Page 31 of The Secrets of Roan Island

Suddenly, all the pressure against me is gone amidst a chaos of sound: glass, metal, paraphernalia upended. I blink and Noah’s across the room on the other side of a laboratory table surrounded by scattered test tubes, burners, beakers, papers still settling as they float to the floor. He’s panting heavily. His eyes appear fully black, luminescent, reflecting more than the light of the room.

But that can’t be right. It must just be a trick of my perspective.

He rubs a hand roughly over his mouth. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“How–” I ask, confused by how quickly he moved.

He shakes his head. “Don’t ask me questions I can’t answer.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Won’t.”

I touch my mouth, swollen and bruised, and where I might otherwise be offended by his ferocity, I’m not. I’m… desirous.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats.

“For what?”

“Kissing you. That way.”

“I liked it.”

He groans. “Don’t. Please, Ruby. Please go.”

“I’d prefer it if we went back to doing what we were just doing.”

He shakes his head vigorously, his arms crossed over his chest like a gate holding him back. “You’re leaving in a few hours. Distance. I need distance.”

“I don’t have to go.”

“Yes! You do!” He slams his hands on the metal table and swipes away the remaining papers. “You will be on that boat, Miss Rose. That is not up for debate.”

His bluster is meant to frighten me, but it doesn’t, which is strange. I think of David and how frightening he was. His fake smile plastered over hurtful words, over shameful accusations that kept me small and terrified. But Noah’s rage isn’t at me, it’s at himself. And I want to know why. Instinct tells me he’s only pushing me away because there’s something he doesn’t want me to find out. A secret he doesn’t want uncovered. Perhaps the answer lies somewhere in this library.

Discovering this library changes everything.

There are so many books, so many things to uncover here. Answers to Noah and the Roans. Answers to my research problems. I can feel it. This is exactly the resource I need. I have no doubt there’s something in this hidden library that will gain me back the recognition and validity I want. The temptation to stay and satiate my curiosity is just as strong as the temptation to stay and experience more of Noah. His skilled tongue. His bruising lips. His rough hands.

“I’ll get you your money, and you will be on that boat,” he repeats. I can’t tell if he’s trying to convince himself or me, but there’s something desperate in the way he says it. Like he’s scared. Terrified, even.

“Fine.” I smooth the wrinkles in my skirt with my palms, trying to compose myself. “But let me help you tonight. Then I’ll leave.”

He shakes his head, his hands digging into the muscles of his arms. “You ask too much.”

“What? Offering to help you?”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then help me to understand, because according to Shemaiah, you need me.”

His sigh rushes out like an avalanche surrendering to gravity, which brings a smile to my lips that I try to hide.

“Find anything you can on the Mavarri,” he says.

“What’s that?”

He points into the library. “You’re the researcher. Find out.”