Page 202 of The Throne Seeker

The deliberate, careful steps behind her came closer as the familiar gaze burned into her back. She closed her eyes, bracing herself for whatever was about to happen.

He was right behind her now.

“Rose?” Tristan’s voice was all too tender.

She wasn’t breathing when she turned to face him.

A good thing, because she was swept straight to sea as an ocean greeted her, as hauntingly deep and vast as she remembered. She used to dream about being bathed in that color after being frozen for so long. She did her best to stay afloat, even as her siren threatened to capsize her ship.

Rose wrapped her arms around herself. “Hello, Tristan.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“You’re back.” His eyes screamed with pure relief. Without asking for permission, his hand slowly reached for her hood, his energy flooding her the closer he got—a beautiful aura of colors.

“I wouldn’t,” she warned.

He ignored her, slowly lifting the black hood.

His pure shock plunged through her as soon as the fabric fell, his eyes devouring every centimeter exposed.

She praised the gods Satin wasn’t here to see the starstruck look.

Tristan didn’t speak, letting his gaze linger for far too long. Finally, he said, “How?”

“I don’t know… I’m still trying to figure that out.”

He lifted his hand, brushing his thumb over her cheek. The moment his fingertips touched her bare skin, she was hit with an array of emotions—strong enough that she cringed. The pain of her absence, how lonely he was, how distant he was from everyone.

His hand dropped, his expression becoming guarded, almost as if remembering how angry he was at her. “Where’ve you been?”

She hesitated to answer. “Highland Haven.”

His frame stiffened. “Of course. I should’ve known.”

She shifted uncomfortably. “Where’s Satin?”

“She’s resting,” Tristan replied, looking over his shoulder quickly as if he could see her.

An awkward silence fell.

“How are you?” she blurted before she could stop herself.

His eyes became darker than the bottom of the ocean floor. “Don’t do that. Don’t ask how I am. I might do something stupid like open up to you.”

Rose opened her mouth, but nothing came out, so she closed it again, not sure what to say.

“Don’t do that either,” he said with a dark tone.

She blinked. “Do what?”

“Look at me like that. Like you still care about what happens to me.”

Her eyes softened. “Of course I care.” She almost reached out but stopped herself.

Tristan’s jaw clenched. His eyes fell to the ground, hands running through his messy blond hair. “Fine. You want to know how I am? I’ll tell you.” Tristan surrendered, casting his gaze down the corridor. “I walk these halls that have grown haunted in your absence and pretend the ghost of you doesn’t linger here. But it does. It’s everywhere. I can’t escape it. Every part of this castle holds a memory of you. Every day, I go on pretending there isn’t a gaping hole in my chest that you used to fill. I told you, you have my heart. And I have to accept the fact it’ll never be returned. It’s yours by design. You helped shape it, after all. At times, I had the smallest hope I’d be able to move on from you… until I looked into the mirror at night and realized how empty I am. When I see you in my dreams at night, I pray it becomes my reality. Whenever anyone even speaks your name, I slip a mask on so I don’t fall apart at the seams. I shove away the gnawing emptiness when I see the gardens or the beach. All that is to say I’ve been nothing but a shell of a person. So you want to know how I’m doing?” Tristan’s eyes finally met hers. “It’s been a fucking living hell.”

Tears pricked at the backs of her eyes as they fell to the floor. She couldn’t hold his mournful gaze any longer, blocking out the excruciating pain rupturing through his heart. “I… I’m so sorry,” she said, her eyes still set on the floor. “I never meant to cause you so much pain.”

Tristan lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him like it was her punishment to see him like this. “I know,” he replied, his aura still aching for her nonetheless.