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“Byrgir told me she said that I was important, that he must protect me. That I was the key to it all. I had no idea what she meant, or what she could possibly know about me. But I understand now.”

“How is she doing?”

“She was doing quite well. But recently she was… arrested. Or kidnapped, really, by the Paragons of the Light.”

My mother hissed at the name. “Damn Paragons. They’re the ones who drove me out of the market last time I was in Skeioholm. What did they want with her?”

“I don’t know for certain yet. We went to try to retrieve her, but they said she was being held for practicing Sourcery.”

“Of course they did.” She shook her head. “And was she?”

“Yes. And she was teaching me too.”

“Good. I should have started with you long ago. I’m sorry I didn’t. Although I don’t think I would’ve been much of a teacher for an Archfae.”

Quiet fell between us again as I thought.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I was afraid, I think. There were times that I wanted to, really.

But I was scared that you’d be upset and leave.

I was so worried about keeping you safe that I forgot you were growing up all along.

Forgot you were becoming a powerful Archfae yourself.

The years went by so fast, I think I just lost sight of it. ”

“You should have at least told me that night. The night I left. I wouldn’t have gone into the world so blind.”

“I know, Hal, I know. You’re right. And I have thought that every day since you left.”

Another pause. The waves lapped in a soothing rhythm at the stone edge near our feet.

“Do you miss Fenodyr?” I asked.

My mother was quiet a moment. “I do. Although I don’t think about him as much now as I once did.

But I dream of the Fiadhain every night, and of him often.

I do still miss him deeply. What we had…

It was what they write stories about. He was like no one else I’ve ever known.

And I don’t expect I’ll ever meet a man like him again.

He was as much a part of the Fiadhain as the sea was, as the trees, the rivers, the creatures.

Missing that wilderness and missing him are the same. ”

“Would you go back to him? If you could?”

A longer silence this time. “I couldn’t leave you and Noirin here. Or at least I always thought I couldn’t, but you’re both already grown now. She’ll be out of the house and on her own soon. But I still don’t think I could leave you both.”

“But without us to think about, would you go?”

“Ah, that’s a hypothetical I can’t comprehend.

The two of you are as much a part of me as my own heart.

That would be like telling me I had to cut off my arms and leave them here before I could go back home.

” She paused in thought. “But... maybe if I knew you were both safe and happy, if I knew I could come back to you, or that you could visit me. Maybe then I would go. If it were possible. But since the Veil has been sealed, well, there’s no chance. ”

“Maybe with the power of an Archfae we could figure it out.”

My mother looked at me and smiled. “With your power, perhaps you could. But I would never ask that of you. If you want to forget all about this and live a quiet life as a human woman, I can cast that glamour back on you. It may not be as good as Fen’s, but it will get you by. We can make you disappear again.”

“No.” It was definitive. “Even if I wanted to, it’s too late for that.

But gods above and below, Mother, an Archfae?

” The gravity of it was sinking in now. I had tried to prepare myself for this conversation, but this was so far beyond what I could have imagined that it overwhelmed me.

How could she not have told me for all these years?

How could she let me live my life thinking I was something I wasn’t, suffering the consequences of a fae- touched appearance when I had the power of a demi-god lurking beneath my skin?

“If you won’t hide it, then I think you only have one real choice. Learn to master it. Use it to your advantage. There are worse things to be,” she said.

“Worse things to suddenly find out you are, you mean,” I snapped. After a lifetime of lies, I did not appreciate her trying to tell me what to do with the truth.

“Hal, you realize this might make you one of the most powerful being in the Midjalend. Maybe even the most powerful being.”

“And I’m supposed to be happy about that?”

“No, I didn’t mean–”

“Didn’t mean what? To have an Archfae daughter? What am I supposed to do now? I’ll be a target to every king, every country.”

“You think I didn’t think about this? You think I didn’t agonize over this every day of my pregnancy?

You think I wanted to leave Fen, leave my home, for this?

I did this for you , Halja. All for you.

To keep us alive. So I will not apologize.

I do not regret my choices, not for an instant.

And I don’t regret you, either. So don’t twist my words on me. I made my choices and I stand by them.”

Silence settled between us.

She was right. She had made a great sacrifice for me. But I wasn’t ready to let it go. Wasn’t able to reconcile that she had turned my childhood, my identity, into a lie. Not yet, at least.

“Why do you stay with him?” I asked.

“Because I didn’t want to try to raise you alone. I wanted you to have a home.”

“I understand why you settled with him in the first place,” I said. “I asked why you stay.”

She was quiet a moment, then said, “Because I’m afraid. And I have nowhere else to go. I can’t go home. I can’t tear apart our family, not anymore. It’s just easier this way. Easier to go with it, rather than fight against it.”

“Byrgir once told me that it’s better to fight for the right thing than to keep the peace,” I said. “At some point, staying quiet and taking the easy way will cost you more than risking the leap. But that choice is yours to make.”

We stared quietly at the gray-green water for a long time. We walked back to the steading in silence.

∞∞∞

Father waited for us in the living room when we returned.

“Halja,” he said, and made to cross the room toward me. But he stopped short when he saw my face, my newly revealed fae features. Surely he’d known this day would come, that he’d have to look me in my true face. But the look of shock told me he had not prepared himself for it.

Nevertheless, his hesitation lasted only a moment.

He crossed the room and hugged me. I hugged him back.

So it would be like this then, like nothing ever happened.

No apology, no confrontation, no acknowledgment, just swept under the rug as if it didn’t matter.

But that was the way of our family, the way of my father.

If you didn’t speak of it, it couldn’t be real.

Even if the reality you had always feared was staring you straight in the face.

“Good to have you home,” he said.

“Good to see you too. Where’s Byrgir?”

“In the kitchen helping Noirin with dinner. Halja, is he…?”

“No,” I said quickly. I already saw the judgment in his eyes. Of course the first thing he wanted to know was the nature of my relationship to Byrgir. An inherited and conditioned shame that I did not want, did not even understand, twisted around my lungs.

“Will you stay for dinner?” my mother asked.

“We really should be getting back to Skeioholm. It’s a long ride back to Rhyanaes.”

I regretted it as soon as I said it. The disappointment on her face made my chest ache. Despite my anger, I had missed her. And I had always felt sorry for her, trapped in a life she never seemed to want. Now I finally understood the whole of it, and that understanding only made it more painful.

“You should stay here tonight. It’s already getting late,” she said.

“We can stay for dinner, but we need to be leaving tonight.” We didn’t, really. But I didn’t think I could stay here and pretend like everything was alright, fold back into the same familial pattern with my father who was not my father.

I walked into the kitchen. Byrgir was standing at the counter, chopping carrots. He looked up at me and his eyes widened.

“Hal?” he asked.

“Still me,” I said with an uncertain half smile.

He approached and put his hands on my shoulders, looking intently at my face.

He raised a hand and touched one of my long ears, then pushed my hair back behind it.

He traced the same hand down my cheek, my nose, below my eye.

Gentle, yet intentional. I was ablaze beneath his touch, a ripple of energy radiated through me wherever his fingers traveled.

My vision tunneled, the rest of the world falling away until it was just us, just the glow of this moment.

“So you’re fae,” he said.

“Archfae,” I answered, nearly a whisper.

“Archfae? That’s… that’s incredible Hal.”

“You like it?” I asked, surprised.

“You’re stunning,” he said, no hesitation, no falseness, and my heart stumbled in its rhythm. “I mean, I loved your face how it was. And I’ll have to get used to this but… You were beautiful before and now… now it hurts to look at you.”

Noirin cleared her throat behind us, breaking the spell that bound us there together. I hadn’t even realized she was in room. He stepped back from me, turning toward her and leaving my new face in clear view.

“Halja? What the hell?” Noirin said.

My mother entered behind me. “Halja is only your half sister, Noir.” Blunt, to the point. I liked this change of pace for her, for all of us. “And she isn’t human. She’s fae. And you’re half fae, because I’m fae too.”

My father stormed in behind her. “We agreed never to speak of this, Istra. Never!”

“Enough!” I whirled on him, the anger I had bottled up bursting out again. “Enough of this ridiculous game! She deserves to know who she is! Who our mother is! There is nothing wrong with us, Father. Nothing to hide, to be ashamed of. Enough lies.”

He didn’t miss a beat. “There is an order to things here, and I will not allow this.”