Page 6

I came to in front of the fire. One minute I was dead to the world and the next I was awake. It was that sudden and that terrifying. I could feel someone in the darkened room near me, but I was afraid to look and see who it might be. I wondered if I might be allowed a reprieve to just lie here, pretending to be unconscious. I wondered if there was any slight chance that I might still be able to escape.

My hopes were dashed when Tarrak spoke up softly in the darkened room.

“I know you’re awake, mortal boy.”

I sighed and wary as a cat, I slowly sat up, my ribs protesting a little. Tarrak sat in a chair beside the fire, only a few paces from the straw mattress I had laid out earlier in the evening. His soldiers must have thrown my body onto it when they carried me in from outside. His men were nowhere to be seen, though I figured they were upstairs in the sleeping loft. They were so loyal to Tarrak that I was surprised they would leave him here with me, but he must have sent them away, so he could murder me at his leisure. He didn’t seem afraid of me in the least, but he probably figured that even if I did try to work magic against him, the odds were that it would take several tries to get it to work, assuming I could ever get it to work.

I sat up straighter and scooted backward as far as I could without singeing my backside, hating myself for letting him see that while he may not be afraid of me, I was badly intimidated by him.

I would have been a fool not to be.

I winced as a pain lanced through my head, and I put my hand to the back of my neck.

“One of my soldiers hit you—I couldn’t stop him in time. Not that you didn’t deserve it, by the way. Why did you try to run from me?”

“I thought you were about to kill me.”

He only grunted softly in reply.

“How did you find me?” I asked him, thinking belatedly that it might not have been a good idea to remind him that he meant to kill me.

“I didn’t, really. We were on a hunt and a boar attacked one of the stags. By the time we killed the wild hog and took care of the stag, it was getting late and snowing harder. We decided to take shelter for the night.”

“Imagine your surprise when you found it already occupied.”

“Yes, imagine. I saw your fire and you dancing around it, waving your hands in the air.”

“I don’t know that I was dancing, exactly.”

He leaned forward, looking a little tired, and stared directly at me. “Tell me what you were doing out there tonight, boy. Tell me everything and be assured I’ll know if you lie.” He shifted in his chair so I could see the dagger at his side. He looked down to follow my wide-eyed gaze and gave me a wicked half-smile. He didn’t actually say the words, “And if you lie to me, I’ll gut you like a fish,” but I felt as if they were more or less implied.

“I-I know it must have looked bad, Your Majesty. But I’m not a Necromancer. I swear it,” I whispered fiercely. “Or not exactly, at least. I was trying to do a conjuring. It’s when you call on the spirits to bring forth answers to your questions or ask them to do your bidding. It can be a ghost, like King Gratin, or a deity or any kind of spirit. It’s not necessarily Infernal,” I rushed to say. “But I couldn’t get it to work, so I tried calling on Samael to help. I used a few drops of blood, too, as a sacrifice. It was the only thing that worked.”

“Glorfindel says your magic is Infernal, probably from a demon in yours and Pavel’s ancestry. That’s why your spells always go wrong.”

“Yes,” I said miserably. “He shared that theory with me as well. He may be right.” I looked up at him quickly. “About the demon, that is. But Pavel is not involved in this. Please don’t blame him—he doesn’t even know where I am right now or what I’m doing. I told him I was going hunting and he-he believed me. His magic is different than mine. It’s much better and more about healing than anything else. Pavel told me that because I’m not a ‘corrupt vessel’ for the Infernal Magic, it won’t change me or make me evil. You have to believe me—I’d never do anything to hurt anyone.”

Tarrak sighed and stared at me searchingly. “Tell me why you wanted the magic sword.”

“I wanted it for you. I thought if you had it, you would be invincible, and you wouldn’t have to keep fighting your half-brother. You’d be safe, so the kingdom would be safe and at peace. And then Pavel and Juul would be all right too.”

“You didn’t want the power of the sword for yourself?”

“No, I never wanted that. What would I do with it? I wanted it for you.”

“Why?”

“I…I don’t know exactly. You’re just…important.”

He sighed again and shook his head. “What am I going to do with you, mortal boy?” He leaned toward me and took my hand in his. “You have to stop doing this Demonic Magic. It will be hard to keep protecting you if you don’t.”

I touched my sore ribs and gave a soft and bitter laugh. “You mean it will be even worse for me?”

He blew out a breath. “Mortal boy, promise me you’ll stop these attempts at magic.

“I'm not a boy. I'm a man, fully grown.”

He glanced up at me in surprise. “What?”

“My name is Sergey, not ‘mortal boy,’ like you always call me.”

“I know your name,” he said, his voice tight with anger.

“I’m Sergey,” I said again, because I felt like I was losing my mind, and I needed him to hear me. “And I'm not a boy. I’m the brother of Pavel from the village of Latva, outside the Quendi Forest. I have a name, and I know who I am. You don’t have to constantly remind me that I’m not really one of you—that I’m just a human and not a beautiful Elf, and that I don’t really belong here, and I never have. And that I won’t ever be good enough.”

He looked at me in astonishment. “Good enough for what?”

“For you ,” I said, then clapped my hand over my mouth, shocked that I actually said out loud the words that had been buried so deeply in my heart for so long that they surprised me almost as much as they did him.

The words hung in the air between us, and I wished desperately that I could call them back.

His eyes smoldered at me and then he moved so quickly that he was kneeling in front of me in the blink of an eye, his strong hand wrapped around my throat. I hissed in a sharp breath but stared up at him defiantly, his face only an inch or so away from mine. He might easily choke me to death, but I vowed to myself that I would fight him with the last of my strength. I grabbed his wrist and tugged on it, but I couldn’t budge him in the least. His hand was like an iron band, not choking me but containing me and holding me in place.

“Do you really think I don’t know your name?” he shouted down in my face. “That I don’t notice you all the time? That I haven’t been noticing you since the first day you rode into my courtyard, so young and so brave with the bruises from your father’s fists still on your face? I wanted to ride back to your village and hunt him down and kill him for beating you, and I didn’t even know why back then. You were only a human boy, a mortal and nothing to me, and yet I felt the urge—the need to protect you. I deliberately turned my back on you then because you were none of my concern. You were far too young for me to have such an interest in you, and it was…unseemly.”

“Unseemly?”

“You know what I mean. You were just a young man and I've been around for more than a hundred years. I shouldn't even look at you.”

“But you were going to marry Pavel. Juul did marry him. You're not like us.”

“That's exactly right. I'm not human.” He went on talking like I hadn't interrupted. “I should leave you alone. But even when you almost killed yourself by getting lost in that snowstorm, I volunteered to stay behind and look for you, even though my lords were all so angry at me for risking myself. Then suddenly you were eighteen years old, and you flooded the corridors with those fucking white rabbits. I began to see you everywhere around the palace—in the hallways and the courtyard, and Juul spoke constantly of you, telling me the latest, ridiculous thing you’d done and how you put yourself in danger again and again. You’re only a human and yet you court death like he was your lover. Damn you, Sergey. You expose yourself to danger that would make anyone else quake with fear and still you defy it. I don’t know if it’s bravery or foolishness. You do it again and again and you infuriate me. You-you bother me!”

I’d never heard him talk so much at one time and I confess to being a little dazzled by it. Then he leaned forward, putting a hand behind my head and crushing his lips to mine, forcing me backward with his heat and his strength. He drew away after a moment and whispered against my lips. “Damn it, you fascinate me.”

I opened for his kiss like a flower opens to the sun.

“No,” he cried, pushing me away. “You’re a human. A mortal. I can’t.”

“Why not?” I said softly, arching against him. “I’m a man, despite what you're saying. I'm fully grown now, and I know what I want. Please love me. Please, Tarrak.” I pressed my mouth to his and breathed against his lips. “Make love to me…do I have to beg? I will…”

He moaned and thrust his tongue inside my mouth, and I could feel my toes curling in my boots. Tarrak’s hand was warm against my throat as he tightened it slightly. He was murmuring something in the Elven language I didn’t understand, but he had lowered over me close enough that I could feel the long, hard length of him against me. My whole body went limp with surprise and pleasure. I wondered if I might be dreaming.

His beard scratched along my smoother cheek as he held me close. I could smell the perfumes his servants had used on him along with another, more heady smell that was all his own. It made my cock thicken—noticeably, I guess, because he pulled back to look down at me, his eyes glowing. I was thrilled to see that he was as breathless as I was.

“I want you so much,” I said boldly to him, and he laughed softly, unbelievingly, as if he were feeling a little drunk, though he hadn’t been drinking so far as I knew. At least I smelled no wine on his breath. He took my face in his hands and thoroughly kissed me. My eyes, my cheeks, my lips, and even the tip of my nose. Eagerly, I pressed my lips against his full ones again and then ground into them with a passion that surprised both of us. It may have seemed to come out of nowhere, but I knew better. I had dreamed of a moment like this—and thought it impossible—since the moment I saw him as I arrived that first day at the palace. I had only been a child then, but I knew. I knew I had just found the most perfect man in all existence, and I would never find anyone else to match him. He had seemed to me to be as far out of reach as the northern star and every bit as cold and beautiful and untouchable. Yet now— impossibly —here he was in my arms.

Tarrak sighed into the kiss and touched his tongue to mine again, gently, sweetly, like this was his first time to kiss someone like this. He broke away then and looked down into my eyes.

“You’re too young for me. You’re Pavel’s little brother,” he said, his voice ragged and harsh. “I can’t do this.”

“Oh yes, you can,” I said, tipping up my chin and chasing his mouth so he could take mine again.

“But Juul will…”

“Probably tell you you’re crazy because you can do so much better than me.” I gasped then as I got a sudden image of Glorfindel’s handsome face. “Oh no. Wait. I forgot about Glorfindel.”

He shook his head. “We’d already decided long ago that we aren’t at all suited. He stays only because of his unhappiness at home, but we’re not together. We never have been, nor will we ever be.”

I closed my eyes and sent up a fervent prayer. “Oh, thank God.”

I sighed into his mouth, and he wrapped one arm around my shoulders as he ran his other hand over my hair. As if he were feeling a bit bolder, he flicked his tongue at my lips, tasting me.

“Sweet,” he said, then sighed against them.

I couldn’t hold back my groan and plopped down in his lap, wrapping my legs around his hips. He slid his hands down to my ass and gripped it with both hands. I knew my eyes must be huge at this turn of events but when I opened my mouth to suck in some air, Tarrak slipped his tongue inside, sending a shock wave through my body that I felt in almost painful little shudders. There was so much heat between us that I couldn’t seem to draw in a good breath. Our tongues tangled together in a sweet, messy kiss, and I could feel the ridge of flesh inside my trousers growing harder and harder as it pressed into him.

He eased me away from him to lie down on my back, and he quickly pulled down his trousers and undergarments to his knees, then started on mine.

“W-What are you doing?” I asked.

“You know exactly what I’m doing.” He stopped and stared down at me. “Don’t you? Is this your first time with a man, Sergey?”

“First time with anyone,” I said, feeling like I might burst into flames. My gaze roamed over the perfect body in front of me and I felt a little faint.

“ What? You mean you’ve never…”

“No. I never wanted that with anyone…no one except you . But I never dreamed in a million years that you would want to be with me.”

He groaned and rested his forehead against mine, and we breathed each other’s air for a moment or two. I knew he was fighting an internal struggle. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” he finally said, but I grabbed him as he pulled away.

“No. I want this so much. Please, please don’t stop.”

“If I were stronger—if I were better—I would leave you alone.”

“No, I don't want you to. You’re immortal, so age is really irrelevant for someone like you. I’m not a child anymore. I’m a grown man and you look as young as I do. You are, in every way that counts. Besides, I don’t want you to be stronger. I want you to make love to me.”

Tarrak groaned again, and then he gazed down at my body in the firelight. “You're so beautiful.”

He pushed my knees up and bent over to taste me, putting his whole mouth over my shaft. I had seen animals rutting in the wild, and it had awakened strange longings inside me. I felt them now as a tightening and tingling in my balls. I couldn’t be still as his mouth moved down to them, and I began crying out at the sensations. He whispered, “Shhh…” in my ear. “We can’t have the others coming down here and interrupting, or I’d have to take up my sword and kill them.”

Since I thought he might actually do it, I tried my best to be quieter. Tarrak bent to his work, laving his tongue over me and even licking me right over my entrance. I started shaking so hard I was afraid I’d pass out. Nothing had ever felt like that before. Nothing. He caressed my sides and my belly and tried to soothe me. “Just relax. I don’t want to hurt you, so I have to get you ready.”

I nodded frantically and he smiled at me tenderly, kissing me on the inside of my knee. “Let me take care of you then.”

He bent over me to whisper in my ear, soft, crooning sounds meant to relax me, but the words were making me feel unbearably hot and causing fluttery feelings in my stomach. He pressed his finger inside me gently, stroking and petting until I thought I’d go insane. No one had ever touched me there before.

He bent down and thrust his tongue inside me again, and I screamed. I couldn’t help it, though I was terrified that someone would come running down the steps to see what was wrong. Tarrak laughed softly and shook his head. “Be quiet, mortal boy. I’m far from done with you yet.”

He stroked me and licked me for a long time until I was squirming and begging and almost mindless beneath him. He shook his head when I tried to pull him down on top of me though. “I don’t have any oil, and I won’t hurt you that way. Be still and let me love you.”

He captured my throat gently in his hand and soothed me with kisses on my cheeks and lips and throat. He lay down on top of me and fit our bodies together, taking us both in his hand. We didn’t fit, but just having his hand brush me there was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. He began to move slowly and steadily against me, setting up a sweet rhythm. I shuddered in his arms and moaned with pleasure. “Stroke me,” I said and watched as his hand slowly joined mine. He smiled at me and wrapped my fingers around his cock. Our gentle stokes and thrusts were becoming harder, and I knew my orgasm was imminent. I had felt this alone in my bed with only dreams of Tarrak beside me. Now I had the real thing, here and now, I hoped it would never end. With a loud groan, Tarrak came, crushing me to him, and he must have known I was not far behind.

“That’s it, mortal boy. My Sergey… come for me now in my hand. Come for me.”

I put back my head then as the orgasm swept me away, and I would have screamed the house down but for his hand that he put over my mouth, smiling down at me. I came so hard I passed out for a moment or two, I think, and when I came back to him, he was holding me gently in his arms, dropping little kisses all over my face.

“Are you all right? I didn’t hurt you?”

“No,” I told him, feeling bold enough to cuddle my body against his. “It was wonderful. Everything I ever dreamed of.”

He kissed my hair and held me in his arms. If I had died then, my life would have been complete. I said something foolish like that to him and he caressed my back. I could tell that something was weighing heavily on him.

“Please don’t worry about what Pavel and Juul will think. Pavel will be happy because I am.”

“It’s not that. I-I just don’t think we should talk about this now. Perhaps later, once we’re back at the palace.”

“No. What is it? I have a bad feeling and I need to know what you’re thinking. Is it because I’m not…not Elven?”

“In a way.” He grabbed me as I made a strangled sound and tried to move away. “But not like you’re thinking. You wonder why I always called you ‘mortal.’ It was to remind myself of who you are. I wanted to make sure I’d never forget like I did just now.”

Wounded by his words, I drew away from him again, but he pulled me back. “Sergey. Listen to me. Someday—a long, long time away in the future—you will…die.” His voice sounded choked on that last word, and I knew that for him it was a foreign concept. But an all too real fact of life for someone like me.

“And there’s nothing I can do to stop that from happening, even though I’d give my own life to stop it if I could,” Tarrak continued. “You’re human . One day you’ll be gone and then my life without you, my very long life, will just keep going on for years. If I allow myself to love you, I’ll be condemning myself to a long life of misery without you, don’t you see?”

I did, but I didn’t want to accept it. “But Lord Juul…”

“Juul will have to face the same thing one day. Pavel will eventually grow old, while Juul remains forever young and beautiful. Even if they manage to overcome the obstacle that will cause, one day Pavel will die. When that happens, Juul might look around for another love after a long while, and he might even think he’ll be able to one day forget Pavel and find happiness again. But it will only be a lie he tells himself. Gradually, he’ll give up and reconcile himself to only living some half-life for the rest of his days. Alone. Do you think I haven’t seen this before? Others of us have fallen in love with humans in the past, and it always ends badly. We all know what will happen and how it will end, and I suppose I’m not as brave as Juul. I can’t condemn myself to such a life. Not even for you.”

I pulled away from him again and this time he let me go. “I see. Then this was…”

“I’m so sorry, Sergey, but it was a mistake.”

He must have seen the look that came into my eyes then because there was no way I could hide it. He quickly took my hand in his and gazed soulfully into my eyes, putting his hand under my chin and making me look at him. “But I don’t regret a moment of it, and I hope you never will either. I didn’t mean to take advantage of you—you have to believe me. I was just too weak to stop myself.”

I pulled away, barely able to be so close to him like this, knowing he was going to leave me or else make me leave him. He confirmed it in the next breath.

“I’m so sorry, Sergey,” he said. “I think it’s time for you to go back to your human world. If you stay, these feelings will only build between us until we can’t stop them any longer. I think it’s better to make a clean break now, before I can no longer bear to let you go. After I get you back to the palace, I’ll talk to Juul about taking you home.”

“That’s funny. I thought I had a home.”

His eyes grew dark and wounded looking, and he shook his head, looking away from me. He was unable to meet my gaze, but I loved him enough that his struggles made me want to make it easier for him. I didn’t want him to be sad. How crazy was that?

I laid my hand over his. He looked down at it in surprise and then back up at me.

“It’s all right,” I said. “I’ll be fine, and you don’t have to worry about me. I’ve thought about going back anyway lately, and I’ve decided I’d make a good soldier.”

“A soldier?” He frowned, and I could tell he didn’t like the idea. But the things he liked or didn’t like couldn’t be my problem anymore. He couldn’t have it both ways. I pulled my hand away and lay back down, rolling away and staring toward the fire.

“I’m really tired now, Your Majesty. Please don’t worry. I’ll be gone in the morning.”

“You’ll go back with us and stop being so formal and so…” He blew out a long breath. “I’m sorry, Sergey. I never meant to hurt you. Please. Won’t you look at me? Can’t we talk about this?”

Another long pause. I didn’t turn over, and he finally let it go.

“Very well. Get some sleep then, and I’ll wake you in the morning. The trails aren’t safe right now. Prince Adan’s ogres have been seen in the area. There’s going to be more trouble very soon and none of us need to be traveling alone.”

“I’m sure you’ll work it out,” I said, fighting to keep the bitterness out of my tone. “If you don’t mind, Your Majesty, I’m going to sleep now. I-I’m exhausted.”

“Sergey, are you sure you don’t want to talk? I really didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t realize you…”

Didn’t realize what? That I had feelings? That I was only human? No, he was only too well aware of that fact. His voice trailed away, and I didn’t answer, because what was there left to say? I’d only humiliate myself if I said more or did what I wanted to do—throw myself at his feet and beg him to keep me always near him.

There was a long silence and after a while, a sigh. “Sleep well then, Sergey,” he said softly. “We’ll speak together again in the morning.”

I didn’t say anything more, even though I felt him hovering there behind me for the longest time. Surprisingly, I did fall asleep, even though I felt like I might be dying, because it’s hard for the human body to sustain such feelings for long without complete and total exhaustion setting in. I never even knew when I finally drifted off. In the morning, however, there was no time for any talking because a messenger arrived, banging on the door before dawn, waking all of us with a terrible story that changed my life forever.

My brother Pavel had been not far from the palace gates, looking in his usual berry patches for the small, slightly floral wild strawberries he loved to use in his tisanes. It was still a bit early for them, but he was hopeful he’d find some and wandered too far from the palace searching for them. He had with him two guards and a young servant to help him carry his baskets.

Out of nowhere, the young servant boy, Larik, later reported, a large number of ogres came surging from the woods, quickly overpowering and killing the guards in a quick but brutal fight and knocking Pavel unconscious before he could even try to put up any defense. They allowed Larik to live only so he could carry back the tale of Pavel’s abduction and to bring us the proof of it—Pavel’s poor broken panpipes.

Lord Juul went after them, of course, riding out with a quickly gathered band of rescuers, but he was made rash and reckless with his grief and fury. None of them had yet returned, and it was greatly feared that all of them had been lost.