Page 34 of The Vanishing Place

There was no Asher the next day. Or the day after that.

Without realizing it, Effie found herself on the deck, listening out for the sounds of him—the silly voices he put on for Four, and the crack of twigs when he played chase with Aiden.

Effie hated herself for it, and she scuffed at the ground with her foot.

She was sick of waiting. For Asher. For dad.

Never knowing when some stupid man might show up and decide not to be a twat for half a minute.

She kicked at one of her dad’s shoes and it rolled off the deck and onto the grass.

She wasn’t meant to say twat . June said it was unladylike.

But then, June didn’t have to live in the stupid hut with rats crapping in her bed.

June didn’t know shit. Effie wasn’t meant to say shit either. But fuck it.

She picked up a twig off the deck and hurled it at the darkening bush.

“Stupid. Stupid.”

It was her own stupid fault for waiting for good things to grow from the dirt and the rot. Dark was dark and Dad was Dad.

End. Of. Story.

Besides, she didn’t even want Asher to come back.

It was good that he was gone. She didn’t even know if she liked him.

She probably, definitely, didn’t. Asher confused things.

He put ideas in her head about Dad, ideas that didn’t do any good.

Dad wasn’t the best dad in the world. Obviously .

But Dad needed her. He wasn’t bad. Asher was wrong about him.

“Effie.”

She turned at the whisper of Four’s voice. He was three now, almost three and a half, his red hair like Effie’s and his dark eyes just like Mum’s.

“Come here.” Effie reached down and scooped him up onto her hip. “Did you brush your teeth?”

“Tia did it.”

Effie kissed his head. “Good boy.”

“Has Asher gone?”

“I think so.”

“I miss him.” Four tucked his head under Effie’s chin. “Will he come back?”

Four looked at her, needing her to lie to him.

Effie smiled and squeezed his cheek. “You’ll get to see Lewis in Koraha next month,” she said.

“Will Lewis play with me?”

“Lots. Lewis loves playing with you.”

Four smiled. “Lewis holds me upside down sometimes. Like a bat.”

“Come on.” Effie turned and started to walk toward the door, the shadows chasing the last hints of warmth from the day. “Bedtime.”

“But…” He looked at her, uncertain. “I still miss Asher.”

She squeezed him tight. “That’s okay. You can still miss him.”

Effie chewed on her lip as she walked into the hut. She still hadn’t decided if she was going to miss Asher or not.

“Are you Asher’s favorite?” asked Four.

“Sorry?” She frowned, confused. “What do you mean?”

“You got a note.”

Effie looked at Four. “What note?”

“In your pillow.” Four yawned. “Aiden found it.”

She set Four down and hurried to the sleeping nook. The crumpled piece of paper was still there, jammed into her pillowcase. Effie held it out as her eyes scanned the note and her skin warmed.

Effie. I’m sorry. If you ever need anything, write to this address .

On a separate line, Asher had scribbled an address for somewhere in Hokitika. Underneath it were four words.

And I’ll come back .

Asher.

Effie balled the paper and all of its stupid promises in her fist, and threw it across the room.

She didn’t need anything from him. Not now. Or ever.