Page 59 of The Seven Miracles of Beatrix Holland

Death is the biggest surprise of all.

—Evie Oxby, Come at Me, Boo

Everything stopped.

All sound—gone.

All pain—lifted.

Could she feel anything at all? Of any sort? Beatrice wasn’t sure if she could. She wasn’t in a body, or if she was, she wasn’t sure she fit inside it.

She wasn’t uncomfortable.

Neither was she comfortable.

She just… was.

The space around her wasn’t light, and it wasn’t dark. She couldn’t see, but she couldn’t not see, either.

She knew one thing, though. She didn’t like it. Any rhapsodic glory that should have been on the other side seemed to be sorely missing. Maybe she’d taken some kind of wrong turn on her way here?

She was frightened, the kind of terror that might make her limbs shake, but she didn’t seem to have any body parts, exactly, so the emotion ran through her with no obvious way for it to exit.

What the hell was she supposed to do next?

Somewhere close to her non-body, a voice spoke. “Hey, you.”

It was the sweetest sound Beatrice had ever heard. “Cordelia?”

“I’m right here, sister.”

Cordelia’s voice.

The voice of love.

“I can’t see you.”

“That’s okay. I’m right here.”

“I’m scared.”

“I know you are. But you don’t have to be.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know some stuff.”

Her sister’s voice was so close to her that Beatrice felt like she could lean on it. So she did. And to her surprise, the sound was solid and warm, and whatever kind of non-body Beatrice was in, she found that the soft support was exactly what she needed. “Keep talking to me?”

“You can’t get this wrong. I’m here with you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“What do I do next?”

“Well.” A pause. “People do different things. What do you want to do?”

“I want Minna to be okay.”

“Oh.” Her sister’s voice broke. “Minna’s okay. I promise you.”

“Really?”

“You saved her.”

“I did?”

“She’s breathing again. She’s awake. She’s going to be fine. And now you get to choose what to do.” Her sister’s voice was tight around her words.

Beatrice didn’t have a choice. Not anymore. She didn’t know much, but if Taurus came for her in here—wherever here was—she’d keep fighting. The Velamens couldn’t have their girl.

But she was so tired.

“Beatrice?”

“How do I keep them from taking my power?”

“They can’t take it. Taurus is gone.”

“Dead?”

“More than dead. Totally gone.”

“Really? You’re not just telling me that?”

“I’m not going to waste the time we have right now lying to you. I promise.”

“How much time do we have?”

“That depends on what you do next.”

“Like, walk to the light, that kind of shit?” If Beatrice had known where her hands were, she would have slapped them over her mouth for swearing in this… whatever this place was, but she didn’t, so she let it go.

“Do you see a light?”

“I don’t think so.”

But she was wrong—there was a sudden flash of light and a wallop of pain that filled the body she was used to being in. “Come on, Beatrice!” shouted a hoarse voice she couldn’t quite place.

Someone screamed—was it her?—and then she was back in the quieter place again.

Deliberately, she took a beat to breathe.

Except… she wasn’t exactly breathing. But she wasn’t not breathing.

Cordelia was still with her here; she could feel it. “What was that? What just happened?”

Her sister’s voice was tighter than it had been, but her words seemed unhurried. “It… it seems like you might be hanging out in an in-between place.”

“What does that mean ?”

“I think it means you have a choice.”

Stay here.

Go back.

“But I used the last miracle to save Minna. That was the seventh.”

Someone gave a kind laugh, but it didn’t come from Cordelia.

It was Naya’s laugh. Beatrice would know it anywhere, and this time it was unclouded by Taurus’s energy.

It was that happy chortle Naya made when Beatrice was this close to figuring something out for herself.

The first time she balanced on her bike long enough to turn the pedals.

When she’d swum a whole lap without the water wings.

When she’d paid off the last scrap of her student debt.

But Naya didn’t say anything. She was just here. Close by.

Loving her.

This might be a nice place to stay. If Naya was here, that was a plus-ten in the pro column, for sure.

What, then, did Naya think she was about to figure out?

Then it came to her. Using the sigil to save Minna hadn’t been a miracle. It hadn’t been an unearned gift. “That was magic?”

“Oh, sister,” said Cordelia, with even more joy in her voice than Naya’s laugh had held.

“Exactly. That was just magic, not a miracle. You fought Taurus. You used the sigil in the trade to save Minna, but you defeated Taurus. You destroyed his soul completely, cutting off his connection with the other Velamens. You negated the need for the trade to be complete.” There was a slight pause.

“You negated the need for the trade to be final.”

“Really?” A tendril of hope bloomed somewhere deep inside Beatrice’s non-body.

“I think you might have one more miracle waiting for you. If you want it.”

Oh.

Oh!

Minna’s sweet face, and the rapturous look she got when she couldn’t fit all her excitement into her skin, when it exploded out of her in bounces and exclamations and awkward, too-tight hugs.

Cordelia’s hands with the yarn trailing through them, the way she held together her world and moonlighted by spending time here, wherever here was.

Forty-five long years ago, she and Cordelia had lived someplace like this, swimming through a void side by side.

They’d been together, and that had been enough.

Beatrice had missed her every moment since then, but hadn’t recognized it as loss until now.

Reno’s eyes. The grief she bore like a war wound, the way she thought she shouldn’t be trusted even though she was trust itself. Her stillness. The joy that shimmered just under her skin.

“I want…”

Knowledge. Understanding. Certainty.

But—she’d had plenty of that in her life.

And none of that knowledge or learning had ever given her any control over a single damn thing. Ever.

First, she spoke to Naya. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you at the end.”

You were there. Naya’s words weren’t audible, exactly, but they rang clear. And it wasn’t the end.

“I love you.”

I know.

Then, she spoke to her sister. It came out in a whisper, but it came out.

“I want to live without needing the knowing.”

The pain came then.