Page 3

Two

WHITE’S, LONDON - JUNE 4, 1816

TOM

How was it possible to go from elation to devastated fury in the space of a single breath? My knees were weak and jittery, and I was still frozen, half turned to the side where Rosehill’s shoulder had brushed mine.

“Sit down,” Hugh hissed under his breath. The order broke through the horror, and I collapsed into my recently vacated chair by the doorway.

One by one, patrons returned to their previous conversations now that the excitement had passed.

My eldest brother’s club was always preferable to White’s but Rosehill never went to Wayland’s. Hugh favored White’s—I suspected more out of habit than actual fondness for the place. And the hope of Rosehill was enough incentive to waste a few hours in the more fashionable club.

Hugh’s attention had been thoroughly captured by the scene, but now his eyes were locked on me. “What was that?” he demanded in a whisper.

“What was what?”

“Do not tell me you were thinking of intervening.”

“I do not understand why no one else was,” I retorted.

“Damn it, Tom. It was a repugnant display, I will grant you that. But you are the second son of an impoverished viscount. Who are you to defend a duke? And Rosehill? You hardly know the man.”

“I know him well enough.”

“Damn it all, Tom. Rosehill can withstand powerful enemies. You and I cannot. Do not go about making any, I beg you.”

“But—”

“Tom, please.”

I bit back a curse and swallowed the remaining two-thirds of my scotch before signaling for another, glaring at my brother.

“Are you all right?” Hugh asked after an uncomfortably long pause.

“No, that was horrid.”

Hugh’s nod was subtle as he turned to the bow window. There was a self-satisfied set to Beaumont’s posture. But something in the line of his mouth, the tightness around his eyes—something Rosehill had said hit a mark. I could only hope his parting jab hurt—if only a little.

When Hugh finally turned his gaze back on me, it was with too much consideration. In general, marriage and fatherhood had improved him greatly. But it had also left him more observant. A few years ago, he never would have noticed that I was seconds from casting my accounts all over the floor. That he read me now as well as he could was an irritant.

“Why did you agree to come with me? You hate it here.”

“So do you,” I pointed out.

“Habit. Appearances. It keeps doors open, doors I made need some day.” He shrugged and finished his own drink just as the barkeep brought mine. Hugh snatched the fresh drink from the man’s hand before it found mine. “You’re finished for today.”

I would die before I admitted that he was likely right and I couldn’t handle any more.

“Do you really wish for help from these people ?” I asked, unable to hide my disgust.

“Not at all. But I have little Henry. I won’t have my choices limit his.”

My fingers caught in my curls as I ran a hand through them. I wasn’t willing to give deeper consideration to Hugh’s comment.

A raucous laugh spilled out from behind me. I glanced around at all at the arrogant, lecherous drunks, the idle louts, the prideful gluttons. Sinners, all. And they’d be the first to condemn me to hell if they knew what lay in my heart.

Turning back to my brother, I was struck with the realization that at some point he’d become a man, and a good one. Quite without my noticing. Sometime between the beginning of their love story when Kate spilled lemonade on him and when he first held his son, he’d grown into his responsibilities. He was a man who would make sacrifices for his family. He hadn’t always been that man.

“He’s lucky to have you for a father.”

Hugh scoffed.

“I mean it. You’ve changed. A lot.”

“I know,” he said, glancing down at his drink. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be this way when you needed me.”

“Hugh, you were eleven.”

“And your elder brother,” he added, though I wouldn’t have. The four years between us was nothing.

“I had Michael.” And I did. At times, Michael had been more father to me than my actual father. But he’d done it in his own quiet, unassuming way. It had taken years to appreciate the full extent of my natural half brother’s sacrifices.

“You did. And I wish so often that I had allowed him to be there for me. Perhaps I wouldn’t have been quite so doltish when I met Kate.”

A chuckle broke free at the memory. I was pleased he and his wife could jest about the early days of their marriage now.

“I don’t think there’s an expiration, if there’s something you wish to speak with him about,” I said.

“That is true for me, as well. If you wanted to discuss something.”

I considered it for a moment. Here in this ridiculous club full of evil people. Just confessing everything to Hugh. A small, naive part of me that could see it, Hugh clapping me on the shoulder and asking what I was still doing here, instead of chasing after Rosehill.

But that wasn’t reality.

I shook my head.

“Are you sure? There’s no lady you’ve taken an interest in? You’ve been busy lately.”

While he was right that I’d been avoiding family gatherings, his guess at the reason could not be more wrong. I loved my new sisters; they were each clever and kind. But watching my brothers so in love—it left an uncomfortable ache in my chest where only joy should be. I was delighted for them, truly I was. But at some point Michael and Hugh had left me behind. They had found a life where I could not follow, a life of wives, marriage, and children. If I ever had those, I could not imagine I would be filled with the same happiness my brothers enjoyed, the same love.

The bitter laugh escaped without permission and I forced a smile to soften it. “Nothing like that,” I assured him.

He caught his lower lip between his teeth, studying me in a way that had me shifting in my seat. “You have not met a lady at the theater? There is no one… serious? That is not why you are always there?”

“No, Hugh. I’m not about to run off with an actress.” I still wasn’t entirely certain where Hugh had gotten the idea that I spent all my time at the theater. The man had hardly listened to a word I’d said for nearly a decade, but mention an evening out once and he never forgot it. It was a notion that served me well and I chose not to disabuse him of it.

“Because I would understand. The heart does what it wants. But of course you know such a thing would be impossible.” He was tentative there, looking up at me with wide, sympathetic grey eyes.

“There are no ladies, Hugh. I simply cannot stand the sight of you and Kate sneaking into every closet in the country.”

That earned me a smirk and seemed to satisfy his concerns.

He settled back, switching to more concrete concerns. “So what do you think about replacing the carriage house at the dowager house this year? Should we wait another season?”

“Can you afford not to? Do you really want Mother coming up to the main house to borrow the carriage for another year?”

“She has improved… somewhat. Now that she has Henry to dote on.”

“Better you than me,” I muttered, snatching the drink out of his hand and savoring a hearty sip, desperate for the oblivion it promised.