Page 41

Every Man for Himself

Pam slammed a bottle of Tylenol—their lives now called for daily doses of headache relief—and a plate of toast and peanut butter on her kitchen table, then filled Nancy’s and Shalisa’s mugs from the coffee pot, some drops spilling over onto the table. Her friends had barely sat down when Pam pulled out her own chair and dropped down with a thud. “I know why they faked their deaths.”

Nancy stopped adjusting her bra’s underwire, Shalisa took her foot away from Elmer’s belly, and they both sat straight.

Pam opened her eyes wide and enunciated clearly. “Padma thinks Hank led them in some kind of scheme to steal from the casino.”

Nancy and Shalisa nodded.

Where was their reaction? Pam continued, “Did you hear me? Padma thinks Hank stole money from the casino.”

Nancy shrugged. “Isn’t someone always stealing from a casino? I’ve seen all those Ocean’s Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen movies. Aren’t they up to, like, Ocean’s Sixteen now?”

Shalisa blew on her coffee. “The latest one went down. To Ocean’s 8, with Sandra Bullock.”

She took a sip.

Nancy’s face broke out in a smile. “Oh. I love her. She’s so real. If there was ever a movie about my life, I’d want Sandra Bullock to play me.”

Shalisa sat up, excited. “She’d be perfect. I think I’d want Niecy Nash-Betts. That girl is feisty, and I like to think I’m a bit like her.”

She shimmied her shoulders. “She played a nurse in that TV show Getting On. Just like me. Very authentic. Oh, you know who should play Marlene? Jennifer Coolidge.”

Nancy slapped the table, jiggling their coffees. “Oh. My. God. She’d be fabulous. Who do you want, Pam?”

Pam had watched this exchange, her head tilted and mouth hanging open slightly. She answered, “Jamie Lee Curtis. I’ll keep all this in mind when I’m negotiating our film rights from prison.”

She leaned forward and jabbed the table with her forefinger. “Do you not hear what I’m telling you? Padma thinks Hank, and your husbands, stole ten million dollars from the casino.”

Finally.

Pam enjoyed seeing her friends’ jaws drop. Satisfied her message was received, she popped two Tylenol, picked up a piece of toast, sat back, and said, “Mindy Kaling would be a perfect Padma. I bet she can play that mix of cute and evil.”

She took a bite, then reached down to pet Elmer, hoping the drugs and food would make her feel better—quick.

Nancy gave her head a couple of shakes. “You didn’t say ten million dollars. That’s not just money. That’s a fortune.”

She looked for Shalisa to agree. “Wait a minute. To be clear, you’re saying Padma thinks Hank may have masterminded stealing ten million dollars from the casino.” She paused. “She’s met Hank, right? And she thinks he could do that? Isn’t he the guy who forgot to turn off his car while he had dinner in a restaurant? Twice.”

Pam said, “To be fair, the motor was very quiet.”

Pam could see Nancy’s and Shalisa’s brains were overloaded. This wasn’t going to be easy. She added, “Padma hinted he hid his friendship with Dave because they were in on it together.”

Shalisa said, “Our Dave? The Dave who, when Marlene was away, thought his daughters had been kidnapped because he forgot they were at camp?”

Nancy scoffed. “As if Hank and Dave could pull off anything.”

She threw out another event that still brought rounds of laughter when mentioned among them. “Marlene’s fiftieth.”

They started chuckling. They didn’t even have to recount the story; they knew it so well. That was a good one. Dave had taken care of every detail of Marlene’s surprise party himself, except getting Marlene there.

“And he blamed it on us. Like we should have known it was our job,”

Shalisa said. “Good thing she was home when we called.”

Pam said, “That Farid guy said four men dead and ten million dollars missing from the casino slot machines isn’t a coincidence.”

Nancy waved that away. “But the four of them could barely plan a road trip. Remember?”

Their shoulders trembled with laughter, and Pam held her aching head in her hand. The guys’ car had run out of gas on the I-10. Sure, they’d stopped at the station to fill up, but while they had been picking up coffee and donuts, they didn’t notice that no one had bothered to actually pump the gas. They had piled back in, loaded with snacks, pulled straight onto the on-ramp, and cruised to a halt half an hour later. That was ten years ago, and the guys still laughed for a good twenty minutes, gasping for breath, as they relived the conversation inside the vehicle that had pieced together why they had rolled to a stop.

Maybe Padma’s crazy accusation was just that. Pam shook her head. “You’re right. Hank and Dave could never pull off what they’re suggesting.”

Shalisa took a bite of her toast, chewed a bit, and then jolted. “But if Larry helped, and Andre, they could.”

Pam’s head snapped up. “That’s what that Farid guy said. He said it was the four of them. Together.”

Shalisa dropped her toast. “Don’t you see? If Dave and Hank found a way to get money out of the casino, I bet Andre and Larry would find a way to move it and hide it.”

Pam had to think for a minute. Hank couldn’t and wouldn’t do anything that illicit or complicated on his own. Neither could Dave. But with Andre, the courier expert, and Larry, the bank manager, helping . . . Maybe they could. Maybe they would.

Pam could tell Nancy was starting to consider the possibility when she asked, “How long did Padma say this thing had been going on?”

“About four years.”

Nancy nodded slowly. “After the investment went south.”

After. Everything was always before and after with them. And now, another after.

Shalisa said, “After, they were different. No doubt about that.”

Pam said, “I thought they were different because they were ashamed of losing our money. I never thought they were doing anything . . . illegal. I never imagined they had that kind of chutzpah. But if they stole that money, that could be reason to run.”

Pam felt like she was in the optometrist’s chair and the lenses in the machine suspended before her were being adjusted, her vision sharpening. Option number one, Hank was a distant dick who didn’t love her anymore; and now, this option number two, Hank and his buddies had been running a casino theft scheme and faked their deaths to keep from being caught.

Nancy gasped. “Do you think Dave was killed?”

She gasped again. “Could that be why they ran? Didn’t Hank say the casino’s new owners have ties to organized crime?”

Pam sat back. “He sure did. And I believe it after meeting that guy, Farid, today. You should have seen him. He stood at the door and stared me down. It was creepy. Elmer growled at him.”

Shalisa and Nancy both glanced to Elmer. “Really?”

Nancy asked.

Pam nodded, then continued, “If the guys thought someone at the casino had Dave killed, maybe they faked their deaths so they wouldn’t be next.”

Pam rose, topped up their coffees, and said again, “Ten million dollars. Do you really think they could have done it?”

Shalisa gave a little smile. “A young Andre could have.”

Nancy played with her earring as she said, “I could see a young Larry trying something like that.”

Then shook her head. “But I don’t know if old, boring Larry had it in him.”

Shalisa licked her lips. “Although, if they did, that could have spiced things up a bit.”

She raised her eyebrows. “If you know what I mean.”

Pam’s mouth hung open for a moment. “Are you saying the idea of Andre stealing makes him . . . sexier?”

Shalisa shrugged. “If I’d known Andre had a side hustle like that going, that could have . . . you know, helped a bit, at home. He wouldn’t have seemed like such a dud. Come on, Pam. Think about it. If you knew Hank was stealing millions of dollars, you have to admit, there is a certain je ne sais quoi about it all.”

Shalisa smiled dreamily.

Pam sat back down and stroked Elmer absentmindedly. “Well, it would have been nice to know Hank had some pep in his step. That he was doing something about our mess instead of just drowning in it.”

Nancy picked up the last piece of toast and took a bite. She chewed a moment, then said, “They must have done it. Why else would they run? What do you think, Shalisa?”

Shalisa closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them. “As crazy as it sounds, I have to agree. What else would make them fake their deaths? Don’t you think, Pam?”

Pam scratched Elmer’s ears. “I do. It makes sense now.”

Nancy put her toast down. “Then the next question is, were they doing something about our mess, as you put it, or were they stealing the money and dumping us?”

Pam looked out the window. “I wish I knew.”

Shalisa said, “I think we have the answer to that.”

Pam and Nancy looked at her, and then Nancy asked, “What do you mean?”

Shalisa sat back and folded her arms across her chest. “They’re gone, and we’re here. They dumped us. They could have taken us with them. But they didn’t.”

Pam tapped her finger on the side of her mug while she mulled that over. Then she said, “Regardless, here’s our problem: the Farid guy said we have to give the money back. He said, if we give it back, we’ll live. Which I think means, if we don’t give it back, the opposite will happen.”

“And you think he’s serious?”

Shalisa asked.

Nancy piped up, “I one hundred percent think he’s serious.”

Shalisa slammed her hand on the table, and Pam and Nancy jumped. “It always comes back to this. Our fucking husbands. Our fucking husbands who lost all our money and ruined our lives. And now because of our fucking husbands, we could be killed. I’m sixty-three. This kind of shit isn’t supposed to be happening to me.”

She pushed her chair back, picked up the empty plate, and headed toward the sink. “I shouldn’t be hiring hitmen and dodging threats. I should be scrapbooking and playing pickleball.”

“Oh! I’ve been wanting to try pickleball. They have a league at the community center. We can be partners.”

Nancy turned to Pam. “Assuming they took it, and that’s why they ran, how are we supposed to get it back? And do you want to play too? We can take turns.”

Pam shook her head; she wasn’t the sporty type. She looked out at the empty spot on the street where the black casino SUV had sat. “I have no idea. I don’t even know where to start looking.”

Shalisa rinsed the plate, then turned as it dripped on the floor. “We’ll never find it on our own. I think we have to flat-out ask them for it. Hopefully they feel guilty for leaving us, and they darn well should. Andre already said he was sorry. At least now I know what he was sorry for.”

She pulled a dish towel from the front of the stove and dried the plate as she said, “The one thing we have going for us is, they don’t know we tried to have them killed. As far as they’re concerned, we’re still the loyal wives they dumped and left broke. I think they’d try to save us, don’t you?” She put the plate in the cupboard and snapped the towel before returning it to the stove handle.

“I don’t know,”

Pam said. “Ten years ago, I would have said yes. Maybe even five. But the way things have been, I’m not so sure. How do we even find them?”

Nancy said, “It’s not like they’re criminal geniuses. Larry already fucked up by reading his email. Knowing them, if we wait long enough, one of them will sign up for some happy hour discount and we can surprise them at dinner.”

Shalisa sat back down, and they chuckled grimly.

Pam said, “But we don’t have much time. Farid said he’d be back in a few days.”

“Wait a minute.”

Shalisa held up her hand. “Even if we find them, and get them to give up the money, why would we give it back to the casino? If we’ve got ten million dollars, why wouldn’t we just take it and run?”

Pam liked the idea of disappearing with Shalisa and Nancy. With that kind of money, they could pick up Marlene and run to a lot of places.

But then Nancy said, “Because if we ran, that horrible Farid dude would do the same thing to our loved ones that he’s doing to us. He’d pressure Paul and Claire. And your nieces and nephews. And Marlene’s daughters. That’s why we’re different from our husbands.”

Pam said, “How’s that?”

Nancy explained, “We think about who’ll get hurt before we do something.”

They digested that for a moment.

Shalisa said, “We could go to the police and tell them the casino’s threatening us.”

She added, “Or the media.”

Pam watched a car drive past the house. “Would the police believe we didn’t know anything? What did that creep say? ‘Wives always know.’ Who’d believe we didn’t? We can’t afford good lawyers. If they investigate and find proof the guys stole, and they’re not here to face trial, we could be implicated somehow. Don’t you think?”

Nancy nodded. “I do.”

Shalisa said, “Then what do we do if they won’t give it back?”

Nancy jumped up. “I know! We tell Padma and her buddy that the guys are alive. Let the casino get their money directly from them and leave us out of it.”

The room was quiet while they mulled that over until Shalisa said, “But we don’t know where the guys are. And I bet Padma and her creep won’t believe that. I’d be afraid he’d”—she grimaced as she said her next words—“pressure us until we told him. And . . .”

Nancy finished her sentence. “. . . and if we can’t tell him, that kind of pressure might not end well.”

After a moment, Pam’s head bounced up. “But if we tell Farid that Hector knows where they are, they’ll go after Hector. Let them pressure him.”

Nancy pulled her glasses off her nose and began to polish them on her T-shirt. She finished and looked up. “That gets us off the hook. But it means we put targets on their backs. The casino will go after all of them—Hank, Larry, Andre, and Hector.”

Shalisa said, “Hector’s a hitman. Those kinds of complications come with the job. Anyway, he’d probably give the guys up to save himself. Who wouldn’t?”

Pam said, “And then we’re back to killing Hank, Larry, and Andre. Again. And we decided not to do that.”

Shalisa said, “I think it’s fair to say circumstances have changed. We made that decision before they faked their deaths, dumped us, and left us broke. I’m back on board with them being killed.”

Pam looked at Nancy, who met her eyes and said, “I could go either way. Larry did mend fences with Paul. From what he wrote in that note, he’s supportive of Paul and Estuardo now, and that was my only beef with him.”

Pam hung her head for a moment, then brought it upright. “Well. Truth be told, I’d rather they were alive, but I think at this point it’s every man for himself.”

While Pam wasn’t sure what their next step should be, what was mostly stacking up in her mind were the things they shouldn’t do. They shouldn’t go to the police. Or the media. Or run. If they told the casino guys Hector knew where to find their husbands, they’d be off the hook.

Pam said, “We have no choice. If they care for us at all, they’ll give it back to save us. But that’s the ten-million-dollar question, isn’t it? Do they care?”

Pam checked her watch. “And the barber is going to find that out.”