Page 15 of The Royal’s Bumblebee (Operation Colonise #2)

Challenge accepted

Billie

Before Allico Inc reached out to me for this expedition, I’ve spent years being left out of special events because of my Aspergers.

People assume that I’d prefer not to be asked.

That it would be ‘too much’ for me, and it was kinder to pretend that they weren’t throwing a birthday party for someone in the office after hours.

Or, not to bother giving me a trip invitation to the zoo when I was a pupil.

I wouldn’t cope anyway, right? Don’t invite Billie to the wedding reception, she won’t want to come.

But that’s just not true.

I wanted to go to all those things.

To the zoo as a child.

To the office birthday party.

I wanted to put something pretty on and experience more of life.

Just because I found something difficult, doesn’t mean I didn’t want to try.

Okay, I’d need help, but what’s wrong with that? Would it have been so bad for me to attend Auntie Felicity’s wedding reception with ear defenders on, and sat near the door? Would it have been terrible for my work colleagues to turn down the music volume for me so I could come along?

When Allico Inc asked me to travel across space to colonise a new planet, I was terrified and said no at first.

But I wept for joy in the comfort of my own apartment as soon as I got home.

Because they asked me.

Then, they kept asking me until Alaric asked me what I needed to get me to say yes.

I said give me Hannah.

He said ‘done’.

Hannah helped me pack, escorted me to the shuttle station, and didn’t let go of my hand until I was inside the cryo-chamber.

She was the last thing I saw when I went into stasis.

She helped me, under the duress of Allico’s agents, to rush into the palace for the pairing party.

I can do anything if I have help.

Give me time, and I can do things that terrify me.

I sat up and Izule remained on his side.

He watched me, still and patient, and he waited for me to do or say something.

Anything.

Izule always gives me the time I need.

“…I don’t want to be left out anymore.”

Slowly Izule pushed his hands down on the cushions and propped himself up on his elbows.

He raised his hooded head up to look at me, but kept himself lower than me, so I had to look down into his yellow eyes.

That is, until I couldn’t anymore and dropped my gaze to his brown and cream mouth instead.

“What do you tell your family about me?”

Is he ashamed of me? Of his mis-wired scaredy-human? Is that why he hasn’t asked me to come with him to this festival? Because he doesn’t want me to embarrass him if I withdraw into myself? Or is it that he isn’t ashamed of me, but like Hannah, he’s afraid of other people treating me differently and wants to shield me from them?

“…”

Izule tastes the air in front of my blank face and stares into my blue eyes.

“…that I adore you.”

He spoke softly and waited for my next question.

When I didn’t ask one he looked down at my hands on my lap and saw I was tapping my thumbs and middle fingers together.

“Have I upset you Billie?”

“Yes.”

I bring my chin to my chest and stare down at my hands. “No.”

I lift and lower my right shoulder, uncomfortable and torn between running for my own bedroom, and wanting to snuggle down in the nest with Izule. “Yes.”

I said firmly and tears welled in my eyes.

“…if I could refuse the summons to the festival so I could stay with you, I would.

I promise you I would.”

He was upset.

I could hear it in the way his voice kept moving up and down and he crawled on his belly with his hands to bring his scaly face close to my trembling hands.

I want to push him away.

I want to hold onto him.

I want to shut down.

I want to scream.

I want Hannah.

I can’t have her.

I don’t-

Izule lifted up to tower over me and before I knew it I was surrounded in darkness.

He coiled all around me on top of his nest and sealed the top with his chest.

“I’m right here Billie.

Take as long as you need.

When you’re ready to tell me what you need, I’m right here.”

…

…

I hug my knees and stare at his brown scales.

It’s dark.

It’s quiet.

I breathe in and out slowly, tapping my fingers as I count in two three out two three.

My heart starts to settle and my mind becomes less of a tsunami crashing against my tiny body, and more of a tranquil pond with me floating in the centre.

One thought rippling the surface at a time.

I have no idea how long I’ve sat in the fortress of his coil before I raise my head to look upward.

“…Izule?”

“Yes?”

I hear his voice rumbling above and around me, but he doesn’t move.

I clear my throat and tuck my hair behind my ears.

“…you…you said you’d love me to meet your family…well…why can’t I?”

I braced myself for being turned down ‘gently’.

Because it would be too loud or too busy, or because he can’t do his duties and look after me.

I don’t want to be looked after like a child.

I just…need some support.

“I…I’d like to…”

I lost my voice and hated myself for finding this so hard.

I’m so scared, but I want to go to the festival.

I want to meet his family.

I want to see more of Thelia than outside of his nest, but I know I’m going to need help to do that.

I’m scared he wouldn’t want to give that help to me in public.

I’m also scared that he won’t care what others thought, and like Hannah, he would end up isolated from others like my sister was…because of me.

I can’t decide what scares me the most.

Being rejected, or causing Izule to be rejected.

I cup my hand to my mouth and cry softly.

I wish…I was normal…normal people don’t find things like this so hard…this is why I’m always left out.

I don’t want to be me.

Why would anyone else want to be with me?

“Billie.”

He whispered and it was right in front of me.

My eyes were shut and tears were flooding down my cheeks.

I reasoned that he must have leaned down into his coil, and his face had to be near mine, as I felt his tongue taste the tears on my right cheek.

“I am deeply saddened by my role in your suffering.

Trust me when I say it hurts me to know I have played a part in upsetting you.

I assumed you wouldn’t want to go to the festival.

Then I assumed you didn’t want me to go.

Do you wish to come to the Gcorket festival?”

I surprised myself when I sniffled and nodded at him.

“Then of course you can come with me.

I would be delighted to introduce you to my family.

I…have much to warn you of first.”

He chuckled and it went a long way to reassuring me.

He licked at my cheek, and it wasn’t a flick like he was scenting me.

I tensed with my eyes shut as he slowly licked my right cheek clean as he ululated that deep soothing tone.

It was a strange sensation.

It didn’t feel like a dog’s tongue lapping at me, as it was more precise and left no residue.

I mentally tracked his journey as he finished with my right cheek and jaw and made his way over to my left side.

“How about I run us a nice warm bath? I’ll tell you all about the festival and answer all your questions, and we can put a plan together so you can enjoy yourself and feel comfortable too.”

“Yes please.”

I tipped my head to offer more of my left cheek as he hummed and continued to groom me.

It felt like that’s what he was doing.

“Thank you.”

“It’s my privilege to take your tears.”

He rumbled and made his way along my left jaw towards my chin.

“Oh, not that, I meant thank you for being patient and understanding me.

I’m difficult to understand when I’m upset.

I-I know that because I’ve been told it’s hard to make sense of what I’m trying to say when—”

“You’re not difficult to understand, Billie.”

I felt his breath on my mouth as he paused licking at my chin to answer me with more of an edge than I’d ever heard from him.

At least, other than when he defended me in the pairing party chamber when we first met.

“Anyone can understand another person, if you give them the time to do so.”

I opened my eyes and had never been so shocked by something I’d heard in my whole life.

And that includes being told AU-417 was actually called Thelia and inhabited by sentient giant reptilian aliens.

“Give me the time, and I will know you and understand you, better than you know yourself.”

His scaly smile was wide and something warm glinted at me in his yellow eyes.

“I hope you will also be able to say the same for me, one day.”

“…yes.”

I nod and don’t even mind when he unravels his tail from around me.

His hands are braced on the cushions at either side of my loosely bent legs and his face is still level with mine.

I hadn’t thought about it that way before.

I want him to understand me, but he’s right.

I could and should learn to understand him too.

With Hannah, it was very one-sided and I didn’t like that she did everything for me.

That she gave everything up to me, and for me.

I want to be Izule’s equal, not his burden.

A figurative fire blossomed in my tummy, and I nodded at him. “…challenge accepted.”

His smile revealed his membranes and it spread…to my face.

“I’ll have that bath now.”

I swung my legs off the nest of cushions and walked matter-of-factly to the stairs.

“But first I need to pee.

Don’t come down.

I don’t like—”

“—people listening to you using the toilet. I know.”

He smirked and I raised a brow at his grin.

It suddenly felt like he was winning some sort of game.

Like there was an imaginary chalkboard and he just scored himself a point.

When I said challenge accepted, I meant it.

“I’m going to learn everything there is to know about you, and then I’m going to understand you the best.

First.

I’m going to win.”

He blinked at me, and then hissed with laughter behind one hand from his sprawled position on the bed.

“Like you said? Challenge accepted.

But I warn you?”

He sang as I started to walk down the spiral staircase to the hygiene level.

“I am an apex predator and an elite warrior.

I never lose a challenge, and I am undefeated.”

I raise a brow and look over my shoulder at him.

The smirk he’s wearing is odd, and I wonder if he’s hungry, but he breaks my stare by sliding off the bed to neaten up the cushions.

He likes to do that.

Fussing and keeping the entire nest tidy and clean.

“You missed one.”

I point to a cushion that fell out of the metal bowl that housed the rest of his sleeping nest, and he pounced quickly to retrieve it.

I grin, and give myself another point on the imaginary chalkboard.

Izule is obsessed with neatness.

See? One all.