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CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

D ropping her bag by one of the kitchen table chairs, and leaving Book on the wood surface, Ava went to the fridge without even glancing over at Nos. “Mind if I make myself a sandwich? Man, I could kill for a tuna melt right now.”

The confusion in the single word answer that left him would’ve made Ava laugh if she weren’t ready to scream, punch something, or cry. “No…?”

She knew why he was confused. The enormity of what was happening, the first seal having been unlocked, her tattoo spreading—her being unconscious for eight days. All of that weighed heavily in the room. Things had changed.

And they were about to enter into the dance of how much do you know, how much do I want you to know, and how much of what I know do you know? Which was the worst kind of game. She hated playing poker.

So, instead, she just focused on raiding their fridge like it was any typical day. Any typical day, and she was not being turned into an empty-eyed monster capable of destroying worlds.

Because she could deal with the act of making herself a sandwich with whatever they had in their adorably vintage, circa-1930s fridge. The kind that had a coolant system up above it in a giant globe and it let the cold air filter down. She’d never seen one in real life, just from thumbing through old Sears catalogues.

It seemed to be a magical fridge.

Which did not come remotely as a surprise to her at that point.

Because it had everything she needed to make tuna melts.

Taking everything out and plopping it onto the counter, she closed the door with her foot and started going about the wonderfully, comfortingly mundane task of simply…making a goddamn sandwich.

And studiously ignored the fact that there were now three fae standing in the room staring at her. Ibin was now in the doorway, concern etched onto those beautiful features of hers. Nos was sitting at the table. And Bitty was standing by the wall, fidgeting with the cuffs of her Medieval-style dress, picking away at the threads in her nervousness.

“So. Who wants to get this shit-party started?” She dug through some drawers and eventually found a spoon for the mayonnaise. Well, she hoped it was mayonnaise, anyway. It smelled like it. Looked like it. Tasted like it. It might have been some weird insect excretion for all she knew. She wasn’t going to ask question. If it looks like a duck and it tastes like a duck.

“You seem to still be…you.” Ibin sounded relieved, if still concerned. “That’s a good sign.”

“I am. As far as I can tell. For now.” She stirred up the tuna and cracked some black pepper and salt into it. She turned to glance at the three fae. “You two”—she gestured between Bitty and Ibin—“I assume are a no on the tuna melts. Do you want a grilled cheese?”

“Grilled…cheese?” Bitty blinked, as if the words in that order confused her.

“I would love one.” Ibin smiled. “And so would she.”

“You want a tuna melt, Nos?” The normalcy of it all was the only thing keeping her from having a breakdown. So fuck it, she was going to cling onto the act of making sandwiches for dear life.

Nos was staring at her, utterly dumbfounded. Which was half of the amusement Ava was getting out of the situation. “I…suppose…”

“Two melts, two grilled, all day.” She’d worked a summer at an ice cream stand that also had a grill in the back. She quickly discovered she liked being a line cook more than she liked having to serve people ice cream. Namely because it kept her in the back and away from the direct interactions with the customers.

“All day?” Ibin stepped into the kitchen finally and sat down at the table.

“It’s a restaurant thing.” Ava chuckled. “Never mind.” She dug out two cast iron skillets and put them on their gas stove. Another thing that looked like it dated from the thirties. It was adorable. She flicked on the heat and waited for them to get up to temperature.

A minute passed in total silence. Nobody wanted to speak. She certainly wasn’t going to be the one to do it.

Nos was the one to ruin the awkward but relative safety of the silence. Of course. “What happened to you, when you blacked out?”

“Why would I tell you?” She hovered her hand over the pan, testing the heat. “Seriously, I’m not trying to be a dick here. Nor am I ungrateful for the fact you picked my ass up off the floor and hauled me back here. Probably because Ibin shouted at you until you did it, but that’s neither here nor there. But give me an honest answer, Nos. Why, literally why , would I tell you what happened to me? When I know for a fact that both you and Ibin are withholding things from me?”

Silence.

Melting way more butter in the pan than was healthy—but fuck it— she put down the un-toasted grilled cheeses and tuna melts, and then found other pans to place on top of them to get an even squish. That was the trick, really—the squish. Not too much. Just enough.

Nos finally had the bravery to answer. “You cannot trust Serrik.”

“I never said I did, fuckface. ” Ava turned to snap at him, glaring a hole through his mismatched features. “Right now, I’m dealing with the news that I’ve been played by all you shitheels. Every last one of you.” She paused. “Except the neurotic one. Yet. I don’t know what her deal is.”

“I haven’t done anything,” Bitty mumbled.

“I know. Sorry. I’m just pissed.” She turned back to the food. Taking the squish-pans off, she flipped the sandwiches and put the squish-pans back on. “I’m being turned into a thing! A thing for all of you to fight over. And I want out. I was hoping that using that shard would give me more options, but it only gave me less, because now there isn’t—” Her voice cracked. Fuck. No. No, no more tears. With a frustrated growl, she leaned her hands against the countertop and lowered her head. “There isn’t a way out.”

Not unless I kill Serrik. And I don’t even know how to do that. Or where to even start.

Silence. Nobody spoke.

“Nobody’s giving me a way out where…I get to choose my own future. My own path forward. Because all of you, every single last one of you , are trying to make decisions for me. Lying to me, keeping things from me, manipulating me into the tool you want to wield. And I’m sick of it. Fucking sick of it. I will start tearing this place apart—I will kill us all, if I have to, I don’t care —” She didn’t know if she actually had that power. She didn’t know if she could start ripping gashes in the Web. But it was a threat she was willing to back up at this point. She was grasping at any straws she could. She was trapped. Cornered. And out of options.

She was done.

Fork.

In.

Done.

Taking the squish-pans off the sandwiches, she fetched four plates and a spatula. One sandwich per plate, she put them down on the table a little louder than she probably meant to.

Sitting down in front of her sandwich, she started to eat. Food, glorious food.

Bitty was the only one to start eating with her. She released a grunt and spoke through a mouthful of food. “This is amazing! I love grilled cheese!” She started to gobble it up.

Ava laughed. It was exhausted, it was beleaguered, but it was a laugh, nonetheless. “Let me know if you want a second one.”

“We only want what’s best,” Ibin started as a way of explanation.

“See, that’s the thing. Everybody does. You all just have different opinions on what ‘best’ means. For you, it’s…I don’t know, live here in this torture prison for all eternity, or something eats you? For Serrik, it’s genocide.” Or world domination. Which was now solidly on the list of his motives. And as for the looming third party—the one she hadn’t met yet, but she knew was inevitably going to involve himself? The Unseelie King?

Total destruction of everything was on that guy’s list.

The Web, and maybe Book, didn’t seem to want anything at all. But she didn’t know if she believed them. They might just be better at hiding their intentions.

As for what she wanted?

She didn’t know.

She just knew what she didn’t want.

She didn’t want to become something other than herself.

She didn’t want to die.

And she didn’t want to be anybody’s tool.

How she got those things? Fuck all if she knew.

Ibin was staring down at her sandwich. She was eating it, though much slower than Bitty, who had polished off hers and was now going about making herself another. It seemed the little fae was a quick study and was repeating the steps perfectly.

The pilot-turned-stork sighed. “I don’t want to die, Ava. And I don’t want to see my whole race wiped out of existence. Or the chaos that’ll bring with it. Because I don’t trust Serrik that his designs end there.”

“Neither do I, honestly.” She could say that much. But she had to be mindful that Serrik was watching. She had to pretend he was in the room, a silent observer. Because for all intents and purposes, he was. “Because I can’t trust anyone at face value. And I don’t want your people to die, Ibin. I don’t want you to die. But I don’t want to die either. And I don’t want my people to die, when Valroy eventually escapes some clause of some contract and goes apeshit all over Earth and Torg-nab-whatever-the-hell your world is named.”

“Tir n’Aill,” Nos exhaustedly corrected her.

Ava really didn’t care.

She looked down at the tattoo that peeked out from under the black t-shirt that she wore. It had a saying on it that, at the time, had been simply snarky. But now, it seemed extremely fitting. It was a cartoon tiger prancing through flowers and in bold, cartoonish letters, it simply read Persist Out Of Spite.

“We could pretend and say ‘If you show me your cards, I’ll show you mine.’ But we all know there’s somebody else watching.” She pointed up to a spiderweb in the corner of the room. “And even if we vacuum up that little fucker we all know he’s watching and listening. So we all know we won’t be telling each other the full story, will we?”

Ibin and Nos stared at her in a mix of concerned silence.

Bitty was now mowing into her second grilled cheese, seemingly momentarily freed of her previous terror since she was distracted by snacks.

“And even if I could trust you to say you’d show me your cards in full, I repeat—why, why would I believe you? Because both of you have a better motivation to lie to me and continue to manipulate me than to tell me the truth.” She finished off the last of her tuna melt.

More silence. Whatever either Ibin and Nos had been expecting, it hadn’t been for her to come at them with knives.

“So.” She pushed up from the table, and taking her plate, went to the sink. She started rinsing it off before taking the soap and a sponge to wash it. Manners. “Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to finish these dishes. I’m going to take a snack for the road. I’m going to leave here, and I’m going to use Book and whatever new power I have to help me find the second key.”

“Ava, no—” Ibin sounded desperate. “You can’t be serious. He’ll—you’re playing right into his hands.”

“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not. But the only way through is forward. And the only way I can do anything at all, or have any control at all, is if I have access to more power. I can’t do anything on my own as I am now.” She rinsed off the plate and set it in the rack next to the sink to dry. A second plate hovered in her peripheral vision. She blinked.

Bitty was offering it to her, smiling innocently, as if everything about the situation was perfectly normal.

With a small shake of her head, Ava took it and started cleaning Bitty’s plate. The tiny, beetle-esque fae started gathering up the dirty plates and pans and started helping her…clean up after lunch.

“Unlocking another seal, assuming you are successful—which I would not be so eagerly presumptive—” Nos was attempting to keep his tone flatter, but she could hear the strain of worry hidden beneath it. “You speak of becoming an item to be wielded by others. This does nothing but further the extent to which that is possible.”

“It also furthers the extent to which I am able to drop fucking trains on people. ” She put the last dish into the rack and poured some cooking oil in the cast iron skillets to keep them from rusting out. “I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t, Nos. I’m too weak to save myself right now. But I’m also too weak to be the thing that can free Serrik. What other choice do I have, but go forward? Wait to die? Wait to be cursed like Gregor? It’s the same debate I had before the first key.”

Just worse. So, so much worse.

In a way that she had no clue if Ibin and Nos were fully aware of.

Silence.

“I’m leaving. And this time?” This was the other shoe. This was the decision she was really afraid to make. “I’m going alone.”

Ibin shot up to her feet. “No. No! Absolutely not. You are not going out there alone! What if?—”

“You’re not there to spy on me anymore?” She cut off Ibin angrily. “To report whatever I’m doing to whoever you’re really working for?”

Ibin’s eyes went wide, and the color drained from her face.

Even Nos looked shocked.

Fuck.

Fuck.

The Web was telling the truth.

What it’d shown her hadn’t been a lie.

“God damn it.” Ava ran a hand through her damp hair. “Yeah. I’m leaving. And I’m going alone. I’m sorry. I just—I can’t trust either of you, and I just…I appreciate all the help you’ve been, I seriously do. I just don’t know what your motives are, and until I do—” She picked up her bag from the floor and picked up Book. It was time to go.

“Ava, please.” It was Nos. “We must discuss this.”

“Nope.” She was already at the door to the rest of the Web. “Sorry, grumps. Just be glad you finally get what you want—I’m out of your hair.”

“Ava!” Ibin called after her.

But Ava was already moving down the hallway. She didn’t look back. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to—it was that she couldn’t afford to. If she hesitated for even a moment, she knew she’d crumble.

She’d give in to the fear gnawing at her. The uncertainty. She’d run back to the relatively familiar safety of Nos and Ibin—deceptive as it might be.

Trust no one but yourself.

The Web’s warning echoed in her mind as she navigated the twisting corridors. The Baroque architecture was even more overgrown than she remembered—vines twisting through ornate columns, flowers blooming from cracks in the marble floor, tree roots snaking across her path. It was as if the structure itself was dissolving back into nature.

It could have just rearranged itself, like they said it did. Or maybe the Web was changing around her. Responding to her. To what she was becoming.

Ava clutched Book tighter under her arm. “Just you and me now, buddy.” Holding it out in front of her, she waited to see if it’d open. “Any hints on where to find key number two?”

Nothing.

“Yeah, didn’t think it’d be that easy.”

The golden light filtering through the foliage cast dappled shadows across the floor. Every few steps, Ava glanced behind her, half-expecting to see Nos or Ibin following. But the hallway remained empty. Maybe they’d actually respected her decision. Or maybe they were just letting her think she was alone.

After about ten minutes of walking, she reached a fork in the path. One corridor led deeper into the overgrown Baroque section, the other toward what looked like a series of archways opening onto a misty landscape.

Looking down at Book again, she waited. “Any input?”

Nope.

“Good talk.” Shrugging, she sighed. “Well, it kind of worked last time. Eenie, meenie, miney?—”

“Ava! Wait!”

She spun around, instantly on guard. But it wasn’t Nos or Ibin hurrying toward her—it was Bitty, her small wings buzzing frantically as she rushed to catch up. The tiny fae looked winded, her metallic-colored hair disheveled from the exertion.

“What do you want?” Ava demanded, not bothering to hide her suspicion.

Bitty skidded to a halt several feet away, clearly sensing Ava’s hostility. Her wings nervously fluttered behind her. “Nos and Ibin. They insisted someone should go with you.”

“And they sent you? Why?” Ava couldn’t keep the skepticism from her voice.

Bitty’s face fell slightly. “I volunteered, actually. They were arguing about who should follow you, and I just—I thought maybe you’d be more comfortable with me?” She fidgeted with her dress hem. “Since I can’t exactly force you to do anything, and I…can’t do anything at all.”

Ava studied the small fae, weighing her options. Bitty seemed harmless enough—no magic, no apparent agenda. Just a perpetually nervous beetle-winged creature who’d been kind enough to help her when she was unconscious.

But still.

Trust no one.

“Why would you want to come with me? You know what I’m trying to do, right? Get the next key? The thing that might help Serrik destroy your entire race?”

Bitty shrugged, a surprisingly human gesture. “Nobody tells me anything important. But I know what it’s like to be alone in the Web.” Her wings drooped slightly. “It’s not good. Not safe.”

“And why should I trust you?”

“Because I don’t matter enough for anyone to use me against you. My life doesn’t matter.” Her response was blunt. And man, if Ava didn’t feel a little bit of herself echoed in that statement. “I’m nobody. Just Bitty. The fae who couldn’t.”

There was something painfully honest in the statement—the resigned tone of someone who’d accepted their place at the bottom.

“They could be tracking you.”

“Probably,” Bitty admitted. “But they could track you anyway. You were with them for a long time. Plenty of time to put a spell on you.”

Ava sighed, running a hand through her hair. Having company, even potentially compromised company, was tempting. The Web was vast and dangerous, and she had no idea where she was going. And if Book wasn’t going to help her, it’d be nice to have somebody to at least talk to.

“Okay, but first sign that you’re going to do any betrayal nonsense, and I’m leaving you behind.” She pointed at Bitty. “Or dropping a train on you.”

Bitty’s face lit up, her wings fluttering with excitement. “I won’t! I promise!” She paused. “What’s a train?”

Despite herself, Ava felt the corner of her mouth twitch upward. “Never mind.”

Bitty moved closer, still keeping a respectful distance. “So…which way are we going?”

Ava looked back at the fork in the path. “Good question. Any suggestions?”

“The mist is dangerous.” Bitty studied the archways. “It’s what they call the Borderlands—where the Web starts to blur into other places. It’s where we get all of our stuff. But the overgrown section eventually leads to the Broken City.”

“The Broken City? What’s that?” Ava rolled her eyes. “Besides the obvious.”

“It’s where things that were forgotten end up. Books, buildings, ideas.” Bitty’s wings rustled thoughtfully. “Ever lose something in your house that was really important? Forgot where it was? It’s here. So, if you’re looking for something important, something hidden, that’s where I’d look.”

Considering the choices, she let out a breath. A repository of forgotten things seemed like exactly the kind of place a key might be hidden. And it was as good a destination as any.

“The Broken City of lost and found items it is.” Throwing up a hand in a screw it why not, gesture, she committed to the choice. “Lead the way, Bit.”

The tiny fae fluttered her wings, buzzing a few inches off the ground in excitement before catching herself and settling back down, looking embarrassed.

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I don’t get to be useful very often.”

“It’s fine.” Ava chuckled. That was actually kinda cute. “Just don’t make me regret this.”

They set off down the overgrown corridor, Book tucked securely under Ava’s arm, Bitty flitting nervously beside her. The little fae kept a careful distance, as if afraid that getting too close might cause Ava to change her mind.

“So.” Ava broke the silence walking for a few minutes. “How long have you been here?”

“Huh? Oh. Um?” Bitty’s wings twitched. “Two hundred and sixty years? Maybe longer.”

“And you were imprisoned just because…you were born wrong? Or did something take your magic?”

“Nope. Just born like this. No magic, just wings. Useless among the fae.”

“And that’s enough to get you imprisoned?”

“In Tir n’Aill? Being useless is the worst crime there is, I suppose.” Bitty’s voice held no self-pity, just matter-of-fact acceptance. “Being the strangest amongst a society of the strange and bizarre. I wasn’t even important enough to be executed.” She laughed as if that were actually funny. “So they put me here. With the other things nobody knew what else to do with.”

Ava felt a twinge of sympathy. “That’s fucked up.”

“That’s the Seelie Court for you.”

It was hard to believe that the “good guys” of the fae did that. Maybe the Unseelie, sure. But Abigail was supposed to be good , right? Another tick in the kill them all category, she supposed.

They continued in companionable silence, the only sounds the crunch of their footsteps on the overgrown floor and the occasional flutter of Bitty’s wings.

Ahead, the corridor widened into what had once been a grand hall. Massive tree trunks now formed impromptu columns, their canopies creating a living ceiling overhead. Sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting everything in a green-gold glow.

“We’re heading in the right direction.” Bitty’s smile was a bit too pleased, as if that hadn’t been a guarantee. “The Broken City is about half a day’s walk from here. If we’re lucky.”

“And if we’re not lucky?”

Bitty’s wings flattened against her back. There was the terror in her eyes again. “Then we’ll run into something that wants to eat us, and directions won’t matter anymore.”

“Comforting,” Ava muttered. Hopefully her magic would be able to help her.

“The Web isn’t supposed to be comfortable.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m just gonna keep bitching about it.”

“Why?” Bitty seemed honestly curious.

“Because I’m bitter that I’m stuck here?” How did Bitty not understand why Ava was pissed about this?

“Oh.” That really did seem to blow Bitty’s mind. “Huh. I guess I never thought about being upset about any of this. It’s just how things are.”

“Right…” The conversation trailed off, and Ava couldn’t stop trying to compute Bitty’s total blind acceptance of the situation as they navigated around a massive fallen statue. Half-buried in vines, it depicted some kind of many-armed creature with too many faces—a reminder that this place had never been built for humans.

She glanced down at her arm, at the unfinished tattoo peeking out from underneath her sleeve. At the Book under her arm, its secrets still mostly hidden from her. At the tiny fae walking beside her, powerless but somehow still surviving in this impossible place.

“Bitty?”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you keep going?”

“I mean, we’re going to the Broken City.” She blinked in confusion.

“No I don’t mean right now. ” Ava pinched the bridge of her nose. “I mean in general. In life.”

“Because life is worth living?” Her confused answer made the whole thing sound so obvious. “Because I want to live my life.” She gestured at the world around them. “Because anywhere can be beautiful, if you want it to be. And because it’s my life.” She went back to guiding them forward.

Ava fell back into silence. And let out a sigh.

The weird powerless little fae bug lady was right.

Ava squared her shoulders and continued forward. Whether this was the right path or not, it was the one she’d chosen. Her path. Not Serrik’s. Not Nos and Ibin’s. Not the Web’s.

Hers.

And for the first time since she’d entered this nightmare, that felt like something worth fighting for.