Page 54 of The Reckless Love of an Heir (The Marlow Family Secrets #4)

Henry carried Susan back to bed, asleep, and tucked her in for the second time at half past five, then dressed and walked down to the kitchens.

Samson followed, his tail wagging in anticipation of being let out.

Henry rubbed the dog’s head then asked a boy in the kitchen to take Samson out to the grooms. He asked Cook for coffee and toasted his own bread on a fork over the kitchen fire, as he had done as a boy.

Percy appeared in the kitchen as Henry was eating his buttered toast and proceeded to copy Henry and toast some more bread.

Then half an hour later Stephen and Gerard appeared and more bread was toasted, over a loud conversation.

With Cook grumbling at them for getting under the feet of those there to work and reminding them the rest of the household would be eating at the table upstairs.

Henry laughed along with his brothers, because they all knew Cook had always appreciated their raucous company in the kitchen.

A desire for William to be there with them clasped in Henry’s chest. He and Percy had done this together before, and clearly Gerard and Stephen had too, but this was the first time all his brothers sat together and ate breakfast in the kitchen.

He wished William had had the opportunity to be with them at least once…

After they had eaten Samson was returned in the company of his father’s other dogs. Their tails wagged as they surrounded his brothers. But Samson, as ever, came straight to him.

Gerard looked at Henry. ‘Can we ride out somewhere with the dogs?’

‘We can, and we shall.’ Henry rose. ‘Yet we had best dress appropriately.’

Percy stood too. ‘Hurry up then, boys, let us get ready.’

He still called Gerard and Stephen boys, but really they were not, they were youths, tall, and growing fast and they had aged half a dozen years more in the last couple of weeks. Stephen lay a hand on Gerard’s shoulder as they walked away. In the same way Henry might have.

A warm feeling spread through Henry’s blood. It was far better to see himself modelled in that way than to think of himself as the inspiration for the folly that killed William.

‘Are you walking upstairs?’ Percy asked.

‘Yes.’

Henry did not talk very much as they walked up the servants’ staircase to the hall, and then up the main stairs. He thought of Susan. Of the things she said to him last night. He is just hurting, as you are…

When he and Percy parted ways, Henry sighed out his breath. He had to resolve things with his father.

Susan was still asleep. He quietly found out his riding clothes, carried them into the dressing room, shut the door and changed in there. He left via the servants’ door rather than risk disturbing Susan.

While they rode Stephen declared he and Gerard had agreed they would like to return to school. Henry later manoeuvred his horse to ride beside Gerard, so he could ask him if he really wanted to go. He wanted to be sure the choice had been Gerard’s too.

It had been.

The boys wanted to escape the miserable atmosphere in the house.

Though they did not use those words, Henry knew that to be true.

He could not blame them; at their age he would have felt the same.

He would have returned to school too, to be with his friends.

But he did not wish to put the boys in a carriage and send them off on the long journey back to school alone.

Henry walked into the breakfast room a little after eleven, with Stephen, Gerard and Percy.

‘There is ham left, and some eggs,’ their mother stated as Stephen and Gerard sat down.

Despite having eaten toast earlier the boys’ appetites had risen again and they both looked at a footman to encourage the offer of plates and food to put on them.

Still on his feet, Percy leaned over Gerard and picked up a sweet pastry from a plate on the table.

‘Sit down, Percy,’ Mama ordered, in a voice sounding reassuringly normal.

It was only his mother and Susan at the table, sitting opposite one another. It looked as though his mother had not eaten, she sat before a cup of chocolate.

He walked over to Susan. He had not left a note beside the bed, but surely she had assumed the reason for his absence.

She smiled.

She was not upset with him, then.

He leaned and pressed a kiss on her lips, then sat in the seat beside hers facing his mother. He wanted to speak. The words tumbled through his throat. He swallowed them back. He would not ask her anything before his brothers.

‘Susan has only just come down. I am keeping her company…’ His mother smiled at him.

He held Susan’s hand as it lay on the table.

‘Would you like anything to eat, my lord?’

Henry looked at the footman. ‘No, thank you, but I would welcome a cup of coffee, Ron.’

He nodded. ‘Sir.’

Another footman poured the coffee. ‘Thank you, Simon.’

His mother spoke to Percy and the boys.

‘Did you enjoy your ride?’ Susan asked.

He sighed out a breath before answering, quietly. ‘Yes, but I am still thinking about the things you said to me last night. I wish to speak to Mama alone…’ Her fingers tightened about his hand. ‘Gerard and Stephen want to return to school, I think it would be best if Papa accompanied them.’

‘But you do not think he will.’

‘No.’

‘Smile, Henry. It would not be so awful if you must take them, would it? Or are they beasts?’ It was a jest, said to lift his mood and make him laugh.

He made a face at her. But within a moment, his mocking face became a genuine smile and he wished to embrace her. That would shock his brothers, and probably his mother. He had not spoken of his love for Susan to anyone but her.

‘When the others leave,’ she said more seriously, ‘I will leave too, so you may stay with Au… with Jane.’

‘Thank you.’

He kept hold of Susan’s hand as they joined the others’ conversation.

The boys took twenty minutes to eat their fill, then they finally stood to go and find something else to do. Percy stood at the same time. Susan rose, and her hand settled on Henry’s shoulder in reassurance. He looked up and smiled. His mother had not risen.

‘Good day.’

‘Good day.’

‘Good day.’

They all spoke at once as they left the room.

He looked at his mother when Susan’s hand slipped away, but waited until she had left the room with the others before he spoke.

His heart thumped as hard as it had when he had sat beside William’s still body.

He breathed in. These words had to be said for the benefit of them all.

‘Has Papa spoken with you about how he feels?’

She looked at Davis. ‘Please leave us alone, thank you.’

Henry waited until Davis had herded the footmen out of the room, then said again, ‘What has he said?’

Her elbows rested on the table and her hands clasped as she shook her head.

‘What does a shake of the head mean, Mama? Are you telling me not to ask? I cannot believe he has said nothing to you. You must see he is destroying things. He is shutting us out.’

‘Henry.’

‘It is the truth. I have no idea how to speak to him.’

‘ He is your father.’

‘It has not felt so for days. It has not felt so to any of us. He has not cared about any of us since William died.’

‘He is suffering because he was not there when William passed.’

‘But you were. And I was.’ And I need him!

It was the first time he had admitted that to himself.

Susan had been wrong last night. She had been right in the beginning – he was selfish.

‘And Stephen and Gerard are alive and they need their father. They want to return to school. It should be Papa who accompanies them. They need him. We all do.’

‘Ever since I have known your father, he has turned away from emotional pain. He cannot cope with such feelings, he would rather fight and burn his emotions off with activity.’

Just as the boys were trying to do. ‘But William cannot be swept away by riding or walking, Mama.’

‘Henry, do you not think I know?’ Tears glittered in her eyes.

He stood and walked about the table. She turned so she sat sideways in her chair as he occupied the seat beside her.

‘Your father is a complex man. I remember one day, before you were born, when he was upset he walked out into a rainstorm and was gone for hours. He returned. He will return to us, when he has come to terms with this.’

‘When will that be, though? Stephen and Gerard are young. They are in the years that impact on the rest of their lives. They need Papa.’

‘Give him time, Henry.’

‘There is no time. They want to return to school. Where is he?’

Her eyes looked above his head as she sighed. She was suffering too much to argue with him. ‘Your father went out riding.’

He rode out every day. ‘I know but to where?’

She sighed again and looked back at him. ‘I do not know, but a guess would be the abbey ruins.’

‘Then I will look for him there.’ Henry stood up.

She caught hold of his hand. ‘Robert will not welcome your intrusion. He would rather deal with his feelings alone.’

‘So would I, but he has not given me the chance.’ He pulled his hand away and turned to leave. He would damned well make his father see sense.

Henry rode the stallion hard. Its muscles were still warm from his morning ride and so he was not afraid to encourage the animal to stretch out immediately; the ruins were a long ride from the house.

He raced along the road and jumped a wall.

Then galloped across a field and jumped a stream.

Finally, as he rode out through the far side of an opening in the hedgerow he saw the ruins, stretching up to the sky.

An ancient place of worship and life. A spiritual place.

He could understand why his father would choose to come here to think of William.