Page 26 of The Tribune Temptation (Roman Heirs #1)
C rispina spent a sleepless night staring up at the ceiling, wondering how it had all gone so wrong. Aelius did not return from wherever he’d gone. An additional layer of guilt settled over her. Gaia would be worrying about her son, out overnight. One more thing to blame herself for.
Once the gray light of dawn peeked in, Crispina rose. She knew what she had to do. The quicker she got it over with, the better.
She asked Malchio and Taurus to drag her trunks out of storage, the same trunks that had carried her belongings here on her wedding day. Once the trunks arrived, she stared at them sitting open before her, the insides dark and cavernous, ready to swallow up the life she’d built for herself.
Then, she took a deep breath and began to pile her belongings into the trunks. Her mind went back to the day that Memmius had told her he was divorcing her and that she was to pack her things and go. She hadn’t been shocked or dejected. Failure was humiliating, but there was also relief in ending a marriage that brought neither of them happiness.
Now, severing herself from Aelius was like cutting off a limb, every item placed into the trunks a slash of the knife. She packed her clothes, her jewelry, her cosmetics. Then she went to her library and surveyed the shelves full of scrolls. Most of these had been bought after marrying Aelius. She didn’t have the space for them at her parents’ house, so she would only be able to take a few.
She ran her fingers along the stacks of rustling papyrus. She chose old favorites, a selection of books from Homer along with a manuscript of Sappho. She piled them into her arms and turned to leave.
Aelius stood in the doorway, watching her. His golden skin had a grayish pallor, as if he hadn’t slept, and he was wearing the same clothes as last night.
She drew in a sharp breath at the sight of him. “You’re back.”
He nodded slowly. His gaze rested on the scrolls in her arms. “You are…packing?”
A bolt of pain shot through her, but she strove not to crack. The best she could hope for now was to leave with dignity. There was honor in that, like a defeated general falling on his sword. “I assume that is what you want.”
He didn’t speak for a moment. A wild hope flailed within her that he would somehow have forgiven her, would ask her to stay…
But he nodded once more. “A quiet separation is best for now. I will initiate a divorce once the election is over.”
“I understand.”
He moved aside from the door to let her pass.
She paused as she crossed the threshold and looked up at him. “About Max. I will take him with me.” She strove to imbue her voice with total certainty, as if there was no alternative, even though a wife had no rights to any children after a divorce, and Max wasn’t even legally their child. “I brought him here, so he’s my responsibility. And you’ve made it clear you value your political career above a family.”
His lips tightened. “Do you think your parents will allow you to bring a strange child into their home?”
She flinched. She knew the answer to that, but she didn’t want to admit it.
“Max must stay here,” Aelius said. “My mother loves him, and he’s comfortable here. It would be cruel to take him away.”
But I love him too . She fought to maintain her composure, trying to think of what was best for Max. All of this grief and heartache had been for his sake. He was happy here, and deep down she knew her parents wouldn’t welcome him. Better for him to remain here, where he was safe and loved.
She managed a jerky nod, and left the library. She brought the scrolls she’d been carrying back to the bedroom, and stopped short when she saw Gaia standing by her half-filled trunks.
“Crispina, what on earth is going on?” Gaia demanded, eyes wide.
The dull ache in Crispina’s chest tore open again. The last thing she wanted was to confess to Gaia that she was breaking up their family. “I…I’m leaving.”
Gaia’s slender fingers clenched. “But why? I know you argued last night, but please, there’s no need to leave.”
“Aelius has asked me to leave.” Crispina crossed to the trunks and laid the scrolls carefully atop a pile of folded clothing.
“But why ?” Gaia demanded. “This is nonsense. You love each other. Anyone with eyes can see it.”
“Yes.” Crispina closed the lid of the trunk.
Gaia let out a frustrated sigh. “I am going to go wring a more satisfying explanation out of my son.” She strode from the room, looking as angry as Crispina had ever seen her.
Crispina packed a few more items, then went to find Max. This would be painful, but she needed to say goodbye.
It was still earlier than they usually woke, so he might not be out of bed yet. She found him sitting on the floor of his room playing with some of the carved toys Aelius had bought him.
He glanced up at her. “Morning.”
She entered the room and sat on his bed. Guilt and shame coiled inside her like a snake consuming her from within. She took a deep breath. “Max, I need to tell you something.”
“We ain’t out of cake, are we?”
“Aren’t.” She forced herself to say the next words. “I’m leaving.”
He set down a toy elephant. “You’re going on a trip? Can I come?”
“It’s not like that. I’m leaving this house, forever.”
His eyes narrowed. “Why?”
“Because…” Crispina bit her lip. “Aelius and I aren’t going to be married anymore.”
His forehead crinkled. “But you’re in love.” He grimaced in disgust.
Was it that obvious to everyone around them? Crispina herself had only figured it out last night. “I know.”
“My parents hated each other and they still were married,” Max said. “I didn’t think it was allowed to not be married anymore.”
“It’s called a divorce.” The word seemed to carry a dark cloud with it, settling over her in a noxious haze.
“Huh.” He nudged the toy elephant. “But why do you have to leave? Why don’t he leave?”
“ Doesn’t. Because this is Aelius’s house. And Aelius has asked me to leave. That’s how it works.” She tried for a smile, but her mouth didn’t seem to remember how to move that way. “Aelius and Gaia will take excellent care of you. You’re happy here, aren’t you?”
He nodded slowly. “But…I like it when you’re here.”
“I know.” She wished Rufus’s cronies had pummeled her into oblivion that day on the Aventine. That would have been less painful than this.
“W-will you come visit?” he asked in a small voice.
Crispina choked back a rush of tears. Her heart, already bruised and battered, splintered. She wanted to assure him that yes, of course, he could see her anytime he liked, but she knew that would be a lie. “I hope we’ll see each other again.” Her voice was hoarse and unsteady.
His mouth set in a stubborn, glum frown. With a sudden burst of fury, he grabbed his carved elephant and flung it across the room. It clattered against the wall. “It’s not fair!” he shouted.
“Max…” She reached for him, trying to fold him into her arms, but he shoved her away and ran from the room.
An hour later, it was done. Max was in the kitchen being comforted by Gaia, Cassandra, and a supply of sweets. Crispina hadn’t tried to go after him. She’d upset him enough already.
Her trunks sat in the vestibule by the front door. They would be sent over later. In the atrium, Crispina adjusted the drape of her palla. Taurus waited to escort her across the city. He eyed her with veiled curiosity. Crispina imagined the news, or at least some version of it, had filtered throughout the household by now. Everyone knew she had betrayed her husband.
“Crispina.” Gaia emerged into the atrium. Her face was drawn, eyes wide. “Please don’t do this.” She grasped Crispina’s hands desperately.
Crispina’s throat tightened. “Aelius wishes me gone. Didn’t he tell you what I did?”
“Yes, but I believe if you give it some time and talk, he will come around.”
“You are too optimistic, Gaia.” Crispina gently extricated her hands. “You know your son. He would do anything to win this election, and I’ve taken that from him. It’s over.”
Gaia gazed up at her. “All I want is for him to be happy. I never thought politics would make him happy. But he has found happiness with you. If he does lose this election, I hope he will realize there is more to life than ballot boxes and Forum speeches. He will need you.”
“Well, he knows where to find me.” She was looking at a long, lonely future as a twice divorced woman, forever ensconced in her parents’ house. At least this time, she had the memory of what it was like to be loved. “Forgive me, Gaia, but I must go.” She glanced around the atrium, wondering if Aelius would deign to see her off. He was probably in his study, the door just a few feet away.
“Tell Aelius I said goodbye,” she murmured. Then she walked out the front door. Taurus followed behind her.
They crossed the city. Crispina took a deep breath when her parents’ house came into view. She hadn’t seen her parents since the wedding. Now, she was to show up on their doorstep, disgraced and abandoned for a second time.
The slave manning the front door let them in, not without a curious glance or two, then went to fetch Crispina’s mother. Crispina dismissed Taurus, then waited in the atrium.
Fresh dread swirled in her stomach. She would have done anything to avoid this confrontation if it were possible. She braced herself for her parents’ displeasure and pity.
Footsteps sounded, and Mother came into view, flanked by one of her maids. She frowned at the sight of Crispina. “Was I expecting you? It’s rather early.”
Crispina shook her head. “I’m afraid…” She swallowed hard, forcing herself to get the words out. “Aelius and I are separating. We plan to divorce after the election.”
Mother’s manicured eyebrows shot up. “Blessed Juno. You couldn’t even please a freedman?”
Crispina flinched. “Don’t talk about him that way.”
“Well, it’s what he is. Really, Crispina. Two divorces in as many years? It’s just embarrassing at this point.”
Crispina pushed past her. “Excuse me, I’d like to lie down.” She left the atrium and went to her old room, dusty and stripped of belongings. At least the bed was still there, though no linens were on it. She sat heavily on the bare mattress, then buried her face in her hands and let the tears come.