Page 31 of The Scottish Earl (Winston Siblings #3)

CHAPTER 30

C hristmas Eve came, and Adam left for Diana’s home.

It was cold, but there was no snow. It was something he missed about Scotland, as there was always snow in winter, but that year he was pleased about its absence. It would only have reminded him about the trip that he had put a stop to, and their journey in the snow.

“I’m so pleased you came,” Diana said gently, embracing him on his arrival.

“I told you that I would.”

“You did, but a part of me worried that you would change your mind.”

“Certainly not. I will not do that to you again, I promise.”

She nodded, and led him to the others. Samantha, Graham, Colin, and the children were inside, and Diana took Samantha and disappeared with her. Graham offered him a drink, but he politely refused, for if he began, he was quite certain that he would be unable to stop himself.

“It is Christmas,” Colin huffed nearby, “Go on, just the one.”

“I shall wait until this evening. One of us has to be in a fit state in the event of an emergency.”

“We have servants for that. This is a time for you to enjoy yourself. Is that something you have deemed impossible?”

“For the time being, it might well be.”

“Do not listen to him.” Graham laughed, “Adam, we can see that there is something troubling you. You can tell us.”

“My sisters have put you both up to this, haven’t they?”

One look at their sheepish grins told Adam all he had to know.

“They are worried,” Graham explained, “And it is not as though you are helping yourself. You look as though you haven’t slept in weeks.”

“Days,” he corrected, “And that is only because I so strongly dislike London.”

“And judging by the fact that you are still here, yet you have come alone, I would be correct in assuming that you have not made things right with your wife, yes?”

“I am yet to do that, yes.”

“Diana, he hasn’t been to see her yet.” Colin called out, “Can you please force his hand? He looks miserable.”

“I told you you looked unwell,” Diana sighed, returning, “Have you truly not said a word? She will think that you are glad she has left.”

“She will not think it any more than she did the day she went. I do not know what you want me to do, Diana. Her family loathes me. They think I killed Father.”

“Half of London does. You have not helped yourself by being unkind to their daughter.”

“They will not care about that. They do not like her.”

“Father did not like us, and yet he cared a great deal about who we married.”

Adam thought back to all that their father had done to marry off his two daughters, and shuddered. He had hated the man, no matter how much he tried to claim indifference. That was why he had so longed to be a father. He wanted to prove that he was not his father’s son, and that he could care for a child, be it a girl or a boy. He did not want an heir like his father did. He wanted a child. Yet, he would never be blessed with one.

He was not angry with Beth for that anymore. It had been a selfish thing to want in the first place. In having a child simply to prove he was his own man, he would only have followed in his father’s footsteps. He would have been acting out of spite, which was not so different from the very man he had sworn never to become.

“Adam?” Diana asked, “Did you hear me?”

“Yes, Father cared about marriage.”

“So you did not hear me. I thought you seemed rather distracted.”

“My apologies.” He replied, wondering just how long he had been lost in his thoughts for, “What did you say?”

“I said that I would like you to have a drink.”

“Diana, you know as well as I do that Father–”

“Adam, you are not him. You might feel like him, and you might look like him to some, and at this time in regards to your wife you are certainly acting like him, but you are not him. You are yourself, and one glass of whiskey will not change that.”

“Whiskey? Why do you have that? You hate the stuff.”

“It was a gift for you. Now, unless you are so inclined as to refuse a present, at Christmas no less, then I suggest you have one.”

He swallowed it in one, enjoying the burning sensation in the back of his throat. It gave him something else to focus on besides his wife. He hoped that she was well, especially given that she was with her family. He hoped that they had listened to him when they met, and that they were behaving accordingly, for he did not know what he would do if he learned the contrary.

One of the children approached him, sitting beside him, but did not say a word. It was Diana’s son, and he seemed quite forlorn.

“Is everything alright?” He asked, and the boy looked up at him.

“I am to become a duke one day,” he said, in an incredibly serious manner for a boy his age, “And I do not know what to do. It is a lot of work, and I am not a man like Papa is.”

“That is an incredible fear for such a young boy.”

“I will be a man in a few mere years! It is frightening. What if I am not as good? They will all hate me.”

“Nobody will hate you. Besides, your father is an excellent teacher, and when the time is right, he will ensure that you are prepared.”

“He says that I am old enough now, and that we will start to learn everything soon. I do not– I do not think I am ready, and I do not know what to do.”

“Believe me, I understand more than you might think. You know, when I was a boy, I did not even know my father. I did not know that I was to become an earl, and so I never learned a thing. All I learned was how to speak like you, rather than like me.”

“You still speak like you sometimes. Mama told me. I didn’t understand why you had to change it, but she said you simply had to.”

“Aye, because if I talk like this, ye might nae understand, and we cannae have that, can we?”

The boy laughed, and then sighed.

“What I mean,” Adam continued, “Is that we are all learning. Nobody is ever ready for what happens. I certainly was not prepared at twenty to suddenly hear that I was being handed a title, and I cannot say that I was ready for anything that has happened since, but I did it.”

“But what if I cannot? I know that my father will teach me well, but what if it doesn’t work?”

Adam looked over at his sisters, the only two that had ever been able to talk any sense into him.

“You have sisters, do you not?”

“I do.”

“Then, should you ever need advice, you must simply ask them.”

“But they will not know how to be a duke!”

“My sisters were not taught to be an earl, yet they have taught me far more than anyone else. With the exception of my wife, that is, but she was never an earl either, and so my point stands. Listen to your sisters, and listen to your wife when you have one.”

“Where is your wife?”

Adam grimaced. Truly, he could not escape his predicament.

“Alright,” Diana said gently, taking the boy away, “LEt us leave your uncle for now, yes? I know you’re an inquisitive boy, but the holidays are for rest. Rest that little mind of yours so that we might all be able to do the same, yes?”

“Yes, Mama.”

Adam almost missed the boy in an instant. Children were always easier to talk to. They were not as judgmental, and even if they were at least they had the nerve to say it outright rather than engaging in gossip. He appreciated that a great deal.

“You are good with them,” Colin said, absent-mindedly, “I sometimes feel as though nothing will soothe the boy.”

“Sometimes it takes a while for it all to make sense.” Adam shrugged, “He is a good boy, only a little afraid. It will go away.”

“It may well not. I know that when I was a boy I hoped any fear I ever felt would disappear, but it still comes from time to time. But then, what can you say to a child who sees his future title as this impressive thing to be worthy of?”

“Well, I shan’t have that issue with my own children. I shan’t have any to begin with.”

You will have nieces and nephews, though,” Graham said gently, “And they will love you just as your own would have. I understand that this must be difficult for you.”

“In truth, it is not. I am not one to linger on things. I will not have children. It is a fact. I will still enjoy my life, as I can travel and work and dote on my nieces and nephews. I shall not be without.”

“And you can spend time with your wife, too. You mustn’t forget that.”

“My wife does not want me. It was nothing other than what we agreed upon. Married as far as the church is concerned and nothing more.”

“I do not believe that for a moment, and I am certain that you do not, either. We saw you both when we visited, and you cannot convince me that you do not love her.”

“I do,” Adam confessed, “But that does not change the fact that she left.”

“It does. It changes everything,” Graham sighed, “If you love her, then prove it. Go to her, confess your affections, and do all that you can to take her back.”

“We should be in Scotland now,” he groaned, “And instead, she is with her parents. How on Earth do I convince her to forgive me for that?”

“I do not know, for she is not my wife. What I can tell you, though, is that everything is far more simple than you first might believe. You want to be with your wife, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and go and be with her. She can be angry and upset and anything else that you fear she will be. You will be with her, and that is what matters.”

“Do you suppose your wives would mind? They have planned for me to be here.”

“They want you to be happy, as do we. No more excuses, Adam. You know what you must do, so do it.”

Adam knew that they were right, and after spending his entire childhood alone he was grateful to at last have men he could consider brothers to help guide him. He missed his wife, and he loved her, and he would do anything to see her again. Even if it meant spending the rest of his life in London.

Even if it meant seeing them.