Page 20 of The Truth You Told (Raisa Susanto #2)

I went to see Billy today even though I wanted to smother him with a pillow the entire time. He was so vulnerable, just lying there like a hunk of meat. Beau wanted me to go, maybe like he could sense something. Like he wanted me to say goodbye before it was too late.

I never knew the bastard, but that’s Beau for you. He’d do anything for the people he considers family. Shay thinks it’s his best quality. What she never seems to acknowledge—or maybe even realize?—is that Beau is constantly testing us to see if we’ll do anything for him.

Dr. Greene says I do that, too. Test boundaries, push limits. Abused kid syndrome.

At least I’m obvious about it.

Beau does it in that sneaky way that Shay never picks up on. Maybe it’s because she wasn’t abused, not like us. Not like me and Beau. Dr. Greene would say that’s unfair, but it’s my fricking diary I’m allowed to be unfair. Shay wears her bad childhood like a badge of honor but Shay forgets that out of the three of us, it was she who got to live with Hillary full-time. Maybe Hillary was a bitch to her, but she still chose her, still took her in and protected her. Beau and I had to live with the consequences of Hillary’s bad choices for half of every month and then every other holiday. Even when Billy was using Beau as an ashtray. And when father dearest was using me as a whore .

Anyway.

Because it doesn’t matter that Beau’s a manipulative asshole, I really would do anything for him, I plotted every way I could kill Billy today. Tripping over a cord that somehow disconnects his vent? Oops, clumsy me. My favorite idea was to set him on fire considering that’s how he hurt Beau so much. These assholes can always dish it out and never take it. I’d want him to be awake. I’d want to be able to watch as he screamed in agony. Burning to death seems like it would be really painful.

Can you imagine the note that would go in my file then?

They all already think I’m a monster anyway. Maybe they would actually arrest me this time.

But Billy isn’t worth becoming a killer for.

Maybe someday someone will come along who will be.