Page 39

Sylvan

I thought I knew what loneliness was. My whole life until Hawk, I had to remain guarded at all times and never got close to anyone. But it’s only now, when he’s been taken away from me, that I understand what loneliness is.

It doesn’t matter that I’m in the tallest tower of the Nocturne Palace, not a prison cell deep in its dungeons, or that I have a comfortable chair and a selection of crispy snacks on a silver tray. I’d rather sleep on the bare floor in the werewolf castle and live on wet bread if it meant Hawk was safe.

His absence is so obvious I feel like alternating between curling up on the bed and screaming at the empty sky. Kyran did say we’d leave at moonrise, and it seems that time will never come.

If it wasn’t for the promise I made to Hawk, I’d drink the whole bottle of wine left for me on the table. Instead, I’ve bitten several of my fingernails until they bled?a nasty habit that always comes back when I’m nervous. Every time I recall what lying under him felt like, what warmth and comfort his arms provided, I want to leap from the balcony just to be closer to him. He’s the only person who listened to me, who accepted me even when I lashed out, and gave me the kind of love I wasn’t ready for. The kind of love I couldn’t comprehend until I experienced it myself.

If I by some chance survive this whole ordeal and he doesn’t, I have no doubt I will never be loved again the way Hawk loves me.

Selflessly, all-encompassing, with the brightness of a thousand suns.

His kindness leaves no room for lies, doubts, or hidden meanings.

I’ve cried so much already it’s embarrassing, so when I feel the stinging in my eyes, I grab the silver fork left with my food and stab the center of my palm.

I breathe through the pain and focus on what needs to be done instead of wallowing in more self-pity.

Everything will be fine.

I will put the Umlaris Band on Hawk.

I will save him.

We will have a future at court.

A rattling of keys at the door interrupts my inner chant so abruptly I drop the fork. The moon is still nowhere to be seen, not even a glow at the horizon, but stand, ready to leave if Tristan’s back to tell me they wish to depart sooner.

Tall, slender and sharp as a hat pin, my mother enters the room instead. I didn’t recognize her at first, since she’s dressed head to toe in mourning white. Her dress is like cascades of moonlight, the decorative corset reminiscent of armor. Her long, pale hair has the same golden sheen as mine, her eyes are just as blue. She is my blood, so I hope that despite our differences, she came here to offer me some solace.

As the door closes behind her, she dips her fingers between her breasts and into her corset. She then pulls out a long, transparent… horn? No thicker than two fingers, it’s reminiscent of an icicle made of frosted glass, and I have no idea what I’m looking at or why she brought it here.

“I don’t have that much time, Sylvan, but if you want to prove you’re worth something, this is your chance,” she says, presenting the item to me.

I’m too stunned to process it all at once. I’ve changed so much since we parted, and now her voice sounds as if it’s coming from behind a wall. She is speaking to a Sylvan from three months ago, and while what she’s suggesting still stings, I frown and straighten up.

“Explain, Mother,” I say, already disliking the way I’ve stepped into the shoes of the person I no longer am. Cold, calculated, focused on the deadly games of the Nocturne Court to make sure I never end up hurt.

She shakes her head as if there was no merit to my question. “I’m no longer allowed at high court, so I cannot get anywhere near Lord Kyran, but you can. I have heard all about your exploits, where they have led you, and what you will be partaking in at moonrise. You will be at his side. With this dagger—”

My eyes grow wide. “What is this? You’ve heard a tiny part of what I’ve been through, and you came here just to use me as your weapon against Kyran? That’s the only thing on your mind after all our family has been through? Killing him?”

She’s taken aback but squeezes the strange dagger. “Oh no, this will be much worse. Using this will injure his shadow. The disease will spread over time—”

“Do you hear yourself?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

“He murdered your brother! I am sure of it. Anatole was smart, he would have sooner retreated than fallen to Heartbreak! If you’d gone with him, he might have been alive now.” Despite the gentle white makeup around her eyes, her features are like an unsheathed blade, dangerous and sharp. “You must avenge your brother. If not for me, not for yourself, then for your sibling to come.” She places her hand on her abdomen, and I suddenly need all the wine I can get.

I run my fingers through my hair, so stunned by the lengths she’s willing to go to in order to manipulate me that I initially can’t bring myself to respond. She could have treated the deaths of her children and the banishment of both me and her past husband as an opportunity to reassess her life, take stock of the mistakes she made in raising her children. But instead she brings me a dagger, a suicidal task, a promise of a new sibling, and not even a hint of an apology.

I am her pawn. A weak piece, but the only one she has left, so she’ll play it anyway.

Talking to her is enough to throw me into the same old hell I’ve lived in before my banishment. She doesn’t understand that I’ve moved on and changed, because she’s been back here, plotting and scheming as she has for years, while I got the chance to experience a world without her boot pressing on my neck. In a way, the banishment has been the best thing to ever happen to me.

I spread my arms. “Who did you even get pregnant with? You know what? I don’t care. Unless you know of something that can help me save Hawk, you might as well leave.”

“Hawk? The human.” Her eyes get that detached coldness I’m so intimately familiar with. As the least talented of her offspring, I’ve often borne the brunt of her disappointment and anger. Even now, I hold my breath, even though I’m no longer a child. She is still physically bigger than me, and I hate the echoes of fear it evokes in me.

“My Dark Companion. My husband.”

“What kind of Companion is he? I’ve heard of the feats you were capable of just days ago, but I don’t see even a hint of his shadow anymore. He is lost to you. You should kill him and—”

I grab the bottle of wine and throw it against the wall to relieve some of the rage boiling inside me. My mother must have not expected that from her meek, obedient son, because she makes half a yelp and steps back, but the flood of red still stains the bottom of her dress.

“I will not harm my Companion! I love him. And you can’t possibly understand, because you’re incapable of sacrifice. If stabbing that dagger into Lord Kyran’s eye could save Hawk, I’d do it, but since it won’t, I will be aligning myself with the man who can actually help me.”

She steps aside to avoid the puddle of wine, her lips in a tight line. “I hoped you could still make something of yourself and elevate our family, but if you don’t want to do this,” she shows me the dagger, “then you are proving yourself to be as useless as all of the Nocturne Court believes you to be.”

I let out a sad laugh, because what else is there to say in the face of such contempt? “I don’t care.”

“Have two months in the human realm ruined you so completely? You’ve lost all ambition.” Mother cocks her head at me, and I see it for what it is. Yet another tactic to guilt me into doing what she wants.

“My only ambition is saving Hawk. Once I succeed, my deal with Lord Kyran will stand, and you will be dead to me.” I stare her down with the cold glare I learned from her. “No. You already are.”

She shakes her head but slides the dagger back into her corset. “I will bear another son. One who is worth something, and one day, you will regret what you’ve just done.”

“I will not. And your future child? You will crush them with your dark dreams just like you did all of us!”

Mother squints, but she’s turning away. “Of course a weakling would say that. You should be guided by the greater good, not just emotion—”

I see red. “Guess what? Anger is an emotion too, and you’re full of it. You stew in helpless fury, and I hope you drown in it. I will let my love for Hawk guide me instead. I am my own man, and will live by my own rules, not yours!”

She stares me down. “You’re biting your nails again. It’s unbecoming.”

“Leave!”

She doesn’t even look back. The bottom of her dress leaves a long red smear as it drags over the floor. She slams the door to my cell so hard I fear the tower will topple, but nothing else happens, and I’m left in such blissful silence I collapse into an armchair to enjoy it.

I had no idea how much I needed this. Our umbilical cord is finally cut.

Guided by a surge of unreleased tension, I walk out into the balcony and scream at the top of my lungs. I scream until I have no more breath, and only then do I fall into bed.

Sleep doesn’t come, because every time I close my eyes, all I can think about is Hawk, alone and convinced he’ll live out his days in the dungeon. I pass the hours by imagining his cocky smiles, and the warmth of his arms around me.

There’s a knock on the door I can’t open myself anyway, but it gives me a second to sit up. I spot the first rays of moonlight through the window as Tristan steps in. His temple is adorned by a purple bruise, and he squints his golden eyes at me.

“Hey, little shit. We’re going hunting. I need a new fur coat.”