Page 70 of The Riches of a Life Well-Lived

D arcy waited outside Mr. Bennet’s library for the servant to announce him. He had offered to speak to the man on the pretext of ascertaining his health, and Mrs. Bennet had gratefully pounced on said offer.

“Mr. Bennet will see you now,” Mrs. Hill said.

Darcy nodded and entered the library, checking in the doorway as he caught sight of the older man slumped in a chair behind his desk, a half-empty decanter and a full glass on the desk.

Mr. Bennet merely nodded as Darcy drew near.

Darcy sat in the chair in front of the desk and studied the man. Overnight, Mr. Bennet appeared to have aged a decade. The lines on his face had deepened. His hair was untidy. His coat had been thrown across a stack of books, and his eyes were red-rimmed and puffy.

“Sir?” Darcy prompted after several moments of silence.

Mr. Bennet sighed heavily. “Come to gloat, Mr. Darcy? To tell me that I ought to have listened sooner?”

Darcy stared at the man. He had not warned Mr. Bennet at all since the Tuesdays that had been erased.

Mr. Bennet rummaged in his desk and pulled out another glass, then poured a finger of brandy and passed it to Darcy.

Darcy took it. “Actually, I had an entirely different reason for coming.”

Mr. Bennet grimaced and took a sip of his brandy. “Lizzy,” he said, staring into his glass. “She has been so distant lately. I did not even realise how much until—well, let us say I received a rather pointed visit from a mutual acquaintance of ours.”

“A mutual acquaintance?” Darcy nearly dropped his glass. “You have met Mrs. Engel?”

Mr. Bennet nodded. “That damn headache last night. By the time I got to my bedroom, my skull nearly split from the memories that were jammed into it.”

“Elaborate, please.”

“Nearly two weeks of Tuesdays—the same conversation with you over and over again. I thought I had lost my mind, but then the old woman appeared in my library this morning, sitting in that same chair. She said I was at a crossroads. I can either change and become more involved with my family or I can lose them all—to you.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“They will choose you over me, eventually. Lizzy is only the first. Before long, I shall be left alone in my library at Longbourn, not because I have requested peace and quiet, but because no one will desire my presence.”

Darcy nearly flinched. “I am not trying to steal their loyalty.”

Mr. Bennet gave a bitter chuckle. “Of course not. You are only doing what you think is right. Yes, yes, Mrs. Engel told me all about your little adventure with my daughter to protect Lydia.”

“We did not know it was Miss Lydia who required protection. At first, I thought it was my sister Georgiana whom Wickham would marry.” Darcy took a deep breath. Mr. Bennet had been a wretched father. Yet, had Darcy not been equally horrid to the people around him in his own way? If someone like Elizabeth and Mrs. Engel had not come to save him from himself, might not he have ended up alone?

“Did Lizzy really say that she did not think I had found anything worth coming out of my library for?” Mr. Bennet asked.

Darcy nodded.

The man’s face crumpled, then he blinked rapidly and swirled his drink. “You know, things did not start out this way. When I first married, Fanny was so bright and lively. She was like a breath of spring air in my dreary life. Giving her whatever she desired was my joy. Economy seemed like a waste, as we were certain we would have a son. Years passed though, and, after every birth, Fanny grew more and more strident and the household grew louder and louder. Eventually, I began spending afternoons in my library, desperate for a quiet moment. Then mornings and, later, evenings. It was just―” He gulped down the drink. “Easier.”

“I understand,” Darcy said compassionately. “Ease is the thief of so many precious things; one does not even know they are gone until it is almost too late.

“I was proud,” Darcy continued. “Proud of my heritage, proud of my status, proud of my intelligence. Before Miss Elizabeth showed me what the world thought of my pride, I simply found it easier to avoid dancing, to avoid speaking to anyone unnecessary, to avoid much of life. Changing, starting to see people as merely people, regardless of their station or intelligence, has not been easy. In fact, learning to utilise small talk was a great deal of work. However, it is better, and once I began, I found that what I had thought was ease was hard in ways I refused to recognise.”

Mr. Bennet grimaced. “That may be so. You are young, though.”

Darcy took a deep breath, reminding himself that anger would not shake Mr. Bennet—at least it had never served to budge the man in the past. “Perhaps. But if you did not have the capacity for change, Mrs. Engel would never have appeared to you. I do not know why she chooses some over others, but I do know that she would not promise the impossible. If she said you are at a crossroads, then you are at a crossroads . You must decide what you wish to do. If you desire to live the rest of your life alone, then nothing need change. Otherwise, you will have to do something different.”

“Or perhaps I shall simply withhold my consent,” Mr. Bennet mused. “If you do not marry Lizzy―”

“Then you will lose your daughter’s esteem now because you will be ignoring her wishes and you will lose her presence when she reaches her majority, because I will wait as long as it takes to marry her,” Darcy said implacably.

Mr. Bennet glared at him, then the brief moment of fight left him and he slumped bonelessly into his chair. “I am doomed.”

“Mr. Bennet, I was raised from my childhood to think of myself and my family in a certain way; yet, after more than twenty years, I was able to see the world through a different lens,” Darcy said crisply. “You are more than capable of doing the same thing.”

The man’s face twisted, and he turned eyes full of naked grief upon Darcy. “How?”

Darcy floundered for a moment. “Ask Providence for assistance. Make different choices than you would have done before. I do not think change happens all at once; it is merely a matter of making different choices, one moment at a time.” He frowned, trying to recall exactly what had led to his own changes. It was, as Elizabeth had said, like trying to remember the path one had walked a year ago. “For me, I was uncomfortable around others, and so I practised small talk. I doubted that anyone had anything interesting to share, and so I asked questions and listened. For you, if you would have chosen to say something cutting before, choose kindness instead. If you would have chosen to ignore your daughters before, interact with them instead. If you would have sat back and watched, get involved instead. Listen to them when you would have spoken over them.” He gave the man a small smile. “Each step becomes clear as you take it. You will know ‘how’ once you begin.”

Mr. Bennet shook his head. “I am not sure the alternative is so undesirable.”

“You would give up your family—your wife and your daughters—simply because change is uncomfortable?”

Mr. Bennet winced. “Why do you have to see things in such a stark fashion, Mr. Darcy? Is there not room in your world for shades of grey?”

“There is. But not when Providence has told you that you have only two choices.”

“How do I even know the visions were true?”

Darcy sighed. “Because I remember them and so does Miss Elizabeth.”

“You know, I thought you were mad when you said that you intended to marry my Lizzy. She does not like you.”

Darcy chuckled. “I can see why you would be confused. I often thought myself mad over the past few months. Miss Elizabeth and I have resolved our differences, though.”

Mr. Bennet studied him, bleary eyes suddenly sharpening. “How many repetitions were there?”

“One hundred and nine.”

“Lizzy was present for all of them?”

Darcy hesitated, unsure how much Elizabeth would want shared with her father. “She did not become aware of the repetitions at first. You will have to speak to her if you desire further details.”

“How do I know you did not do anything untoward?”

Darcy raised one eyebrow. “If I had, would your daughter have agreed to become my wife?”

“I would hope not, but I have been sorely mistaken in what my children will dare. Yesterday’s events proved that,” he said heavily.

Darcy stood, glaring down at him. “Do not suggest that Miss Elizabeth is as foolhardy as Miss Lydia. She would never agree to an elopement, nor anything else, and I would not dishonour her by suggesting such a thing.”

Mr. Bennet passed a shaking hand across his eyes. “Of course.”

Darcy sat down, only partially mollified. “Your daughter, Miss Elizabeth, is kind and wise and honourable. She cares deeply for the people around her and sees the world from a unique perspective, yet she is not na?ve to the ills in the world nor hesitant to speak her mind. She is a treasure beyond measuring.”

“You love her?”

“With all my heart.”

Mr. Bennet groaned, head between his hands. “It is as Mrs. Engel said. You are here to stay, and I shall have to reconcile myself or be left behind.”

“Miss Elizabeth would be grieved if you choose to abandon your family.”

The man gave a bitter chuckle. “According to Mrs. Engel, I have already abandoned them in my heart. It is only the physical leaving yet to be done, unless I change something.”

Darcy took a deep breath, trying to recall what it had been like for him when he had fought so hard against changing, when the path looked too difficult to undertake. Please give me compassion for this man, he begged the heavens. Right at this moment, he wished to punch Mr. Bennet! How could he hesitate when he would lose his family? His beloved daughter? The woman he had chosen to marry so many years ago? How could there be even the slightest hint of indecision when the cost was beyond imagining?

And yet, how often had he himself nearly thrown away his own chances? How many times had he ignored Bingley’s gentle suggestions to be more personable? His first encounter with Elizabeth had been a product of just such a circumstance.

Darcy took another deep breath. “I have come to love your family a great deal over the past months. Mrs. Bennet is a kindhearted woman. At first, I could not understand how she had borne Miss Elizabeth and Miss Bennet, but then I came to see the depth of her love for her daughters and her relentless determination to protect them from penury and to give them the best life she can. Miss Bennet is gentle and kind, but she can also be determined and fierce when the people she cares about are at risk. The way she listened, accepted the truth of our repetitions, and worked tirelessly to assist us in rescuing your younger daughters was breathtaking.

“Miss Elizabeth loves you deeply. You, more than anyone, have shaped her to be the person she is today—something I am deeply grateful for. She has a keen intellect, knows how to laugh at herself and at the world around her, yet that sense of humour is tempered with kindness. She did me a great service in telling me truths I had insulated myself from. After our time together, she has become my dearest friend and my love.”

He leaned forward, holding Mr. Bennet’s gaze as tears pricked the man’s eyes. “Your three youngest daughters hunger for attention and affection. They are like neglected plants that need only a bit of care to thrive. Miss Mary’s quest for accomplishments is a quest for your approval, to distinguish herself from her sisters. Likewise, with her bookishness. True, she has a taste for theological literature, but―” He swept an arm around, indicating the many books. “She is trying to get your attention.” His lips tugged up as he recalled the various conversations he had had with Miss Mary. “She has an interesting way of viewing the world and a keen intellect that lacks only the foundational knowledge to help her apply it well.

“Miss Kitty follows after Miss Lydia in everything because she does not know any other way to gain attention. All other avenues appear to be closed to her. Miss Bennet is the beauty of the family. Miss Elizabeth is witty and intelligent. Miss Mary is accomplished. Miss Lydia is sociable and voluble. I believe she looks to your wife for approval and, as Miss Lydia is Mrs. Bennet’s favourite, she emulates her younger sister. Yet, when she is away from Miss Lydia, Miss Kitty is quiet and an interesting conversationalist. Her drawings and sense of fashion are extraordinary.”

Mr. Bennet focused on him, wide-eyed.

“Miss Lydia is boisterous and good-humoured, always up for a bit of fun,” Darcy continued. “If those desires were directed, if she knew that she was loved enough for her parents to set limits, I believe she would be a force of nature. She is determined and not afraid to break societal norms. Miss Lydia could be a breath of fresh air in any number of stuffy circles. She could enable real change, good change, if her eyes were opened to the world around her instead of focused solely on herself.”

Darcy studied the man for a long moment. “Mrs. Engel once told me that though I had wealth, I was a poor man, that I lacked the things that give life real meaning. Mr. Bennet, you have all that is required for true wealth. You are a man who currently possesses treasures beyond imagining. Ignore your family and you will be poor indeed. Embrace them, and one day you will see what a wealthy man you truly are. If you cannot do that, perhaps you do not deserve them after all,” he said quietly.

Tears still sat in Mr. Bennet’s eyes, though his expression had turned thoughtful.

“If you wish for my assistance, you have but to ask and I shall be glad to offer it,” Darcy added.

Mr. Bennet cleared his throat. “You have given me much to consider, Mr. Darcy. I should like my library to myself for some quiet contemplation. But―” The man met his gaze squarely. “Thank you.”