Page 86 of The Secrets of Ashmore Castle (Ashmore Castle #1)

‘We’re neither of us that any more,’ Nina said, with a touch of sadness. ‘Are you getting on better with your mother-in-law?’

‘Not sure. I know she doesn’t like me, but I think she’s learning to ignore me – as long as I don’t try to change things too much. But Grandmère intervened about making the door through into Giles’s dressing-room. Oh, and Giles has bought me a horse!’

She described Apollo, and the rides she had taken with her young sisters-in-law, the repairs Giles had ordered to various roads and tracks on the estate and how much the work was needed.

Nina listened, injected a word here and there to keep her going.

She reflected that, for all the wonderful things that were happening, Kitty’s loquacity suggested she didn’t have anyone to talk to.

She imagined Giles always busy, Lady Stainton cold and distant, the girls always with their heads together, sufficient unto each other.

She felt sorry for her, for all her new wealth.

And yet Kitty had married the man she loved – and from the way she spoke about Giles, she still idolised him. So what was there to pity?

Following her thoughts for a moment, she forgot to prompt Kitty, who wound down, and looked at her with concern.

‘I’m still talking about me – and you’re encouraging me,’ she said, with unusual percipience.

‘Is something wrong? Don’t tell me your engagement is off – is that why you don’t want to talk about it? Is your heart broken?’

‘No, no,’ Nina said hastily. ‘I’m still getting married. I wanted to hear all your news, that’s all.’

‘But yours is so much more important,’ Kitty said, not quite reassured. ‘You haven’t even told me his name. Is it anyone I know? Where did you meet him? How did he propose? Tell me everything! When is the wedding to be?’

So there was nothing for it but to tell. ‘You met him once, at the same time as me,’ she said. ‘At Dene Park. I danced with him. He came with the King’s party.’

Kitty frowned in recollection. ‘But they were all quite old, weren’t they, the King’s friends? I don’t remember anyone you danced with. Oh – except wasn’t there a funny old man who talked to you about shoes?’

‘He’s not old, and he’s not funny. He does make me laugh sometimes, but on purpose. He likes to see me laugh.’

‘ Nina! ’

‘Don’t look like that, Kitty, or I shall be sorry I told you at all. His name is Joseph Cowling and he loves me dearly. He will be a good husband to me, and make me comfortable.’

‘But you can’t love him,’ Kitty said falteringly. And then, ‘Can you?’

‘Don’t you remember when we were at school, and you talked about falling in love? And I always said I never would?’

‘I didn’t really believe you.’

‘It’s not important to me the way it always was to you,’ Nina said, which was not true, of course, not now. But she couldn’t speak about love to Kitty, who had married the one man … ‘And, remember, I have no fortune. My best chance of happiness is to marry a rich man – and Mr Cowling is very rich.’

‘I thought you were going to be a teacher.’

‘I was, but I’ve discovered I really dislike that idea. Mr Cowling is a nice man and will give me anything I like.’

Kitty pondered that. It would be good to think of Nina being able to have all the new clothes she wanted: she remembered the sartorial difficulties of her come-out.

And – and books, she supposed. Lots of books.

But Kitty thought of her passionate nights with Giles, and how dreadful it would be to be in bed with a man you didn’t love.

To do those things with an old man and without the fire in the belly that made it all so easy and exciting …

But the tabu against married women talking about those things to unmarried women had shut down her tongue.

It was awful. Nina probably thought being married was just sitting across the breakfast table from each other.

She would be quite unprepared for what would happen.

But Kitty couldn’t tell her. She just – couldn’t .

Nina smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Kitty. I’ve thought about it very carefully, and I’m sure it’s the best thing for me.’

Kitty sought for something positive to say. ‘If he’s really rich, you could have a horse. You’ve always wanted a horse.’

Nina laughed. ‘Yes, and he has a house in Market Harborough, right in the Fernie country, so perhaps I shall be able to hunt. Will you be hunting this year?’

‘I may do. But I need time to get used to Apollo and learn the country. I might just go to a meet or two. But, Nina,’ Kitty refused this time to be distracted, ‘you’re really, really sure?’

‘Really, really. Be happy for me, Kitty dear.’

‘Well, then, I am. When will the wedding be?’

‘The sixth of December.’

‘And are we invited?’

Nina had known the question would have to be faced. She didn’t want Giles to come to her wedding. She didn’t want so much pain, on that day of all days. But there was no help for it.

‘Of course,’ she said.

*

She had gone to see Miss Thornton to tell her in person, feeling she owed her nothing less, after the trouble she had taken to get her the post at Allely’s. She had expected another inquisition about her choice, but Miss Thornton had been very pleasant about it.

‘I’m not entirely surprised,’ she said. ‘You would have made a good teacher, but there are other paths you can take. With money, you can do a great deal of good.’

‘That’s what I was hoping,’ Nina said.

‘You might found a school of your own,’ said Miss Thornton. ‘It’s much more satisfying than merely teaching in someone else’s. If you ever do, come and see me. I can give you lots of good advice.’

‘Thank you. I might do that. And thank you for being so understanding.’

‘You were always a favourite pupil of mine,’ Miss Thornton said. ‘I think you have remarkable abilities. But more than that,’ she smiled suddenly, ‘I always just liked you. You’d be surprised how rare that is.’

After parting from Nina, Kitty took a cab.

But she didn’t want to go straight home.

She felt restless, her mind full of swirling thoughts, her stomach full of swirling acids.

The food at the Castle was poisoning her, she thought.

Now she couldn’t even eat the lovely luncheon at the Savoy without suffering!

She wondered if she might be actually ill.

Nina had said she looked well, but she felt as though something was going on inside her that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. It was making her nervous.

Halfway to the station she rapped on the roof, and when the cabbie opened the hatch she said, ‘I’ve changed my mind. Bruton Street, please.’

‘Yes, miss,’ he said. It ought to be ‘ma’am’, Kitty thought. Do I still look like a miss? But what would a miss be doing in a cab on her own?

Luckily, Grandmère was alone – or, at least, she had only Sir Thomas with her, taking tea and chatting.

She waved Kitty to a chair, rang for another cup and continued talking to Sir Thomas about music, a conversation Kitty couldn’t have joined in if she’d wanted to.

Sir Thomas balanced his cup and saucer on his plump knee, and made expansive gestures with his other hand, his little beard jerking up and down as he talked.

Kitty began to feel quite sleepy. And then suddenly he was on his feet, bowed over Kitty’s hand and said, ‘Two Lady Staintons in one room: what a lucky chap I am!’ and was gone.

Grandmère got up, took the untouched tea from Kitty’s hand and put it on the table, saying, ‘ Eh bien , what is the matter? And do not,’ she added, as Kitty opened her mouth, ‘waste my time by saying “nothing”. You came here.’

‘I didn’t know who else I could talk to,’ Kitty began, but didn’t go on.

Grandmère saw she needed to be led up to the fence. ‘What are you doing in Town? Did you come up to shop?’

‘No, to see Nina – my friend, who was my bridesmaid. She’s getting married.’

‘Yes, I have heard. Richard told me. Sensible girl, a good choice.’

‘Do you think so?’

‘ Bien s?r , she is doing just as she ought, securing an establishment for herself. Do you tell me you have become upset because of this?’

‘No, it’s not that. Of course not. She says she’s happy so I believe her. It did shake me up rather, but I’ve been feeling – well – rather odd lately anyway. I think I might be ill.’

Grandmère raised an eyebrow. ‘So you come to ask me about it, though I am not a doctor? But I understand. Doctors are fools and brutes. What is wrong with you?’

‘I feel – funny.’

Grandmère clicked her tongue. ‘You must give me more than that.’

‘Well, I’ve been sick a few times at the Castle, but it can’t only be the Castle food because I’ve just eaten at the Savoy and that’s making me feel ill too. And when I get up from a chair I get dizzy sometimes. And—’ She stopped, and a slow, rich blush spread up from her neck.

‘Speak out,’ Grandmère said impatiently. ‘I am very old. Nothing shocks me.’

‘Well, I haven’t – I mean, you know how one, from time to time …’ She pulled herself together. ‘I haven’t needed my doily belt for ages,’ she blurted out, and then had to look away. How could she have mentioned such a thing to a dowager countess? The humiliation!

Grandmère suppressed a smile. ‘How long ago did you last need it?’ she asked briskly.

Kitty, still hiding her face, said, ‘In Italy. On our honeymoon. In August. Not since then. I heard one of the maids talk about someone dying of a blockage inside. Is that it? Am I – going to die?’

‘ Alors , you are not ill. It is as I thought when you came into the room – one gets an instinct for it. You are enceinte , child. You are going to have a baby.’

Kitty looked up, the colour draining away. ‘A baby?’ she said, in a whisper of a voice.

‘Why not? That is what honeymoons are for. Did not Giles visit your bed? That is how it happens, foolish. Let me see … August.’ She counted on her fingers.

‘Three months. A May baby. You have timed it very well. Best to get it over before the hot months. You would not wish to be carrying through July and August.’

‘I’m going to have a baby?’ Kitty said in wonder.

‘You are being very slow. Yes, a baby. And what should you do, then? Nothing! Go home, tell Giles, be happy. Do not let them treat you like an invalid. Walk every day, eat enough but not too much. And hope it is a boy. It is always best to have a boy first.’

‘Thank you,’ Kitty said, her face transformed. ‘Oh, thank you!’

‘You are thanking entirely the wrong person.’ But she smiled.

‘Do not be afraid. The world is full of women who have given birth. I shall come and stay from time to time to make sure they aren’t ruining you with neglect – or indulgence.

Be at peace, dear child. You are doing your duty, and that is a good thing. ’