Page 20 of The Roguish Duke of Yarmouth (Scandalous Courtships #6)

What am I to do?

Joseph clicked his fingers and within moments, another brandy was set before him. He took it and threw it back in two gulps before clicking his fingers again. Whites was quiet this evening and the footmen were quick to answer any of Joseph’s requests, which he appreciated given his present mood.

“If you continue like that, then all will not be well.”

Joseph looked up with bleary eyes, ruffling one hand through his hair. “I care not.”

“Yes, you do.” Lord Quillon sat down in the chair next to Joseph, taking the brandy from the footman before it could be handed to Joseph. “I think it best if I take that.”

“Leave me be,” Joseph muttered, looking away. “I need this.” He felt as though everything within him was tangled up in knots, knots that he had no hope of untying. Letting out a long, harsh breath, he shook his head. “I am lost.”

Lord Quillon nodded. “Yes, I heard about Lady Clement.”

“You did?” Joseph rolled his eyes. “No doubt all of the ton was abuzz with the news before I quit the ball.” He let out a slow breath, pain lancing his chest. “How glad I am that Lady Louisa returned home shortly after our dance. I do not think that it would have been good for her to remain, to hear what was being said.”

His friend eyed him for a few moments, then tipped his head, one eyebrow lifting. “Is it true?”

Another strike of pain hit him. “No, it is not.”

Lord Quillon took in a deep breath. “Very well. Then what are you going to do about it?”

Joseph blinked. “Do?”

“Yes, what are you going to do?” Lord Quillon smiled lightly, shrugging his shoulders. “What is it that you are going to do when it comes to your betrothed and Lady Clement?”

Closing his eyes, Joseph let out a heavy breath. “I do not know, though I must tell you that I appreciate your trust in my words. That is a little unexpected.”

Saying nothing, Lord Quillon took a sip of Joseph’s brandy, his question remaining unanswered.

“I do not think there is anything that I can do,” Joseph continued, after a few moments of silence. “I asked Lady Louisa to dance with me and she did, only to tell me that she could not hear another word from my lips.” This time, when pain struck him, it was with such force that he snatched in a breath – and Lord Quillon noticed it. Closing his eyes so as to hide the question he saw in his friend’s eyes, Joseph shook his head. “I can do nothing.”

“But it is not true,” Lord Quillon countered. “There must be a way to prove that you were not with her, as she says, surely?”

“It is not about that!” Getting to his feet, Joseph strode towards the fireplace and then back again, pushing both hands through his hair this time. “I do not care what society thinks of me, truth be told! The only person that matters is Louisa and she does not believe me, not even when I – ” Stopping dead, he let out a harsh breath and then flopped down into his chair with a groan. “Not even when I tell her that I love her.”

The silence that met him was like an insurmountable wall. Joseph sat forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands pushed through his hair, not willing, not able, to look back at his friend. What he had said to Lady Louisa had come from a place so deep within himself, he had barely been able to recognize it but yet, he knew those words to be true. He had fallen for her in a way that he had never even imagined could be, had found her so remarkable, so wonderful and determined that he had lost his heart to her completely – and had only acknowledged it when he had been given no other choice. Part of him had hoped that she would believe what he had said, would rush into his arms and confess the same but, instead, she had turned around and walked away, leaving him feeling empty and alone.

Those feelings had not gone.

“I did not ever think it would be but I can tell by your demeanour that you are lost in love,” Lord Quillon said, quietly. “Goodness, I cannot imagine what you must be feeling at present.”

“Broken.” Joseph swept one hand across his eyes and then looked back at Lord Quillon. “I do not understand why Lady Clement is saying such a thing! She is speaking such great untruths that they are injuring both Louisa and myself – and it is Louisa that I am concerned about the most. I think… I think this has shattered what we were building together and I do not know what to do.”

“I wish I could advise.” After a moment, Lord Quillon beckoned to the footman who then brought over two brandies, one for Joseph and one for Lord Quillon. Taking it, Lord Quillon returned his attention back to Joseph, having clearly been thinking in these last few minutes. “The only thing I can suggest is that you somehow find out who has encouraged Lady Clement to speak lies to the ton . Clearly, this was purposeful.”

Something rushed back into Joseph’s mind with such force, Joseph stared back at his friend, feeling as though his heart had stopped dead. It was only when Lord Quillon cleared his throat that Joseph finally spoke, a slight tremor running through him. “Louisa… she – she received a letter from someone anonymous, informing her that they were determined to do whatever was necessary to encourage her father to end the engagement.”

Lord Quillon let out a long, exasperated breath. “And you did not think to tell me this before now?”

“I only just recalled it. With everything that has happened, I quite forgot. Yes, yes , of course! This must be connected!”

“I should think so.” Lord Quillon smiled quickly. “And should Lady Louisa be reminded of that letter, it is possible she might draw the connection. She might then be more inclined to believe that you are telling her the truth.”

Joseph rubbed one hand over his chin, thinking quickly. “Yes, I suppose that could help, though I do not think that she wants to speak with me at present.”

Lord Quillon sat forward in his chair. “I can help with that. Let me speak about this all to Lady Julia. She is fiercely loyal to Lady Louisa, of course, but she is also very level headed. She will listen to what I have to say and might be willing to do what she can to help you. I know that she wants Lady Louisa to find happiness and I do believe that she was beginning to think it might come from her connection to you.”

Joseph’s heart surged with hope. “That is what I want also.”

“Then you truly do love her?” Lord Quillon searched Joseph’s face, as though trying to ascertain whether Joseph was being entirely truthful. “You want this for her best, not for yours?”

“With my whole heart,” Joseph answered, spreading out his hands wide. “I have felt something for the lady for some time, though I have ignored it, determined that I would not permit myself to have any sort of affection for her.”

“Why not?”

It was a difficult question to answer but Joseph did his utmost to be honest. “That is a question I have fought through.” Sighing, he sat back in his seat, his gaze to the left of Lord Quillon. “I believe, loathe though I am to admit it, that I was afraid.”

Lord Quillon’s eyebrows shot up.

“Afraid of what I did not know,” Joseph continued, the words coming more quickly now. “I had always pushed aside the notion of love and thus, when it began to creep upon me, I pushed it away. I did not want it, I told myself. Though when I saw the pain in Louisa’s eyes, when I saw her step back from me instead of towards me, I finally realized the truth.”

“And what was that?”

Letting out a slow breath, Joseph lifted his shoulders and then let them drop. “That I wanted her to step into my arms, to declare that she trusted me wholeheartedly and knew that I cared for her so deeply, I would never do something so grievous to her. That was what I wanted – and I wanted to be that for her.” His heart squeezed hard. “And instead, I had precisely the opposite.”

His friend nodded slowly. “Well, if that is what you have learned about yourself, then I think it only right that you do everything you can to pursue it, to heal the rift between Lady Louisa and yourself, so that you might have what you hope for.”

Taking in a deep breath, Joseph set his shoulders back. There were things he could do, things he could threaten that would make Lady Clement speak, he realized. It was not something he wished to do but, as Lord Quillon had said, he had to do everything he could to pursue Lady Louisa’s heart again. “Yes, you are quite correct, I do need to do so. And I shall… and I will begin by speaking directly to Lady Clement.”

***

“My dear Yarmouth, there is no need for you to stand outside my carriage!” Lady Clement’s smile was bright, her eyes beckoning him towards her. “You know as well as I just how often you have sat with me in here.”

“But I shall not today,” Joseph answered, firmly. “I thought you would come to Hyde Park for the fashionable hour and I am determined now to speak with you.”

She tilted her head, her eyes flashing as she studied him from where she sat in her carriage, the door open. “But you are insisting that I come out of my carriage to join you, rather than doing what you ought and coming to join me. ”

“I have no time for games!” Joseph squeezed his hands tight closed, determined not to lose his temper. “Please. There is much at stake here, though you either do not know of it – or if you do, then you do not care about it. But it means a great deal to me.”

Lady Clement’s gaze sharpened. “This is about your betrothal.”

Joseph lifted his chin, thinking now that he would do whatever he could to remove Lady Clement from the carriage so they might speak together, rather that practically shouting at one another. She had to know that he was not going to be playful, teasing or jovial over this. It was nothing but serious. “Lady Clement, I insist that you come to join me – and you will do so, unless you would prefer that I take what I know of your other liaisons and speak of them to the ton , just as you have spoken to them of our connection.” It was not a kind thing to say, he knew, and his conscience pricked him but, all the same, it had the desired effect. Lady Clement’s eyes widened, her face drained of color and, within a few moments, she was standing beside him on the grass.

“How dare you threaten me in such a way?” she hissed, a hint of red beginning to snake up into her cheeks. “You know that you cannot speak of such things!”

Joseph leaned a little closer. “And yet, you can say whatever you wish and ruin my happiness?”

“Happiness?” Lady Clement reared back, her eyes filled with confusion. “Whatever are you speaking of? You are not engaged to Lady Louisa out of anything other than requirement and nor is she engaged to you out of affection! You cannot pretend otherwise.”

“I love her.”

Joseph waited until what he had said had taken a hold of Lady Clement, watching her eyes round, the color fading from her face again. She said nothing for some moments, studying him, clearly uncertain as to whether she ought to believe him or not.

“My goodness.” She tilted her head. “I do not think that I have ever been more disappointed.”

“Disappointed?”

Lady Clement nodded, perhaps seeing Joseph’s surprise. “I thought that we might truly come back together again, that you were just as much of a rogue as you have ever been.”

“I am afraid I am not.” Joseph took in a breath, then spoke with as much firmness as he could. “I must know who told you to speak as you did, Lady Clement. There was no truth in what you said and yet, you determined to do it. Someone begged it of you, someone insisted that you do such a thing and I must know who it was.”

Lady Clement’s chin jutted forward. “I do not know of what you are speaking.”

“Yes, you do.” Joseph came closer to her again, aware that there were many people around them but having such a strong desire to hear the truth from her, he did not care what they thought. “Do you not see what you have done, Lady Clement? I have found myself entirely altered ever since I met Lady Louisa. I want to be the very best sort of gentleman I can be, simply so that she can find the greatest amount of happiness possible. I am well aware that I have no greatness about my character, that I do not deserve to have such a beautiful and kind young lady by my side as my wife but that is the situation that has been given to me and I fully intend to keep a hold of it.”

Lady Clement’s eyes flickered. “Because you love her.”

“Yes.” Something tightened in Joseph’s throat but he held her gaze steadily. “Yes, it is because I have fallen in love with her – and because I fear that your words and your untruths spoken so boldly in front of her but also to the ton will rend our connection useless and broken. What if her father now determines that the engagement can and should be broken? What if I am no longer able to call her my betrothed?” A flood of fear washed over him and he took another step closer, a slight trembling in his frame. “What then, Lady Clement? What shall I do?”

The lady blinked rapidly, put one hand to his arm and then released it only a second later, as though he had burned her fingers somehow. “I – I did not realise… I was told that – ”

“What were you told?”

Lady Clement closed her eyes and then shook her head. “I was told that Lady Louisa was in a situation of great difficulty, that she did not want to be wed but had no other choice in the matter.”

“And you decided to do as was asked of you out of concern for her?” Joseph asked, quite certain that this could not be the case. “That does not sound in the least bit like something you would do.”

A hint of a smile touched the edge of Lady Clement’s lips. “That is because it is not. You know me well enough there!”

“Then why did you do it.”

She closed her eyes. “Because, like you, this lady knew of my connection to some other gentlemen of the ton. She threatened to reveal one or two of them to select members of society, knowing that my reputation would be utterly ruined, should she do so. However,” she continued, a breath of relief escaping her, “that threat has now passed, for I have done what was required of me and there can be no more need for my assistance.”

Joseph’s heart began to quicken, his hands clenching and unclenching. “A name,” he said, a little hoarsely. “I need to know who it was, Lady Clement, please .”

Her lips twisted, her eyes darting away.

“I will not say or do anything further to upset you,” Joseph promised, quickly. “This lady, whoever she is, has the misguided impression that Lady Louisa is unhappy in her match. That might have been so at one point but it is not now.”

Lady Clement’s eyebrows lifted. “You mean to say that she loves you too?”

Joseph’s heart tore. “Would that I could say it was so, but no,” he answered, a little more quietly. “She is not unhappy, however, has no desire to end our betrothal – or, at the very least, she did not. I must pray that that will not have changed.”

Lady Clement closed her eyes, shook her head and let out another long, slow breath. “Hannah. Lady Hannah.”

Dizziness rushed over him as Joseph closed his eyes, his heart sinking low. Why had he never thought of her before? The lady who had been so upset by his treatment of her friend, the one who had spoken so harshly – albeit fairly – to him at the very start of the Season, she was the one doing what she could for Lady Louisa! That made a good deal of sense, Joseph considered, going weak with relief as he opened his eyes again and then looked back at Lady Clement. “Thank you.”

She nodded though there was something in her eyes he could not make out. Sadness, mayhap? Regret or envy? “Good afternoon, Your Grace.”

Joseph inclined his head. “Goodbye, Lady Clement.” It was a farewell, a parting of their ways, with the quiet, whispering promise that he would never again return to her company. Turning on his heel, Joseph strode back towards his own carriage, determined now to make his way directly towards Lady Louisa’s townhouse. He had to find her, had to speak with her just as soon as he could, had to pray that she would listen to him. His heart demanded nothing less.