Page 14 of The Unexpected Lineup (Lost in Translation #2)
THE BABY IS THE SIZE OF A MEATBALL
Rasmus
Haisley
Google is free
Rasmus
Very funny
Haisley
Well, what’s week 12?
Rasmus
Apparently Google is free
Why are you asking about week 12 anyway? Halloween was around 10 weeks ago.
Haisley
They calculate the pregnancy with the conception date + 2 weeks since the last period
The female body + science = not friends
And it’s week 13 already.
Rasmus
Let me check the fruit
NO WAY
The baby is the size of a meatball at week 12. Please let me pretend that it isn’t week 13 right now. Please.
Haisley
A meatball? I’m afraid that’s not a fruit, Rasmus
Rasmus
It’s still fitting. Swedes surely love meatballs. What if I call them our little Meatball?
Haisley
You want to call our baby Meatball?
Rasmus
Not just Meatball. Little Meatball. Our little Meatball.
Haisley
Seriously?
Rasmus
I mean, why not? I don’t see how it differs from peanut or bean
Haisley
You surely fit the stereotype, but okay
Rasmus
I thought you were going to argue
Haisley
Considering how stubborn you hockey players are, there’s no point in arguing
Rasmus
I’m glad that we can agree on one thing
Haisley
*sends a photo of a white T-shirt saying ‘Daddy’s Little Meatball’*
These t-shirts are popular among tourists here in the City
Rasmus
I NEED TEN OF THEM
Haisley
I blame the pregnancy hormones for laughing at your reaction
Rasmus
Have you heard about the study they did in Sweden about babies sleeping outside (even in cold weather) being beneficial for their health
Haisley
No. But how do you know about that?
Rasmus
Because I have to get through the news section to read the sports section
Haisley
That figures
Rasmus
I realized we’ll have a July baby
Haisley
And…?
Rasmus
We timed it right, off-season and all
Haisley
I was born on June 30, so you don’t have to tell me about the off-season babies
Rasmus
Yeah, it’s almost like we planned it
Haisley
Almost, but no
Rasmus
The best mistake of my life
Haisley
Don’t ever call our baby a mistake
*missed call from Rasmus*
Rasmus
Haisley, answer the fucking phone
Haisley
I was joking. Chill.
Rasmus
I saw a video about something called a Dadchelor party…what ev en is that?
Haisley
Oh, you mean a Man Shower?
Rasmus
I’m so confused
Haisley
Apparently those are legit terms. They’re baby showers for dads. You know what a baby shower is, right?
Rasmus
Yeah, it’s a party for the expecting parent where people bring gifts and eat cake…?
Haisley
That’s the one. I’ll probably have a small one with my friends closer to the due date. But if you want a Dadchelor, I’m sure Lee or Papa Shane would be thrilled to throw you one.
Rasmus
Please don’t even mention the idea to them. They would definitely overdo it.
Haisley
If it’s a boy, you can get me one of these mugs
*sends a photo of mug saying ‘Growing a pair’ in a script font*
Rasmus
That’s brilliant. But why would you want a mug?
Haisley
I collect funny mugs. I have over 50 of them.
Rasmus
What are your favorites?
Haisley
*sends a photo of a light pink mug that says ‘I don’t make mistakes, I date them’ with a unicorn design and rainbow colors*
Rasmus
Solid choice
Here’s a mug you could add to your collection for times I visit
*sends a photo of mug saying ‘I like you for your personality, but that dick is a great bonus’*
Haisley
*eyeroll emoji*
Rasmus
Papa Shane told us a pregnancy joke earlier today, and he doesn’t even know you’re pregnant
Haisley
That’s weird. But you’re obligated to share the joke with me as you’re the one who got me pregnant.
Rasmus
Okay…
Haisley
Let’s hear it
Rasmus
What do a pregnant woman, burnt food, and a frozen beer have in common?
Haisley
I have no idea
Rasmus
Some idiot forgot to pull it out on time
Haisley
Ouch, calling you an idiot like that was mean
Rasmus
…
Rasmus
I bought a new book called What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Haisley
Oh, I enjoyed that movie
Rasmus
There’s a movie based on a pregnancy book?
Haisley
With many great actors and actresses, too
Rasmus
Huh
Anyway, this book got me thinking about baby names
Haisley
Really?
Rasmus
Why does that surprise you?
Haisley
I was thinking that we’ll call them Meatball and that’s it
Rasmus
For a sec, I thought you were serious
But no, our little Meatball needs a proper name one day
Haisley
Any ideas?
Rasmus
Not yet
Haisley
What if you get to name them if it’s a boy and the other way around if it’s a girl
Rasmus
We can’t do that
Haisley
Why not?
Rasmus
That would be weird
Haisley
You’re weird
Rasmus
Very mature…
Rasmus
Holy shit, I got to the chapter about birth and all that other stuff
Haisley
And…?
Rasmus
How are humans not extinct?!
Haisley
You should thank broken condoms
Rasmus
Touché
Haisley
Such a big word from you
Haisley
I read news about Leo and his latest girlfriend. It breaks my heart every damn time.
Rasmus
Leo who?
Haisley
DiCaprio, duh.
Rasmus
You a fan?
Haisley
Fan isn’t a strong enough word to describe my feelings toward him. He was my first love.
Rasmus
You and million other girls our age
Haisley
Don’t twist the knife more
Rasmus
I’m sorry your first love doesn’t know you exist
Haisley
Oh, he does. We’ ve met at charity galas.
Rasmus
Should I be jealous?
Haisley
No need. I’m not his type.
Rasmus
It’s hard to believe that
Haisley
Thanks for the compliment, but those are the facts. I’m way too old.
Rasmus
I happen to like older women
Haisley
I can’t believe you’re almost five years younger than me and that you’re a Valentine’s Day baby
Rasmus
Someone has to be. Many people born on that day.
And well done with googling all that
Rasmus
What’s the worst pregnancy symptom you have?
Haisley
Morning sickness and heartburn for sure
Rasmus
Anything I can do to help?
Haisley
Have Tums Chewy Bites nearby. Not much else you can do. But thanks for asking.
Rasmus
*sends a screenshot of an online order of Tums Chewy Bites in every flavor and packaging size available*
Haisley
Rasmus, those will last for years! But thank you.
Rasmus
When it comes to our baby, it’s better to have too much than too little
Haisley
I saw the replay of your goal from last night’s game. That was pretty damn impressive, Westerholm.
Rasmus
I’m glad to hear that parts of me impress you
Haisley
Stop it
Rasmus
Just saying
Haisley
How has it been playing for the Peacocks?
Rasmus
You being the owner’s kid makes this line of questioning suspicious
Haisley
…
Rasmus
But yeah, it’s been good. Thanks for asking. Tomorrow’s game against the Woodpeckers should be good.
Haisley
I might see you there if I get off work in time. I’ve a million meetings with different boutiques tomorrow.
Rasmus
*fingers crossed emoji*