Chapter Eighteen
Anton
W hen everyone was settled, and I’d given Jed a few more hugs, I walked down the hall, taking a breath. I was grateful that Phaeron was staying in Jed’s room tonight to keep an eye on him, despite Jed grumbling about it. He’d argued, but I hadn’t missed how easily he’d given in. Jed didn’t want to be alone, and I didn’t blame him.
I wasn’t surprised my eldest wanted to keep a close eye on his younger brother. Phae was very protective of those he loved, and I knew all my older children were remembering the siblings they’d lost to the hunters as much as I was.
I made it down to my room and paused at the door, glancing at Keryth’s closed door with a sigh. I… regretted not asking him if he’d share a room with me when he’d first moved in. I should’ve spoken to him about it, but I hadn’t wanted to push, especially because he’d been vulnerable after everything that’d happened.
He’d been through so much, but maybe keeping my feelings on the subject to myself hadn’t been fair. Maybe that was something we should talk about once everyone calmed down from this horrible night.
With another sigh, I pushed into my room and started getting ready for bed. I still felt… off after tonight’s events. Seeing Jed with a gaping hole in his chest and the expression on his face… I shivered at the memory, closed my eyes, and tried to push it away. Far, far away, or I’d never get any sleep. And I was utterly exhausted. Emotionally exhausted and feeling rather raw.
After I showered, put on pajamas, and climbed into bed, I lay there for a long time, staring at the ceiling. It was still dark out, but dawn was near, and I’d been working on going to bed earlier and waking up in the late afternoon so I could see the girls after school. I was hoping to get on a better schedule that would work with Keryth.
Since he had the girls, it made more sense for me to change my schedule than for me to expect him to change his. Plus, he had his job, and my bookstore was open twenty-four hours a day, so I could literally go in at any time.
Eventually, I’d likely need to be on a daytime schedule. At least if I wanted to sleep at the same time as my viramore and maybe hold him in bed.
Longing filled my chest as I imagined exactly what that’d feel like. Gods above and below, I wanted that. So badly.
And now, all I could think about was being in bed with him.
Rubbing a hand over my face, I sighed and turned on my side. I needed to sleep.
I closed my eyes, but the moment I started to relax, Jedediah’s pained face and torn-up torso flashed in my mind’s eye, and I jerked my eyes back open.
My heart raced, and I had to take a few calming breaths to get it back down. For crying out loud, I didn’t even need to breathe, and being a vampire, my heart barely beat at all, so this was… not a good feeling.
I closed my eyes again, and Jed’s face, followed in quick succession by my three late children flashed by, and this time, my heart felt like it was trying to escape my chest. Like it was going to beat so hard, it’d burst right through.
I pushed all those images, all those memories down as far as they’d go. That was the last thing I needed right now.
Fucking hell, I was never getting to sleep at this rate.
Throwing back the blankets, I stood and started pacing around my room, trying to figure out what to do to get my mind to settle. I felt fidgety and out of sorts, and all I really wanted was to crawl into Keryth’s bed and hold him.
I wanted to smell him. I wanted to bite and drink from him.
I wanted to be in his arms.
I simply wanted him. I needed my sweet little fae.
In fact… I was pretty sure that was the only thing that might help.
I debated for a few more minutes before sighing in resignation and leaving my room to pad over to Keryth’s door. I was surprised to find it cracked open already. I peeked in. The lights were out, and from the sound of Keryth’s heart rate and breathing, he was asleep.
After another internal debate, I slipped into the room, leaving the door cracked, unable to deny the pull I felt to him. My vampire side wasn’t going to be satisfied until I was as close to Keryth as he’d let me.
My entire being wouldn’t be satisfied, including my soul. It ached for its match, for its viramore.
“Keryth?” I hated waking him, but I didn’t want to presume anything and crawl into bed, and I certainly didn’t want to scare him. “Ker?”
Hazy green eyes blinked up at me, confused for a few seconds before they cleared, and my sweet fae sent me a soft smile. “Hey. You okay?”
“I…” I didn’t know how to answer that. I was okay, physically at least, but my head, I wasn’t so sure about.
He examined my expression for a few seconds before he flipped the blanket back and opened his arms. “Come here.”
I didn’t hesitate, sliding right into his arms and pressing myself against him with my nose at his throat. He smelled so good, and my fangs itched with the need to bite, but I ignored that instinct. I was in my viramore’s arms, and that was more than enough right now. I breathed him in, pressing even closer and wishing he’d never let me go.
I’d never been this needy before in my entire life, but Keryth didn’t seem to mind, so I pushed the self-consciousness away. It had been a hard night. The need for my viramore was a natural one.
Keryth wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight, not saying a word for a long time. But after a few minutes, he whispered, “Want to talk about it?”
I sighed. “No. I think I’m just off after…”
“Yeah. Understandable. I almost asked you to come stay with me, but I chickened out.”
That made me lean back to look at him. “You did?”
He smiled, one side of his mouth quirking up as he shrugged. “Yeah. I thought you might not want to be alone, and honestly, I didn’t want to be alone either.”
“You should’ve told me.”
He nodded. “I should’ve. Sorry.”
I shook my head. He didn’t need to apologize for that. “I didn’t say anything either.”
He snorted. “Yeah. We… need to get better at that.”
“We do. This is… still new, and we’ve been thrown into circumstances that most couples don’t need to face until they’ve been together for a long time. I think it’s okay for us to have some missteps and to take time to figure things out.”
“Agreed.” He stared at me for a moment before cupping my cheek. “I’m glad you came in here.” In my head, I heard him say, “I’m glad one of us is brave.”
Since I knew that wasn’t meant for my ears, I didn’t react to it. But I did lean in a little closer and nudge his nose with mine, earning me a sweet smile.
And for someone calling me brave, he sure as hell was brave in his own right because he moved forward and pressed his lips to mine. I groaned and didn’t hesitate to push back, savoring the feel of his soft lips.
We kept the kiss gentle, and the moment felt precious. As much as I wanted him, I knew this wasn’t about sex. This was about comfort and affection, and it was exactly what I needed after everything that’d happened tonight.
It was a salve over an old wound and all my raw emotions.
It made my heart leap as my chest warmed pleasantly.
It was perfect.
We lingered there for a long moment before pulling back and staring at one another. I nudged his nose again, and he let out a tiny chuckle before I kissed him softly again and again and again until we were both smiling.
And then I tucked my head back under his chin.
I wanted to take it further. My body definitely wanted to. But after what happened the first time we’d done anything sexual, I thought going slow was the right choice.
After all, we had all the time in the world.
He held me tight until I fell asleep, content and safe.
When the door creaked open a while later, it startled me so badly that I almost hit my head on Keryth’s chin as I sat up.
He shushed me and pulled me back down, whispering, “It’s just Zellya.”
I blinked. Oh. The youngling. She needed her father.
The baby of the family was padding across the room, saying, “Ker? I had a nightmare.”
“It’s okay, babygirl. Come on up.” He turned away from me but pressed his back close, so I took the hint and rearranged our positions so I could spoon him. “Anton is here too.”
“Did he have a nightmare too?”
That made me smile. “Yeah, I did. Keryth is keeping me safe.”
“He’s good at that.” So adorable.
I asked them both, “Are you okay with me staying? I can go back to my room.”
“Don’t leave,” Keryth said quickly, then asked Zellya, “You don’t mind, do you, peanut?”
“Nope. I like Anton.”
That made me smile again. “Thanks, Zellya. I like you too.”
She giggled as she crawled into Keryth’s arms, and the three of us settled down.
Keryth asked her about her nightmare, and Zellya said, “I don’t want to talk about it. Too tired.”
“Alright, babygirl. Go to sleep.”
It wasn’t long before she fell asleep, and Keryth asked, “Are you okay with this?”
“Absolutely.”
He relaxed in my arms. “Thanks. She doesn’t do this often. She used to have really bad nightmares when she was little and ended up sleeping with me almost every night. But honestly, she hadn’t done it in a really long time before we moved in. But I think having me… kidnapped, and then the move and everything else, it’s set off the nightmares again.”
I gave him a squeeze. “Makes sense. I think that’s probably normal, and I honestly don’t mind. This is… nice. Cozy.”
He snorted but settled back against me with a sigh. “Yeah… yeah, it is.”
I placed a kiss to the back of his neck, a little thrill shooting through me at the goosebumps I brought out, and I breathed him in. Part of me really wanted to bite him—his blood smelled delicious—but most of me was just happy to be here with him.
For a while there, I hadn’t thought this was possible. I hadn’t thought he’d ever let me in again.
I kissed his neck and nuzzled in again, then let myself drift back to sleep.
Happy and content with my viramore in my arms and our youngling beside him.