Page 10 of The Trials of Neilina MacKai (The MacKai Brides #5)
“Rhuad,” she spoke calmly, though her husband’s fear for her warmed her heart.
“You must know we can send no one originally from Castle MacFearann. They will all be known to either the nuns or folk in Baile Iasg who may rely on the abbey for custom and income. Very few in this area know me. Just as no one knew your squire, which is why he was chosen to gather information.”
“I realize all of that, but I do not have to permit you to place yourself in danger. Your brother would never forgive me if anything happened to you,” his voice was rough with concern.
“Nothing will happen to me,” she said evenly. Calm was the best way to assuage his worries.
Rhuad folded his arms across his chest. “You cannot be certain of that.”
Sir Dougal nodded agreement and twisted his hands together.
“I can be certain,” Seona said.
“How?”
“Because I will approach the Abbess with a request for sanctuary from my horrible MacFearann husband.”
Sir Dougal smiled.
Rhuad glared at him. “She’ll not trust you no matter how badly you claim I treat you.”
“I will not say to whom I am wed, and if pressed, I will lie.”
“Use the name Angus MacFearann. He is elderly and is known to beat his wives. He has buried three.”
“And you allow this?”
“It happened before I became laird. Since then, I have forbidden him to marry.”
“Is this widely known?”
“Nay. He promised to do as I told him if I would not announce my orders to the world. Since MacFearann custom requires that any of the clan who wish to wed must gain the laird’s approval, I have no qualms in keeping my silence.”
“That is reassuring.”
“Which is neither here nor there, as I will not permit you to risk yourself.”
Sir Dougal placed a hand on Rhuad’s shoulder. “Have we any other choice?”
Rhuad stared at him a long while before shaking his head. His shoulders slumped. “Nay, I can think of no other way to be certain my mother and sister are free to be rescued.”
“Another advantage of sending me to the abbey is that I may be able to lead the hostages to the seaward cave entrance. We may be able to avoid a fight completely.”
“That would be too bad,” Rhuad said. “I’ve long wanted to fight those who, to gain their own ends, use defenseless women.”
“But if you could avoid bloodshed, you would do so, would you not?” Seona queried.
“Aye. Especially if it lowered any risk to my mother and sister.”
“Good. Now I will need at least three days to seek sanctuary and gain the abbess’ trust.”
“You cannot do so faster?” Rhuad asked. “I’ve waited too long to see my mother and sister safe.”
“You can wait a few more days,” Sir Dougal said. “Believe me, I know how difficult waiting can be when you want something dearly.”
“You are thinking of my sister, Maeve,” Seona said.
“Aye,” Sir Dougal confirmed. “Does she think of me?”
“Daily. Sometimes we sisters tire of her constant speaking of you. ‘When Dougal comes.’ ‘When I wed Dougal.’ Your name is nearly every third word from her mouth.”
The former captain of the MacKai guard grinned.
Rhuad jabbed Dougal in the ribs with an elbow. “You and Maeve MacKai are well matched for you are nearly as bad. Not a day goes by without you reciting some tale about Maeve’s wisdom and beauty.”
Dougal blushed. “We should focus on refining our plan to breach the abbey defenses and rescue the MacFearann ladies.”
“Aye.” Rhuad agreed.
“Good, this is how we can best implement the deception I propose.” Seona commanded their attention.
The fire had burned to embers before the men were content with the details.
“I will send my message to the abbess tomorrow. My cook will deliver it, for no one will question when she says she is the only servant I can trust.”
“I dislike that we must wait for her to return with the Abbess’ reply.”
“I am not pleased with that either,” Seona said. “However, if my aim is to gain her trust, I must first trust her.”
“She should be pleased to have a third MacFearann lady in her grasp,” Dougal said.
Seona smiled. “I am counting on that. Eagerness to have more sway over MacFearann may cause the abbess to examine my motives less closely. Once she agrees, I intend to be certain that she can see nothing about me that is not to her advantage.”
“I cannot add more to our discussion at this point.” Dougal stood to leave.
Seona rose as well. “Good night my friend.”
Rhuad followed her example. “God keep you this night Dougal.”
“And you as well,” he replied.
Seona watched him depart before moving toward the stairs.
“Permit me to walk with you to your chamber?” Rhuad asked.
She raised a brow in question. “If you wish.”
“I do.” Was all he said.
He said nothing more as they climbed the stairs. Seona watched him as closely as possible in the shadowy light cast by torches fixed to the wall at every third stair riser.
He appeared to look inward. He stared into the space before him, his brow furrowed, whether with worry or concentration she could not tell.
At the landing they turned toward her chamber. Still, he was silent. She paused outside her door and placed a hand on his arm.
“What troubles you?”
“I am not troubled.”
“Something occupies your mind, my lord. Do you intend to share your thoughts with me? Or will you leave me guessing as to why you felt the need to escort me here when we are in the safety of your own castle.”
He shifted his stare, locking his gaze with hers.
“I have been wondering...” He put his hands on her shoulders.
He paused so long she became impatient. “What have you wondered?”
“I’ve been wondering what it might be like to do this.”
“Do wha...”
He drew her to him. Keeping one arm around her waist, he cradled her cheek in the other and lifted her face to his. He made no other move, but waited.
I understand now. He wants to kiss me, but he wants a kiss freely given .
Well, hadn’t she wondered herself, what it might be like. She recalled the day when they had laughed so much and their faces had been so close together. She’d definitely pondered what his mouth might feel like pressed to hers.
She rose on her toes, linking her hands at his nape where his red curls teased her fingers
He lowered his head, and his lips moved over hers.
Paradise, she thought, might feel like this. Soft, silky, soothing and at the same time seeking.
Urgent need welled within her. Paradise fled. A flood of longing fogged her mind. Opening her lips, she tasted his mouth.
Rhuad moaned and licked into her mouth.
Her tongue coiled with his. Heat built in her belly and shivered through her body.
He pressed her closer. His hands stroked over her shoulders and down to gently clasp her buttocks.
The tender caress stole her breath.
She moved her lips over his face. She touched and tasted everywhere, and it wasn’t enough. “Please,” she whispered.
He released her and stepped back, leaving her bereft.
“Why?” The barely audible word rasped from her throat.
He rubbed his hands over his face. “Dear God. I should never have done that.”
The fog began to clear. “Nor should I.”
He dropped his hand and stared, mouth open. “Did you not like it?”
“Like is not the word that comes to mind.”
He pursed his lips before issuing a wry, “Indeed, what word does come to mind?”
“Several, actually.”
He folded his arms across his chest.
She peeked to see if he tapped his foot, but his boots remained firmly planted.
“Well?”
“Oh, if you insist on knowing what your kiss inspires, the list is long and includes soft.”
He smiled.
“Surprising.”
He cocked a brow.
“Heavenly.”
He grinned.
“Wonder, heat, shivers, and longing,” she said in a rush.
He dropped his arms and leaned, hip shot, against the wall. “Is that all?”
“Eternity is not long enough to list them all, but the word I feel most right now is regret.”
His jaw dropped, and he straightened. “I’ll never trouble you with my attentions in the future.”
“Dolt!” She fisted her hands and stamped her foot. “’Tis not the kiss I regret, but that I’ll not have another like it.”
“Why not?” He closed his mouth.
“Our handfasting is temporary, and as my brother ordered, chaste. I may want another kiss or ten, but like too many sweets, too many kisses such as that one, and I’ll lose what I value most.” She turned and put her hand on the door latch.
“What is it that you value most?” he pled softly
“My self .”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t expect you to, but that’s what love does. It clouds judgement, logic, and reason. Without those, I am nothing. Good night, my lord Rhuad.”
She swept into her chamber and shut the door firmly behind her. Leaning back against the oaken boards, she waited. What would he do?
What do I want him to do ?
She heard his footsteps fading as he walked away. Whatever it was she wanted, she was fairly certain walking away wasn’t it.