confessions.

“It was my secret hope that Miss Lacy would capture your interest.”

Aaron rubbed his forehead. “I want to be sure I understand you. Even estranged, my mother has been meddling not only with my friendships but also with my marriage prospects?” It was incredulous. It was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard.

They looked at one another and shared one brief laugh, their first in over a decade.

Aaron’s head began to throb anew. The mood grew serious again. “Mother, I was a child. I didn’t understand it then, and I don’t understand it now. You could have written to me, at the very least.”

“Perhaps I should have, but there is one more thing I never told you.” She took a deep breath. “I had convinced myself I was keeping you safe. Do you know why your father sent you away to school? Do you remember that fire in the stables?”

“How could I forget? It seemed connected to Father’s decision to send me away. I now know that Carver was behind that too.”

“Curse that man!” His mother pounded a fist into her palm. “Well, your father didn’t know who was responsible, but he knew that fire was no accident. Well, I had convinced myself that the fire was actually an attempt to strike at me.”

“At you? I don’t understand.”

She shrugged. “Shortly after the fire, I started receiving threatening notes. Hurting you was the worst way anyone could ever hurt me. I thought if I left, whoever had started that fire would be satisfied and leave my child alone. Maybe it was stupid of me to give into fear like that, but you have to understand the state I was in. I was so sad all the time. I wasn’t thinking properly, and my ill-twisted logic convinced me I was doing something for your good.

I even convinced myself I was doing a service to your father.

I never intended to stay away as long as I did, but one month turned to two, then three, then twelve.

The longer I was gone, the more difficult it was to return.

The shame was too great, but so was my regret.

After a while, I just didn't know how to fix things. Maybe I can’t.

Heaven knows I’ll always regret losing your father without reconciling, but I hope you and I can somehow bridge the distance between us.

I’m happy with small things, a cup of tea together, a moment of conversation.

That would be more than enough for me. I promise I won’t bother you.

I have to return to West Riding soon anyway. ”

She turned away so he couldn’t see her face, but he could hear the sniffles and imagine the tears washing her cheeks.

Aaron rubbed his forehead, and suddenly felt every ache in his body, his pounding head, his throbbing arm full of fresh stitches, and now a new ache in his chest that hurt and soothed at the same time.

“You should return here, Mother. Make Holmrook Castle your home again. We’ll sort it all out. We’ll start with small things and build from there.”

“Oh, Aaron, really?” She whirled around, her cheeks glistening but her features every bit as youthful as he remembered them. “You don’t think Miss Lacy will mind having me around once you are married?”

Aaron tugged on a loose thread on his blanket. “I’m not sure she will still want to marry me after all this.”

His mother bent over and kissed his forehead just like she used to do when he was a small child.

“Then you must have forgotten how many times you proposed to her in your delirium. And how many times she said yes. It was quite amusing, actually, but whether you were fully conscious or not, we all know you love her. And she loves you.”

With one last hopeful glance, she left, leaving Aaron with much to think about.