Page 148 of The Temptation of Truth

“Yeah? What kind of surprise?”

“Well, my journal is being published. I wanted you to read it first.”

She sits up quickly, making me fall into the pillow with a gasp, and then I laugh loudly when I see her gaping at me with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on her face.

“Are you fucking kidding?”

I shake my head. “I’m very serious. It should be out next year.”

“Oh my God, we have to celebrate. What do you want to do? We need to do something.”

“I mean...” I smirk and drag my eyes over her naked body. “This kind of was my celebration.”

She laughs and shakes her head. “Let’s order room service. Champagne or something.”

My stomach flips with an idea. I didn’t plan to do this tonight. I didn’t know if I’d do it ever actually, but being with Mabel tonight, it’s like no time has passed. I’ve changed, yes, but our connection hasn’t. If anything, it’s only gotten stronger, and I think my confidence has a lot to do with that. So, I wrangle the butterflies in my stomach and raise up to my knees.

“Actually, I kind of want to try something, if you’re up to it.”

Her eyes narrow with curiosity, and she tilts her head. “Anything.”

I stand and walk toward my beat-up travel trunk. I’ve lugged it around with me for two years. It’s covered in stickers and stamps and, with the exception of my important documents and a few mementos that I keep at my uncle’s, it contains all my possessions.

“You can say no if you want. Don’t feel obligated, okay?”

“Just tell me what it is.”

I purse my lips, consider it again for just a second, then say fuck it, and dive into my trunk. I find what I’m looking for, then stand and show it to Mabel. She takes one look at it and barks out a laugh, but there’s no hiding the heat that flashes in her eyes.

“You haven’t seen me in two years, and you’re busting out a glittery pink dildo?”

I can feel my cheeks flush, but I scrunch up my nose and give her a shrug.

“Depends. Are you still a girl who likes pretty things?”

She nods. “I am. I very much am.”

“Oh, phew. That’s good.”

I mime wiping sweat off my brow, then upend the box, dropping everything on the bed. I stare at the leather harness, then at the glittery pink dildo, then I look at Mabel.

“I might need some guidance.”

A night from years earlier flashes in my mind as soon as the words leave my mouth, and I have to give my head a shake to loosen the image of me on my knees in a shower in Sydney. I can still taste her, and it’s not just from what we did earlier.

“Have you ever used one before?”

“Nope. Never.” I shake my head and pick up a small piece of paper with instructions and squint at it. “This is actually brand new.”

She goes quiet, and when I look up at her, she’s staring at me in a way that makes my heart skip. Like she can’t believe I’m real. I haven’t exactly been celibate in the last two years. She basically told me not to be, and I’m not naïve enough to expect it from her either. But I wanted to save some experiences for her. For us. I wanted her to have more of my firsts, and from the way she’s looking at me, I’m so glad that I did.

She clears her throat and gives her head a shake. “Okay, well, we should probably start by cleaning it.”

“Oh, I did that already. With rubbing alcohol.”

Her eyes go wide, and I smirk.

“Kidding. I used a toy cleaner.”